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29 Apr 01 - 10:31 PM (#451866) Subject: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Melani I have just aquired a catalogue from "Smoke and Fire," an outfit that sells assorted costumes and other goodies to 17th-19th centruy re-enactors. They've got a lot of great stuff, and I am already in several hundred dollars of imaginary debt just looking at it. But my very favorite was this, in the accessories section: Nicely made pennywhistle--with holes for fingering! The mind boggles. Anybody else got one? |
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29 Apr 01 - 10:41 PM (#451867) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Matt_R Our Father Tom saw an infomercial for a toaster that reduced "bread sweat". |
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29 Apr 01 - 10:58 PM (#451874) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: CarolC Mea culpa...
Many years ago, I worked for a backpacking outfitter. (HBO, before they had to change the name because of the cable channel.)
I was instructed to make a sign for a thermos that had a five year warrantee.
The sign I made said, "Guaranteed to keep food or beverages hot or cold for up to five years".
I hope I'm not that dense any more, but sometimes I wonder. Carol |
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29 Apr 01 - 11:12 PM (#451883) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Rick Fielding My favourite is the "Peehorn" (from one of those DeerHuntin' Soldier of Fortune type mags). When you're up that tree camouflaged like Rambo, with yer gun at the ready.....and Dadgummit! You just gotta relieve yourself...but the human smell will be a dead giveaway to some Bambi wanderin' into your sights, well just pull out the ol' "Pee Horn", stick yer own horn into it and pee away. 'Course I guess it also works when you're watchin' the big game on the big TV and don't want to miss any commercials. Rick |
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29 Apr 01 - 11:42 PM (#451892) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Chip2447 While not a product so to speak... There is a current Toyota pick up commercial, in which five campers return to their campsite to find three or four bears raiding their foodstuffs. Our intrepid heros attack the bears.
The small print at the bottom of the the screen admonishes us to "DO NOT ATTEMPT" Have I missed something? Has a new breed of Davy Crocketts been unleashed upon the unsuspecting public? Chip2447 |
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29 Apr 01 - 11:47 PM (#451895) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Rick Fielding Chip. Read something similar this week. An ad with a basketball player jumping over a MOVING CAR was removed because some bright folk WERE attempting it at home! Rick |
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30 Apr 01 - 12:18 AM (#451903) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Justa Picker The "Mountain Dew" commercials kill me. Young jocks, ready to die on a dare, with near OO7 levels of cockiness and invinsibility, survive some insurmountable self-created activity, like parachuting off a gorge, or wearing a skate board while sky diving -whatever. At the end of the commercial, you see these yahoos guzzling cans of 'Dew by pouring it directly down their throats while hoisting the cans a foot in the air above their mouths. Ugh....Excuse Me?........Gag reflex?....Choking? Anyone ever try to drink anything that way?...or is this just my middle age talking? |
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30 Apr 01 - 09:13 AM (#451999) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Noreen Recently seen and puzzled over: packaging around a frisbee (you know, a plastic disc about a foot diameter for chucking at your kids :0) ) with the disclaimer Not for use by children under 36 months- contains small parts |
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30 Apr 01 - 09:24 AM (#452003) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Gervase On a bottle of Benylin Paediatric cough mixture for the under fives - "May cause drowsiness - do not attempt to drive or operate heavy machinery"! |
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30 Apr 01 - 09:50 AM (#452015) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Dave the Gnome I saw a packet of salted peanuts that had the dire warning "This product may contain nuts". I know a nut allergy can be deadly and we need to be careful but I despair or some peoples thought processes some times! Also saw plasters (or band aids for our American friends) that said 'for external use only'. Makes me wonder if anyone ever tried to swallow one - and why??? Mind you I do avoid microwave meals that say "ALWAYS check that the product is piping hot". I mean, I want a snack - not a lifelong commitment...;-) Cheers DtG |
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30 Apr 01 - 09:52 AM (#452017) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Wavestar JP- some people can drink like that - I've seen one person pour most of a two liter bottle down his throat. It requires a special control of throat muscles - rather than swallowing the way must of us do, they just pour straight to the stomach! It is humanly possible. But silly. -J |
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30 Apr 01 - 09:55 AM (#452021) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Fibula Mattock I had a reversible jumper - waterproof on one side, fleece on the other. The label (in the pocket) said "Wash inside out". I was, and still am, somewhat confused (though that may have nothing to do with the jumper). |
