Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1

29 Aug 00 - 05:28 PM (#287372)
Subject: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Max

Here's the song challenge.

Does anyone know the softdrink Squirt?

A delightful grapefruit beverage that was heavily advertised in the 50's, 60's and early 70's in the most novel ways. Tin foil ashtrays, silly poster ads, signs, toy trucks, glasses, buttons, coolers, etc.

Have you seen any Squirt ads lately? I haven't. In fact, I can't even figure out who manufactures it anymore. No official website that I can find...

So the challenge is to write songs about Squirt that would fit in a 60 second commercial. Longer entries will be accepted. You can submit entries in any format: just lyrics, MP3's or other audio formats, arrangements, whatever.

Let's see what you got.

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29 Aug 00 - 05:36 PM (#287377)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Wesley S

Open up wide for a great big Squirt

Open up wide , it won't hurt

Open up wide, have some fun

Pour some Squirt over your gums.

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29 Aug 00 - 05:44 PM (#287381)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: mousethief

When you're playin in the dirt
And your throat begins to hurt
You're drying up
So open up
An ice-cold can of Squirt!

-mousethief
O..O
=o=

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29 Aug 00 - 05:46 PM (#287382)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Mbo

It's alright to Squirt Bert, but not Sam Pirt!

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29 Aug 00 - 05:47 PM (#287383)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Giac

Check this out:

Squirt here

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29 Aug 00 - 06:06 PM (#287397)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Max

OK, so far we have two 5 second songs, can we try something a bit longer? Remember, the goal is to take up a 60 second commercial.

Giac, thank you for that link. That's more than I found in an hour of searching. Though I did find this.

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29 Aug 00 - 06:13 PM (#287401)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: CarolC

Sung to the tune of Money Python's "Spam Song". (Very slowly over and over again for 60 seconds.)

Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt
Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt
Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirty Squirt
Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirty Squirt

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29 Aug 00 - 07:01 PM (#287443)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: katlaughing

Well, that was an interesting search! I've a few male friends who might enjoy some of the sites I found!

My mom loved Squirt. I haven't thought of it in years!

For a zing and a tang
A taste to quench your thirst
Just pop the top and drink it down
That's Squirt, Squirt, Squirt!

A little bit of lemon,
A zesty tinge of lime
Add grapefruit, shake and bottle it
It's Squirt, Squirt, Squirt!

Your mouth will feel so fresh
A babe magnet you'll be
The best of times will be all yours
With Squirt, Squirt, Squirt!

So, when you're out a'cruising
Or dragging down on Vine
Pop that top and drink it down
It's Squirt, Squirt, Squirt!

Ah, c'mon Max, most jingles don't go for the whole 60 seconds; or if they did, they used an instrumental brdige. There's usually ad copy in between...can ya hear me whining?**BG**

Hey, here's another only it bombed, I think, at least I've not seen it for years, one of the first diet colas: TAB!

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29 Aug 00 - 07:38 PM (#287463)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Jeri

OK, Max. Imagine a bunch of folks in fruit outfits - maybe some of those Fruit of the Loom guys are looking for work. Imagine these fruits on a stage, in front of an audience of thirsty people. Imagine rap.

Ro-de-doe-doe and root-i-toot-toot
We ain't nothin' but a bunch of fruit
Ain't got no caffeine to make you jumpy
And we got no chunks to make us lumpy
If you want to be refreshed and alert
Drink Squirt!

(armpit solo by grapefruit)

Ro-de-doe-doe and root-i-toot-toot
We ain't nothin' but a bunch of fruit
We're pure and righteous, you wanna just bite-chus
But you can't, 'cause we been squeezed real tight, just-
Drink us to be refreshed and alert
We're Squirt!

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29 Aug 00 - 08:11 PM (#287478)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Alice

My favorite pop, I have a can of Ruby Red flavored Squirt right here (it comes in regular grapefruit and ruby red). Maybe they sell it only in Montana now??

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Come and listen to the story of a little can of Squirt,
It doesn't taste like beer, so don't give a can to bert,
It's only sold out west, where it passed the tastin' test,
You can drink it in the sun while you're sweatin' in your shirt.

