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10 Feb 01 - 04:51 PM (#395234) Subject: conversation stoppers From: grumpy al Just a thought about "instant conversation stoppers" "I put loads of stones in the bag but the kittens kept floating to the surface" anyone got any more? |
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10 Feb 01 - 04:54 PM (#395238) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: bill\sables "Would you fly on a plane with a Woman Pilot |
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10 Feb 01 - 05:10 PM (#395247) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: GUEST,khandu Let's discuss the wonderful aroma of piss! khandu |
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10 Feb 01 - 05:13 PM (#395251) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Nynia At the moment it seems to be, "Hi, my name's Nynia". LOL Nynia. |
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10 Feb 01 - 05:15 PM (#395253) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Amos Hi, Nynia! Do you know anything about coelestomy bags? |
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10 Feb 01 - 05:23 PM (#395256) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Charcloth " how about we get naked & rub butts together?" |
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10 Feb 01 - 05:34 PM (#395260) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Matt_R Unfortunately Amos, I do. |
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10 Feb 01 - 05:37 PM (#395262) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: leah-- cuse me and "who are you,Nynia?" Have we met yet in one of the rooms? And if we have you must have been one of those one night wonders that I have heard sing on Paltalk! Have you tried go to the online help rooms? in order to get everyone reacquainted with you yet again? ;o) Mine conversation stopper is *I dont know what to say here!* lol BTW......hello to you Nynia! nice to seeya here! |
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10 Feb 01 - 05:38 PM (#395265) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Bill D actually said to me once..(and to a woman I was talking to)..."Anyone want to go to a drunken orgy and poker party?" |
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10 Feb 01 - 05:40 PM (#395266) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: catspaw49 "I'm from Mississippi" is pretty effective. Spaw |
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10 Feb 01 - 05:41 PM (#395267) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Nynia LOL @ Leah Hi Leah good to see you Nynia. :-) -) ) |
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10 Feb 01 - 05:45 PM (#395271) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: leah-- So I have met you then? <<(laughing here)>> well well hello...again...hello! ;o) thanks Nynia |
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10 Feb 01 - 05:48 PM (#395273) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Justa Picker "Wow! Your tits are bigger than mine!" - overheard at a cocktail party by a female addressing a large-framed male guest. |
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10 Feb 01 - 05:56 PM (#395281) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Liz the Squeak Conversational pause produced this at a wine tasting..... could equally have applied to one (or more) of the attendees.... "But it's just SO fruity!!" I've stopped many a conversation - I just giggle. I've even stopped a few shows! LTS |
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10 Feb 01 - 06:19 PM (#395299) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Sorcha "When did you stop beating your wife?" |
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10 Feb 01 - 06:29 PM (#395307) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Morticia " So, I discovered this great cure the last time I had scabies" or, one of my personal favourites " And how long have you been a woman, now?" |
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10 Feb 01 - 06:32 PM (#395308) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: grumpy al how about, "I had dry leporasy!mit's not contagious. |
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10 Feb 01 - 06:33 PM (#395309) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Matt_R "Did any of your mother's children live?" |
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10 Feb 01 - 06:36 PM (#395312) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: catspaw49 Geeziz......Did you ever see a booger this big? If you throw up, I got dibs on the big chunks. HOOO-WEEEE......that feels like a wet one! Bodily functions are always winners. Karen is always pissed at the things I'll say at times and she tries to be polite in conversation. Sometimes though, things just come out without thinking and Karen stopped a conversation dead one evening at a party. Remember that she is a lab tech and deals with removed body parts all the time. We were in a large group and it had been a bad day for all it seemed. Everyone was telling their tales and we were all getting some laughs over things that had happened. Karen suddenly and unusually jumped in and said, "We had a 4 pound uterus today." I don't remember any silence so silent as that one. It only lasted a few seconds and we all cracked up, including Karen. The conversation then went to possible uses for the big ute! Todd and I eventually cranked out an entire impromptu routine as though we were two guys fishing for one. Spaw |
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10 Feb 01 - 06:43 PM (#395321) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Liz the Squeak Ah, glad to see the mercury cure worked..... usually does it. LTS |