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30 Apr 01 - 09:55 AM (#452022) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Callie On a shower cap packet: "fits one head". On a chainsaw box: "do not attempt to stop chainsaw with hands or genitals". I read about those two years ago and still die laughing when they come to mind ... |
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30 Apr 01 - 09:56 AM (#452023) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Dave the Gnome Just remembered my fave as I the the submit button on my last post. I carried an ad from the 'Daily Mirror' around for years before I lost it. It was for a personal grooming device but they had omited a very important 'E' from the description. It said... "Remove unwanted hair from nose and ars" Honest! DtG |
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30 Apr 01 - 10:00 AM (#452029) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: MMario Nothing really special about drinking the way they do in the "dew" ads - just don't close your mouth as you swallow! |
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30 Apr 01 - 10:08 AM (#452039) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: clansfolk I saw a Martin Backpacker Uke - which seems a bit of a contradiction - I mean they're not exactly large to start with!!!! - the sad bit is I actually bought one - and I think its great - I also have the mandolin - next I'll get the guitar and have them on the wall like 50's Flying ducks..... Pete |
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30 Apr 01 - 10:12 AM (#452042) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Patrish(inactive) I had a stick of 4711 cologne the words on the side of the stick said "push up bottom" Patrish |
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30 Apr 01 - 10:13 AM (#452045) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Mark Clark Vance Packard in his grounbreaking book "The Hidden Persuaders" told the story of a fish cannary in danger of going out of business because they had all their capital tied up in a warehouse full of canned white salmon that nobody seemed to want. They hired a marketing consultant who advised them to have new labels made for the cans. In addition to being more attractive to the shopper, the new labels bore the promise, "This salmon is guaranteed not to turn pink in the can." The salmon was soon sold. - Mark |
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30 Apr 01 - 10:13 AM (#452046) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Fibula Mattock callie - ROTFL! You made me snort with laughter and I had to tell everyone else in the office what i was laughing about! |
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30 Apr 01 - 10:14 AM (#452048) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Grab Dave, would've been even better if they'd got the E on the end instead of the beginning... Graham. |
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30 Apr 01 - 10:21 AM (#452054) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Bat Goddess Some years ago when my cat Foolish was in his terminal illness, I I noticed that the label on his prescription also admonished "May cause drowsiness -- do not attempt to drive or operate heavy machinery." Needless to say, the cat was bummed. However I happen to know he didn't drive that well even when he wasn't drugged! (And the thought of him operating heavy machinery...) Bat Goddess |
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30 Apr 01 - 10:40 AM (#452071) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Kim C We get the Smoke & Fire catalog too. Nice folks. I bought a DiGiorno frozen pizza and it says on the box: do not eat without cooking. Hmmm. I love to eat FROZEN pizzas. Y'all? |
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30 Apr 01 - 11:43 AM (#452124) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Patrish(inactive) There is also a push chair in a shop in Huddersfield with the warning, "Remove child before folding." Patrish
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30 Apr 01 - 12:03 PM (#452143) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Patrish(inactive) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly" Patrish |
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30 Apr 01 - 12:07 PM (#452150) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: GUEST,Matt_R Small print at the bottom of a "Hooked On Phonics" commercial : Results not typical. |
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30 Apr 01 - 12:28 PM (#452169) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: grannyjan On a packet of terry nappies - do not wash above 30 degrees. Sleeping pills - if swallowed may cause drowsiness. Oral treatment for thrush - do not insert in vagina. Swimsuit - do not get wet in water containing chlorine or other chemisals Ingresients list on a bottle of mineral water : Contains water. Anybody read Bill Brysons bit on labels and instructions? |
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30 Apr 01 - 12:31 PM (#452172) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Melani Great, guys! Especially the chainsaw. Re: canned salmon marketing--when we were running a retail store, we had some very nice copper teapots for $16.95 that just wouldn't sell. So we put up a sign that said, "Sale! $16.95!" and they went like hotcakes. |