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29 Aug 00 - 09:00 PM (#287499)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: SINSULL

Alice,
I think what you have there are old fallout shelter rations. We cleaned out our basements to help with the fire emergency. Check the expiration date....Wait. If it's what I think it is, there is no expiration date. Pass on the biscuits too.

I prefer a whole ad campaign: "Be an extrovert. Drink Squirt!" with the School Band Leader, baton atwirl, with a pimply dweeb in background. Dweeb has coke; leader has Squirt.

"Be an extrovert. Drink Squirt!" with handsome rock musician banging away at an electric guitar (Squirt at his side) and feebie accordian player knocking over his Coke with a rambunctious "Lady Of Spain".

Be an extrovert. Drink Squirt!" with a line of gorgeus male dancers in tuxes doing something romantic while our pimply friend with knobby knees below a badly hung kilt kicks over his Coke while attemting a spastic version of Riverdance.

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29 Aug 00 - 09:20 PM (#287511)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Margaret V

Forgive me, Alice, but I found myself singing your words to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies theme. I remember TAB, kat, it was truly wretched! Margaret

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29 Aug 00 - 09:30 PM (#287516)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: katlaughing

Margaret! That is the tune I heard for Alice's, too! And, yes TAB was horrid!

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29 Aug 00 - 09:35 PM (#287519)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Mbo

Sinsull, that was a sheer riot! If Max is smart, he'll chose yours for cash & prizes!

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29 Aug 00 - 09:50 PM (#287530)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Art Thieme

If you want some Squirt lemme tell ya how to do it,
Grease the can in mutton suet,
When your friends try to raise it to their mouth,
It'll fall to the ground --you can watch 'em pout,
Go easy,
But go greasy,
Go get another can.

Squirt is the best I've heard 'em say,
If you don't agree you'll have to pay,
I'll be sending Gargoyle to your house,
And everyone knows that he's a louse,
He eats Mud-cats,
I hope he gets furballs.

So if you want to know what a condom is for,
Just ask me because I know,
It don't rhyme at all and that's O.K.
It's to keep the can from slipping out of your hand.
Bet you thought I was gonna make a pun on the word "squirt",
a dirty one
, But no,
Whatever...
Just keep on keepin' on,
And keepin' on,
And keepin' on,
And keepin'...
Until you fill up the minute.

Art Thieme

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29 Aug 00 - 10:33 PM (#287564)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: WyoWoman

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
And keepin'... Until you fill up the minute.

ww

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29 Aug 00 - 11:30 PM (#287600)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Biskit

Maybe I've just got a really vivid imagination....but I like Jeri's ditty the best the fruit of the loom guys....nice touch. -Biskit-

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29 Aug 00 - 11:35 PM (#287604)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Amos

Correction:

            Come Ye To Squirt
            (Elizabethan street ballad, ca. 1659, collected by
                Burma Schaeff for Time-Locksley Publishers,
                Advert-on-Thames, 1879)

(Elizabethan chorale group traipses on stage bearing silver platters on high, each supporting a
 grapefruit)

Whom life left in sorry dirt
You whom Nature dis pervert!
 Rise ye up and grow alert
 With the help of noble Squirt!

 (Lute player steps forward and double thunbs a smart and courtly melody while lords and ladies
 weave and traipse about him in figures-of-eight)

 Let not dull care thine eye divert!
Turn you bright, and look ye pert!
With our drink thy cares invert,
 Drinking royal, noble Squirt!

 Cho

From th' ancient grapefruit come,
 Minds to brighten, woes to numb!
 Sound ye harps and ring ye drums!
 Squirt will straighten toes and thumbs!

 Be not short and be not curt
 Let thy soul its joy assert!
Ye shall find thy humours spurt,
 Drinking sweet and noble Squirt!

 (Complex roulade of intertwining figures humming in baroque harmonies folding into echoes,
 rounds and choruses while the serpentine dance wends its way off stage right while lights fade
 into sunset colors Spot comes up on a jester wearing a bottle costume. He bows low,
 waving his joker cap as lights fade to black. Finis.)

