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13 Mar 02 - 09:25 PM (#668705) Subject: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: khandu Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To give her poor dog a bone. When she bent over, Rover took over a And gave her a bone of his own. |
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13 Mar 02 - 10:16 PM (#668728) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: rangeroger Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey. When along came a spider That sat down beside her And she beat the shit out of it with her spoon. rr |
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13 Mar 02 - 10:19 PM (#668733) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: JennieG Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead Now Mary takes her lamb to school Between two hunks of bread Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear I've often seen her little lamb But I've never seen her bare! Mary had a little lamb The doctors were surprised But when Old Macdonald had a farm They couldn't believe their eyes I think that will do for the moment.... Cheers JennieG |
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13 Mar 02 - 10:53 PM (#668751) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Metchosin Mary had a little lamb, She tied it to a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its ass, And turned its wool to nylon. Argh! I can't believe I just posted this.... |
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13 Mar 02 - 11:41 PM (#668783) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: catspaw49 PREVIOUS THREAD And the following, courtesy of the "Diceman".............. Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet A lightbulb was stuck up her ass It woke up the spider who lived deep inside her He said "hey, free electric and gas!" Jack and Jill went up the hill And Jack would try to hump her Jill said "no", Jack said "so, I'll ram it in your dumper!" Twinkle Twinkle little star Will she blow me in the car Because I bought her dinner, she had fun Now my balls are boiling and I'd like to cum Old mother hubbard Went to the cupboard To get her old dog a snack The cupboard was bare She didn't despair She let Rover munch on her crack Peter Peter pumkin eater Whacked off in the movie theater Sprayed his load across the screen And ruined Titanic's final scene Hickory Dickory Dock My balls fell out of my jock I laid them to rest On some hooker's chest And paddled her face with my cock Betty and Jack, up a tree F-U-C-K-I-N-G First cums Betty, then cums Jack Then cums the goo out of Betty's crack Little Boy Blue He needed the money Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie Jerked off in his girl friends eye When her eye was dry and shut Georgie Fucked that one-eyed slut Old King Cole was a merry old soul A merry old soul was he He chewed off his tit, ate his own shit Washed it down with some tea Roll, roll, roll your cunt Gently down my prick Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily Then you'll suck my dick Hickory dickory dock Some chick was sucking my cock The clock struck two, I dropped my goo I dumped the bitch on the next block. Jack and Jill went up the hill Both with a buck and a quarter Jill came down with two-fifty That fuckin' whore. Mary, Mary, quite contrary, Trim that pussy it's so damn hairy Littly Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider, Sat down beside her, And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?" Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard To get her dog a bone She bent over, Rover took over And she got a bone of her own Jack Sprat could eat no fat His wife could eat no lean So Jack ignored those flabby tits And licked her asshole clean Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top Your mother's a whore I ain't your pop Little Bo Peep fucked her sheep Blew a horse, licked his feet She ate his ass so very nice Tongued his balls not once but twice Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater Had a wife, loved to beat her Smacked her twice across the head Fucked her ass and went to bed Little jack Horner sat in a corner Eating a pizza pie He shit pepperoni, blew his friend Tony And wiped his mouth on his tie Twinkle, twinkle little star How I wonder what you are Shine upn the parking lot As I eat my girl friends twat Three blind mice, see how they run Where the fuck are they going? Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe Suck my dick and swallow slow Jack be nimble, Jack be quick Jack burnt off his fuckin' dick There was an old lady Lived in a shoe She had so many kids Her uterus fell out Patty cake, patty cake Baker's man If your chick's on her period Fuck her in the can Mary had a little lamb She kept in her backyard When she took her panties off His wooley dick got hard Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle The cow jumped over the moon That's more than my lazy wife does That fat, fuckin' smelly babboon Doe, a deer, a female deer Ray, The guy that fucked her ass Rub a Dub Dub Three men in a tub Faggots have threesomes, too So fuckin' what Roses are red Violets are blue I fucked your mother's ass And she had you SPAW |
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14 Mar 02 - 05:14 AM (#668889) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Nigel Parsons Mary had a little bear, She treated it so kind. And everywhere that Mary went, You'd see her bear behind. Mary had a little dress, the skirt was split in half. And every step that Mary took, the boys would see her calf. Mary had another dress, split right up the front, But she rarely wore that one. Mary had a little lamb, She also had a duck. She put them on the mantelpiece , To see if they'd f.f.f.fall off. |
