28 Sep 00 - 11:02 AM (#307320) Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Hello Challenge!rs -- Can you believe it, we've done almost 40 of these?!? Unbelievable!! Thanks to all of you for playing along, and I hope that we've inspired some of you to start writing songs, and re-inspired others of you to keep up the good work. That's what the Challenge! is all about, so remember to encourage your fellow Challenge!rs with a good word about the songs you like, and you'll get a good word in return. So, here we go -- Get your tea or coffee ready, sit down in your comfy chair, and let us consider: The Case of the Crazed Cookie Crusher -- (Yardley, Pennsylvania) For three years the managers in the three supermarkets kept finding shelves of crumbled cookies and smashed loaves of bread. A cookie company finally installed a hidden camera turned on the cookie aisle at a Giant supermarket. That led to the arrest and conviction of Samuel Feldman, 37, on charges of disorderly conduct and criminal mischief, and a fine of $1,000. Both prosecutors and defense attorneys appeared in court with bags of sweet-smelling evidence. The prosecution with bruised buns and crushed cookies, and the defense with unmangled goodies used to demonstrate their client's squeezing technique. Although Mr. Feldman claimed his innocence, saying 'I squeeze bread when I go to the store, but I don't get arrested for it," the judge said that the 18-hour videotape clearly showed Feldman "manipulating bread and cookies" and "acting suspiciously around the baked goods." A local reporter commented that the videotape showed Mr. Feldman waiting until his wife's back was turned, and only then would he begin bashing the bread. "He apparently loved to stick his thumbs in the middle of the fruit-filled cookies. The impressions were so distinct, the police were able to use them to lift his fingerprints." Judge Heckler has postponed the sentencing hearing to give Mr. Feldman, who now lives in Las Vegas, time to find "a mental health professional who is familiar with bread-related compulsive behavior." Meanwhile, the bread and cookie distributors still want their dough, and are planning to sue Mr. Feldman in civil court to recover $8,000, the amount of baked goods they claim that he vandalized over the three year period. Go for it, Challenge!rs!! -- Áine |
28 Sep 00 - 11:15 AM (#307326) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Mbo_at_ECU DOUGH!! |
28 Sep 00 - 11:28 AM (#307335) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Kim C Little Sammy Squeezer
Sammy likes to squeeze bread
He's squeezin' all night
Not even the fruit-filled cookies are safe
He's squeezin' all night
Thumb in, thumb out, thumb in, thumb out
He's squeezin' all night |
28 Sep 00 - 11:38 AM (#307345) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Dang, Kim C. -- You must've peeked on my PC to have come up with a song that fast! Great job, too. You are hereby awarded the Honorary Five Minutes Flat award. Well done!! -- Áine |
28 Sep 00 - 12:04 PM (#307359) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Kim C Gracias, Madame. :) |
28 Sep 00 - 12:25 PM (#307369) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: mousethief Mr. Feldman, the bun-squeezing man (to the tune of "Titanic" -- at least the one I first learned!)
Mrs. Feldman dressed her husband
But when her back was turned
Oh it was sad!
So they put a camera out
And they dusted all the crumbs (repeat chorus)
Now they've caught poor Mr. Feldman
His defense team says he's cracked (repeat chorus) (C) 2000 Alex E. Riggle. All Rights Reserved. AINE -- don't even ask! Of course you may put this in your vaunted vaults! Man, I love this place.
Alex |
28 Sep 00 - 12:32 PM (#307374) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Catrin Ummmmm, My first entry SAM THE BUN
Sam's gone shopping, it's time for his tea
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28 Sep 00 - 12:52 PM (#307387) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Kim C heeheeheeheee |
28 Sep 00 - 12:53 PM (#307388) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Ooooh, I just love it when a Challenge! brings in a flurry of entries! So, for all you early birds, here's the first set (I hope) of Silver B.L.O.B.s: Kim C for:
Thumb in, thumb out, thumb in, thumb out mousethief for:
But when her back was turned and Catrin for:
Squeeze Sam squeeze Fantastic!! Keep it going, my brilliant Challenge!rs! -- Áine
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28 Sep 00 - 01:04 PM (#307395) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,emily b Doughboy Sam
Who could be treating those cookies so poor? line breaks fixed by elf/joeclone
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28 Sep 00 - 01:05 PM (#307396) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,emily b |
28 Sep 00 - 01:07 PM (#307401) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,emily b Just when I think it's safe to hit return, it isn't. Aaargh! Obviously I haven't figured out the line breaks, either. Sorry about that. I know somewhere is some direction for it. I'll try to find it and keep it handy. Emily B |
28 Sep 00 - 01:21 PM (#307411) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Kim C Once upon a time, a long time ago, my then-boyfriend had stopped at the Mapco for some cigarettes or whatever, while I stayed in the car. Through the window I saw a small child take a doughnut out of the case, take a bite, and put it back. Really. I guess they start early.... but all this talk about breads is making me HUNGRY! |
28 Sep 00 - 01:36 PM (#307422) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Here's your Silver B.L.O.B., emily b. for:
A camera is mounted - a prankster to find. Well done! -- Áine
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28 Sep 00 - 01:40 PM (#307428) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine OK, I'm going to say this one more time -- Remember to encourage your fellow Challenge!rs with a good word about the songs you like, and you'll get a good word in return. We've got some great stuff here already -- Pat each other on the back, you all deserve it!! -- Áine |
28 Sep 00 - 01:44 PM (#307432) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: mousethief Well I'm dissatisfied with my entry, now that I've seen the quality of the others'. Way to go, gang! This is more fun than wringing the bejezuz out of a loaf of warm Wonder Bread!