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30 Aug 00 - 12:23 AM (#287624)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Alice

kat and Margaret, that is the tune you are supposed to hear whenever lyrics start with "Come and listen to the story of...."

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30 Aug 00 - 12:26 AM (#287626)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: katlaughing

Oh no! LOL, thanks, Alice!

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30 Aug 00 - 12:37 AM (#287635)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Alice

Well, I see mine with a Marlboro type working cowboy who has kicked the tobacco habit and is now addicted to ....Squirt.

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30 Aug 00 - 12:59 AM (#287650)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: katlaughing

They still make it!! ALL ABOUT TAB, the first diet cola. **BG**

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30 Aug 00 - 06:50 AM (#287707)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Amergin

I thought I saw that crap in a store not too long ago....

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30 Aug 00 - 09:02 AM (#287750)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Troll

I was workin' for coke in the bottling plant when they came out with Tab. Managment gave everyone in the plant a 6-pack for their very own.The consensus was that only a man who was dieing of thirst could drink a whole bottle.
They later changed the formula, but it didn't help much in my opinion
Squirt is good stuff but the muse ain't moving right now.

troll

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30 Aug 00 - 09:14 AM (#287762)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: SINSULL

The general concensus was that TAB tasted tinny. But some were addicted to it and protested loudly when it was dropped as better (???) diet drinks came on the market. Remember the scene from "Back To The Future"? Modern day "Cal" orders a TAB. The clerk looks at him blankly and says he can't give him a tab until he runs up a bill.

Art and Amos - well done! Will gargoyle be earning royalties on this?

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30 Aug 00 - 09:20 AM (#287766)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: MMario

Bravo Amos!

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30 Aug 00 - 09:38 AM (#287780)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Kim C

heeheeheehee :)

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30 Aug 00 - 09:51 AM (#287788)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: reggie miles

Okay this inspired by Jeri's entry.

The opening scene is a personnel/casting office waiting room full of past, (now out of work), various commercial advertising soft drink characters, (the guy from that 7up ad that said, "These are Un-cola nuts", a family dressed like polar bears from the Coke ad singing the I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing jingle, the dancing Dr. Pepper troop, etc) and, our heros, three young fresh looking guys dressed in fruit costumes. All are nervously practicing their old slogans trying to prepare for their turn at an interview with Squirt representatives.

The camera pans the room and those in it and then stops at the three fruit guys, (Lemon, Orange and Grapefruit), who are huddled together, eyes darting about the room observing some of their competitors.

The Lemon fruit guy says, "Hey, they're not bad."

(Camera pans to Dr. Pepper dancers who trip and fall awkwardly from lack of practice)

(then the Orange guy excitedly asks), "Is that who I think it is?"

(Camera pans to a Michael Jackson character doing the moon walk).

Grapefruit interrupts, "Don't worry boys, I hear we've got this one in the bag."

Over a loud speaker a secretary type is heard saying "Next" which momentarily interrupts the activity in the waiting room.

The fruit guys rise confidently and make their way to through a door.

(Next scene shows the three in a bare room, no windows, furniture, nothing. The walls, floor and ceiling are covered in stainless steel. A panel slips over the door that they just stepped through with a "CLANG!" so as to obscure it and making the entire room look just like the inside of a stainless steel box.)

Puzzled and disoriented the fruit look nervously at one another.

An executive type voice, from a hidden speaker, can be heard saying, "Congratulations boys you got the job".

(The three can be heard cheering with glee as a panel opens in middle of the floor to reveal a series of holes. Then a camera shot of two of the walls in the room slowly begin to move toward one another.
>br>(The next scene is of a bottle of Squirt being filled in the bottling factory on the assembly line.)

A narrator says, "Squirt is made with only the juices of fresh lemons, oranges and grapefruits. For a tangy thirst quenching taste treat, that can't be beat by those other soft drinks, choose an ice cold bottle of Squirt!"

(Last scene is of bottles of Squirt on ice.)

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30 Aug 00 - 11:08 AM (#287824)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: WyoWoman

Amos -- Fantastic.