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14 Mar 02 - 09:20 AM (#668987) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Scabby Douglas I'd have thought that this might warrant some kind of rating warning... I don't mind a bit of bawdiness, in fact I insist on it.. but I think some postings here have waaaaayy overstepped the bounds of any kind of taste. Cheers
Steven |
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14 Mar 02 - 09:29 AM (#668994) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Bat Goddess Okay back to "good taste": Old Mother Hubbard And from the original Whole Earth Catalog (I think): Mary had a stegasaurus, Linn |
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14 Mar 02 - 09:41 AM (#669008) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Jack be quick Jack be nimble Jack jumped over A phallic symbol |
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14 Mar 02 - 09:50 AM (#669018) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Nigel Parsons Or the "Little Richard" version Jack be nimble, Jack be quick Jack jumped over the candlestick Alas poor Jack, should've jumped higher. Goodness gracious Great.... |
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14 Mar 02 - 10:51 AM (#669076) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Les from Hull Mary had a little lamb She kept it in a bucket And every time the lamb got out The bulldog tried to make friends with it. |
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14 Mar 02 - 11:02 AM (#669086) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: jeffp Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard To fetch her poor daughter a dress. But when she got there, The cupboard was bare And so was her daughter, I guess. |
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14 Mar 02 - 11:22 AM (#669105) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: SINSULL I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle Here is my...here is my...??? Oh well,(with hands on hips) maybe I'm a sugar bowl. Mary had a little lamb With mint jelly. Little miss Muffet Sat on her tuffet Eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider Who sat down beside her And said "Is this seat taken?" SPAW!!! Behind the woodshed. Right now! |
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14 Mar 02 - 01:03 PM (#669178) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: gnu Old King Cole was a merry old soul And a merry old soul was he He alled for his pipe And he called for his bowl I guess we all know about Old King Cole ! |
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14 Mar 02 - 01:05 PM (#669180) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: gnu Oops. I was so anxious to see if the line breaks worked that I forgot to credit that to George Carlin, who did a lot of nursery rhimes. Re Old King Cole, he added... he wanted to get high and listen to the fiddlers ! |
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14 Mar 02 - 01:14 PM (#669186) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: lady penelope Wee Willie Winkie
Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town Mary had a little Lamb
Mary had a little lamb Jack Sprat
Jack Sprat could eat no fat I thank you TTFN M'Lady P. |
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14 Mar 02 - 01:57 PM (#669218) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Lynn Does anyone remember one that started: "Starkle starkle little twink How I wonder what you think" Let's keep it on the clean side, friends, or I won't be able to communicate with you in school!!! Lynn |
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14 Mar 02 - 02:06 PM (#669232) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: vectis Georgie Porgie pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry And when the boys came out to play He kissed them too....He's funny that way Hey diddle diddle the cat did a piddle All over the kitchen floor. The little dog laughed to see such fun So the cat did a little drop more Did I really post that? |
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14 Mar 02 - 02:30 PM (#669249) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Bat Goddess The boy stood on the burning deck His fleece was white as snow. He stuck a feather in his cap John Anderson my jo. Can't remember where I picked THAT up but I think it was one of the books on schoolyard chants. Linn |
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14 Mar 02 - 03:57 PM (#669303) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Bonnie Shaljean Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider And sat down beside her And she ate that too |
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14 Mar 02 - 04:02 PM (#669309) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Bonnie Shaljean [God, these things are like eating chocolates - I can never stop at just one...] Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water At least that's what they said they did But now they've got a daughter |
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14 Mar 02 - 04:23 PM (#669332) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: lamarca Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle shells And one damn tomato plant!
