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15 Oct 03 - 01:14 AM (#1035887) Subject: 'Gag' Song Titles From: musicmick I am collecting "gag" song tiltles like "I USED TO KISS HER ON THE LIPS BUT IT'S ALL OVER NOW" and "I KISSED HER LIPS AND LEFT HER BEHIND FOR YOU" or, even, "HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?" or, my favorite "I'M SO MISERABLE WITHOUT YOU, IT'S ALMOST LIKE HAVING YOU HERE". There must be lots of them out there. |
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15 Oct 03 - 01:21 AM (#1035888) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Helen An Oz pop song a couple of decades ago was called "If you leave me, can I come too" by a band called Mental As Anything. Helen |
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15 Oct 03 - 04:27 AM (#1035935) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: alanabit There are some great threads on this subject here already Mike. I always liked, "My wife ran off with my best friend - and I really miss him." |
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15 Oct 03 - 09:49 AM (#1036097) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: wysiwyg The list of country titles, below, has gone around at various times in email. A few I have noticed: You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly (Conway & Loretta) Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart (Johnny Cash, and every line is a variant. On a live recording-- you can hear the audience cracking up.) ~S~ All I Want From You Is Away You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith Too I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like Having You Here Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat If You Can't Be Good, Be Bad With Me Bubba Shot the Jukebox Are You Drinkin' With Me, Jesus? Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreen's and I Cried All the Way to Sears How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away? I'm Under the Table Over You Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart? I'm Gonna Put a Bar in the Back of My Car and Drive Myself to Drink Welcome to Dumpsville, Population Me If Love Were Oil, I'd Be a Quart Low Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It My Phone Ain't Been Ringing, So I Guess it Wasn't You I've Been Roped and Throwed By Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral I Bought the Shoes That Just Walked Out on Me She's Acting Single, I'm Drinking Doubles Is It Cold In Here, or Is It Just You? We Used to Kiss on the Lips, But It's All Over Now My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me? You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin' I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly If You're Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right Thanks to the Cathouse, I'm in the Doghouse With You I Would Kiss You Through the Screen Door But It'd Strain Our Love I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me You Were Only a Splinter as I Slid Down the Banister of Life Did I Shave my Legs for This? I Fell in a Pile of You and Got Love All Over Me She Got the Gold Mine and I Got the Shaft My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart I Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me with a Spade If Whiskey Were a Woman, I'd Be Married for Sure I Sat Down on a Beartrap (Just This Morning) She Looks Good Through the Bottom of My Shot Glass If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead? Mama, Get the Hammer (There's a Fly on Papa's Head) Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim is Getting Better If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight |
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15 Oct 03 - 11:43 AM (#1036168) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: fretless Highwoods String Band used to do "Run to the Roundhouse, Sally, the Boys Can't Corner You There." I didn't see the old favorite "I've Got Tears in My Ears from Lying on My Back and Crying in My Sleep Over You" in WYSIWYG's list. Calvin Trillin included a whole bunch of absurd country music song titles in his book "Runestruck." Now out of print, alas. |
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15 Oct 03 - 11:53 AM (#1036179) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: breezy She sits among the cabbages and peas Folkclub this Friday 17th Oct at the Comfort Hotel, St Albans with Johnny Collins as the maine feature n/w El Greko week after,31st Oct Roy Bailey |
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15 Oct 03 - 02:25 PM (#1036218) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: wysiwyg Feed Your Babies Onions So You Can Find Them in the Dark. ~S~ |
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15 Oct 03 - 02:41 PM (#1036227) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: alanabit A Texan friend of mine, who is a big country fan, once played me a delightfully corny song called, "Let's do something cheap and superficial." I was impressed! |
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15 Oct 03 - 03:09 PM (#1036249) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,pdq How about "If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me?" |
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15 Oct 03 - 03:43 PM (#1036265) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: McGrath of Harlow "Don't cry for me Marge and Tina" |
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15 Oct 03 - 04:06 PM (#1036274) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Homeless "I want to kiss her but she won't let me" |
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15 Oct 03 - 04:12 PM (#1036279) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,reggie miles I Gave Her The Ring, She Gave Me The Finger The Tears Of Her Eyes Washed Out The Bridge Of Her Nose I Knew You Really Missed Me Darlin', When The Ashtray Flew Past My Head |
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15 Oct 03 - 04:28 PM (#1036288) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Nancy King at work "She locked me in the trunk and now I'm wallowing in despair" |
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15 Oct 03 - 04:32 PM (#1036291) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: PageOfCups New one from Tracy Byrd: "The Drinkin' Bone's Connected to the Party Bone." Who sez they don't write songs like that any more? ;-) PoC |
