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12 Oct 02 - 01:14 PM (#801799) Subject: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: catspaw49 Alright, before you go on with this, you may find it wildly humorous or completely offensive......If you're offended by sexual humor, STOP HERE......and don't bitch at me huh? Karen came home with a website she'd heard about on the morning radio drive-time bunch (The Zoo Crew)......It's easy to say "Make Love, Not War"...but what if you can't find a willing partner? Why not make SELF-LOVE???? Hence we have a website and a group devoted to just such a notion....Masturbate For Peace A very erudite bunch who say that "War is Out-Pound Your Trout" and even have poetry and songs such as: Song For Peace Sung to the tune of The Caissons Go Rolling Along Sing our song, Grab your dong, Squeeze some joy juice on your thong, When your jerkin your gherkin for peace. Grab your prick, Swat your dick, Shoot your load and make it stick, When your jerkin your gherkin for peace. Chorus Oh it Woo Ha Hi, I just came right in my eye, Leave something viscous on your knees, When you pull your pole, You're always in control When your jerkin your gherkin for peace. You're no fool, Stroke that tool 'Till you finally start to droll, When you're jerkin' your gherkin for peace. Slap that cock, Jolt your rocks, Come so hard you fill your socks, When you're jerkin' your gherkin for peace. And of course, what special interest group can get by without bumper stickers???? War's a dud, pound your pud Don't be Bush's flunky, spank your monkey War is sick, play with your dick Peace rocks, whack your cocks! Service your rod, not your rifle Put your guns on your shelf, go fuck yourself Stop the war, I want to get off War is evil, wank your weasel What if they gave a war, but instead everyone came? Smack your Jack, not Iraq! Don't grease the war machine, do yourself with Vaseline Save Our Soldiers, Touch Your Privates Let your wood do some good I'm frigging against this war Ring your bell. Stop this hell Jack Mehoff for President Grease your cukes to stop the nukes War's funky, spank your monkey Pound Penises Into Plowshares Beat your little man, not Afghanistan War's not the only way to soothe an agitated bush. Don't flatten Iraq, just strangle Kojak There's no time for war if you yank 'til you're sore Save our nation through masturbation Don't Wag the Dog, Flog the Log Don't send troops to die, give masturbation a try War can wait, masturbate! If you don't want to die, hump a pie Vibrate don't annihilate If you don't stroke it who will War is fickle, tickle your pickle Who wants to mourn? Jerk of to net-porn! If we can't screw ourselves, we're all screwed Onanism, not pugilism! Harry Palms for President! Forget war, be a self whore! My patriot missile explodes for peace A hot hand on a cold night, not a cold knife in a hot fight War isn't cool, flog your mule. Blue Balls=War No military rank comes close to a wank Forget Jihad, shoot your wad A stroke a day keeps the bombs away Enough with rancor, yank your wanker Pull your plum and peace will come Violence ain't workin', try jerkin' your Gherkin I'd rather spill than kill Finger your crack - not Iraq Don't have a fit, rub your clit Stab your clam.... not Saddam! No need to hurt when you can squirt! Punch the clown... Not the enemy! Hairy palms not cluster bombs Pocket pool for peace Give war the finger Semper Fi, self-gratify If your semen is a spillin', there won't be time for any killin'! Lay a hand on yourself before laying a hand on others War is out pound your trout Pull your cock not a glock Self-guided muscles not missiles Send your little troops into your hand, not a foreign land All we are saying, is give peace a wank Don't Fire - Pull Your Wire Pull together for peace Abuse your middle piece, not the Middle East Self-Love Not War More head less dead No missiles in the sky, self-gratify Touch your sack, not Iraq Put Your Fingers In Yourself, Not On A Trigger My bush doesn't declare war Suppose they gave a war and everybody came instead One cum a day keeps war away Pull Puds, Not Scuds Rub Your Wombat If You Hate Combat Be a healer spank your weiner Beat your meat, not your enemy Choke your chicken, not your enemy Be kind - make yourself blind Let's beat violence together Peace won't work unless you jerk. Peace is but a few strokes away Stroke your piece for peace Spill Your Seed, Not Blood Shoot nothing but your wad Slap the salami, not Saddam-i! More Wanks, Less Tanks We've got the whole world in our hands.... Contributing to peace 1 oz. at a time. Whack, don't attack! Don't hate, masturbate If You Must Follow An "ism", Make It ONANISM Solve global issues with a tissue World peace is at hand If you can still read this, you aren't masturbating enough Gism Activism Be a peacebringer with one or more fingers! No arms for war, just hands for peace War can wait, masturbate! Forget smart bombs, use both arms! Hairy palms against dropping bombs All we are saying is - give self love a chance! All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Hand Halt the meanness with your penis! Don't Sweat the Petty Stuff, Pet the Sweaty Stuff Blow up dolls, not people! Forget Iraq... Stay Home and Whack Spank Dick & Bush For Peace!!!! War's no joke, stop and stroke! Make stains, not war Peace is Coming ... and Coming Peace is in your hands Beat your meat, not your neighbor Rub out hate! Shoot loads not guns Pound your pud for peace Friction prevents friction Rosie Palms for Prez Rockets are for polishing, not for killing Bust a nut, not a cap Stroke a load for peace I love the smell of semen in the morning! Leave the navy home, let semen go to war There's no time for war if your meat is too sore! Wouldn't you rather be masturbating? Jizin' against Jihad The only war I'll wage is the one on Blue Balls I cum in peace Masturbate before it's too late Give peace a chance, to explode in your pants. Right-hand for peace Sperm warfare, not germ warfare! Atomic orgasms, not nuclear winter! Choke your Chicken, Not your Neighbor Bust nuts not skulls Cum together in peace Touch the world while touching yourself Spaw |