Mary had a little sheep |
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14 Mar 02 - 06:18 PM (#669404) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: The Walrus Simple Simon met a pieman going to the Fair Said Simple Simon to the pieman "What have you got there?" "Pies you fool!"
Mary, Mary, quite contrary
Mary had a little lamb, Walrus |
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14 Mar 02 - 11:37 PM (#669560) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: rangeroger Mary had a little lamb Whose foot was black as soot And into Mary's bread and jam His sooty foot he put. rr |
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15 Mar 02 - 01:41 AM (#669601) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Metchosin Guest Lynne
Sotally Tober
Starkle starkle little twink |
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15 Mar 02 - 05:05 AM (#669652) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Whippet Mary had a little lamb, and it was always gruntin, She tied it to a five bar gate, and kicked it's little ...head in, |
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15 Mar 02 - 05:23 AM (#669658) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,micca at work Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the Kings horses and all the Kings men Had Scrambled egg for breakfast Dr Bell fell down the well and broke his collar bone Doctors should attend the sick and leave the well alone
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15 Mar 02 - 06:24 AM (#669680) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Sing a song of sixpence Have you any wool? Four and twenty blackbirds Three bags full! When the pie was opened And one for the dame- Wasn't that the dainty dish That lives down the lane? The king was in his counting house Climbing up the spout The queen was in the parlour Washing spiders out The maid was in the garden Drying up the rain When down came a blackbird And climbed the spout again Piter Peper pecked a pick of peckled pippers A pick of peckled pippers Piter Peper pecked If Piter Peper pecked a pick of peckled pippers Where's the pick of peckled pippers Piter Peper pecked |
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15 Mar 02 - 09:02 AM (#669759) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Hamshank Little Jack Horner sat in a corner Eating his girlfriend, Mary He stuck in his thumb And pulled out a plum And said, "Where the hell is your cherry?" Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, My husband will be home in five minutes Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the king's horses and all the king's men Said, "Yech!" Little miss Muffet sat on her tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider And sat down beside her And said, "Hey babe, what's in the bowl?" |
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15 Mar 02 - 07:34 PM (#669896) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children, she didn't know what to do, evidently. |
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15 Mar 02 - 11:32 PM (#670000) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: kendall Hickory dickery doc, Two mice ran up her sock One stopped at her garter The other was smarter Hickory dickory doc.
Hickory dickory doc |
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16 Mar 02 - 07:06 PM (#670417) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Almost all of Mother Goose can be lampooned in the following format: Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To get her poor dog a bone, But when she got there, the cupboard was bare, So she threw it out the window -- The window, the window, The second-story window, But when she got there, etc. The tune may be found in _The New Song Fest_ |
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17 Mar 02 - 09:03 AM (#670688) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Stu Tonnar, Whitby Starkle, starkle little twink, Who the hell I am, I think, I'm not as drunk as people-ay think I am, Besides, I've only had tee martooni's, And I've all day sober to sunday up on!!!!!! |
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17 Mar 02 - 09:10 AM (#670691) Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Me Again at Whitby Great green globs of greasy grimey gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, concentrated birdie feet, one large jar of pickled, purple porpoise pus, and I've forgotten my spoon! |
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08 Feb 06 - 06:25 PM (#1664642) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Argon0 Yup, but can't remember the rest of the words... Starkle starkle little twink, How I wonder what you think... (then I've made up the words.. Underneath your hair so brown, maybe you will be a clown...) |
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08 Feb 06 - 07:33 PM (#1664710) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Sing a song of sixpence A pocket full of rye Four and twenty blackbirds Baked in a pie When the pie was opened A shrivelled blackbird spat "Now come on lads a joke's a joke, What rotten sod did that?" Rockabye baby in the treetop When the wind blows the cradle will rock I was that baby and what bothers me Is why mum and dad stuck me up a tree. From the pen of Richard Digance Don T. |