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15 Oct 03 - 05:00 PM (#1036314) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: nancyjo You're the Hangnail in My Life (and I can't bite you off) Hoyt Axton (Work your fingers to the bone, what d'ya get?) Boney fingers; Hoyt Axton I've got the hungries for your love (and I'm waitin' in your welfare line); Buck Owens It Was Always So Easy To Find an Unhappy Woman ('till I started looking for mine); Moe Bandy My tears have washed I love you from the blackboard of my heart; Hank Thompson (O Lord) I want my rib back; Kenny Chesney And the wonderful Lane/Lerner song from Royal Wedding -- How could you believe me when I said I loved you when you know I've been a liar all my life. |
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15 Oct 03 - 07:59 PM (#1036448) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,pdq Sounds a bit crude, but it's supposed to be a real song: "If I Can't Be Your Number One Then Number Two On You!" |
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15 Oct 03 - 10:46 PM (#1036523) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: The Fooles Troupe My Canary has circles under his eyes. Robin |
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15 Oct 03 - 11:23 PM (#1036542) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Mickey191 "If I'da killed her when I shoulda,' I'd be out now." |
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16 Oct 03 - 12:20 AM (#1036552) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: musicmick They are all wonderful. Well, some are more wonderful than others. By the way, Fretless, I think that song title was "I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back In My Bed While I Cry Over You". I own a copy of "Royal Wedding" just so I can hear that "How Could You Believe Me...." song whenever I like. Homeless, that title you suggested reminded me of "She's Got Freckles On Her BUT She's All Mine" Once again, I thank the endless store of Mudcat trivia. Mike |
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16 Oct 03 - 12:44 AM (#1036558) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: katlaughing Well, what about Does your chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost overnight?:-) (I LOVE Boney Fingers!) |
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16 Oct 03 - 10:47 AM (#1036791) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Dave Bryant There's always the old favourites: Get off the gastove granny, you're too old to ride the range. We met outside the pawnbroker's and she kissed me under the balls. |
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16 Oct 03 - 11:43 AM (#1036835) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Charley Noble Didn't see the Austin Lounge Lizard's ditty "I'm Cryin' Hot-Tubs of Tears over You." Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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16 Oct 03 - 12:20 PM (#1036859) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Kevin Sheils I didn't notice up there I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy or I thought my nose was bleeding but it's not |
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16 Oct 03 - 12:29 PM (#1036863) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Grab What, no mention of the all-time classic "If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me"??? Graham. |
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16 Oct 03 - 01:41 PM (#1036904) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: alanabit Phil Beer once told me that there is an Allan Taylor song which has the first line, "It wouldn't be so hard if I didn't love you..." I don't know how the rest of it goes, but it's a promising start! |
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16 Oct 03 - 03:35 PM (#1036969) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: lady penelope Great stuff!!! "she sits amongst the cabbages and leaks" aerosmith's "My big ten inch ..... record of the band that plays the blues" TTFN Lady P. |
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16 Oct 03 - 03:49 PM (#1036977) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie The King is Gone and So Are You |
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16 Oct 03 - 03:49 PM (#1036978) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Stranger And the Loudon Wainwright ones - I Wish I Was A Lesbian I Don't Think That Your Wife Likes Me |
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16 Oct 03 - 06:05 PM (#1037057) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Bat Goddess I Spent My Last Ten Dollars On Birth Control and Beer Living In Braintree With You In Methuen Is Almost Like Living In Lowell (which also contains one of the worst/best puns I've ever heard) She Rode High In the Saddle Til Her Blister Broke Bigfoot Stole My Wife |
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16 Oct 03 - 07:33 PM (#1037100) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Gorgeous Gary From Minneapolis-area Nate Bucklin: "I Can't Get Over You So Why Don't You Get Under Me?" and "For You, I'd Get A Vasectomy". Also, Carla Ulbrich's "Please Do Something Stupid" (as in, "Won't you please do something stupid/So I can get over you?". And speaking of lobotomies, a friend of mine, Darren Zeiger penned a song called "Lobotomy" with the refrain "Thoughts of you don't bother me/Since my lobotomy". -- Gary |
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17 Oct 03 - 02:16 AM (#1037265) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: alanabit I'd like to hear some of these gems! |
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17 Oct 03 - 10:48 AM (#1037292) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Arkie Don't Let Your Big Mouth Take Where Your Feet Can't Walk You Out Don't Telephone, Don't Telegraph, Tell A Woman I'd Rather Loan You Out Than Let You Go She's Not Rose, But She's Not Bad, And Rose Isn't Here Time Wounds All Heels She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, And All Night Long It was Honer and Offer You're Out Doing What I'm Home Doing Without Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart and Don't Yell Through The Screen Door Mother, You'll Strain Your Voice. |
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17 Oct 03 - 02:08 PM (#1037396) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,pdq Hard to find one that's not Country. How about Mose Allison's "Your Mind's On Vacation But Your Mouth Is Working Overtime". |