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30 Apr 01 - 12:32 PM (#452174) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Noreen Or a pessary for thrush, encased in hard foil- instructions read "remove packaging before inserting". I laughed while wincing... |
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30 Apr 01 - 01:39 PM (#452232) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Morticia I have a friend who swears he saw a label saying " Not for internal consumption"......on a grand piano. |
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30 Apr 01 - 02:36 PM (#452275) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Noreen Come on Morty... what was he on ?? :0) |
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30 Apr 01 - 02:40 PM (#452279) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Mountain Dog Years ago, a local curmudgeon, plagued by youngsters with more time on their hands than sense in their heads, put up a sign over a tempting rock pile that sat on his property, overlooking a creek: "Warning. These rocks have been covered with poison. Do not touch! (If you can't read this, ask your mother.)" |
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30 Apr 01 - 02:43 PM (#452283) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: mousethief Did it work, MD? |
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30 Apr 01 - 03:51 PM (#452326) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Naemanson Along that same line I heard the following story: A set gun is one that is set in place and rigged to go off when someone trips the trap. It was used in the old days in England against poachers. They are completely illegal today. Supposedly there was a sign on one house that read, "Set guns are illegal. So is burglary. I made my choice. You make yours." |
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30 Apr 01 - 04:15 PM (#452338) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: BRG I like the little registration stickers we (try to) adhere to our license plates every year. They come with the label: "Do not apply in below freezing temperatures." A bit of a challenge at times here in Alaska. Bruce |
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30 Apr 01 - 04:20 PM (#452341) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: gnu I've wondered if these hair shampoos that have "volumizing conditioners" might be worth a try for a balding guy. |
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30 Apr 01 - 04:49 PM (#452359) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: annamill Interesting and funny thread. I took a marketing class a few years ago and learned some very interesting marketing ploys. Betty Crocker, who invented cake mixes, had one of the best ploys. When cake mixes first came out, no one bought them. BC hired a marketing expert who found out that what kept them from selling was freshness. So... they added the instruction to add one egg to the mix and, boom, off went that product as we all know. Another is Wonder Bread, who puts the scent of fresh bread into the wrapper. Also, you can push the bread down flat, and go away for a while, and when you come back, there it is all puffy again. One of the best is the awesome discovery that something will sell for $1.99 that would not sell for $2.00. Amazing! People just don't see the .99, only the $1. I know it's true because I have had to point out to many people that something cost $30, even if it said $29.99. Amazing! Love, annamill
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30 Apr 01 - 05:01 PM (#452370) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: gnu I have often said $30 to salespeople during the ensuing converstaion and been corrected, "$29.99". At which point, I say something to the effect of, "Well, I thought I'd tip you the penny for all your help." They get peeved. Amazing ! |
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30 Apr 01 - 06:18 PM (#452433) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Mike Byers Are people getting dumber, or are there just more regulators and liability lawywers? Remember the old-time GE electric fans? These things had gaps in their blade guards big enough to stick your fist through. Metal blades, too. I don't think you could build something like this today without chopping up a large number of people, but I never knew anyone who actually stuck their finger in one of these. And how about the interurban electric trains that used to run in the US midwest (yep, we did have mass transit at one time)? They didn't even fence off the tracks in the countryside. If you did that today, you'd have a great, big linear "people zapper". But I suppose people back in the 1940s were smart enough to stay off the third rail. I just put in a ceiling fan that had the following warning on the blades: "Stop Fan Before Cleaning Blades." Sort of makes you wonder, doesn't it? |
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30 Apr 01 - 06:30 PM (#452442) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: mousethief I blame Ralph Nader. He wants a world in which absolutely nothing unsafe can possibly happen. As the populace is required to use their brains less often, they use them less often. Atrophy results. ("Use it or lose it!") Alex |
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30 Apr 01 - 06:47 PM (#452459) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Uncle_DaveO Actually, you can stick your finger into a running metal-blade household fan and stop it, without hurting yourself. I've done it many times when I was a kid. No cuts, no nuthin'. Just put it in enough to drag on the slanted blades as they come around, hold the finger there as the blades use up their energy rubbing against the finger. Dave Oesterreich |