Alex |
28 Sep 00 - 02:07 PM (#307449) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Dharmabum WILL THE COOKIES BE ALL BROKEN {sung to ,will the circle....}
(chorus}: Will the cookies be all broken,
My name is Sammy Feldman, line breaks added by elf/joeclone |
28 Sep 00 - 02:13 PM (#307458) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Catrin Mousethief - you the talented one! - KimC and EmilyB too. What fun this is - I stayed late at work finishing that - can you believe it?! I was giggling to myself all the way home on the bus! Some strange looks indeed.......... |
28 Sep 00 - 02:57 PM (#307469) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: McGrath of Harlow I can't help, my fingers tingle, I don't know where this will end; in the crowded shops I mingle, no-one know what I intend. Oh what fierce and deep revulsion! See, I wear the mark of Cain. what a strange and sweet compulsion. "The cookie crusher strikes again."
Twisting loaves, I show no pity,
Hear my words now - when I've spoken I thought there just might be another side to this. |
28 Sep 00 - 03:05 PM (#307474) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Bardford There is some tasty stuff cooking in this thread, any way you slice it.Here's mine: (The poem I ripped off has a stove in it - coinicidence or....) There are strange things done in the bread section By the men who shop for buns The crumbs leave trails That speak of lost sales Clearly something must be done. The market lights have seen queer sights But the queerest they ever did see Was the day Sam, spouse of Marge, Was busted and charged In The Takedown in Aisle Three. Now Sam, you see, was from down in Yardley, A quiet Pennsylvania town How it got in his head to mess with the bread Is a story that needs written down. Like some baby boomers, he was just a consumer, Attracted and smitten by labels Though he'd often say in a pensive way "I feel the need to crush a few bagels." One Saturday as Marge made her way Through the morning shopping throngs Sam slipped away to the Twinkie display Right next to the vanilla Ding-Dongs. Heart beat a fast clip, beads of sweat on his lip Over his hands he had no control He could not resist, unclenching his fist Sam digitally examined a roll. The tension abated, urge temporarily sated, But over time his compulsion grew stronger. Sam's trips to the store became more and more And at the bakery he'd linger longer. He'd stand transfixed and amazed , eyes like donuts, o'er glazed, And survey the assortment before him. Cookies, loafs buns and cakes gave him trembles and shakes And Sam lost all sense of decorum. Not a baked good escaped being squeezed and reshaped By Sam's prodding fingers and thumbs If he had his will, he'd be feeling buns still, But for the prints, and the trail of crumbs. The baker had his suspicions, and closed circuit television Helped to identify Sam as the guy Who'd abused the baked items, more woe betide him, The SWAT team was called by and by. All the Giant clients agree the scene in aisle three Was like nothing they'd ever witnessed The cops were later praised for their tact, Their compassion, and physical fitness. After the arrest, Sam looked depressed In the squad car for the first couple blocks But his animosity towards the cops turned brotherly, When he saw next to him, a dozen donuts, on the seat, in a box. line breaks added by elf/joeclone |
28 Sep 00 - 03:07 PM (#307476) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: mousethief Nice rhyming, Bradford! Clever twist at the end too!
Alex |
28 Sep 00 - 03:11 PM (#307478) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Bardford Sorry about that, I dropped an "r" in the break. There are strange things done in the bread section By the men who shop for buns The crumbs leave trails That speak of lost sales Clearly something must be done. The market lights have seen queer sights But the queerest they ever did see Was the day Sam, spouse of Marge, Was busted and charged In The Takedown in Aisle Three. Now Sam, you see, was from down in Yardley, A quiet Pennsylvania town How it got in his head to mess with the bread Is a story that needs written down. Like some baby boomers, he was just a consumer, Attracted and smitten by labels Though he'd often say in a pensive way "I feel the need to crush a few bagels." One Saturday as Marge made her way Through the morning shopping throngs Sam slipped away to the Twinkie display Right next to the vanilla Ding-Dongs. Heart beat a fast clip, beads of sweat on his lip Over his hands he had no control He could not resist, unclenching his fist Sam digitally examined a roll. The tension abated, urge temporarily sated, But over time his compulsion grew stronger. Sam's trips to the store became more and more And at the bakery he'd linger longer. He'd stand transfixed and amazed , eyes like donuts, o'er glazed, And survey the assortment before him. Cookies, loafs buns and cakes gave him trembles and shakes And Sam lost all sense of decorum. Not a baked good escaped being squeezed and reshaped By Sam's prodding fingers and thumbs If he had his will, he'd be feeling buns still, But for the prints, and the trail of crumbs. The baker had his suspicions, and closed circuit television Helped to identify Sam as the guy Who'd abused the baked items, more woe betide him, The SWAT team was called by and by. All the Giant clients agree the scene in aisle three Was like nothing they'd ever witnessed The cops were later praised for their tact, Their compassion, and physical fitness. After the arrest, Sam looked depressed In the squad car for the first couple blocks But his animosity towards the cops turned brotherly, When he saw next to him, a dozen donuts, on the seat, in a box.