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12 Oct 02 - 01:31 PM (#801808) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: artbrooks 'Spaw, in your designated role as Mudcat's resident dirty old man, you have indeed outdone even your best previous efforts. |
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12 Oct 02 - 01:34 PM (#801811) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: GUEST You have been playing with Mary Thumb and her four daughters again havent you Spaw? |
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12 Oct 02 - 01:37 PM (#801813) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: sledge Spaw, take a bow and bask in the applause, new heights (some might say depths) have been reached. Sledge |
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12 Oct 02 - 01:40 PM (#801817) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: GUEST Ironic really, it's usually the people who start wars that are the wankers! |
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12 Oct 02 - 01:42 PM (#801819) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Gareth Bhodran players start with an advantage ! Gareth |
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12 Oct 02 - 01:53 PM (#801826) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: katlaughing Hats off to Karen for bringing this to light and thanks, Spaw, for the guffaw!*bg* |
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12 Oct 02 - 03:19 PM (#801862) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: GUEST,Reverend Bernard Anthony Dick Mr. Spaw, Perhaps you have heard of me, Reverend Bernard Anthony Dick (B.A. to my friends). I have traveled the great Southern states and even been to the hell-hole called Ohio. My mission, to warn the youth and everybody else of the evils of masturbation. Yea. As a visual aid, I always had Mr. Clyde Peters with me on my travels. Clyde came from a good family with high moral virtue. One wonders how a man with good upbringing could sink so low in character. You see, Clyde was a prime example of the evils of masturbation. Yea, he had been seize by the demon of gherkin-jerkin. During my messages, at a dramatic moment, I would point to Clyde and say, "See for yourselves what weenie whacking can do to a human! Do you want to become this? Clyde, who by this time was nearly blind, would sit there shaking from muscular degeneration, and would give a weak wave to the crowd, who sat aghast at the sight of his hairy palms. Often, Clyde had to be rushed from the gathering because something or someone would, how shall I say, "excite" him and he would unzip and begin petting his patterson right there in front of everyone, oblivious to anything but his own demanding, but embarassingly small, noodle. Upon seeing this decadent and debauched display, multitudes, yea, masses would run to the pulpit to renounce this evil and unrelenting demon of super-squirt! Clyde, sickening spectacle that he was, was an integral part in the changing of millions of lives! Unfortunately, Clyde died. When news of his death reached one of my beloved "Partners" gave me your name as a possible replacement for Clyde. The Partner assured me that you meet all the criteria. If interested, please call 1-800-Spewnot Yours, Rev. B.A. Dick |
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12 Oct 02 - 03:20 PM (#801864) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Lyrical Lady How about this one... SELF-STARTERS.....UNITE! Maybe this is the answer to "having too much time on your hands"!!! LOL! LL |
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12 Oct 02 - 03:28 PM (#801865) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: khandu hmmmm, Spaw, this could be your big break. Hell, if I were you, I'd certainly call the good Rev. khandu |
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12 Oct 02 - 04:05 PM (#801872) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Thomas the Rhymer Hope you had fun there... big guy! |
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12 Oct 02 - 05:38 PM (#801915) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Little Hawk You've got way too much time on your hands, Spaw. And that's not all... - LH |