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10 Feb 01 - 06:49 PM (#395326) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Lyrical Lady This very day...while walking with my 16 yr. old daughter and discussing her very sweet relationship with her very sweet boyfriend ... I asked her what she wanted for her birthday which is coming up soon and she answered "a copy of the Kama Sutra" ... stopped me dead in my tracks. LL |
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10 Feb 01 - 07:12 PM (#395333) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: GUEST,khandu AW, SPAW! I am dumbstruck! I'm not certain; was that a put down of Mississippi? Surely not!! {:-P khandu |
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10 Feb 01 - 08:05 PM (#395350) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: catspaw49 Ya' know, I once knew a girl named Shirley Knott, but she did and pretty often too. Spaw |
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10 Feb 01 - 10:18 PM (#395425) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Morticia I once knew a guy called Nicholas Alcock.....he wasn't. |
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10 Feb 01 - 10:38 PM (#395433) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: campfire I once worked as a file clerk, and filed a case involving a pending divorce. Seems the Mrs. thought Mr. Goodenough wasn't. campfire |
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10 Feb 01 - 11:09 PM (#395444) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: flattop Back when the Goode Brothers played autoharp and guitar at the Penny Farthing on warm summer nights in Yorkville, two hippy girls sat at our table. One of them immediately asked me, "What is your sign?" I didn't believe in astrology but I told her anyway. She replied, "Geminis are a good fuck." I was at a loss for words when I wanted to shout, "I believe! I believe!"
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10 Feb 01 - 11:31 PM (#395450) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: flattop When my brother taught health in a school in Eastern Canada they promote a dumb idea that we should sleep with our windows open. A kid in the class was troubled because he slept with his uncle and his uncle wasn't going to keep the window open in freezing Canadian winters. Then one day the kid tells my brother that he slept with the window open the night before. My brother asks the kid how he was able to pull it off. The kid answers, "My father was away so my uncle slept with my mother." |
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11 Feb 01 - 01:31 AM (#395510) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Hobie .....and when i came to, there was blood everywhere... Hobie |
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11 Feb 01 - 01:45 AM (#395514) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: bob jr have you personally accepted christ the lord as the one true savior? i have some pamphlets from my church you should look at..... |
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11 Feb 01 - 01:48 AM (#395516) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Sorcha HI! My name's (insert here). Ya'll know Rocky Top? Hey, anybody know Danny Boy? (St. Pats commin' up--brace yourselves........) |
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11 Feb 01 - 02:28 AM (#395528) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Lonesome EJ I once briefly dated a woman who was attractive, enthusiastic, and as dumb as a sack of turnips. A friend of mine invited me over for dinner, and I brought Sherry. We were discussing our favorite films and directors (at least my friend, his wife and I were) when there was a sudden pause in the conversation. That's when Sherry piped up with "Wow! Sounds like an art form!" |
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11 Feb 01 - 04:38 AM (#395541) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Monashee ~did anyone else notice the food seemed a bit off?~ |
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11 Feb 01 - 06:36 AM (#395560) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Inukshuk I'm with Spaw on this. Last night at suppertime my five year old granddaughter came out with this gem. "I pulled a really big booger out of my nose, and it was purple." Bon appetite. |
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11 Feb 01 - 08:07 AM (#395579) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: bill\sables When my daughter was small she came in and said "I've been playing with the dogs little red thing". We were so relieved when we saw the dog had a little red barrel with it's name inside attached to its collar. When we had the car accident on boxing day last year I crawled out of the car and went to a house with a light in the window and the curtains open. I tapped on the window and the family inside, who were watching TV, had an instant look of horror on their faces. I didn't realise till they asked me in that my face was covered in blood and my usually white beard was stained red. They instantly lost interest in the TV programme they were watching. Bill |
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11 Feb 01 - 08:37 AM (#395590) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Mooh "Did we meet in your wet dream or mine?" "Really, I've been good since I got outa prison." Just waiting for people to notice that I drool alot seems to have that effect too. Mooh. |
