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Lyr Req: English Country Garden parody

19 Apr 02 - 11:53 PM (#694138)
Subject: Alt. lyrics for 'English Country Garden'
From: GUEST,Fred Lloyd

Does anyone know any alternative humourous lyrics for this song? Thanks

20 Apr 02 - 01:50 AM (#694165)
Subject: RE: Alt. lyrics for 'English Country Garden'
From: GUEST

Loads of versions:

Here,

here

here and

here

for example. (you'll need to scroll down on most of the links

20 Apr 02 - 01:53 AM (#694166)
Subject: RE: Alt. lyrics for 'English Country Garden'
From: GUEST

Also see this previous thread

20 Apr 02 - 06:09 AM (#694217)
Subject: RE: Alt. lyrics for 'English Country Garden'
From: GUEST

How many queers can you grab by the ears in an English country garden
I've caught a few and much nicer than you in an English country garden

20 Apr 02 - 05:17 PM (#694515)
Subject: Lyr Add: THE SPECTRUM (Dominic Behan)
From: John MacKenzie

The Spectrum

Dominic Behan
Published in "Folk Scene" January 1966

The spectrum is I will be bound what the spectrum of our fathers was
Red, white and blue on a golden ground and a little dash of purple of course
Establishment is what it was. What it is it still shall be: Oxford, Eton, Cambridge, Gordonstoun
Playing fields and patronage are all we can expect in an English country garden

Refrain: Flogging, don't forget the flogging

Would you let your daughter or your sister or your Mother if you could before it started
Marry with a-- sorry, I don't like to call them coloured, said the whitesmith noble hearted
Daddy was a black n' tan made his money in Japan, always said the coins went tinkle never "chink"
We all mind our P and Q there's nothing else for us to do in an English country garden

Refrain: Language! Don't forget your language!

How many of your best friends are Jews in an English country garden?
? If jack-boots were marching which would you choose and if you don't of course we'll pardon
Jesus Christ or Einstein, Israel or Palestine? Which one What one...slowly...take your time
Maybe we will go to tea and miss the gallows-tree in an English country garden

Refrain: Hanging--Don't forget the hanging.

Please remember who wrote this song, and when, before you criticise it. It is a product of its time, and I only pass it on as a historical document, not as an endorsement.

Giok

22 Apr 02 - 07:04 AM (#695427)
Subject: Tnx Re Alt.English Country Garden lyrics
From: GUEST,Fred Lloyd

Thanks for the replys re request for alternative English Country Garden lyrics - unfortunately I only managed to reference a few before the machine crashed, but grateful anyway.

22 Apr 02 - 03:37 PM (#695838)
Subject: RE: Alt. lyrics for 'English Country Garden'
From: John MacKenzie

Cover it with broken bricks
Buy a ton of ready mix
Spread them and let it harden
I contemplate a concrete estate
Not an English country garden
Can't remember any more....Giok

23 Apr 02 - 09:43 AM (#696432)
Subject: RE: Alt. lyrics for 'English Country Garden'
From: GUEST,Bruce D

Orginial tune by Percy Granger (sp?) critra early 1900's.

23 Apr 02 - 05:31 PM (#696851)
Subject: RE: Alt. lyrics for 'English Country Garden'
From: GUEST,Jim I

Many years ago (in Scotland of course) there was

How many more will we have in '64 Of the English Royal Family

Can't remember the rest unfortunately

07 Nov 02 - 07:53 AM (#820639)
Subject: Lyr Add: ENGLISH ROYAL FAMILY (parody)
From: weerover

Yet another dormant thread I found while searching for something. The Scottish version referred to above is by frequent contributor Jim McLean and is as follows:

THE ENGLISH ROYAL FAMILY

How many more did we have in'64 of the English Royal Family?
The queen she had four with expenses for a score of the ERF
Margaret is doing her best, trying to keep up with the rest
Did she have a little girl or boy?
Did Viscount Linley have a brother? Does it matter it's another
Of the ERF
Marina, time to change Marina

The Duke of Kent believed that his wife should conceive for the ERF
So way out in Hong Kong they increased the merry throng of the ER
And up in Scotland, here's the rub, guess who's joined the pudding club
Princess Alexa-a-a-andra
So princes, dukes and peers as well, help to increase and to swell
The ERF
Oysters, don't forget the oysters

I may have transposed a line or two from a third verse which I'm sure is in Jim's book, but I can't put my hand on it at the minute.

07 Nov 02 - 07:58 AM (#820641)
Subject: RE: Alt. lyrics for 'English Country Garden'
From: weerover

Oops, missed out an F in v2 line2, and this is obviously an abbreviation of the title. Just realised that Jim's lyrics and Dom Behan's were written about the same time and when they were mates - a wee bit of competition going on?

16 Apr 15 - 04:45 AM (#3702121)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: English Country Garden afrikaans
From: GUEST

18 Aug 15 - 01:34 PM (#3731202)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: English Country Garden parody
From: GUEST,Trina

09 Mar 19 - 04:21 PM (#3981167)
Subject: Lyr Add: IN AN ENGLISH URBAN GARDEN
From: GUEST,P.M.Adamson

I wrote this a few years ago and much to my horror found the idea is totally unoriginal and been done in plentiful supply. May as well include it here to add to the mix.

In an English Urban Garden

How many things are there to see in an English Urban garden
Let us start with the family barbecue, that which all is charred in.
Sausages and beef burger, cooked with flames and disorder
Chicken legs and pork chops burnt to a crisp,
Tons of Ash, put out with the trash in an English Urban Garden.

How many things are there to see in an English Urban garden
Lots of chairs and old three-piece suites that obese people have sat in.
They are full of flees and bugs, not to mention snails and slugs
And dust clouds if you give them a whack
Lots of twangy springs and unmentionable things in an English urban garden.

How many things are there to see in an English Urban garden
Recycled bins overflowing past the rims which recyclers have much starred in.
Stagnant ponds and wishing wells, giving off some awful smells
Overgrown grass and an old dead tree.
I can’t believe in some things I see in an English Urban garden

How many things are there to see in an English Urban garden
There’s no romance as the trash hides the plants what a state the back yard’s in
Washing lines and rusty pegs, broken up table legs
Not to mention a few old dead rats
There is no scenery, that is nice to see in an English Urban garden

How many things are there to see in an English Urban gar -deen
Old rotting fish left in the dish I think it was a sardine
Unwatered daffodils, clutter up the windowsills
Beer cans and coke tins scattered all around
I must ask why, do they look like a pigsty, coz it’s an English Urban garden.

10 Mar 19 - 02:37 PM (#3981333)
Subject: Lyr Add: ENGLISH COUNTRY GARDEN BATS
From: Steve Parkes

One of my own, written as part of a fund-raiser for the Isle of Wight bat Hospital. (And you can make it scan...)

English country garden bats

How many kinds of bats can you find
In an English country garden?
I’ve got a list, though they don’t always rhyme,
But I’m sure you’ll soon forgive me:
Whiskered bat and barbastelle,
Daubenton’s and pipistrelle—
Common, midge or Nathusius’—
Flitting all around when the sun goes down
In your English country garden.

Natterer’s bat enjoys a chat with Brandt’s bat and Leisler’s bat
As they fly above your garden.
Serotine and lesser horseshoe, noctule and greater horseshoe
Flutter by the garden.
Brown long-eared and grey long-eared,
Good old greater mouse-eared,
All live it up with the parti-coloured bat;
They all take flight when day turns into night
In an English country garden.

Bechstein’s … don’t forget the Bechstein’s!

© Steve Parkes 2006