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12 Oct 02 - 06:25 PM (#801929) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: catspaw49 Dear Reverend Dick....though I doubt there is anything reverential in yours, Obviously you have had an upbringing that taught you there was no value in a good session of pud pounding. I always found it odd that people like yourself found whipping the Bishop to be evil since you reside in a State full of complete wankers. I'm afraid that I cannot accept your offer as I am otherwise engaged in development of the "Super Slick Pneumatic Action Vibrating Auto-Suck." We are ready to go to market with this fine product with only one minor problem left to solve. We have a 900 number ready (1-900-WAD-SHOT) and a line of TV Infomercials ready to be produced. The only problem we have at the moment is sizing. The product is available in 5 sizes ranging from the Spaw Special, a real whopper of a beast powered by a 426 Hemi, down to our smallest, the Micro-Mini, which fits the average white guy and is powered by a small rubber band. However we have been unable to assemble a usable and pleasurable product for those even smaller (like yourself) and our R&R department thinks they now have one ready for testing so we recently engaged a group of testers from Mississippi who are ideal for that purpose. Once this product is out and doing well I can be available to help out in your "show." I would expect royalties of course and the chance to peddle a few Auto-Sucks to those who think you are completely full of shit. Best Regards, Cat-fire up that Mopar-Spaw |
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12 Oct 02 - 11:58 PM (#802063) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Bobert Well, danged, I musta misread the name of this thread or somethin' but since Iz here might as well go on record of saying that Iz never done that stuff in my life! Ahhhh, now that I got that lie out of the way, ahhhh, well I ain't done that stuff in a while. But, heck, if it will help stop Bush (no pun intended) from erecting Iraq, then, what the hey? Right? Now, before I retire to the woods for a zesty session, I will go on record of sayin' that this is gonna be one Hell of a sacrifice. I mean, first of all I got this gorgeous wife, the P-Vine, and at my age I try to keep the ol' gal, ahhhh, you know,... oh this is hard... no, not that and so when I can get the matriculator in the matriculatin mood Iz hate wastin' it in the woods with a Brawny paper towel, thank you.... Ahhh, but now the Sapzman says that if Iz to go out in the woods with a fresh roll of Brawny paper towels then Bush (no pun intended, part 2) ain't gonna attack Iraq-tion, so being the peacenic that I am Iz heading to the woods... Bobert P.S. If you all see the P-Vine, please don't send her up into the woods to look fir me or the ol' Bobert gonna have to come (no pun intended) up with one Hell of a story, thank you... And Spazer, good to see you getting my poor ol' Wes Ginny butt back in the sling where it belongs (no pun to be found...) |
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13 Oct 02 - 12:57 AM (#802083) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Amos I dunno, man. I was taught when young that if I abused my priveleges, I would lose them. Scary thought! Well, I guess one man's peace is another's self-esteem, huh? :>) A |
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13 Oct 02 - 01:35 AM (#802089) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Stephen L. Rich Spaw, you've finally done it. You've managed to out-weird youself. Well done *G* |
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13 Oct 02 - 03:58 AM (#802110) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Liz the Squeak Ye Gods.... is there nothing safe? Spaw, you have even out weirded me! LTS |
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13 Oct 02 - 07:20 AM (#802154) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Troll Spaw, methinks you need to change hobbies. (giggle! snort! snort!) This sort of purient (chuckle...chuckle...) trash has no place on (guffaw) our beloved Forum. ( hoo, hoo, hoo) I'll post more when I get (snort!) my righteous indignation under control. (Wahahahahahaha) troll |
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13 Oct 02 - 03:13 PM (#802371) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: catspaw49 Remember to sign the petition. No sense in wasting a good wank! Fire Your Cock...Not Your GlockSpaw |
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13 Oct 02 - 03:35 PM (#802386) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Liz the Squeak Oh for a Colt 45..... mins that is. Or a Winchester Repeater....... Oh, damn, this is a solo event. Bugger. Just have to go back to my trusty rocket launcher then.... Win the war with a Sherman! (small knowledge of Cockney rhyming slang principles and military armoured tracked and half tracked vehicles might help here). LTS |
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13 Oct 02 - 08:19 PM (#802527) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Bobert Spawzerman: Okay, I gotta hand it to you, ahhhh, strike that... ahh give you credit here fir getting the ol' hillbilly to fall in yir trap... Now folks are PM'ing me telling me that you had PM'd them, just like you did me, to see if you could goad anyone into you little "wackin' fir peace" joke. Well, Iz been out in the woods all night and really thought that when I came (leave it alone...) in this mornin' that I'd turn on the TV and find that Bush had called off his war. But did he? Heck no, he didn't! Well, Iz here to tell ya that next time you think you're gonna fool this ol' hillbilly that you're gonna haft to get up a few minutes earlier and pack a lunch... Danged! 100 people get PM'd and I gotta be the *one* to do the Brawny towell!!!!........ Hmmmmmmmmmm? Bobert |
