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17 Mar 02 - 04:28 PM (#670879) Subject: A Simile for Today From: jimlad How are the similies in your part of the world?. Here are some of ours:- "She's a face like a robbers Dog" (she is not such a pretty lass) "She's a face like a pig with piles" (She is not a goodlooker) "He's nowt a pound and s**t* tuppence" (He is a worthless chap) "He's running about like a Bulldog with a Bee up it's a*s* (He is in a hurry) "He's got a face like a freshly slapped a*s* (He does not look too pleased) "Her nipples stood out like a Greyhounds knackers" (It was cold that day)
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17 Mar 02 - 04:35 PM (#670887) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: khandu "Grinning like a mule eating briars" (Happy) "Shaking like a dog shi**ing persimmon seeds" (Scared, nervous) khandu |
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17 Mar 02 - 04:56 PM (#670903) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Midchuck From a friend of many years ago, with a rural upbringing: Upon observing a female hitchiker: "Don't stop! She's uglier than Death taking a shit!" Of his wife, when he disagreed with her on some point or other: "She's crazier than a shithouse rat!" One of my favorites from a list the late H. Allen Smith put out in one of his jokebooks: "That woman was so tall she could stand flat-footed and piss in the radiator of a Chevy pickup." (You have to be old enough to remember outside radiator caps on cars and light trucks, for that to make sense.) Peter. |
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17 Mar 02 - 05:18 PM (#670920) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Liz the Squeak Face like a slapped arse.... Face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.... A two bagger.... (a bag over her head because he's so ugly, and one over yours in case his falls off....) Fugly... contraction of f**king ugly Arse like two Volkswagen Beetles parking in the same spot... Tits like a bag full of puppies (large unfettered ones....) LTS
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17 Mar 02 - 05:24 PM (#670927) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: CapriUni Something someone said in a chatroom today, regarding his need for clear driving directions: "I get lost falling down"... maybe not a simile, but a simile's cousin. |
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17 Mar 02 - 07:06 PM (#670984) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Mr Red have we had "like a fart in a colander" ? no? it must be the boiled cabbage then! |
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17 Mar 02 - 07:12 PM (#670989) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Morticia flat as a witch's tit self-explanatory if somewhat untrue cold as charity ditto like two small boys wrestling under a blanket of large and mobile buttocks mad as an actress also self-explanatory |
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17 Mar 02 - 07:52 PM (#671011) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Paul from Hull A Scottish woman I used to know (& she'll be in her mid-to-late 70's now) used to use the expression "dressed up like a Shillimg dinner". It does make more sense than "dressed up like a DOG'S dinner" which is a more common expression I think, here in the UK. "Mutton dressed up as Lamb" is another common one of course, but I think I invented the more extreme form of that - "Not so much Mutton dressed up as Lamb, as offal ground up for mince..." |
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17 Mar 02 - 07:57 PM (#671013) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: khandu "Going at it like he was killing snakes" (Enthusiastic, frenetic) khandu |
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18 Mar 02 - 08:15 AM (#671214) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Snuffy Up and down like a whore's drawers |
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18 Mar 02 - 03:03 PM (#671431) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: jimlad Up and down like a brides nightie Off and on like a lad on a new bike Up and down like a fart in a bottle A face like a bag of spanners As popular as a t**d in a swimming pool Tits like Coconuts,they also like Peanuts too Tits like Mudgee mailbags (Mudgee is a godforsaken small Town in NSW Oz where they only get one mail delivery a month,hence they are large) "His face would stand cloggin'" (He is hardfaced) As funny as a fart in a spacesuit
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18 Mar 02 - 03:51 PM (#671465) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Pseudolus Once, when my sister in law was asking ME directions to a bar where MY surprise birthday party was to be that night because she needed to help decorate, my buddy suggested that she was "dumber than a box of hammers....." I've proudly used that since....twice!! Frank |
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18 Mar 02 - 03:52 PM (#671466) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Mr Red Snuffy I heard it as "a whores draws on Christmas Eve" Morticia those two small boys sure get around, I heard they were under the "big girls blouse" - probably a witch put them there in lieu of! |
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18 Mar 02 - 04:20 PM (#671477) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: catspaw49 I think we've had a few threads on this before and I keep asking for an explanation of one I heard a friend's Dad say many years ago.......... He acts like a man with a rubber asshole." What does that mean anyway? Spaw |