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08 Feb 06 - 08:15 PM (#1664752) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Cluin Hickory dickory doc Three mice ran up my cock They all grabbed hold And dragged me back to their hole And that's why you found me in that position, honestly. |
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08 Feb 06 - 09:13 PM (#1664808) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: mack/misophist One that needs no enhancement is: I do not love thee Dr Fell, The reason why I cannot tell; But this I know and know full well: I do not love thee Dr Fell. Thomas Brown, 17th century It has been claimed that he composed this ex tempore one day in the street when he came upon a professor who had just flunked him. |
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09 Feb 06 - 04:32 AM (#1665044) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,J C Mary had a little lamb, Fond of leaps and frolics, It did a double somersault And landed on it's shoulder. Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water, Jill came down with half a crown They didn't go up for water! |
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09 Feb 06 - 08:41 AM (#1665162) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Fullerton The grand old duke of york .....he had ten thousand men ....... and his case comes up next week. |
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19 Feb 06 - 05:22 PM (#1673220) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,gr + jr sing a song of sixpence, a fanny full of crabs, sixty one black hairs, twice as many scabs, when the scabs open, the puss begins to sing, what a dirty cunt it is, to stick a penis in!! |
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19 Feb 06 - 05:28 PM (#1673224) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: The Fooles Troupe Mary had a little lamb, it had a sooty foot. And into Mary's bread and jam, its sooty foot it put. |
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19 Feb 06 - 06:14 PM (#1673265) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: raredance Hickory dickory dick The administration is sick Those neocon men In the President's den Just don't know a lick |
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18 May 07 - 04:45 PM (#2055856) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,bigheff Hickory dickory doc, that mouse it pulled me cock when me wife found, i hit the bitch withe me sock |
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18 May 07 - 10:03 PM (#2056079) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Mary had a little watch. She swallowed it one day. The doctor gave her laxative To pass the time away. Mary took the laxative, But the time, it would not pass, So if you want to know the time, You can look up Mary's aunt, who has a watch too. |
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18 May 07 - 10:14 PM (#2056084) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: dick greenhaus Jack be quick Jack be nimble. Jack jump over A phallic symbol. |
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18 May 07 - 10:30 PM (#2056095) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Muttley Little Miss Muffet Sat oin a tuffet Eating her curds and whey There came a big spider who sat down bwside her And she said "Bugger off, hairy-legs!" Little Jack Horner Sat in a corner Eating a Christmas pie He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum Saying: "Bugger me, that's hot!" Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does you garden grow With horse manure - idiot! Sing a song of sixpence A pocket full of rye Four-and-twenty blackbirds Baked in a pie When the pie was opened, The King screamed "Off with the cooks head!" Old King Cole was a merry old soul And a merry old soul was he He called for a light in the middle of the night To go to the W.C. The light shone on the dunny door The candle took a fit Old King Cole fell down the hole And came coverd in [singing sweetly] Sweeeet Vi-o-lets Sweeter than the ros-es Covered all over from head to toe Covered all over in . . . (finish it with one word abruptly - depending on your own politeness and the audiences broad or narrow-mindedness) Speaking of which - I'm pretty broad minded, but SPAW - go to your room! Muttley |
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19 May 07 - 01:08 AM (#2056173) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: mrdux Hickory dickory dock Two mice ran up her sock One stopped at the garter The other was smarter Hickory dickory dock. |
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19 May 07 - 01:10 AM (#2056175) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: mrdux oops -- missed the prevoius posting. sorry about that. |
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19 May 07 - 11:55 AM (#2056455) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Uncle_DaveO Bird vit d' jella bill Hawped upon my vinda-sill Cawcked a shining eye and sez: Vatcha got for breakfast, Sam? vitches? |
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19 May 07 - 05:14 PM (#2056638) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Nick Hickory Dickory Dock, Two Mice Ran Up The Clock, The Clock Struck one while the other escaped with minor injuries |