But it didn't have any "whoa-whoa's..."

ww (Whoa-Whoa Woman)

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30 Aug 00 - 11:11 AM (#287827)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Kim C

I swear I think I've seen this beverage at the store, unless I'm dreaming about the ad signs on the wall at Cracker Barrel. I'll look when I go out at lunch and report back later.

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30 Aug 00 - 11:53 AM (#287867)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Burke

I believe Diet Rite Cola is older than TAB.

But what happened to the company's Nehi Cream Soda?

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30 Aug 00 - 12:09 PM (#287888)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Art Thieme

Wyo Woman,

That's the best Gorka impersonation I've ever heard !

Art

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30 Aug 00 - 01:15 PM (#287965)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Giac

Reggie! A 'Catter after my own heart!

Wonderful, Amos, but might it go a bit over budget?

Squirt is readily available here and, as a matter of fact, I have a six-pack in the fridge and a two-liter (okay, two-litre) in the cabinet.

If someone offers a cup of java,
Stand right up and blurt:
Never mind that liquid lava,
I'd rather have a Squirt!

(Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh)

Giac

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30 Aug 00 - 01:21 PM (#287967)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: SINSULL

I can see the disclaimer on the cans of Squirt following the release of Mr. Miles' ad.:
"No grapefruits died in the production of this product."

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30 Aug 00 - 01:36 PM (#287976)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Kim C

I forgot to look. :(

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30 Aug 00 - 01:47 PM (#287993)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: GUEST,Mbo_at_ECU

Amos, you're my hero!

Well I woke this morning
Lord my throat was mighty dry
Oh I woke up the morning
Oh Lord my throat was dry
I was parched as the Sahara
Lord I though I was gonna die

To be continued when I get out of Art History III class.

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30 Aug 00 - 02:52 PM (#288036)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: wysiwyg

I don't think I need to actually write the copy for the action and dialog preceding and following this jingle:

For nipples that stand up sweet and pert
Just douse that T-shirt with a gallon of Squirt!

Oooh!

~BSEG~

I am sure sales would go WAY UP.

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30 Aug 00 - 03:33 PM (#288058)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: GUEST,Bill D

thisw is better than Michael Cooney doing "Nu-Grape"!!!!

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30 Aug 00 - 04:31 PM (#288080)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: SINSULL

Praise,
What do we have to do to keep you out of the communion wine?
Mary

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30 Aug 00 - 04:42 PM (#288090)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: wysiwyg

Mary,

That was a good one, wasn't it? I'm sorry. Someone had had me on the pedestal a little too long and I just have to hop off from time to time or I go nuts. Aw gee. Now Spaw can start with the pedestal jokes, you know, the porcelain one. Here it comes.

~S~

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30 Aug 00 - 05:55 PM (#288158)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: GUEST

Well, if Elizabethan works, perhaps Burns will, too. Not strictly a song, until someone works out a tune for this jingle ....

To A Squirt

Fair fa', ye honest, sonsie can
A drink for wumman, bairn or man
Fain wid I pour ye doon ma cran
It disnae hurt
When I've a thirst, I'm a great fan
O' a can o' Squirt

I pour ye oot, ma gless tae fill
The bubbles bright, wi' richt good will
Ah ken ye'll no dae ony ill
That's whit I think
I'll no be satisfied until
I've had a drink

The flavours, citrus-sharp I ken
Ootstandin' for the thirst o' men
For drinkin' oot, or drinkin' ben
My mooth does watter
I'll drink a can o' Squirt, an' then
Anither after

I've drunk the Vimto, Irn Bru,
Pepsi and Lilt are no ma brew
Sprite an' Tizer mak me spew
An' even coke
Are naething when compared wi' you
They mak me choke!

Ye Powr's wha mak mankind your care
And dish them out their bill o' fare
Mak siccar noo, that ony where
Whaur we wid pour't
The answer to a thirsty prayer
A can o' Squirt.

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30 Aug 00 - 05:59 PM (#288160)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Bradypus

Above was me - I forgot to sign it, and I lost my cookie at the same time!

Bradypus

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30 Aug 00 - 07:32 PM (#288219)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: SINSULL

Bradypus,
Couldn't imagine who the bard was. YUMMMM Squirt and haggis. What more could a man want? Well done.