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28 Sep 00 - 03:14 PM (#307481) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Dharmabum Kim,Alex,Catrin & Emily, WOW!!!!Great stuff! Ron. |
28 Sep 00 - 03:24 PM (#307488) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Dharmabum McGrath, Bardford,& all the rest. I BOW HUMBLY AT YOUR FEET. Ron. |
28 Sep 00 - 03:29 PM (#307495) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Kim C If I were having a Coke right now, y'all would make it come out my nose. (that's a compliment, see?) :):):):):) Especially Dharmabaum! |
28 Sep 00 - 03:37 PM (#307501) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Geez loueez -- This just keeps getting better and better! And I see we have a brand new Challenge!r, too. Welcome, welcome, welcome, Bardford!! Looks like another round of Silver B.L.O.B.s are needed, so here ya go: Dharmabum for:
I was standing by the baked goods, McGrath of Harlow for:
Oh what fierce and deep revulsion! Bardford for:
Heart beat a fast clip, beads of sweat on his lip And for you newbies, a Silver B.L.O.B. is a little in-thread award 'Silver Best Line O' Bull' for special bits of verse that deserve special attention ;-) -- You all still get the 'big prizes' at the end of the Challenge!, so keep checking in... Well done, everyone!! -- Áine |
28 Sep 00 - 03:51 PM (#307515) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Well, here goes my little ditty -- It pales in comparision to all that went before it -- But, I kept thinking about the cause and effect, shall we say. So, here's my (perverse) take on it: With Extra Relish (No tune -- any suggestions?)
Well Sammy's wife, Zoe, was so worried,
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28 Sep 00 - 04:51 PM (#307567) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: mousethief This is too fun. Sorry if it's against the rules to post twice. I'll stand by my first song for the judging. But who can resist this topic?
Big Bad Sam
Every morning at the store when the bread arrived
Now Sam came to the Giant every day or two
But after the Feldmans had checked out and gone
So they set up a camera to tape record
Yes the tape showed Sam taking liberties
They brought him into court and the judge cried "Foul!"
Now Sam's in treatment for his fetish so strange © 2000 Alex E. Riggle. All Rights Reserved. -----
Alex |
28 Sep 00 - 04:54 PM (#307570) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Uncle_DaveO Wow, Aine! And I'd thought the earlier songs were good!!! Dave Oesterreich |
28 Sep 00 - 04:58 PM (#307575) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Catrin What a clever bunch of catters!!! |
28 Sep 00 - 05:00 PM (#307577) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: MMario oh, sure, I'm off the 'cat for a lousy 18 hours and you guys go to town!!!! What an incredible collection of challenge entries! My hat is off to all of you. I'm up to my neck in training and transcribing, so I'll catch the next one, maybe... *BRAVO!* to you all! |
28 Sep 00 - 05:17 PM (#307598) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Dear mousethief -- You can enter as many songs as you want to, darlin'! (And that goes for all Challenge!rs, by the way). And here's another Silver B.L.O.B. for:
Now Sam's in treatment for his fetish so strange I love it!! And MMario -- You know what the Keeper of the Book always says -- A Challenge! is never over!! When you get a minute, just type in your entry, and appropriate cudos and awards will be bestowed...;-) -- Áine |
28 Sep 00 - 06:31 PM (#307653) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Bradypus This is getting to be a classic Challenge! So many good songs in the first six hours, it's hard to keep track of what compliments to give to whom. I love McGrath's language, rich the whole way through, and mousethief's tunes (both of them, well executed), and Aine's title, and Catrin's chorus, and Bardford's first entry (welcome to the club) and and and anyway, I'd better try to write something myself! Bradypus |
28 Sep 00 - 07:00 PM (#307677) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Bradypus Bread Squeezin' Blues I got the bread squeezin' blues, babe I got them all the day Until I find a loaf to squeeze These blues won't go away. I take the bread and squeeze it It makes me feel so good And when I find some buns to squeeze It eases up my mood Obsessive compulsive disorder Sing it if you can Cos baby, I'm an obsessive, compulsive Disorderly breadsqueezin' man I found a bag of cookies I gave the bag a squeeze Some mudcatters lost their cookies Well, they won't be wantin' these The security camera caught me My excuses all sound lame But now that I'm on film, you see I've got bread squeezin' fame They said 'Why did you do it Why squeeze the bread just so ?' I tell them why I do it It's because I need the dough They got a court psychiatrist To look inside my head She said that all my brains looked just Like blue mouldy squeezed bread Bread squeezing blues, dear I don't think I'm mad Squeezin' bread and cookies Is the only fun I've had Don't give me no whisky Lovin' me's no use There ain't a cure in all the earth For bad bread squeezin' blues Oh Yeah !!!!
