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BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!

23 Nov 02 - 11:18 PM (#833655)
Subject: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: mousethief

I can't live without my song challenge. So while the GG is temporarily indisposed, I hope you will all join me in a little unofficial action. This from Reuters:

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- Laptops have always been a hot item but a 50-year-old scientist did not realise to what extent until he burned his penis.

The previously healthy father of two remembered feeling a burning sensation after he had been writing a report at home for about an hour with the computer on his lap.

He noticed a redness and irritation the following day but it was not until he was examined by a doctor that he realised how much damage had been done.

"The ventral part of his scrotal skin had turned red, and there was a blister with a diameter of about two centimetres (0.8 inches)," Claes-Gorn Ostenson, of the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, wrote in a letter published in The Lancet medical journal on Friday.

Two days later, the blisters broke and the wounds became infected and then crusted but after about a week the unidentified scientist was "healing quite rapidly."

Ostenson noted that the computer manual did warn against operating it directly on exposed skin but said the patient had lap burns even though he had been wearing trousers and underpants.

"This...story should be taken as a serious warning against use of a laptop in a literal sense," he added.

Go for it!

Alex


24 Nov 02 - 12:10 AM (#833674)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Amos

This one is a prime candidate for an "I Switched" song!

After all -- NOone has ever burned their penis on a Mac!! Neener neener!

It was also a WIndows NT computer, I believe that ran the US Navy frigate aground a couple of years ago when it was entrusted with navigating.

Why those thangs are almost as frightening as the Moron in the White House! :>)



A


24 Nov 02 - 12:14 AM (#833677)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: mousethief

Yeah yeah yeah let's not turn this into a political thread. Let's see some songs about roasting hot dogs or cooking wieners or whatever.

Alex


24 Nov 02 - 01:49 AM (#833706)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: CapriUni

I don't have a song (yet)... but I do have a question:

If the laptop got hot enough to burn him -- in a notoriously sensitive area -- wouldn't that be awfully uncomfortable? I mean, burns like that don't happen instantly.

If I were in his position, I think I would've started squirming before any serious damage was done... unless it heated up so slowly, he didn't feel it... Or if he was so totally engrossed in what he was doing...

I wonder what he was working on, then...


24 Nov 02 - 07:36 AM (#833772)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Amos

Smart question, CU -- it is not as though its a heavily calloused body part, but it is possible he was suffering from psychosomatic insensitivity (numbnuts syndrome). I agree it would be good to know what he was so engrossed in he couldn't feel, or at least smell, his flesh starting to blister. Obviously he was not one of those men whose brain is located in those regions! :>)

A new chapter in the absent-minded professor legend!

A


24 Nov 02 - 07:37 AM (#833773)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: greg stephens

Willie McFried


24 Nov 02 - 08:50 AM (#833797)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Schantieman

As far as detecting burns by the pain is concerned, it ain't necessarily so. A couple of years ago (the night my wife threw me out!) I stayed with some friends.   They gave me a hot water bottle, as the loft bedroom was cold. When I woke up there was a blister on my toe an inch long. I couldn't understand why it hadn't hurt either!

...now, as for the song...... 'scuse me a minute....


Steve


24 Nov 02 - 09:26 AM (#833815)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Tinker

Hmmmm.... lets see Sam the Hot Dog Man has possibilities or maybe Hot Nuts for Sale..... I guess I'm gonna have to think on this a little bit....but it definately needs a Roots blues....Or maybe My Pencil Don't Write No More.....


Tinker


24 Nov 02 - 12:11 PM (#833899)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: McGrath of Harlow

What kind of websites was he surfing not to be aware that he was getting overheated?

Your heatin' part will make you weep
You'll cry and cry and try to sleep
But sleep won't come the whole night through
Your heatin' part will tell on you...


24 Nov 02 - 12:12 PM (#833900)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Charley Noble

The "scientist" was probably browsing through a porn website and was confusing pain with pleasure.

Charley Noble


24 Nov 02 - 01:58 PM (#833972)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Tinker

Okay here's a start... It started this song in my mind and with minor modificaations...

Burnt Out Blues
Tune: My Pencil Won't Write No More
B.Carter


Now listen here folks, I've a sad tale to tell
Technology burnt my pencil, with a laptop Dell

Chorus:

And now my lead's all gone
Oh the lead's all gone
Oh the lead's all gone
This pencil won't write no more.