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18 Mar 02 - 05:14 PM (#671489) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Jeri One tends to retain bugs up one's but when one has a rubber asshole. There must be some stretch, but for the most part, rubber assholes would be as water-tight as a frog's. I had a boss who was very sick and discribed himself as feeling "like hammered dogshit." (Looked like it, too.) A friend occasionally says he feels like a sack of doorknobs. I'm not sure exactly what it means. |
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18 Mar 02 - 05:25 PM (#671496) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: catspaw49 "I feel like I been eat by a bear and shit over a cliff"....kinda' like that Jeri? Spaw |
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18 Mar 02 - 05:31 PM (#671499) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Jeri The hammered dogshit one is more visual, and I know what dogshit smells like. Makes it even more potent. Other than that - same general idea. |
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18 Mar 02 - 06:59 PM (#671537) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Gareth " As much use as a chocolate teapot." "Not the sharpest tool in the box" "Likes his sex manually" " As popular as a Tory in Ebbw Vale." "The only Rat to join a sinking ship" "He/She thinks that Ethics is a county east of London." And me late fathers favourite - " I wonder what keeps his ears apart" Gareth |
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18 Mar 02 - 07:21 PM (#671550) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: khandu Not a simile but: He's anybody's dog that will hunt with him. (Needs no explanation) khandu |
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18 Mar 02 - 07:22 PM (#671551) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Bobert Ol' bobert used to work with a North Carolina boy by the name of Mike Smith. Well, he hated Fords and being a Ford man we'd get into it to pass the time. Now one day we were going at it purdy good and I could see that he was purdy close to the boiling point when he yelled loud enough for folks to hear all the way down the hall, "I wouldn't drive a Ford to a goat f**king." Now I ain't saying nothing about the pastimes of all the folks from N.C., but I's stay out of Mike's holler, fir sure... |
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18 Mar 02 - 09:39 PM (#671612) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: khandu Bobert, Tell your friend to come to Pelahatchie, MS in July. (That's pronounced PEE-la-HATCH-ie) The biggest Mississippi event of the year takes place there...the world famous Pelahatchie Goat F**k!! Everyone welcomed! Tell'em khandu sent you! |
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18 Mar 02 - 11:09 PM (#671647) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: CapriUni Don't remember where I heard it, but I like it: "As happy as a butcher's dog." |
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19 Mar 02 - 01:31 AM (#671710) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Knitpick All o' them similes is slicker'n deer-guts on a door-knob. Songbob Clayton |
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19 Mar 02 - 01:51 AM (#671712) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Seamus Kennedy A face like a wet weekend in Belfast. (miserable) A face like a bulldog chewing a bumblebee. (grouchy) A face like a well-skelped arse. (red) As soft as a sneaker full of shit. (somewhat dumb) As tight as a crab's ass in a sandstorm. (tight!) As cold as a stepmother's kiss. As useless as an arseful of roasted snow. Seamus |
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19 Mar 02 - 02:28 AM (#671717) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,Boab Tight as fishes' arseholes--and they're watertight Eyes like pissholes in the snow [me on some Sunday a.m.s] Quiet as Aberdeen on a flag [tag] day... Black as Auld Nick's waistcoat--- Crabbit as a cat wi' its arse held tae the sun--- pissed as a newt [or nissed as a pewt if it's used self-descriptively, and how the cat came to be named "Cukin-fat"] Happy as a wee pig in shit... and---daft as a bliddy brush, Boab |
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19 Mar 02 - 04:08 AM (#671739) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: alison and some tasteful Ozzie ones.... dry as a dead dingo's donger!! (thirsty) flat out like a lizard drinking!! (thirsty.. is anyone else seeing a pattern here?... *grin*) and a Belfast one Seamus missed.... face like a Lurgan spade (sad - a Lurgan spade being very long to dig peat) slainte alison slainte alison |
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19 Mar 02 - 06:59 AM (#671779) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Fibula Mattock ach, I was gonna do the Lurgan spade one - you beat me to it alison! Sweatin' like a hoor in church;
nipples like JCB starter-buttons;
subtle as a brick to the forehead; and happy as a pig in shit.
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19 Mar 02 - 07:03 AM (#671782) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Nigel Parsons Nipples like chapel hat pegs Nipples like organ stops Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like a banana!