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28 Sep 00 - 08:05 PM (#307765) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine My dear Bradypus, a wunnerful, wunnerful entry as usual. Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:
Obsessive compulsive disorder Sing those blues, Mr. B.! -- Áine |
28 Sep 00 - 08:13 PM (#307775) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Dharmabum THE BAKER BOYS LAMENT
I'm little Sammy Feldman, line breaks added by elf/joeclone |
28 Sep 00 - 08:20 PM (#307784) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine LOL!!! ROTFLMAO!!! I can just hear you snickering as you wrote that, Ron . . . Here's another Silver B.L.O.B. for:
Now I lament my lost love, I'm so glad you're such a naughty boy, you know... ;-) -- Áine |
28 Sep 00 - 08:36 PM (#307796) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Dharmabum Thanks Aine, I am a very naughty boy {snicker, snicker} Ron. |
28 Sep 00 - 09:26 PM (#307835) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Uncle_DaveO Bradypus, your Bread Squeezin' Blues would go with "Ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe"--You know, "Don't think twice, it's all right.! Dave Oesterreich |
29 Sep 00 - 05:54 AM (#308042) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock Apologies in advance, but I couldn't resist it: You put your right thumb in, Your right thumb out, Your right thumb in And you squish it all about, You do the Cookie Pokey And you turn around, And that's what it's all about.... WOOOAAHHH bread and cookie pokey, WOOOAAHHH bread and cookie pokey, WOOOAAHHH bread and cookie pokey, And that's what it's all about! |
29 Sep 00 - 08:09 AM (#308072) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Catrin me too ROTFLMAO! Every time I look at this thread I'm more and more impressed by us all! Cheers, Catrin |
29 Sep 00 - 10:04 AM (#308135) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: mousethief I love the cookie pokey! Made me literally laugh out loud at work this morning! Thanks, Fib!
Alex |
29 Sep 00 - 10:14 AM (#308141) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,emily b Wow! Everybody is joining in and we're all LOL. Good work to all. Is it just me, or did the food theme really speak to you all, too? Aine, thanks for starting all of this amusement. I didn't discover the challenges until somewhere in their 20's. I must go back and read through the older ones. This is just too much fun. I look forward to more great songs. Emily |
29 Sep 00 - 10:56 AM (#308163) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST, "5 minutes Flat" You guys are really rolling along. I am amazed at the wealth of talent the Cat attracts.
If you can persuade your Song goddess to do so, you might have fun with this whacky situation from Reuters:
Pencil-Carrying Camel Convoy Blocked BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Saudi Arabia has refused to allow a convoy of camels carrying pencils to Iraq to pass through its territory, Iraqi newspapers said Thursday.
Quoting an Interior Ministry source, the newspapers said the pencils were donated by the people of the United Arab Emirates (UAE) in a gesture of support for ordinary Iraqis.
``Sheikh Sa'd Bin Tha'in al-Mansouri and a number of the UAE people decided to organize a convoy of camels to transport one million pencils to Iraq via Saudi Arabia,'' the source said.
He said al-Mansouri submitted a request to the Saudi embassy in the UAE requesting permission to cross Saudi territory, but this was turned down.
Iraq's relations with the six-member Gulf Cooperation Council -- a regional alliance comprising Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Qatar, Oman, Bahrain and the UAE were strained by Iraq's 1990 invasion of Kuwait. Kuwait and Saudi Arabia have yet to resume diplomatic relations with Iraq.
The UAE, which joined a U.S.-led alliance that drove Iraqi troops out of Kuwait in 1991, has led calls to end Iraq's isolation.
In 1998, the UAE began a ferry service between Dubai and Iraq's port of Umm Qasr with United Nations permission. In April the UAE reopened its embassy in Baghdad. My father used to play in a Dixieland band, and they did a real footstompin' version of the "Sheik of Araby" when they got into their cups; after every phrase of the song, they would all yell "With no pants on!" at the top of their lungs. Just try it next time you're singing that ditty... The metaphors about leads in pencils and grinders used for sharpening pencils and so on also flood tot he fore as fodder for your fertile imaginations.... G'wan, ask the Goddess! Regards, Amos
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29 Sep 00 - 11:03 AM (#308168) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: SINSULL A foot long with a bun extra wide??? HEE HEE HEE.
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29 Sep 00 - 11:13 AM (#308174) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Dear "5 Minutes Flat" (a/k/a Amos), What, you forgot my email address? What's up with this sticking a different Challenge! suggestion in the middle of another one? You're really throwing a spanner in the works as far as my 'numbering system' goes, ya know... OK, Challenge!rs, if you want to pen a pencil song, so to speak, go for it...but remember, it is easier for a rich man to pass through the eye of an eraser than to make Amos behave himself...*BG* -- Áine |
29 Sep 00 - 11:19 AM (#308179) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: mousethief I think we oughtta put the chill on any new topics until this one has run its course. I was actually hoping for attack monkeys, myself. I mean hoping for attack monkeys as a challenge! topic.