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30 Apr 01 - 06:59 PM (#452469) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Micca Since we seem to be including strange labels.. Many years ago(1960s) There were frequent product forgeries in the Far East, the labels were copied and the container shapes and colours exactly.. but the odd error crept in, I had for several years a square Ballantines whiskey bottle, (empty) that was Identical to the export version from Scotland, except , proudly in the middle of the label it said " Pressed from genuine Scottish Grapes" |
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30 Apr 01 - 07:14 PM (#452490) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: mousethief The stop-the-fan trick works if you touch the BACK of the blade (the direction the wind caused by the fan is coming FROM). If you touch the FRONT of the blade, you will get your fingers hurt, or worse. Alex |
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30 Apr 01 - 07:32 PM (#452503) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: CarolC You just now went and tried it, didn't you Alex? How's your finger? (*g*) |
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30 Apr 01 - 07:42 PM (#452505) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: BRG Heavy metal fans!? |
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30 Apr 01 - 08:17 PM (#452524) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Dharmabum I once had a stepladder that had this label on the very top,"DO NOT STEP BEYOND THIS POINT" And a bumper sticker sized label that came with our 3 ft. deep swimming pool,"NO DIVING,MAY CAUSE NECK INJURIES". Of course,I couldn't resist & promptly placed one on the toilet. DB. |
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30 Apr 01 - 11:16 PM (#452588) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: mousethief I have done it many times with fans with soft foam blades, and deduced what would happen if they weren't soft foam. :-) Alex |
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30 Apr 01 - 11:18 PM (#452591) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: mousethief Warning: I said it wrong. You must touch the FRONT of the blade and not the BACK. Apologies to anybody who lost portions of fingers due to my misstatement. Alex |
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30 Apr 01 - 11:44 PM (#452607) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: catspaw49 Great thread gang.......These things really get me too. Hmmmm...Where to start? Roy Clark Guitar...Oh yeah, Roy oughta' be shot for this one, but what the hell is a "Genuine Hardwood Finish?" Donut Box...Bought some at Kroger one day and on the bottom of the box, it said, "Possible Uses: 12 Circular Donuts." And there I was wondering......... Prepared Foods like TV Dinners.....Didja' ever notice that on the front it says "Serving Suggestion"????? The picture shows the TV dinner in the tray, just laying there, processed to death......MMmmmm-MMmmmm Good. And I would never have thought to serve it in the tray............... Vile, Foamy, Liquid Cleaners.......I was cleaning the mildew with some super mildew cleaner and the stuff stinks REAL BAD. On the bottle it says, "Use only in a well ventilated area." Now I don't know about you, but I don't get mildew in "well ventilated areas." Prescription Information.....Oh these are a riot. Check on some of the penicillin derivatives and you'll find that one possible side effect is "Black, Hairy Tongue." Nads please! OR.....read some side effects on heart meds. One particularly nasty one lists DEATH as one of it's major potential side effects. Geeziz, why take it? Just love this stuff............ Spaw |
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01 May 01 - 07:11 AM (#452738) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Firecat I'm not sure if this is what people are getting at, but I once read that in Thailand (I think it is) they sell these kitchen knives with a label saying "Warning: Keep out of children"!! Don't be giving people ideas now!! |
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01 May 01 - 07:33 AM (#452744) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Bernard Instructions that came with a new computer at work:
Great idea... but the instructions were inside the box!!! |
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01 May 01 - 07:58 AM (#452755) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Mike Byers A few years ago, me and my pal BJ (she's an artist who once designed an electrical board game for two players that would electrocute the winner) came up with the notion of an actual "bug zapper" for people. This would be installed in a large semi trailer, and the only door to the trailer would be plainly marked in multiple languages "Extreme Danger: Do Not Enter". Around 3:00AM, you'd park this downtown in a city (we thought Washington, DC might be a good beginning) and simply leave it there. What do you think? Would this help thin the idiot population? Should we apply for a NEA grant, or do you suppose private funding might be available? |
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01 May 01 - 08:24 AM (#452769) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Naemanson Mike, your friend BJ is a genius! I'd donate money for a set up in the capital. |