Tits like coconuts |
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19 Mar 02 - 07:13 AM (#671789) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Nigel Parsons Yes, I know the "Fruit flies" line is not a simile. It just points out the difficulties with this English language. |
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19 Mar 02 - 11:31 AM (#671974) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: jimlad I'm so hungry I could eat a bear between two bred vans He can eat one spud more than a pig I could eat a scabby dog "Well they will no spoil twa hooses" (Said about two obnoxious people who marry each other) |
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19 Mar 02 - 11:36 AM (#671977) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Mrrzy I was actually thinking this as they were changing my dressing where I had foot surgery - Wow, my skin's as tie-dyed as a Hugo shirt! But I think you had to be there... I am personally fond of the form S/he's a few Xs short of a Y - as in, a few beers short of a sixpack, a few croutons short of a salad, etc. Metaphors, not similes, oops, different thread. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. |
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19 Mar 02 - 11:49 AM (#671984) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,MC Fat The great Kinky Friedman had a great line (I know moat of his lines are great) which said 'Her nipples were harder than Japanese arithmetic' |
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20 Mar 02 - 03:19 AM (#672425) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Seamus Kennedy Another Belfast one I missed, Alison - As ignorant as a cartload of Millfield arse holes. As carnaptious as a badger wi' a sore gub. (Co. Antrim) As thick as two short planks. Seamus |
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20 Mar 02 - 05:17 AM (#672448) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: jimlad He had a face that would stop a clock He were belchin' an' fartin'like a thirty-bob Donkey He wouldn't give you the skin off a t**d He could peel an Orange in his pocket He has short arms and deep pockets He never buys sweets that are Wrapped |
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20 Mar 02 - 11:50 AM (#672652) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Seamus Kennedy As awkward as a pig goin' to hoke. Seamus |
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20 Mar 02 - 12:00 PM (#672662) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Seamus Kennedy As alike as two whales in a pod. Seamus |
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20 Mar 02 - 01:39 PM (#672722) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: kendall Peter, you are funny! best laugh I've had all day.
Grinning like a dog eating bumble bees.
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20 Mar 02 - 02:37 PM (#672773) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Midchuck "Sweating like a dog shitting a log-chain and dreading the hook...." P. |
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13 Jan 04 - 02:04 AM (#1091741) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Cluin Slicker than a butcher's prick. Faster than spit through a harelip. Loose as a bucket of water. Useless as tits on a nun (or bull). |
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13 Jan 04 - 03:43 PM (#1092097) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: akenaton As tight(mean)as a bulls arse going up a brae. As deep as a parsons depravity.. |
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13 Jan 04 - 03:47 PM (#1092098) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: YorkshireYankee Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs Happy as a clam (what are the origins of that one, anyway?) Flat as a pancake Dumber than dirt Holy as a sock Mind like a steel trap (then there's my adaptation of that one to apply to my failing memory: Mind like a steel sieve) Cheers, YY |
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13 Jan 04 - 04:12 PM (#1092121) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: fogie Barry Humphrey's must have the world record of these sort of sayings- does anyone have access to a website with all his old "private eye" retorts- the most R.P. being -as dry as an abbo's armpit, or technicolour yawn. |
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13 Jan 04 - 04:15 PM (#1092122) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: jeffp Yorkshire Yankee: The long version of Happy as a clam that I learned was "Happy as a clam at high tide." That may make more sense. jeffp |
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13 Jan 04 - 05:17 PM (#1092166) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Cluin Tight as a bull's ass in fly season. |
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13 Jan 04 - 05:42 PM (#1092186) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,DavidfromSydney Hope this isn't too long - my brother (a journalist) passed this onto me... these are supposed to be metaphors/similes culled from Australian year 12 English essays. I'm not sure that I believe that, but some of them are hilarious ********************************************* Metaphors Found in NSW Year 12 English essays ********************************************* Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature prime English beef. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Sex in the City" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot oil. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a Uni student on $1-a-beer night. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. Hope you enjoyed them...obviously the English language is in safe hands, here in Oz David |
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13 Jan 04 - 05:52 PM (#1092199) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Cluin Hi David, I've seen the same e-mail several times, each time variously credited to American, Canadian, and English high school students. Wherever they come from originally, they're still pretty funny. Thanks. |
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13 Jan 04 - 06:11 PM (#1092212) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,si A sandwich short of a picnic ( not too smart). Smells like a whore's handbag ( cheap perfume). A face like a bag of spanners ( self explanatory). As much use as a chocolate fireguard. Cheap as chips. |