Alex |
29 Sep 00 - 11:27 AM (#308187) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Oops! Dear Fibula Mattock -- I forgot to say how much I like the Cookie Pokey!! You are hereby awarded a Silver B.L.O.B. for your entry. Now, have you thought about what you might do with all the other appendages?!? That might lead to some really interesting verses (hahahaha)!! And mousethief - Just between you and me, I'd already planned to steal the attack monkeys for the upcoming Song Challenge! Part 42. Bert has already sent me a great suggestion for Part 41. Aaahhh, the anticipation mounts! -- Áine |
29 Sep 00 - 11:43 AM (#308199) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock Thank you!!! I feel so proud!! Yes, the Cookie Pokey can continue, but I'm not eating from that particular store! Oooh, the buns, the baps, the crumpet...bread related innuendo is just toooo delicious! |
29 Sep 00 - 12:02 PM (#308216) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Mbo Cookiemangler Tune: "Acquiesce" by Oasis I don't know what is that makes it seem so fun I don't know why I like to maul and mangle buns I don't know why I smash fruit-centered cookies with my thumb I do it all the time in every store I see I can fondle, smash, and mash but no one catches me It really gets me off and the best part is it's free I love to squeeze all the baked stuffs From apple pie to the cream puffs Oh my name is Samuel Feldmann, I'm quite a bakery buff I love to squeeze all the baked stuff From the apple pie to a cream puff Oh my name is Samuel Feldmann, I'm quite a bakery buff The cookies aisle's empty and I'm all alone I gotta dip my thumb into a buttered scone And crumble English muffins until there's naught left but cornpone I don't like when my wife comes to the store with me So I smash behind her back so that she can't see Oh quishing break and cookies is such sweet ecstasy! I love to squeeze all the baked stuffs From apple pie to the cream puffs Oh my name is Samuel Feldmann, I'm quite a bakery buff I love to squeeze all the baked stuffs From apple pie to the cream puffs Oh my name is Samuel Feldmann, I'm quite a bakery buff I love to squeeze....I love to squeeze I need to squeeze....I love to squeeze I want to squeeze....I love to squeeze --Matt
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29 Sep 00 - 12:09 PM (#308220) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock Mbo, I though you would turn up with that Oasis bready ode to soup: "You get a roll with it..." |
29 Sep 00 - 12:09 PM (#308221) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: mousethief Sammy's Song (to the tune of "Danny's Song") (with apologies to Kenny Loggins)
People smile and tell me I'm a crazy one
(chorus)
"Bread and bagels," I think, is a very good sign (repeat chorus) © 2000 Alex E. Riggle. All Rights Reserved. This still isn't what I was hoping for. I'll keep trying, I guess.
Alex |
29 Sep 00 - 12:13 PM (#308227) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Mbo I don't worry, Fib, I've told that joke SO many times, my family is sick of it. BTW did I mention I'm a rapidly closing in on owning ever piece of music Oasis has ever recorded? My name is Matthew Richards, I'm quite an Oasis buff... |
29 Sep 00 - 12:14 PM (#308228) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: mousethief oops! sorry about that -- forgot to turn off the bold and the font size. Could'a swore I did that. Sigh.
Alex |
29 Sep 00 - 12:20 PM (#308233) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock Mbo, I have seen the scathing attacks on the critics of the Mancunian scene. I must admit I'm not a fan. I wouldn't go out of my way to listen to them BUT I wouldn't turn of the radio if they were on. I remember years ago when I was waitressing in a cafe back home, and their first ever single had been released. It came onto the radio and the girl I was working with said "Oh, my cousin's in that band" (her surname being Arthurs). I thought "Hmmm, another bunch of no-hopers. They'll never make it. How wrong I was... |
29 Sep 00 - 12:27 PM (#308238) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Mbo OH MY GOD!!! You worked with Bonehead's cousin! WHOA!!!!!! I bow at your feet!!!! Bonehead (Paul Arthurs) is AWESOME! Sadly, he left the group, but he's a great guy. Their album Be Here Now was dedicated to his mother. BTW that very first single was 1994's "Supersonic", a KICKASS song, that I was singing just today! WORSHIIIIIIP!!!! |
29 Sep 00 - 12:29 PM (#308240) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock It's a tenuous connection, though. It would have been a lot more interesting if I'd actually BEEN that cousin! |
29 Sep 00 - 12:34 PM (#308242) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Mbo That's so cool still! BTW "Bonehead's Bank Holiday" is on my new tape, which is FINISHED and should be getting sent out in about 2 weeks. |
29 Sep 00 - 12:38 PM (#308246) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock Gotta go - pub awaits and I'm offline for the weekend. I have to go and see the nightlife in my new city of residence. Bye, Fib. |
29 Sep 00 - 12:39 PM (#308248) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: mousethief Knew this thread couldn't go on much longer without a hijacking.
