Lyr Req: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk

16 Jul 01 - 03:33 PM (#507895)
Subject: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Arnie

A few months ago I heard a really funny poem in the folk club. It was about a bold knight, who at various times was on his horse, with his hawk on his hand, and later on his hawk with his horse on his hand and so on. It ended up, I believe, with him on his horse, with his hand up his hawk. I also recall much dropping of the 'h' so it sounded a bit cockney. I can't find the words on the database - can anyone help as I would really like to do this one myself if I can get hold of the words.

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16 Jul 01 - 03:52 PM (#507909)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: bobby's girl

I don't know about the version you heard but the original is one of the poems by Marriott Edgar from the book "Albert, 'Arold & Others". It is actually called "The Battle Of Hastings", and was written to be performed in a Northern accent rather than a cockney one. One of the other famous poems from the book is the one about Albert & the Lion.

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16 Jul 01 - 03:54 PM (#507912)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: MMario

Battle of Hastings

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16 Jul 01 - 03:54 PM (#507913)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Mrrzy

Sounds hysterical, somebody want to post the poem? I haven't found it...

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16 Jul 01 - 03:55 PM (#507914)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: 8_Pints

Heard Mike Harding perform this many times in Manchester.

Bob vG

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16 Jul 01 - 04:01 PM (#507923)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Arnie

Thanks for the suggestions but it is not The Battle of Hastings (thanks for the link MMario which I have now read) I suspect it is a skit on this one. It probably was about 'Arold, but he, his horse and his hawk all end up in different combinations during the poem, I definitely remember that at one stage 'Arold's 'and is up 'is 'awk - which raised the biggest laugh of all.Now I come to think of it, it probably was in a Northern accent rather than Cockney. Perhaps this is the Mike Harding version that 8Pints is referring to - can you remember any more words???

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16 Jul 01 - 04:24 PM (#507945)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Liz the Squeak

It's the real Poet Laureate, Les Barker. I have the whole thing in a book but can't find which one. There are Tshirts available of the said scene from the Bayeux Tapestry, of 'Arold, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk. I think it might be called something like Normans 1 Harold 0, but don't quote me on that, I'm his nemesis, not his saddest fan..... but I do like the mental image of 'Arold, with 'is 'ead up 'is 'orse.

Try any of the Les Barker sites and tell him I said hello.

LTS

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16 Jul 01 - 04:40 PM (#507961)
Subject: Lyr Add: THE BATTLE OF HASTINGS (Marriott Edgar)
From: John MacKenzie

I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings,
As happened in days long gone by,
When Duke William became King of England,
And 'Arold got shot in the eye...

It were this way--on day in October,
The Duke , who were always a toff,
Having no battles on at the moment,
Had given his lads the day off.

They'd all taken boats to go fishing'
Then some chap in t'Conquerers ear,
Said "Let's go and put breeze up the Saxons";
Said Bill-"By gum that's an idea".

Then turning round to his soldiers,
He lifted his big Norman voice,
Shouting-"Hands up who's coming to England.".
That was swank 'cos they hadn't no choice.

They started away about tea-time--
The sea was quite calm and still,
And about quarter to ten the next morning,
They arrived at a place called Bexhill.

King 'Arold came up as they landed-
His face full of venom and 'ate--
He said"If you've come for Regatta.
You've got here just six weeks too late".

At this William rose cool but 'aughty,
And said "Give us none of your cheek;
You'd best have your throne re-upholstered,
I'll be wanting to use it next week."

When 'Arold heard this 'ere defiance,
With rage he turned purple and blue,
And shouted some rude words in Saxon,
To which William answered--"And you."

'Twere a beautiful day for a battle;
The Normans set off with a will,
And when both sides was duly assembled,
They tossed for the top of the hill.

King 'Arold had won the advantage,
On the hilltop he took up his stand,
With his knaves and his cads all around him,
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his hand.

The Normans had nowt in their favour,
Their chance of a victory seemed small,
For the slope of the field were against them,
And the wind in their faces and all.

The kick-off were sharp at two-thirty,
And as soon as the whistle had went,
Both sides started banging each other,
Till the swineherds could hear them in Kent.

The Saxons had best line of forwards,
Well armed with both buckler and sword-
But the Normans had best combination,
And when half-time came neither had scored.

So the Duke called his cohorts together,
And said-"Lets pretend that we're beat,
Once we get Saxons down on the level,
We'll cut off their means of retreat."

So they ran- and the Saxons ran after,
Just exactly as William had planned.
Leaving 'Arold alone on the hill-top,
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.

When the Conqueror saw what had happened,
A bow and an arrow he drew;
He went right up to 'Arold and shot him,
He were of-side, but what could they do.

The Normans turned round in a fury,
And gave back both parry and thrust,
Till the fight were all over bar shouting,
And you couldn't see Saxons for dust.