I laid down in my bed, just to type out a line
I couldn't feel my ol' laptop heatin' up so fine

I gets out of my bed, laid it down on the floor
I but it scorched my ol' pencil, it won't write no more

I met a hot mama, I want to love her so bad
I burnt all the lead in the pencil I had

I hugged and I kissed her all last night
There wasn't nothin' more cause my pencil won't write

Man, protect your pencils, keyboards aren't the same
If that lead goes up in flames it's a cryin' shame




It brought to mind this thread previous thread on pencils


24 Nov 02 - 04:36 PM (#834051)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: katlaughing

With apologies to the Beatles. Such as it is, feel free to make changes. Anything would be better, eh?! **BG**

Hey Dude, don't burn it bad
The computer won't make it better
Remember laptops sit upon the table
Then your willie will start to get better

Hey Dude, don't be afraid
Even with blisters you'll still get her
The minute the heat gets under your skin
Whoops, there goes your pecker!

And anytime you feel the pain
Hey Dude refrain
Don't carry the 'puter upon your thighs
For well you know that it's a fool
Who plays it cool
By making his willie a little hotter
Da da da da da
Da da da da


24 Nov 02 - 04:57 PM (#834062)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: katlaughing

Missed yours, Tink, I got called away in the middle of posting. Well done!! I really like yours!!


24 Nov 02 - 06:02 PM (#834088)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Tinker

Kat check the original lyrics.... this one was too easy...Original found here


Tinker


24 Nov 02 - 07:50 PM (#834148)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: katlaughing

Ah! Thanks! Reminds me of another I learned from a tape of Roy Book Binder's Cigarette Blues.


24 Nov 02 - 09:03 PM (#834190)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Genie

Hey, Alex, thanks for the Challenge! (If this works out, maybe Aine will make ya an associate deity!)

¤;-D


24 Nov 02 - 09:13 PM (#834196)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Genie

All that comes to mind so far is:

The web's a seductive thing,
Networked with a token ring,*
It plays to base desires;
Before you know, you've a Lap of Fire.

"I fell prey to a burning Lap of Fire,
As the files loaded down
The heat got higher,
And it turned my groin,
To a Lap of Fire, a Lap of Fire.


Genie

*I know that line needs work.


25 Nov 02 - 02:18 AM (#834296)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: mousethief

I was thinking of something to the tune of "Killing Floor"...

Well I burned my lemon, till the blister big and white
Yeah I burned my lemon, till the blister big and white
Now my girl cain't squeeze it, be no lemonade tonight...

Then I was thinking of Robert Johnson's "Hot Tamales"...

Heat'd my wally till it's red hot, yass you know what I mean
Heat'd my wally till it's red hot, yass you know what I mean
Well I fired up my modem
Jumped online
Smelled somethin' cookin'
Looked down to find
I'd
Heat'd my wally till it's red hot, yass, you know what I mean

But I think I"ll finally go with ...

Well I wish I had a heat-protected wiener
That is what I wish I had to piss
For if I had a heat-protected wiener
My laptop would'na burned it to a crisp

You guys are great -- great song entries! I don't have any of the GG's usual stock of awards but I want to do something so I shall give my own brand of award, the

BRONZED MOUSE DROPPING

(or BMD) for sending anything at all (other awards of more varied sorts to come after a longer period as per the GG's practice) to:

McGrath of Harlow for this painfully funny quatrain:

Your heatin' part will make you weep
You'll cry and cry and try to sleep
But sleep won't come the whole night through
Your heatin' part will tell on you...


And to Tinker for this excruciatingly humorous couplet:

I gets out of my bed, laid it down on the floor
I but it scorched my ol' pencil, it won't write no more


And to Katlaughing for this hot verse:

Hey Dude, don't be afraid
Even with blisters you'll still get her
The minute the heat gets under your skin
Whoops, there goes your pecker!


And to Genie for this wickedly funny chorus:

I fell prey to a burning Lap of Fire,
As the files loaded down
The heat got higher,
And it turned my groin,
To a Lap of Fire, a Lap of Fire.


Don't spend your BMD's all in one place, now. Accepted like cash in hundredths of places worldwide.

Keep up the good work, y'all!