Alex |
29 Sep 00 - 12:42 PM (#308251) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock Ha! Mousethief! I stayed around long enough to see that!!! (By the way, an aside again, but referring to Jethro Tull, does the mousetheif get caught by their mousepolice?) |
29 Sep 00 - 12:44 PM (#308252) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: mousethief Ya caught me, ya ol' funnybone! Never been caught by the mousepolice, thankfully. Don't get the Jethro Tull reference.
clueless in Seattle, |
29 Sep 00 - 03:25 PM (#308376) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine What the heck happened here?!? I go off to the park with my ankle biters, and what do I come back to but interminable thread creep!! *BG* Mbo, Fibula, consider your buns spanked for all this chit-chatting (Mbo - get that sly smile off your face, now...) Well, at least there are two more great Challenge! songs to award Silver B.L.O.B.s to, so here we go: To Mbo for:
The cookies aisle's empty and I'm all alone To mousethief for:
And if you find it helps your mind better squeeze 'em fast Well done, both of you! -- Áine |
29 Sep 00 - 05:18 PM (#308463) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Dharmabum WOW, you guys have really come up with some kick ass challanges on this one! I could use a title for this one.
Sung to {these are a few of my favorite things} Can't you just picture Julie Andrews singing this one? line breaks added by elf/joeclone |
29 Sep 00 - 05:21 PM (#308465) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Mbo DB, that's a pure riot! Aine, Silver Blob for this man! The part about the search & destroy gets it! Boy, it must be the combination of Oasis, and a cool Friday afternoon, but I can't stop laughing! |
29 Sep 00 - 05:22 PM (#308466) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: MMario "My carbohydrate thing?" |
29 Sep 00 - 05:54 PM (#308479) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: McGrath of Harlow Some amazing stuff here. Keep going, we're on a roll! (How appropriate that expression suddenly seems...) |
29 Sep 00 - 05:59 PM (#308485) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Geez, Ron, you didn't make it at all easy this time to pick a verse for your Silver B.L.O.B.; but, this is the one I finally decided was my favourite:
The doctors all tell me I have a condition, Ooohhh -- my sides are hurting from laughing all day! Keep going, Challenge!rs!! -- Áine |
29 Sep 00 - 07:21 PM (#308551) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Alrightey then, Challenge!rs, put on your top hats, tails and tap shoes -- It's time for putting on the Ritz (cracker, that is!):
Bread Does Something To Me |
29 Sep 00 - 07:49 PM (#308576) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Dharmabum Thunderous applause & standing ovation. YAY Aine!!!!!!!! |
29 Sep 00 - 08:15 PM (#308594) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Thank you, thank you very much... ;-)
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29 Sep 00 - 11:40 PM (#308720) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: MMario The keeper of the book doesn't contribute often, but when she does it's always a winner! |
30 Sep 00 - 05:47 AM (#308873) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Catrin Claps and claps and applauses!!!!
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30 Sep 00 - 06:20 PM (#309185) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine OK, Challenge!rs -- Is that it? Have you all exhausted yourselves on the bread fetish issue? Are we done with this one? Let me know, 'cos I've got another great Challenge! waiting in the wings . . . -- Áine |
30 Sep 00 - 06:26 PM (#309193) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Uncle_DaveO Hold on a bit. I was awake with this for about an hour last night in bed, had it just about written in my head. Mighty pleased with myself. When I sat down to a piece of paper today, it's gone, but I know the song I'll sing it to and the general approach. Going to a family birthday celebration tonight, but I should probably have it in tomorrow. Dave Oesterreich |
30 Sep 00 - 06:55 PM (#309205) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Brilliant! Dave O -- We'll wait for you to eat some birthday cake and get some bakery good inspiration. Can't wait to see what you come up with! -- Áine |
01 Oct 00 - 06:41 PM (#309828) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Just refreshing this for DaveO... -- Áine |
01 Oct 00 - 07:03 PM (#309845) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Uncle_DaveO Sorry, I've just lost it. Haven't been able to retrieve what I had thought was pretty decent. MAYBE later, but go on without me. Thanx for your patience. Dave Oesterreich |
01 Oct 00 - 07:45 PM (#309873) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Naemanson Well, I didn't think inspiration would strike until too late. I was beginning to worry that I couldn't be inspired while suffering from this damn cold. But this came to me today and I jotted it down. Hope you like it. Use the tune to the Sailor's Grace. The title is also the first line. Bread loaf, Bread loaf, why sit you there, Safe on the shelf without a care, All wrapped up and stacked so neat The white bread, rye bread, bran and wheat. Then you know who comes along Old Sam Feldman with fingers strong When his wife has turned around, He crushes you and puts you down. Even cookies feel his grip, He grabs them quick and his thumb he slips, Under the cellophane and into the goo The thumb presses fast and your crumbs too. The managers at the Giant store, Put up with this for 3 years or more, Video cameras they then installed To jail the criminal to haul. Feldman's fetish runs so deep That baked goods into his dreams they creep, Rack on rack of bread and cakes He crushes them as quick as they're baked. They caught Sam in the act they did, Caught him bread handed just like a kid. They arrested him and hauled him to jail, I'm innocent they heard him wail. I squeeze bread just like everyone, Never been arrested though I've squeezed a ton. I've squeezed bread on a mermaid boat, And at the wake of circus bloke. When Uncle Harry left the cops perplexed, I squeezed their donuts and left them vexed, The dungmeister's sandwich I did too Though I cringed to see it held brown goo. In Sperlonga I went to drink Coffee black and in a wink, When she wasn't looking I reached out And crumbled the biscuits all about. But now my crumbing days are o'er They took me to jail and closed the door. My only friend in this lousy bitch Thinks M&M's will make him rich.