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13 Jan 04 - 06:18 PM (#1092215) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Cluin "A sandwich short of a picnic" `At's no simile... `at's a me'-a-fo', `at is! |
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13 Jan 04 - 06:25 PM (#1092219) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,JTT Shy but willing, like an ass to a thistle (if you've ever watched a donkey approaching a thistle, ears laid back, eyes scrunched closed, lips carefully drawn back from teeth, but with somehow an expression of expectant ecstasy...) As crooked as a ram's horn Crooked? If he et a nail he'd shite a screw! Telling lies as fast as a horse could trot As thick as a kish of brogues (=basket of shoes) Not as green as she's cabbage-looking Tuppence-ha'penny looking down on tuppence (this surely needs amending into euro) Some of these are metaphors, but hell, it's all in the family, isn't it? |
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13 Jan 04 - 06:27 PM (#1092221) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: Joe_F Drifting around like a fart in the marketplace. A rationalization of "...like a fart in a pickle barrel", possibly by someone who did not fancy the image of a fermentation bubble working its way up thru the pickles. A translation of Yiddish "vi a farts im roisl". Originally a play on "vi a frantsoiz in Rusland" = like a Frenchman in Russia. Goes back to 1812. A simile for yesterday! This information is due to Maurice Samuel of blessed memory. |
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13 Jan 04 - 06:27 PM (#1092223) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,si 'ow abaht........camp as a row of tents. |
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13 Jan 04 - 07:24 PM (#1092262) Subject: RE: Similes for Today From: GUEST,Guest In and out like a horse's ass. |
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13 Jan 04 - 08:12 PM (#1092307) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: GUEST Dull as ditch water. Poor as a church mouse. Dead as a dodo. Stiff as a board. High as a kite. Deaf as a post. Drunk as a skunk. Blind as a bat. |
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13 Jan 04 - 11:14 PM (#1092396) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: YorkshireYankee jeffp, That does make more sense. Thanks! YY |
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14 Jan 04 - 03:40 PM (#1092741) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: Lady Nancy Crabbit as a bag o' weasels. (U need a slight Scottish accent for that one!) All good fun, though LN |
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14 Jan 04 - 03:55 PM (#1092750) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: jeffp You're as welcome as a cold beer, YY. jeffp |
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14 Jan 04 - 04:14 PM (#1092769) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: Michael Years ago (when we were lads) a friend of mine by the name of Ray,used to say he was 'as dry as a docker's armpit' or 'as dry as a ferret's armpit' which eventually became 'as dry as a docker's ferret' |
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14 Jan 04 - 04:27 PM (#1092783) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: akenaton Up and Doon,like a whores' drawers! In and oot, like a fiddlers elbow! As much good as,a hip pocket in a shirt! |
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15 Jan 04 - 12:03 AM (#1093065) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: Celtaddict An obstetrician I knew in a former lifetime used to describe an easy delivery as "slicker'n a snotty doorknob." A song by Mustard's Retreat describes "a night like the Devil's riding boots." And possibly my favorite brief description of a person, Dorothy Dunnett's "He looked like an oak tree with dimples." |
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15 Jan 04 - 12:35 PM (#1093446) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: C-flat Up and down like a bog seat (busy) Bent as a nine-bob note (crooked) As subtle as a flying brick (not) Eloquent as f**k (not) More front than Blackpool (confident/cocky) |
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15 Jan 04 - 01:37 PM (#1093484) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: Cluin One of my Dad's: bouncin' around like a bubble in a pisspot |
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03 Sep 11 - 08:01 PM (#3217790) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: GUEST,Braggadocio In and out like a dog at a fair |
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01 Feb 12 - 09:21 AM (#3300247) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: GUEST,peter j w here's a few that don't seem to be above A face like a bad cobbler's thumb up & down like a fan dancers drawers smells like a whore house parlour as useless a spare prick at a wedding as rough as a badgers arse You can see the barge pole marks |
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01 Feb 12 - 10:32 AM (#3300275) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: GUEST,999 "From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30." Found that somewhere. |
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17 Jun 12 - 06:18 AM (#3364483) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: GUEST,BrunoTheManc As tight as / Fits like a nun's knicker leg Fits' like a Burton's shirt As steady as an MFI wardrobe About as useful as Anne Franck's drumkit As useful as a frozen fireguard As useless as a one-legged man at an arse-kicking party |
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24 Jul 12 - 11:13 AM (#3380849) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: GUEST,IrishBoris Got this one from a fellow from Port Arthur TX: Hungry enough to eat the ass out of a rag doll. |
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24 Jul 12 - 02:19 PM (#3380923) Subject: RE: Folklore: Similes for Today From: Joe_F _Texas Crude_, by Ken Weaver, contains many of these. The first is "I was so scared my ass pulled five pounds of cotton out of the front seat of the truck". |