And then after the battle were over,
They found 'Arold so stately and grand,
Sitting there with an eyefull of arrow,
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and....

Jock

--- Line breaks <br> added ---
---Jeff (PA)---

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16 Jul 01 - 06:11 PM (#508053)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

I think Albert & The Lion was by Stanley Holloway, I seem to remember a "stick with a horses head handle".

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16 Jul 01 - 06:16 PM (#508057)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

Ps. The Battle of Hatings is on a tape I entered in the auction (Fivepenny Piece) current bid is 3 pounds if anybody is interested in it(all proceeds go to Mudcat).

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16 Jul 01 - 06:26 PM (#508067)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: lady penelope

If you like that you'll like " Jason and the Arguments " By Les Barker, also.

In fact you'll probably like most of what he does, but to get the real flavour of his performance you have to get Liz the squeak to laugh throughout. This is where she got her name.

I think the ultimate ' will Les get through a poem without having to give Liz a long hard stare' was when she ended up with half a bar of chocolate down her cleavage and was trying to dig it out and laugh at the same time. Aaah, the memories!

TTFN M'Lady P.

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16 Jul 01 - 08:24 PM (#508144)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Snuffy

refresh to put this above the duplicate thread

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17 Jul 01 - 02:50 AM (#508345)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: mouldy

I'll echo the sentiments re Les Barker. My first encounter was at Stainsby festival in 1986, where his "Pony and Crap" had me weeping. I had a 5 year old daughter and it was the height of the "My Little Pony" craze.

I have just been through my Les Barker books, and I haven't got the one about Harold. Must get it! (If it's his). I do have an original copy of the monologue book with the "Battle of Hastings" in it.

Andrea

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17 Jul 01 - 03:31 AM (#508354)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: JudeL

Albert and the Lion was one of the monologs performed by Stanley Holloway and is available in a book called (not surprisingly ) Stanley Holloway Monologues but it was written by Marriott Edgar. Jude

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17 Jul 01 - 09:23 AM (#508498)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: MMario

Albert and the Lion is also in the DT.

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17 Jul 01 - 10:56 AM (#508587)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Arnie

Well, I still haven't got the words but I think Liz the Squeak is on the right track with Les Barker - I think a mate of mine has a book of his songs - it sounds mad enough to be one of his! Anyway thanks everyone who replied - it was worth starting the thread just to picture the image of Les trying to get through his act whilst Liz is digging chocolate out of her cleavage!(Nice one lady penelope - by the way, do you know anyone called parker???)

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17 Jul 01 - 12:59 PM (#508732)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Mrrzy

So, is there a parody with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk? Or is this posted above what was being sought?

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17 Jul 01 - 01:07 PM (#508746)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: selby

The Les Barker version which contains the imortal line is a poem called King Harold was a Ventiloquist and is in Les's book called The Hound of Music. If you want to hear monologues including The Battle of Hastings, The Sam stories and Albert and the Lion check out Bernard Wrigley's Magnificent Monologues. Keith

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17 Jul 01 - 01:18 PM (#508756)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Liz the Squeak

Hmm. Rare occasion that, 1st,that I dropped chocolate and 2nd that I had a cleavage that day because I was wearing (dum dum daaaaammmmm - dramatic chords) a dress!!!

The parody is the Les Barker, the straight words posted above are the original.

LTS

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17 Jul 01 - 01:34 PM (#508775)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

Try this- http;//www.btinternet.com/~p.wilkinson2000/battle_of_hastings.htm sorry I fogot how to make them clicky things.john

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17 Jul 01 - 03:42 PM (#508891)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: okthen

john in hull, could you check that link again?

cheers

bill

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17 Jul 01 - 06:15 PM (#509030)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Linda Kelly

My favourite poem is Irrational Newtscene -based on a dyslexic version of International Rescue, quickly followed by the memorable Shipping Forecast . I nearly choked with tears the first time I heard Les perform this.

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17 Jul 01 - 06:22 PM (#509034)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

That sounds good Ickle Dorrit, Is it on a CD anywhere?

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17 Jul 01 - 07:04 PM (#509079)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Liz the Squeak

Irrational Newtscene and Shipping forecast are on 'A Cardi and Bloke'. Sorry, it is me on it. I am the East London society for Funny Laughs or the completely accidental audience.....

LTS

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17 Jul 01 - 07:24 PM (#509099)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Grab

I've spotted the reason the link doesn't work - he's got a semi-colon instead of a colon in the "http:". Ah well. Try this for size.

Graham.

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17 Jul 01 - 07:34 PM (#509108)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

Cheers Grab!

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18 Jul 01 - 04:51 PM (#509851)
Subject: RE: On 'is 'orse, with 'is 'and up 'is 'awk
From: Arnie

That's a cracking website Grab - thanks for the link which is now in my 'favourites' file....

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