Alex
O..O
=o=


25 Nov 02 - 02:34 AM (#834299)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Jack the Sailor

Porno floating down the internet wire.
So raunchy, he's curling up his toes.
Claes-Gorn Ostenson, he's not in a choir.
Computer surfing he has chose.

Every body knows, hot water can burn your toe.
If you leave it in the bed all night.
His tiny parts, with the screen all aglow.
He'll find them hard in phospher light.

And so I'm offering this good advice
To geeks lap dancing in the bed.
Pentium chips can get very hot
and
Roasted Chesnuts
Roasted Chesnuts
Roasted Chesnuts
turn red


25 Nov 02 - 04:12 AM (#834339)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Genie

Bronzed Mouse Droppings! Gotta love it, Alex!!

LOL!

Genie


25 Nov 02 - 07:54 AM (#834431)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Tinker

This is one way to get me to transcrbe the songs on this CD... Here's another rewrite that seems appropo after Jack the Sailor's...
So glad to see some guys in here I as beginnning to wonder...


GET'EM FROM THE PEANUT MAN
(HOT NUTS)

Selling nuts, hot nuts,
Anybody here wanna buy my nuts
Selling nuts, Hot nuts
I've got nuts for sale

They tell me your nuts is mighty fine
But I bet you your nuts ain't as hot as mine

Chorus:
Selling nuts, hot nuts
Buy 'em from the peanut man
Nuts, hot nuts,
Anybody here wanna buy my nuts
Selling nuts, Hots nuts
I've got nuts for sale

Workin' on my laptop and my penis got burnt
Nuts got roasted, it's a hard lesson learnt

My roasted nuts come in a sack
This limited time offer won't be back

Look what you can get cheep
Only 5 cents
Nice and brown too
Everybody's crazy bout my nuts

Now you see that man all dressed in brown
He's got the hottest nuts in town

In pursuit of science you can hypothesize
But repeat my results and you'll fry, fry, fry


25 Nov 02 - 09:25 AM (#834498)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: mousethief

Great work, crew! This morning I award the coveted BMD to Jack the Sailor for this very poignant advice:

And so I'm offering this good advice
To geeks lap dancing in the bed.
Pentium chips can get very hot
and
Roasted Chesnuts
Roasted Chesnuts
Roasted Chesnuts
turn red


And yet another coveted BMD to Tinker for, well, yet another funny couplet:

In pursuit of science you can hypothesize
But repeat my results and you'll fry, fry, fry


Keep 'em comin' lads and lassies, I've got plenty of coveted BMD's just dying to be given away.

Alex
O..O
=o=


25 Nov 02 - 09:33 AM (#834506)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Wolfgang

unless it heated up so slowly, he didn't feel it...

Most probably yes: with a prolonged exposition to a temperature of about 42 degrees Celsius you can get severe burns and not feel anything during the exposition. There's no need (though I see the fun in doing it) to claim absentmindedness or preoccupation with numbing material.

Wolfgang


25 Nov 02 - 09:40 AM (#834513)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: katlaughing

Thanks, Alex!


25 Nov 02 - 09:46 AM (#834518)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Amos

The Academic


(Tune: The Boxer, Simon&Garfunkel)



I am just a poor boy, my story it is plain
I have squandered my aesthetic sense
For a discipline that only works within the brain
I immersed myelf in physics and the mysteries of graphs
And when passion overcame me,
I would hide in calculations til the feeling passed.

Lade la
Ladelalaladela
Ladela
Ladelalaladelalaladela

Now once I had girlfriend, but she didn't stay for long
And so quickly she decided the relationship was wrong
I left her far behind me, in my sorrow and my fear
And retreated to the physics lab,
Doing calculus to cover up my endless tears

Lade la
Ladelalaladela
Ladela
Ladelalaladelalaladela

I immersed myself in Excel files, and drawing clever charts
Trying hard to close the channels to my feelings and my heart
And I ran a few experiments, like an ordinary bloke,
I was lost in contemplation, and I never saw the lab fill up with smoke

Lade la
Ladelalaladela
Ladela
Ladelalaladelalaladela

As my eyes began to siffer from the acrid burning fumes
My attention was distracted by arrivals there from all the other study rooms
And then I began to notice I was actually aflame!
"I am burning, I am burning!" "The extinguisher, please!"
As my polyster Sears slacks melted to my knees!