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02 May 01 - 02:08 AM (#453585) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Mike Byers Hey, send in your cash and I'll build the thing! I'd definitely want to deploy it when the congress was in session, though. "If you build it, they will come." And did anyone notice on the back of the envelope in which you sent your dough to George II's lads this April the statement, "If you file electronically, DO NOT use this envelope"? Gee, and I was gonna stuff it in the floppy disc slot and save a stamp... |
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02 May 01 - 03:27 AM (#453597) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Terry K Spaw, your "Black Hairy Tongue" obviously comes from "Black Velvet Band" " ....... her hairy tongue over her shoulder ....". DaveO and Mousethief - just how did you get on with that third rail? Cheers, Terry |
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02 May 01 - 11:30 AM (#453849) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Kim C I used to work in a furniture store and we sold this little side table that would only hold a plant or a telephone. I was assembling the table to go on display and on the bottom side of is was a sticker that read: Warning. This is a table. Don't sit on it. |
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02 May 01 - 11:46 AM (#453866) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Dave the Gnome 'hairy tongue over her shoulders...' hahahahahahahaha Just got it! Bit slow on the uptake today. It's another Mondegreen init! DtG |
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02 May 01 - 07:33 PM (#454299) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Lady McMoo I think my favourite is the unsuccessful US advertisement for the the Swedish company Electrolux's vacuum cleaner: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux" mcmoo |
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02 May 01 - 07:34 PM (#454302) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: catspaw49 When Nissan opened their new plant in Nashville, they had an "Open House" that ran for about three days and it was really packed......cars lined up everywhere. The tours were very well done and took you all over the plant. Literally, tens of thousands went through the place. In the washrooms there were the standard huge circular sinks....well, these were the half-circles and wall mounted. Anyway, it appears that not everyone had ever worked in a place where you get dirty and need huge sinks because it was obvious that they had had a problem with some of the tourers recognizing them for what they were. I know this because above one of the sinks was a hand lettered sign that read: THIS IS NOT A URINAL Spaw |
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02 May 01 - 10:10 PM (#454397) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Bill D well, 'spaw, some products like that NEED labels. When I was in college, I worked for a time at Building & Grounds, and got acquainted with all the people who kept the physical plant going. One day, the head plumber came in with a piece of paper in his hand grining and shaking his head. Why? ..well...we had a new Fine Arts building, and it seems that after several years, it was apparent that the ballet and other dance classes were over 90% attended by women, and they had built restrooms for both men & women at the dance studio. So, they decided the men could use the restroom down the hall a ways, and they would let the women have both the close ones...nice, huh? .....so...the plumber reads this paper to us, which turns out to be a maintainance request from the new ballet teacher. "dear sir, regarding the new restroom at the dance studio-- the girls really like the footwashers, but we wonder if it would be possible to pipe warm water to them?" Yep...floor length urinals, to expensive to tear out....and the plumber had to call this woman and keep his face straight while he explained that, no, he could NOT run warm water to the footwashers. I suspect it is for people like that dance teacher that those product labels are written. |
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03 May 01 - 12:10 AM (#454444) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Chip2447 And people wonder why the Chevrolet Nova didn't sell well in Mexico. |
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03 May 01 - 12:47 AM (#454473) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Terry K This must be apocryphal but the story goes that Bernard Matthews (of turkey processing fame here in UK) wanted to input to his firm's marketing slogan. He specially wanted to stress that his produce comes from Norfolk and of course wanted to say how good it is. So he came up with "Bernard Matthews Turkey - it's Norfolk 'n good!". Cheers, Terry |
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03 May 01 - 12:51 AM (#454477) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: catspaw49 Chip.....The Mexican's got even for the NoGo though......A few years later about 2000 engines were assembled in the GM Mexican plant using 2 different pistons in each engine. They had a different top on them and the change in combustion chamber configuration made for some rough running engines. Chevy put out a tech bulletin, but no recall.........Not the kind of thing they wanted known. Spaw |