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01 Oct 00 - 08:33 PM (#309902) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine YEE-HAW AND ALL RIGHT, NAEMANSON!!!! You've qualified for the Golden Cow Chip with Two-Fer-One Coupon (The Two-Fer-One Coupon is awarded to those Challenge!rs who use two or more Challenge! topics in one song) -- You've got SEVEN topics so far . . . With just THREE more, you'll win the Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts Award (The Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts Award is given to the Challenge!rs who use ten or more Challenge! topics in one song). C'mon Naemanson, c'mon Naemanson, c'mon Naemanson -- We're all rootin' fer ya, baby!!! -- Áine
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02 Oct 00 - 01:03 PM (#310290) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine C'mon Naemanson, c'mon Naemanson, c'mon Naemanson ...
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02 Oct 00 - 01:17 PM (#310299) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: mousethief Naemanson: I like "bread-handed." LOL!
Alex |
02 Oct 00 - 01:17 PM (#310300) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Dharmabum WHOOF,WHOOF,WHOOF,WHOOF,WHOOF,WHOOF,WHOOF, |
02 Oct 00 - 02:15 PM (#310340) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine OK, Naemanson, just to give you some more encouragement; here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:
When Uncle Harry left the cops perplexed, Although, I have to say that it was extremely difficult picking just one 'cherry' verse out of that song -- C'mon Naemanson - go for the Platinum!!!! -- Áine |
02 Oct 00 - 03:08 PM (#310372) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Catrin |
02 Oct 00 - 04:04 PM (#310392) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Naemanson Oh how can I resist. Let me review the previous cahllenges and see what I can come up with. |
02 Oct 00 - 04:26 PM (#310402) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Naemanson There I was sitting at home, watching a movie and suffering with this cold, not wanting to do anything. then I said maybe I'll check in with the old Mudcat. And what do I find? Cheering hordes egging me on to flights of inspiration that I may not be up to. So I dragged the keyboard closer and leave these words as my last breath escapes my body. There's one batch of cookies almost done me in, They were setting in the window of a kitchen Catrin's cookies were easy to crack, But I tasted my fingers and almost went back Lucky Charms I did crunch 'em too, In the box it was one hard job to do But I foiled the Mudcatters in their toil, When they looked inside their songs were spoiled. And so the judge he says to me, You're sentenced to the penitentiary A court psychologist you must meet After they pry him from the outhouse seat.
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02 Oct 00 - 06:20 PM (#310500) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine We knew you had it in ya, Naemanson!! See what talent can do, even if it has the sniffles?!? Well done, Challenge!r, and I do hope you will enjoy your newly bestowed O.A.I.O.G., P.T.! -- Although the other two recipients have complained about some scratchiness... ;-) All other Golden Chips et al. to be awarded later this evening. -- Áine |
02 Oct 00 - 07:02 PM (#310547) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Naemanson There I was, just loafing around, when I thought I should write one more crumby verse. Rye-ly I settled down at the keyboard. With a mumbled prayer I croissant myself and settled down to work. Fortunately I found I could rise to the occasion, at yeast one more time. All I kneaded was inspiration. So I bagel your indulgence for one more verse. Aine is queen of Challenger's all, She sets 'em up, we make them fall, When she reads them she's so pleased, When she finds her buns have been squeezed! Or is this toast considered a browned nose verse? |
02 Oct 00 - 07:07 PM (#310552) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Well, Challenge!rs, I think you've said it all about this topic -- and you've been brilliant! Here are your well-earned awards. Cudos, Congrats, and Thanks to each and every one of you:
Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song): I hope that you all are ready for the next Challenge! -- It was sent in by Bert and I think you're gonna get some real hands-on experience out of it . . . ;-) See ya tomorrow for some more fun, -- Áine |
02 Oct 00 - 07:12 PM (#310556) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Dharmabum To be honest with ya Naem, once ya get past the scratchiness it feels kinda nice. Tho, it does make ya walk kinda funny. Congrats on a job well done! Ron. |
02 Oct 00 - 07:22 PM (#310563) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Dear Naemanson, If ya can't brown-nose to win a Cow Chip, when can ya? ;-) Again, congrats on your new status as a Master Song Challenge!r (and one of the sweetest brown-nosers I know!). *BG* -- Áine (a/k/a The Cow Chip Princess) P.S. It's nice to know that the Tufts aren't that bad -- besides, now we'll all know you by your walk *LOL*) |
02 Oct 00 - 08:09 PM (#310582) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Naemanson Thank You, All. I was so impressed with the other entries I didn't want to write one. I feel special being included with such a talented bunch. And you're right DB, once you get past the scratchiness... |
02 Oct 00 - 09:57 PM (#310646) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Naemanson Ooo, ooo ooo! I thought of another! But now I'm out in cyberspace, You'll find I'm very hard to trace, I flit about from place to place, Your Mudcat cookies I'll erase. |
02 Oct 00 - 10:01 PM (#310647) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Alrightey there, Naemanson, I'll add that last verse to your ditty -- But, please darlin', don't mix your Robutusin with the hot toddies anymore, OK? ;-) -- Áine |
03 Oct 00 - 07:02 AM (#310818) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,micca at work Aine, sorry to me so late in on this one, here is an "Offering" too Bread and retribution By Micca Tune Bread and Roses
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03 Oct 00 - 09:46 AM (#310894) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Hey there Micca! It's always great to have you in on a Challenge! And of course, no Challenge! is ever really over. That's a wunnerful, wunnerful entry, and you are hereby awarded the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster, AND a Silver B.L.O.B. for:
As we go shopping, shopping Maith thú a stór! -- Áine |
03 Oct 00 - 11:30 AM (#310968) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Kim C thank you, Golden Cow Chip Princess!!!!! |
01 Jan 01 - 07:53 PM (#366901) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Liz the Squeak Mangling the loaves Mangling the loaves He will be arrested For mangling the loaves... to the tune of 'Bringing in the sheaves'... LTS Remember, I was very, very drunk.... |
02 Jan 01 - 04:05 PM (#367233) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Al Boyce Oops! I had this written before I read that the challenge was closed. Oh well.... Enjoy! - Al
PAWS IN THE DOUGH
The Feldmans would go out shopping
CHORUS:
(on subsequent verses replace the third line of the chorus with the third line of the verse.)