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11 Feb 01 - 09:48 AM (#395600) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: DonMeixner One valentines day when my daughter, the brilliant Rebekkah asked me, " Dad, when you were 18 what did you want to get from a girl." I just dead panned her until she realized what she had said, she said "Oh." Turned red and ran from the kitchen. When I was in the Boatyard one of my jobs was sand blasting hulls prior to painting. We used Black Beauty BB Blast which always covered me with a dark gray dust. I walked home for lunch and because I was going right back at in a half hour I didn't shower but ate sandwiches with Bekkah on the porch and headed back to work. When I got home that evening my wife told about little blond Bekkah in the check out line at the store looking at her 3.5 year old arms and asking, "Mommy. how come Daddy is so black and I'm so white?" This silenced fours aisles of shoppers in the Baldwinsville P&C. Don |
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11 Feb 01 - 09:56 AM (#395602) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: walkinman "...lets's face it, God created women because sheep can't cook." |
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12 Feb 01 - 09:35 AM (#396226) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Pseudolus I had a similar situation to Don's with my kid "speaking her mind" at a grocery store. We were behind an unusually large woman when my daughter said, "Dad, that lady has a big butt...." I thought the worst was over but when the woman turned around to see if it was her that Mandy was talking about, Mandy said while pointing, "Well, she does!!!!" Maybe, embarrassing things your kids have done is a thread all its own..... Frank |
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12 Feb 01 - 09:41 AM (#396231) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: GUEST,Russ "I play folk music." |
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12 Feb 01 - 10:13 AM (#396259) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Kim C Saying you're a reenactor to someone who doesn't give a flip about history is a good one. |
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12 Feb 01 - 10:13 AM (#396260) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock It is alledged that when I was young around the 12th of July time the bands and Orangemen were going past when I announced to my parents "I don't like those orange bands". My mother was horrified, wondering where on earth I had heard such a thing, when I continued "I like the blue ones, and the red ones though". Well, blue was always my favourite colour. |
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12 Feb 01 - 11:47 AM (#396335) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: GUEST,Les B "Does this ringing in my head bother you ?" |
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12 Feb 01 - 02:43 PM (#396505) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: kendall I came from a bluegrass festival, forgot about the wrist band. Went into a store, where a strange lady asked if I had been in the hospital. I replied "Yes, but, I'm ok if I remember to take the pills for the voices" she didnt ask anymore questions. |
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12 Feb 01 - 03:19 PM (#396532) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Mr Red a very nice chap said to me recently after a very eudite expose on the origins of (er lets say Pace Egging Songs) and he replied, "Of course you might be confusing me with someone who gives a toss!" Not used it myself yet but I am POISED! |
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12 Feb 01 - 03:23 PM (#396535) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: MMario Two that used to stop conversations (about once a week) in my student apartment during college: "Damn, the boa's loose again!" "Has anyone seen Emily?" (Emily was the tarantula) |
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12 Feb 01 - 04:18 PM (#396585) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: grumpy al Really the beagles do enjoy smoking. |
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12 Feb 01 - 04:44 PM (#396607) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Helen Liz-t-s, Have you seen a really clever book by Ronald Searles called Winespeak. It's illustrations of the language used to describe wine but applied to people. It's very funny. One of the people is "fruity". I'll have to scan it in and send it to you. When I lived in this house 25 years ago - when I rented it as a student, before I moved to various other houses, and then bought it 3 years ago - we shared the house with a young woman named Maria who had psychiatric problems. She was very good at dropping non sequiturs into conversations and totally stopping everyone from talking. But one day a friend of ours was here, and she had been rehearsing West Side Story for a few weeks. As our flatmate wandered vaguely through the kitchen, past the table where we were all sitting, my friend absentmindedly started singing "What do you do with a problem like Maria?" We were all gobsmacked, waitng for Maria to react but it went straight over her head - luckily. Helen |
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12 Feb 01 - 05:29 PM (#396633) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Liz the Squeak Er, don't you mean the Sound of Music?? Or have you just met a nun called Maria..... LTS |
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12 Feb 01 - 07:15 PM (#396715) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall) At dinner, excuse yourself for a couple minutes and when you return to the table, announce; "Yup, just something about a good old-fashioned corn-shit that makes you proud to be an American" Rich |
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12 Feb 01 - 08:51 PM (#396767) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: wdyat12 Aside from this observation, Rich I'd say you stopped this conversation for an hour and 45 minutes with that one. wdyat12 |