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03 May 01 - 01:11 AM (#454493) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: paddymac There's been one of those e-mail lists floating around lately with the "top 10" proposed slogans for Viagra. The ones I chuckled most at were: "we bring good things to life"; "the quicker pecker upper"; and "this is your penis - this is your penis on drugs. Any questions?" |
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03 May 01 - 08:19 AM (#454626) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: catspaw49 Ya' know..........Mark Martin (NASCAR driver) is now sponsored by Viagra. I'm waitng for his first win under the new sponsor:
How was it out there today Mark? How many jokes are possible here? Damn near anything you say is going to be taken wrong...... Spaw |
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03 May 01 - 08:40 AM (#454645) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Whistle Stop Slight thread drift here, but what really makes me laugh are television commercials for prescription drugs. Typically, three quarters of the commercial is devoted to warnings about all the bad things the product can do to you, i.e., "may cause headaches, shortness of breath, uncontrollable itching, blindness, convulsions and death". In some cases they don't even tell you what the product is for -- they just give the name, show a pretty picture of sunny skies over fields of wildflowers, and tell you all the health problems you may experience as a result of using their product. It amazes me that these commercials actually increase sales -- but they must, or else the pharmaceutical companies would stop running them. |
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03 May 01 - 08:47 AM (#454657) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Fibula Mattock heh heh heh - I agree, Whistle Stop. I was really taken with the ads in the States with all those disclaimers. The best was one for genital herpes treatment which began "My genital herpes are so much better after using product x and not product y" and ended with a long list of side effects and the frightening statement "nails will grow back in 3 weeks". |
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03 May 01 - 12:23 PM (#454838) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Bert Right Whistle Stop, I love the Propecia Ad. May cause birth defects and sexual side effects. Now this is a product that makes HAIR grow, so one can only imagine what these side effects are. Hairy babies and hairy dicks? |
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03 May 01 - 09:30 PM (#455293) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: GUEST,petr this reminded me of a story that happened in my brothers printing business - they had sent a statement to the Univ of BC dept of physiology for an outstanding invoice (it was over 60days ) and the statement says over 30, over 60 over 90. (on the statement my brother highlighted the term over 60) It was addressed to a Dr. Jones. (not his real name) Well they received a letter from the Dr.'s secretary the overall tone was a little snotty, and said to the effect. Please send a copy of the invoice for this amount as we do not know what this is for. They had enclosed the original statement. The letter ended by saying. "By the way, for your information, Dr. Jones was born in 1942 and is definitely not over sixty." what a hoot. |
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03 May 01 - 10:38 PM (#455339) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: John Hardly True art fair story. As a friend was waiting in line to use the port-a-jon he chanced to overhear conversation between two older women just exiting the molded plastic structures. One says to the other, "I don't know why they had sinks on the wall, there's no running water in there!. Just noticed today on my bottled water that proudly proclaims its Blue Ridge Mountain origin....the picture on the side of the bottle has snow-capped mountains. JH |
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04 May 01 - 12:35 AM (#455396) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Bill D "I don't know why they had sinks on the wall, there's no running water in there!." I know this plumber who can....oh, never mind... |
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04 May 01 - 01:58 AM (#455443) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: wysiwyg Well, the SUPENSION FORK Instructor (users guide, for a bike part) recommends you keep it as a guide for your future life. I think it went through several other languages before it was printed in English. I should post the whole thing, it's a riot. |
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28 Jul 01 - 01:43 AM (#516512) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull I have just bought a new stereo, it says in the owners guide "DO NOT IMMERSE IN WATER" |
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28 Jul 01 - 10:34 AM (#516631) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: JohnInKansas John Hardly: It has been a running joke in the Winfield Festival campgrounds for about 3 years now. Apparently a (possibly slightly inebriated) person of feminime persuasion exited a portapot complaining loudly that when she put her purse in the "purse holder" it got all wet. "IT LOOKED LIKE SOMEBODY HAD P..S..D IN THE PURSEHOLDER!" A mention of the "Do Not Open Until" inside the box brings to mind a couple of years ago when I bought a couple of IOMEGA Zip drives. The installation manual was .... on a Zip Disk. One of the well known Hard Drive manufacturers printed an announcement in a number of 'puter magazines several years back, announcing the WOD (Write Only Drive). They reportedly got requests for more information from several thousand people - each of whom was refered to the APRIL 1, 19XX date prominently included in the ad. (If you've ever tried to get a restore out of your SA, you might believe he uses one for backups.) But our dear beloved MickeySoft, through at least the last 5 or 6 Op System versions has included detailed information (27 linked references in one version) on how to SEND FAXES. There is NO entry giving any information on how to set up your machine to RECEIVE a FAX. Current and recent versions of Outlook Express give detailed informations on how to back up your email. There is no suggestion of how to retrieve, recover, restore, replace, download, or "get" an email from a backup. Maybe they expect you to back up only to the WOD. John |