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30 Aug 00 - 08:24 PM (#288238)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: GUEST,khbreit

What a HOOT!! I logged on to search for some obscure song lyrics...this was better (and more obscure)!! I guess I'll have to visit more often!

P.S. Working on my Squirt add now...you can get it here in the store and out of vending machines...guess it still "plays in Peoria".

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30 Aug 00 - 09:10 PM (#288257)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: GUEST,Jeffrey Emmett

Yes! I remember TAB! Yelch!

The other day the movie "The Stepford Wives" was on TV (oh the sheer lovely horror of it all!) and there was a line in the movie where one of the robot wives offered someone a cup of coffee. That was refused, but the guy asked for a cup of Sanka. SANKA! Now, there's an older memory! I had forgotten about that stuff, too!

Jeffrey

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30 Aug 00 - 09:22 PM (#288263)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: katlaughing

Anybody have any Hai Karate Aftershave left? Or Evening In Paris parfume de toilet?"

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30 Aug 00 - 09:51 PM (#288269)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: SINSULL

Kat,
I have looked everywhere for Evening In Paris in the tiny blue bottle just to prove to myself I hadn't imagined it. Used to buy it at Woolworth's for my mother for every birthday, holiday, etc. Thanks for the vote of sanity.

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30 Aug 00 - 10:08 PM (#288278)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Amos

Ach, Brady, ye're steel the' maister o' t' art, isntit?

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30 Aug 00 - 11:08 PM (#288305)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: WyoWoman

Thanks, Art. I did that just for you.

Evening in Paris? That was my sister's and my eternal gift to my mother. I should ask her if she ever even wore that stuff. It seemed to disappear, but I have no recollection of ever smelling it ON her ...

When I was in high school I had a college boyfriend who gave me a vodka and Squirt once and I thought he was so-o-o-o sophisticated. (Yes, Spaw. The drink.)

ww

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30 Aug 00 - 11:44 PM (#288318)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: katlaughing

Sinsull, I have seen the bottles at antique/flea markets here. If you are interested I will price them. I don't think they were much.

We always gave it to our mom, too. Wonder where it all went, down the drain like the baby alligators? And,all that blue glass..such a pretty colour...

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31 Aug 00 - 12:01 AM (#288319)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: campfire

Squirt and TAB are both still available here.

And I found a stash of Evening in Paris in the back of my mother's medicine chest - some unopened gift boxes with both the "parfum" and the matching dusting powder.

campfire

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31 Aug 00 - 09:20 AM (#288465)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: GUEST,Bob Frapples

If you want to put a smile on the face of your rider
Just give her a little Squirt 'n' cider.

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31 Aug 00 - 01:24 PM (#288649)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Bob P

Squirtplus Rules (tune is P Simon's Rubber Ball - way old, pre S&G, in fact)! ---------------- I should have known you'd serve me that squirt, So here I went & shook it up & spilled it on your shirt, When you left the room to change I stole your jug of gin, And mix'd it up with what was left & now your back again.

Chorus: But I think it's gonna be alright, Yeh, the worst is over now, That sugar jolt has been replaced with something better now.

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31 Aug 00 - 09:30 PM (#288919)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: WyoWoman

Very nice, Bob. Mmm. GIN and Squirt. Even better than vodka. Yark.

(By the way, if you put angle bracketBRclose anglebracket at the end of your lines, it'll give you a line break. I don't know how to write it out so that you can see it and it doesn't just get read as more HTML code. Max? Joe?)

I'm going to go drink some Dr. Pepper and Jameson's.

WW

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31 Aug 00 - 09:47 PM (#288927)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: Bill D

ughhh...ruining TWO decent drinks in one mix!,,Wyo...that beats even the time I offered a girl some Tullamore Dew and she poured Coke in it!

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01 Sep 00 - 05:48 PM (#289542)
Subject: RE: Max's Silly Song Challenge Part 1
From: WyoWoman

I know. Sounds like a capital offense to me. Definitely alcohol abuse.

I love Tullamore Dew. One of my personal faves. (Straight up, f'anks. Just kiddink about the Dr. Pepper...)

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