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12 Feb 01 - 09:01 PM (#396775) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: GUEST,petr one fragment overheard at a pub. "Its just that I dont want to be used as a toothpick" . . Liz Carroll the great fiddler from Chicago, said her husband related their 5 year old daughters words as they came back from a demolition derby. "When I grow up I want to crush cars with my nipples." Liz wrote a reel called crushed cars. great tune. petr |
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12 Feb 01 - 09:48 PM (#396799) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Mrrzy A friend (really, this wasn't me) was in the checkout line once, laid a nice, discreet, quiet fart, and then tried to kind of walk past it. Suddenly up pipes her three-year-old from the kid part of the cart she's pushing - really loudly - I smell Mommy farts! Silence fell around her from checkout lines on either side - poor thing couldn't even pretend it wasn't her kid! But what do people use when they want to stop a conversation? |
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12 Feb 01 - 10:20 PM (#396813) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Melani My recently departed aunt was unfortunately schizophrenic, and could be very weird at times. Once during one of her stranger phases, she went to visit her sister at her summer cabin, at a time when there were other guests. She was totally peculiar, wearing sloppy clothes, not combing her hair, and making all manner of strange statements. Aunt #2 found it very trying. One night at dinner, during a lull in the conversation, Auntie Weirdo inquired brightly, "Well, did you hear they found Napolean's penis?" THAT was a conversation stopper, for sure. After a silence, the subject was tactfully changed. When Aunt #2 arrived home, she found her mail waiting for her on the kitchen table, and began thumbing through a "Time" magazine. There she found a story relating the discovery by somebody or other of a withered scrap of flesh thought to be Napolean's penis, removed by his doctor after his death, apparently as a souvenir. It turned out to be the only normal thing Auntie Weirdo had said all weekend! |
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12 Feb 01 - 10:33 PM (#396820) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: sophocleese My first year at University and I'm sitting in the college pub with a couple of friends who don't want me drumming on the tabletop along with the music. The music comes to an end and, clear as a bell, a voice from the other side of the room says, "I'm on a new diet this week, KY jelly and sperm!" Silence. Then my friends say, "Quick start drumming!" |
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13 Feb 01 - 08:06 AM (#396962) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Seth I have adopted children of different races and have also been a foster parent for older kids for many years. So we deal with whatever with our kids. In the locker room at the YMCA. Lots of guy talk "What did you do over the weekend Bob?"kinds of stuff> Golf, golf, golf;sailboat, sailboat, sailboat;computer, computer, computer; fixit, fixit,football, football, football:- Over to me "Seth, we didn't see you down here on Saturday...." Me " Oh,yeah, I was up in Tacoma at the beautician with my daughter, getting her hair extensions re-done." A full thirty seconds of dead air, the only sound being the showers running, before somone else picked up the guy thread again. Seth from China |
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13 Feb 01 - 08:59 AM (#396986) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Wesley S "Excuse me - are farts supposed to be lumpy??" |
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13 Feb 01 - 09:09 AM (#396991) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: MMario "Do you have a tune for those lyrics?" |
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13 Feb 01 - 03:31 PM (#397254) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: grumpy al with appologies to Melani I used to be schizophrenic but we're alright now. |
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13 Feb 01 - 03:41 PM (#397265) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: grumpy al Just got this one from a friend, apparently over heard at a bluegrass festival. Q; what is the definition of perfect pitch? A; tossing a banjo into the skip without hitting the sides |
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13 Feb 01 - 03:49 PM (#397275) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: CarolC "My water just broke." |
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13 Feb 01 - 03:51 PM (#397279) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Wesley S Followed by - "How would you like to be the father of my children?? " |
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13 Feb 01 - 04:08 PM (#397296) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Jim Krause Pushing back your chair at a dinner party, you sigh and contentedly say "I have had a sufficiency of the fanciful." You wait for the expected look of incomprehension, and respond "I've had a physic and my pants are full." Said with a big smile on your face as you are about to leave, "I don't know when I've had a good time!" |
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13 Feb 01 - 04:45 PM (#397324) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: CamiSu The one one when I was on the phone... "My dog just got hit by a car!!" Dog was a bit bruised, but basically fine. Driver was a bit distraught. (Black dog on a dark night. Thank goodness our new neighbors were quick thinking and when they couldn't get the dog out of the path ofthe car, they shone their flashlight on her, giving the driver half a chance to slow down!) My friend has one, when asked what she does. "I'm a pathologist." Autopsies immediately come to mind. CamiSu |