They'd start out at Piggly-Wiggly,
While his wife was perusing the poultry,
He'd deliberately fondle foccacia,
At last when Sam was apprehended,
So next time you strangle a struedel,
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02 Jan 01 - 04:25 PM (#367244) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Larry Boy Pratt I'm new to this, so here goes with apologies to Sonny Boy Williamson.
Take Your Hands Off of My Wrapper line breaks fixed by elf |
02 Jan 01 - 04:28 PM (#367246) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: GUEST,Larry Boy Pratt OK, so what is the trick in getting the line breaks? I cut and pasted from MS Word. Do I need to write it directly into the box? Sorry for the run on sentences. |
02 Jan 01 - 04:39 PM (#367252) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: MMario Al - *officially* according to section III sup-paragraph four of the rules, (or maybe it was Section VII, sup-paragraph XX.VIII.a) the challenges never close. larry boy - for line breaks see the new-comers FAQ thread at the top of the list, under handy HTML tricks. welcome to the mudcat. BTW - as a coda to this, I heard recently on the Radio that this man has been sentenced and fined for the damage he did to the bread. fixed by elf |
02 Jan 01 - 04:45 PM (#367256) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: MMario boy did that mess up... Calling Joe and/or clone! |
03 Jan 01 - 02:39 PM (#367924) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Al and Larry Boy -- Great (better late than never) additions to this Challenge! Your songs have both been awarded the prestigious Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon for giving the Keeper of the Book a great laugh once again, and have been entered into the Tome of Challenges! Cudos, thanks and congrats to both of you. ;-) -- Áine |
03 Jan 01 - 02:56 PM (#367935) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: McGrath of Harlow I read somewhere in the paper over the holidays the guy has recently actually come up for sentending - but with ione thing or another I never got to reading what happened to him. Any newsaholics who can track it down and tell us? |
03 Jan 01 - 03:36 PM (#367954) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Áine Dear Kevin, To satisfy any of you Challenge!rs sense of closure on this matter ;-), I searched and found this story on MSNBC.com from November 21, 2000:
THE 38-YEAR-OLD ADVERTISING executive, convicted of squeezing, poking and crumbling $1,000 worth of baked goods during criminally finicky shopping sprees in suburban Philadelphia, was sentenced this week to 180 days' probation - 90 days each for the bread and the cookies. Ahh, I feel much better now, knowing that Sam's gotten his just desserts . . . ;-) -- Áine |
05 Sep 01 - 05:00 AM (#542265) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Aidan Crossey To the tune of "Tom Dooley" THE BALLAD OF SAM FELDMAN CHORUS Hang your head, Sam Feldman Hang you head and cry You've crushed a lot of cookies Now you'll pay the price You've crushed a lot of cookies And spoiled a lot of bread If the state police don't catch you Were sending for the Feds In the state of Pennsylvania For years your terror raged It was as if some cookie fiend Had gone on the rampage Crumbs, and nuts and chocolate chips At the scene of crime The supermarket boss is worried For his bottom line CHORUS We've installed CCTV To catch you in the act We've seen you pinch and prod and punch Our cookies you have wrecked We've seen you act maliciously And now we must resort To try your case judiciously Within the District Court CHORUS The judge's face it darkened When he viewed the videotape "Anything to add" he asked "Before I shut this case" "I thought I'd get away But I reckon I've been rumbled A pain in the ass, but then I guess That's how the cookie crumbles" CHORUS |
05 Sep 01 - 09:09 AM (#542376) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: MMario If the state police don't catch you; we're sending for the Feds! Inspired! |
05 Sep 01 - 09:15 AM (#542381) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Aidan Crossey Thanks, MMario. As I write I've only got 8 left to do! |
05 Sep 01 - 09:16 AM (#542382) Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 40 From: Aidan Crossey Thanks, MMario. As I write I've only got 8 left to do! |