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19 May 07 - 06:20 PM (#2056657) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Waddon Pete Mary had a little lamb. She took it to a shop. And now she has a new fur coat And lives on mutton chop! Mary had a metal cow. She milked it with a spanner. The milk came out in shilling tins With little ones a tanner! |
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19 May 07 - 06:35 PM (#2056661) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,JTT and the old one... The boy stood on the burning deck When all but he had fled (Shouting out the battle-cry of freedom) And when his feet were burned away He stood upon his head (Shouting out the battle-cry of freedom) So hurrah for Mary! Hurrah for the lamb! Hurrah for the little boy Who didn't give a - And when his feet were burned away He stood upon his head (Shouting out the battle-cry of freedom) |
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20 May 07 - 01:55 AM (#2056819) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: The Fooles Troupe Anybody remember the "Fractured Fairy Tales" from the "Rocky & Bullwinkle TV Show" |
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20 May 07 - 09:26 AM (#2056976) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Dave Hanson As I woke one morning, when all sweet things are born, A robin perched upon my sill, to signal the coming morn, He was so sweet and gentle, as softly he did sing, Sweet thoughts of love and happiness, into my heart did spring, He sang his song so gently, then as he paused a lull, I gently closed the window, and crushed his fucking skull. eric |
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20 May 07 - 09:32 AM (#2056978) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: The Fooles Troupe ooooo, er... Robin... |
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20 May 07 - 10:34 AM (#2056999) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Bernard Jack and Jill went up the hill With no-one in the vicinity, Jack came down minus half a crown And Jill minus her pocket hankie! The Grand Old Duke of York He marched around the town Sometimes with his trousers up And sometimes with them down And when they were up, they were up, And when they were down, they were down, And when they were only halfway up He was arrested. |
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20 May 07 - 08:30 PM (#2057292) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Little boy kneels by the sitting-room fire, Little face flushed with abnormal desire. Meow! MEOW! Oh, what is that? Christopher Robin is sodding the cat. |
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21 May 07 - 07:49 AM (#2057537) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,guitar I remember when I was on holiday in Australia and myself, father, sister and Brother in law where asked at the local school quiz where my nephew went was 'what did Little miss muffet' eat, and we put curds and whey, and somelse had put the answer 'porrige' and the teachers said that the answer was porrige. i wonder when did little miss muffet sat on her tuffet eating her porrige I don't remeber that line Tom |
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21 May 07 - 04:31 PM (#2057899) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Chicken Charlie Hickory-dickory-dock! Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one; ...The other one got away clean. Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider And sat down beside her, And said, "Excuse me, miss, is this seat taken?" Tom, Tom, the piper's son, Stole a pig and ... got twenty years to life. Starkle, starkle, little twink! Who the hell you are, I think? Sing a song of six-pence, A pocket full of rye-- Four and twenty blackbirds, Baked in a pie. When the pie was opened, The birds began to sing, And the king said: [A] "Not blackbird pie again!" [B] "Can't you keep that pie QUIET??" There is also a Confederate version of the Union war song, "Battle Cry of Freedom" which incorporates a nursery rhyme--wonderfully ironic though not exactly falling-down-laughing humerous: Mary had a little lamb, and its fleece was white as snow, Shouting 'The Battle-Cry of Freedom.' Everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go; Shouting 'The Battle-Cry of Freedom.' Dixie forever! Hurrah, boys, hurrah! Down with the eagle and up with the cross! Let us rally round the flag, boys, Rally once again, Shout! Shout! the Battle Cry of Freedom Chicken Charlie |
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22 May 07 - 05:19 AM (#2058228) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: guitar Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does you garden grow with your dog's shit how else line from? |
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20 Feb 11 - 01:43 AM (#3098905) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Shauna goodman Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water Jack fell down on top of Jill And now they have a daughter. :) |
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20 Feb 11 - 08:34 AM (#3099035) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Desi C Wow, what a mind you have! |