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13 Feb 01 - 04:59 PM (#397350) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: RichM Camisu has a friend who is a pathologist. I wish my dad had been a pathologist. I would have loved to bring him to school for "show and tell" : ie, "what my dad does at work"... |
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13 Feb 01 - 05:00 PM (#397351) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Helen Liz, you're right. Just a brain-blip. Er.. there is a character called Maria in West Side Story isn't there? Helen (wandering away mumbling incoherently) |
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13 Feb 01 - 10:50 PM (#397583) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Seth This was told to me by a friend. From a Conservative Jewish family, she had been living with her kids on a Canadian island, far from anything appearing Jewish. She takes her kids to Florida, after ten years, to meet her parents. Bit of a reconciliation. At the Fountainbleau? Hotel in Miami,daughter in the gift shop, yells to Mom across the lobby, "Hey,Mom! Are we Jewish??" Seth from China |
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14 Feb 01 - 03:49 AM (#397702) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Actually my wife's godfather was a forensic pathologist who dealt with many gory crimes and had a very booming voice (he also taught in med school in Birmingham). Apparently he could empty restaurants with his anecdotes faster than I can empty bars with my singing, and you never knew what he'd produce from his pockets...! RtS |
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15 Feb 01 - 03:33 AM (#398375) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Katcina I am enjoying reading this one so I decided to refresh it before it dropped off the face of things. |
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15 Feb 01 - 05:41 AM (#398404) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Helen Roger-t-s, You've just reminded me of the time when I shared a house with 2 medical interns. The dinner table conversation was often a detective-story type guessing game they played where one doctor would name a symptom and the other would try to guess what the disease was. Another symptom was named each time the other doctor guessed wrong. It made me decide that I'd rather die than be treated by the male doctor, but I'd go anywhere to consult the female one. He kept jumping to conclusions very early in the game and then refused to be swayed in his decision by any of the symptoms named after that. As for dinner time conversations - the rest of us were too busy trying to hang on to the contents of our stomachs to make polite conversation. Helen |
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15 Feb 01 - 09:37 AM (#398509) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Peter K (Fionn) Heard recently: "Excuse us itching, but we'e both got fleas." |
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16 Feb 01 - 08:30 AM (#399300) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: walkinman ".....if I said, you've got a beautiful body, would ya' hold it against me?" |
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16 Feb 01 - 08:44 AM (#399310) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: catspaw49 and that ties right in with, "Let's get something straight between us." Spaw |
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16 Feb 01 - 09:30 AM (#399335) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: catspaw49 SETH --- As another long time foster/adoptive parent, I know of what you speak. What becomes natural in "your" world, sounds really strange to someone not familiar. Sometimes its fun just to do it on purpose though......maybe a bit cruel.....but if you handle it right, it can be interesting. Our boys are a great example. Some poor soul will start off with, "My, aren't they cute," and the like and in an effort to say something, virtually everyone cranks out the same old, "They really look like you." Now our boys are same race, but in point of fact they bear no resemblance to either Karen or I. They DO look a bit like each other although they are not genetically related. At this point you have a choice:
"They really look like you!" That's generally a stopper. Then you smile and say thanks and put them at ease discussing how lucky we are etc. BUT.....You can wait for another in our case, becasuse they do look alike:
"Are they twins?" "No, they're nine and a half months apart." (true) Although it sets some nice folks back a little, I can generally get them to have a laugh and then talk about adoption and fostering. We've gotten a few recruits just that way. Of course for those patronizing sorts that are just passing the time, I just use the stopper with a little smile. Generally shuts them right up. Spaw |
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17 Feb 01 - 08:42 AM (#400086) Subject: RE: BS: conversation stoppers From: Firecat When I was in Year 11,I had a horrible Technology teacher who was forever moving me away from my friends because they'd dropped Tech and I hadn't. Anyway one lesson (about a fortnight before the start of my GCSE's) she came up and asked me to move, and then went away before I did. Ten minutes later I was still there and she came up and sid "Katy, I told you to move". I was angry as it was, if I hadn't been I don't think I would have replied with "And I told you I wasn't moving!". The whole class went completely silent, probably because they were so shocked that I'd answered back!! |