Lade la
Ladelalaladela
Ladela
Ladelalaladelalaladela

I am called the red-hot reearch kid
They laugh along the halls
Everybody on the campus knows
Just what I did to my pecker and my balls.
But my psyche has recovered, and I only want to say
That it wasn't such a tragedy
I really wasn't using them much, anyway!

Lade la
Ladelalaladela
Ladela
Ladelalaladelalaladela
Lade la
Ladelalaladela
Ladela
Ladelalaladelalaladela
(Fade on ladelas and big boom sounds)


25 Nov 02 - 09:56 AM (#834526)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: mousethief

Sorry, Wolfgang, no awards for pedantry, only lyrics.

Kat, you are most welcome!

The coveted BMD goes next to Amos for this laugh-out-loud stanza:

As my eyes began to s[u]ffer from the acrid burning fumes
My attention was distracted by arrivals there from all the other study rooms
And then I began to notice I was actually aflame!
"I am burning, I am burning!" "The extinguisher, please!"
As my polyster Sears slacks melted to my knees!


And now I must be off for work but keep it up and I'll award more coveted BMD's when I get home tonight.

Alex
O..O
=o=


25 Nov 02 - 10:08 AM (#834539)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Wolfgang

I'm not out for visible awards. Giving information where speculation abounds is an award in itself.

Wolfgang


25 Nov 02 - 10:30 AM (#834551)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Amos

WOlfgang:

You are a man of impeccable virtue!! Danke!!

A


25 Nov 02 - 10:24 PM (#835078)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: DonD

I don't know either the tune or the lyrics except for the title that's been co-opted by some fast food commercial, -- but -- I think 'The Ring of Fire' is just insisting on being coverted to 'My Thing's on Fire'! Someone?


26 Nov 02 - 01:09 AM (#835144)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Amos

I yelled out, well I think my thing's on fire!
Had to shout, shout shout, while the pain down there grew higher,
'Cuz it burned burned burned -- my thing a-fire
My thing a-fire.



'zat what you had in mind, Don? :>)


26 Nov 02 - 09:50 AM (#835408)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Genie

That's even better than my initial take on the "Ring Of Fire" song ("Lap of Fire")! LOL!

Now, you guys, someone's just GOTTA do

"FIRE DOWN BELOW!"

¤;-D


28 Nov 02 - 12:22 AM (#836216)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: mousethief

Here's a coveted BMD for Amos, for this incendiary verse:

I yelled out, well I think my thing's on fire!
Had to shout, shout shout, while the pain down there grew higher,
'Cuz it burned burned burned -- my thing a-fire
My thing a-fire.


Alex


03 Dec 02 - 02:14 AM (#839450)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: mousethief

Well it looks like it's about time to hand out kudos. The GG's awards all have something to do with Irish beer, but since I don't drink beer (Irish or otherwise, even though I'm 1/4th Farrell), mine don't. I'll look around the liquor cabinet, though, and see what I can come up with....

The Golden Mouse Wheel with Stolichnaya Crest (for making me smile) goes to:

Genie for Lap of Fire
McGrath of Harlow for Your Heatin' Part
Amos for My Thing-A-Fire
Tinker for Hot Nuts (Get Em From the Peanut Man)

The Golden Mouse Wheel with St. Brendan's Irish Cream Crest (for making me chuckle) goes to:

Tinker for Burnt Out Blues
Katlaughing for Hey Dude
Jack the Sailor for The Chestnut Song

And the coveted Golden Mouse Wheel with Glenlivet Crest (for making me guffaw) goes to:

Amos for The Academic

Great going, mates!

(if I missed anybody I'm sorry but it's late at night and I'm printing Christmas newsletters to send to the cousins...)

Alex


03 Dec 02 - 03:04 AM (#839469)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Genie

Thanks, Alex.

But don't put away the Mouse droppings just yet. I still got my best one in the old turd word processor.

Genie ;-D


03 Dec 02 - 07:30 PM (#839942)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: Amos

WOW!! A Glenlivet Crest!! Just right for my needs!!

Thanks, Mousethief!! An honor!


A


04 Dec 02 - 12:50 AM (#840136)
Subject: RE: BS: Unofficial Song Challenge!
From: mousethief

Frankly I'd rather have a bottle of the stuff than the crest but just so's you're happy, Amos...

Alex