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28 Jul 01 - 03:28 PM (#516745) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: dwditty Don Novello (who played Father Guido Sarducci on Saturday Night Live) complained to the makers of Mr. Bubble that he was confused about using their product because it said on the box, "Keep Dry." |
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28 Jul 01 - 08:20 PM (#516860) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Dicho (Frank Staplin) Saw one in Calgary which read "We sell genuine furniture." |
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28 Jul 01 - 08:29 PM (#516866) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Tweedie In the UK in the 1980s a computer manufacturer's ad team proudly announced that the new machine had 'in built' circuitry. I subsequently saw the same proclamation on a TV set sometime in the 90s. |
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29 Jul 01 - 01:19 AM (#516973) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: RangerSteve On a carton of orange juice: Ingredients: Orange Juice from Concentrate (orange juice concentrate, water).I'm relieved to know they use water. And getting slightly off the subject, is there really a need for the instructions on shampoo bottles? Is there anyone out there who doesn't know how and where to apply the stuff? |
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29 Jul 01 - 04:03 AM (#516991) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Joe Offer Hey, check out out all the stupid ads for the Cat Adventure Video, featuring the sights & sounds of nature in STEREO! The Cat Adventure Video consists of scenes of birds, gerbils, squirrels, butterflies and other animals running, flying and jumping about. Alex and Andy will sit transfixed and watch this video over and over. From time to time, they will paw at the screen, but usually they just sit and watch. It's supposed to give "vicarious adventure" to cats. I wonder if it will stop Kitty from killing the neighborhood wildlife. I like cats, but.... -Joe- |
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29 Jul 01 - 07:59 AM (#517072) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Hillheader I once saw a notice on a Guinness tanker in Dundalk (Ireland). It was above the main outlet valve and said "Do not attempt to empty the container with this valve closed". Davebhoy
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29 Jul 01 - 01:28 PM (#517199) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Little Hawk How about all those cereal boxes that give you minutely detailed instructions as to just exactly how to open and reshut them! Wow! What would we ever do without those instructions? Why, we'd probably all starve! Advertising is an endless barrage of unrequested invasion of people's privacy, and a major waste of their time. It is one of the almost inescapable aspects of the "give me convenience or give me death" society. Hail Caesar! - LH |
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30 Jul 01 - 03:42 AM (#517535) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: pavane What about counterfeit products? When I was working in Saudi Arabia some years ago (25, to be precise), shop there sold a popular brand of shirts, made in Hong Kong, under the brand name Black Cat. Much amusement was caused by a copycat (!) brand which appeared called 'Black Pussy' Shame I never actually bought one. And the oil company ARAMCO were very keen on safety, and had safety slogans printed on their pencils. I DO still have one inscribed 'Inspect Tool Before Use'. |
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30 Jul 01 - 07:45 AM (#517573) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Steve Parkes DtG: daft as it may seem, peanuts are not nuts! It's a shame I know, and it wouldn't hapen in a perfect world, but someone with a nut allergy, even without a peanut allergy, ... etc. etc. Steve P.S. It wasn't one of those packets with the instructions, was it? "Open packet. Eat contents." |
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30 Jul 01 - 08:19 AM (#517587) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Crazy Eddie John in Hull, sorry to hear about your new stereo: I have just bought a new stereo, it says in the owners guide "DO NOT IMMERSE IN WATER" I guess this means that your plans for the underwater ballet will need a re-think :o). "Eat at MAK'S, you'll never forget the finger-biting taste..." I always imagine peopler so distraught with horror, that they are chewing their fingers, rather than merely biting their nails! But then, I'm a bit strange....... But my very favourite was a T-shirt I saw in India with the slogan: "NIKE Do It Just" Unfortunately, it was not for sale.