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13 Oct 02 - 08:51 PM (#802538) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: harpgirl ...welcome back, Pat!...your manic is better than your depression... |
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13 Oct 02 - 08:54 PM (#802539) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: catspaw49 No way Bobertz.....I PM'ed exactly TWO people.....Two fellow turkeys of a like mind who would get the joke......So why am I not surprised that you and khandu got the joke.......Like I said, it takes one to know one.....and the three of us are exactly that that....."no ones." LOL Spaw |
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13 Oct 02 - 09:00 PM (#802540) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: khandu Hmmmmm, is "Spaw" the past tense of "Spew"? I'll bet your favorite dance is "The Jerk". (Maybe it should be "updated" to "The Turkey Jerk". khandu |
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13 Oct 02 - 09:13 PM (#802544) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Bobert Yeah, like I said Spawz, you go and PM me and khandu.... (Ahhh, what's your point, Bobert?) Awwww, nevermind. Bobert (wacko for peace) |
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13 Oct 02 - 09:18 PM (#802546) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: The Pooka O nan. (nowait MAN Imean, Oh man, yehyeh that's it man heh heh shaddup Beavis you jerk JERK HE SAID JERK heheheheheh 'Spaw's invention sucks heh heh) Ahem. Lemming start over here. / Oh, man. Just when I thought I was beginning to understand this joint. PLACE I mean, this place...Mr 'Spaw sir, you have done yerself. OUTdone I mean, outdone yourself. I salute you. Nono, not *that* way. "I can only say: Salieri! Salieri!" - Amadeus. / O so it's Point & Shoot izzit!! "...for peace comes dropping slow..." - yer man Yeets. / Yes, this putz the Come-All-Ye in a whole new light. |
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14 Oct 02 - 12:33 AM (#802602) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: alanabit I was just thinking that for the more gung-ho, your car bumper stickers could read, "Kill the bastards before they are born..." Mr.Spaw, I'm worried 'bout you. If you get any weirder you could end up in a place for bewildered people with big ideas... like the White House for instance. |
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14 Oct 02 - 09:01 AM (#802728) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: mike the knife egad. pretty funny. |
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14 Oct 02 - 09:31 AM (#802748) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: C-flat THE FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE. We don't need the gun or rocket, the answer's right there in your pocket, Lawyers, builders, merchant bankers, Show the world the power of Wankers, Stand as one, Come whatever, We just need to pull together, Set the world in peaceful motion, hands outstretched across the ocean. |
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14 Oct 02 - 10:06 AM (#802774) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: GUEST,Kabeb Forget the draft, grab your shaft! -peace, Kaleb |
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14 Oct 02 - 10:10 AM (#802780) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Dave Bryant When I was told that "masturbation makes you go blind" I always said that I'd carry on until I had to wear glasses. I've just realised that I've been wearing (reading) glasses for over 10 years now and still haven't completely terminated the other habit - well I need something to do when "Essex Girl" isn't around. Are there any rules that say you have to do it to yourself or is mutual masturbation permissable ? - if so, Bobert, just ask the gorgeous P-Vine out to the woods with you. It's a great idea though, but has anyone thought of a suitable collection and delivery system to enable the resulting barrels of fluid to be dropped on Saddam -it should help to gum up the works over in Iraq so to speak. The problem which I see is that the main guy who wants attack Iraq is a big wanker himself - and it doesn't seem to stop him ! Finally, I heard a suggestion the other day that if the human race had been able to lick it's genitals like most other mammals (and possibly 'Spaw), it would never have achieved it's dominant position on earth. |
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14 Oct 02 - 09:09 PM (#803173) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Lyrical Lady Spaw... you are so good at holding your own...way to go!!! LL |
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14 Oct 02 - 09:33 PM (#803187) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: khandu Yeah, we are all pullin' for ole Spaw! khandu |
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14 Oct 02 - 10:14 PM (#803207) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: catspaw49 Yeah, I've always been able to hold on to a good relationship. Spaw |
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14 Oct 02 - 11:04 PM (#803235) Subject: RE: BS: Make Self-Love, Not War From: Amos As long as you were both sides of it.... |