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23 Nov 13 - 08:32 AM (#3578323) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,mike Some fractured verses from "bile them cabbage down" song Susie ran around the bush, Georgie ran to meet her, she pulled up her petticoat and he pulled out for Georgia. Little timmy lives alone, he cannot get a date, so all he does is zit around and try and master checkers. Susie had a little watch, she swallowed it one.day. So now she's taking laxitives to pass the time away. The laxitive, it did not work. The time it did not pass. so if you want to know the time, just look up Susie's uncle-he's got a watch ...all I remember. |
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23 Nov 13 - 09:26 AM (#3578341) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Dave Hunt Little boy sits at the foot of the stairs Clutched in his hand a bunch of white hairs Oh dear just fancy that Christopher Robin's castrated the cat Little boy kneels at the foot of the bed Lily white hands caressing his head Oh dear couldn't be worse Christopher Robin is shagging his nurse Little boy sits on the lavatory pan Pulling and tugging his little old man Plip- Plop - into the tank Christopher Robin is having a wank |
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24 Mar 14 - 02:00 PM (#3612432) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,dallencpa01 Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one and killed it. |
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24 Mar 14 - 09:14 PM (#3612520) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Heard at St Andrews University, 1959: Little boy kneels by the sitting-room fire, Little face flushed with abnormal desire. Meow! Meow! Oh, what is that? Christopher Robin is sodding the cat. Chicken Charlie: The Confederate parody you mention must be the origin of a curious version of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" that I have been hearing recently at pub sings, with the rousing chorus: Hurrah for Mary! Hurrah for the lamb! Hurrah for the Fenian boys who do not give a damn! And everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go, Shouting the battle cry of freedom. After the usual verses, it goes on: Mary had a little lamb. It had a sooty foot, And everywhere that Mary went, Its sooty foot it put. Mary had a little lamb. Her father shot it dead. Now Mary takes the lamb to school Between two hunks of bread. |
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23 Apr 14 - 04:18 AM (#3621440) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Mary had a little lamb Its fleece was coarse and hairy She spanked her lamb so hard one day She popped its virgin cherry |
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23 Apr 14 - 04:27 AM (#3621443) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Jack Sprat could eat no fat His wife could eat no lean So Jack's health's down pat But his wife's the fattest bitch you've ever seen |
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23 Apr 14 - 04:34 AM (#3621446) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST The was an old woman who lived on the street She smelled like a toilet and had nothing to eat So she fished through a dumpster and to her surprise Found a 3-day old burger and half eaten fries |
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23 Apr 14 - 05:47 AM (#3621481) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Three blind mice Three blind mice See how they run Ruddy Delhi Balti House... |
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23 Apr 14 - 05:50 AM (#3621483) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST On which subject: the mice weren't blind, but |
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24 Sep 17 - 10:09 AM (#3878491) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Guest There was a little girl Who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead, When she was good she was very, very good But when she was bad she was even better |
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24 Sep 17 - 06:59 PM (#3878558) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Old King Cole |
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25 Sep 17 - 05:49 AM (#3878598) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Mr Red Hush, Hush, whisper who cares. Christopher Robin has fallen down stairs. Spike Milligan. |
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22 Dec 20 - 05:31 PM (#4084635) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Anon Mary had a little pig It was forever gruntin’ So she tied it to a wooden stake And kicked its fucking cunt in. |
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25 Dec 20 - 02:15 PM (#4084973) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Mrrzy I am not even telling you which ones cracked me up. Mary had a little lamb, a little pork, a little jam, a little egg on toast, a little potted roast, A little stew with dumplings white, A little shad... For Mary had Quite a little appetite! |
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26 Dec 20 - 09:34 AM (#4085056) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Donuel The TV show Rocky and Bullwinkle featured fractured fairy tales narrated by Edward Everet Horton. It did't carry an ‘anapestic beat’ |
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27 Dec 20 - 09:17 AM (#4085147) Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Bill D Hickory, dickory dock, Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one... The other ducked. |