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30 Jul 01 - 08:23 AM (#517590) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Steve Parkes I heard a story a few years back of a man (a US citizen, allegedly) who used the side of his hammer-head to knock in nails. Needless to say, one day he gave a good hard clout and the head shattered, causing some injury to the Steve |
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30 Jul 01 - 09:01 AM (#517610) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: LR Mole Two probably-too-good-to-be-true mistranslations into Spanish: "Coors:turn it loose." became "Drink Coors and get diarrhea," and "Come alive; you're in the Pepsi generation" apparently was rendered,"Pepsi makes your ancestors return from the dead." I don't know. Tempting, in a way. |
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30 Jul 01 - 01:39 PM (#517787) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Kim C Who in the sam hill would put a stereo in the bathtub? Used to be someone made a waterproof shower radio. I used to have one but who knows where it is now. Sort of an aside... Mister and I were en route to a friend's house and we passed a place called Ski Hut. Mister said to me, What do you reckon they sell at the Ski Hut? (he's setting me up for something here and I bite) Well, Skis, I guess. But, he said, they don't sell fingers at Fingerhut! (see what I have lived with for 11 years!!!!!???!) I always wondered why there are braille instructions at the drive-up ATM... |
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30 Jul 01 - 02:26 PM (#517829) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Gareth Best I have seen was a Job Advert from Canterbury City Council, stating that the Job Description and Application form was also avaiable in brail. The Job ? Chauffuer to the Lord Mayor. It's things like this that give equal opportunities a bad name. Gareth |
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30 Jul 01 - 08:26 PM (#518025) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: RangerSteve KimC - I wondered about the braille drive up ATMs myself. It turns out to be a real simple explanation. It's so they don't have to manufacture separate keypads for the drive-up and walk-up ATMs. |
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30 Jul 01 - 09:05 PM (#518047) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Little Hawk They should have shot that guy who broke the hammer. They could have called it a "mercy killing". - LH |
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28 Jun 02 - 08:19 AM (#738804) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Mr Happy we bought a new washing machine. on the casing was a sticker saying 'important- read instructions before using- do not connect to electricity supply until you have read instructions ' i couldn't find the instructions anywhere after searching through the box & packaging, so i rang the shop to ask. they said they should be inside the machine. i went back to the machine & sure enough could see through the glass door that there was a package inside. i tried to open the door but couldn't so i rang the shop again. they said 'you have to plug it in to open the door' can you believe it? |
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28 Jun 02 - 11:00 AM (#738857) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Wincing Devil My cat, Splotch, has to have prescription medicine every day. I've explained to the pharmacist that the patient is a CAT, but they still put on a sticker admonishing Splotch not to drive or operate heavy machinery. And I read it to him dutifully! |
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30 Jun 02 - 04:01 AM (#739683) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Hrothgar Thread creep - if a thread like this can creep: Kim C Hit Mister with this one: If they play baseball with a baseball bat, what do they play with a vampire bat? |
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30 Jun 02 - 02:27 PM (#739845) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Don Firth Now why anyone would go to the expense of buying a convertible and then have a hard-top installed, I have no idea. But back in the late Forties when I was in high school, you could buy a "Carson Top," (a hard-top) and have it bolted onto your convertible. Some people thought they looked real sexy, and they were a sort of precursor to the "hardtop convertible" (yet another concept I never quite grasped). Hardtop convertibles were quite popular in the mid and late Fifties. In any case, while driving along Roosevelt Way near Seattle's University District, one passed an automobile accessories and repair shop that featured a sign saying "Genuine Carson Tops, made only by Hauser." Earlier in his career, Segovia played a Hauser guitar. I wonder who made that? I've always liked "New and Improved!" Hmm. . . . you mean your lousy product was really lousy, but now it's not quite as lousy as it used to be? Either that, or you've taken your perfectly good product and thoroughly screwed it up? Don Firth |
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30 Jun 02 - 02:44 PM (#739859) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: Gareth Syory - Warrented True. My sister was going away for a few days. And quite reasonably she left me a note aking me to feed her cats. Only one problem, she left the note on her kitchen table. Not mine !!! Result 2 very hungry, annoyed Moggies! Gareth |
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30 Jun 02 - 03:01 PM (#739870) Subject: RE: BS: Silly/Stupid Product Descriptions From: C-flat I remember calling at a furniture shop in a picturesque North Yorkshire village that used to open on Sundays despite the strict Sunday trading laws that used to be enforced. To get around the law allowing only souvenier shops to trade he simply labelled his furniture "Souvenier of Leyburn". Nice little keepsake,that chest of drawers, don't you think? |