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17 Oct 03 - 06:16 PM (#1037501) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: musicmick Nice collection we're amassing. The other night, someone sang a song called "I Think Your Wife Is Cheatin' On Us". |
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17 Oct 03 - 07:45 PM (#1037537) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: reggie miles Lady P., Here's some hickstory. That Big Ten Inch, Record.... song was actually a hit by Bull Moose Jackson and his Buffalo Bearcats way back before those Aerosmith dudes were probably not much more than a twinkle in their collective parental units' eyes, about fifty years ago. |
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17 Oct 03 - 07:59 PM (#1037543) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: freightdawg Don't know if its urban legend or for real, or whether its a title or just a phrase, but an old friend spoke of a country song he said had the phrase: "if the lights are all flashin' and the bars are all down, then don't blame the wreck on the train" pretty good advice. |
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17 Oct 03 - 08:05 PM (#1037546) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,NH Dave or Dropkick me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life, Paul Craft and sung by Bobby Bare. |
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26 Jul 04 - 02:26 AM (#1233753) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: The Fooles Troupe Refresh |
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26 Jul 04 - 05:25 AM (#1233812) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Barbara Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye Ain't Been No Trash In My Trailer Since the Day I kicked You Out (I'm Just a) Possum In the Headlights of Your Love Our Only Good Years Were the Tires on the Car In the Elevator of Life, I got the Shaft You Stomped Upon My Heart and Squashed that Sucker Flat Blessings, Barbara |
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26 Jul 04 - 05:40 AM (#1233815) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Leadfingers UK based 'Fun' Band called Cocky (which had Keith Calton of instrument case fame in it) had a Vinyl entitled 'Twelve inches of Cocky ' back in the good old days . |
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26 Jul 04 - 05:52 AM (#1233821) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,yorkie Here's one that I'm rather ashamed to quote (and I quote it far too often). It is said to have been recorded by willie Nelson, though that may imply an equally tasteless joke .... "Tears on my Pillow (are the only wet spots in my bed)" And here's one said to have been recorded by Gene Autry! "I Still Write Your Name in the Snow". |
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26 Jul 04 - 08:06 AM (#1233866) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: JennyO musicmic, your collection would not be complete without this compilation song made up of country music titles, written by Martin Pearson (a very funny man) and John Thompson (currently of Cloudstreet). Their performances of this have brought the house down every time. Thanks Sandra for putting it in another thread :-) THE COUNTRY SONG c. Martin Pearson & John Thompson Mama, get the hammer, there's a fly on Papa's head. I've been roped and thrown by Jesus in the Holy Ghost corral. I fell in a pile of you and got love all over me, But who bit the wart off Grandma's nose? Chorus: I wanna whip your cow; I wanna whip your cow, 'Cause you just can't play a sad song on a banjo, anyhow. You done tore out my heart and you stomped that sucker flat. You made toothpicks from the timbers of my heart. If the jukebox took teardrops, I'd cry all night long. You stuck my heart in an old tin can and shot it off a log. Well, I guess if you can't feel it, then it ain't really there, And the last word in lonesome is "me." Repeat chorus If I can't be number one in your life, number two on you. I can't get over you, 'til you get out from under him. I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here, So I flushed you down the toilet of my heart. |
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26 Jul 04 - 08:16 AM (#1233869) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Inükshük She Was Only a Fisherman's Daughter (But Did She Reel When She Saw My Rod) |
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26 Jul 04 - 08:44 AM (#1233880) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Tracey Dragonsfriend There's a few by Judge Dread - Up With the Cock, The Winkle Man, Y Viva Suspenders... but the content tends to closely follow the title! |
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26 Jul 04 - 08:53 AM (#1233885) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Mingulay She was only a Yorkshire farmer's daughter, but she liked her Huddersfield. For those in the know, of course, most of these titles are pre SPROJ. Leadfingers will explain. |
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26 Jul 04 - 09:53 AM (#1233913) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Larry They can lock me up, but they can't keep my face from breaking out. The Assylum Street Spankers have a number of them If you love me, you'll sleep on the wet spot Scrotum and many others |
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26 Jul 04 - 11:08 AM (#1233946) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Uncle_DaveO Fretless, the actual title of that song (which you narrowly missed) is: "I've got tears in my ears, from lyin' on my back, in my bed, while I cry over you. Which also is the first verse. and maybe chorus too. Dave Oesterreich |
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26 Jul 04 - 11:38 AM (#1233965) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST breezy Marrie Lloyd was forced by the Lord Cancellor and a court case to refrain from singing "Sits among the Cabages and Peas" so she changed it to "She Stands among the Cauliflowers and Leeks". They didn't prosecute the second time! |
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26 Jul 04 - 12:54 PM (#1234027) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Scoville The Highwoods also had the title that had no tune, "Feed Your Babies Onions So You Can Find 'Em in the Dark". |
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26 Jul 04 - 02:51 PM (#1234117) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Compton .....You stole my wife, you Horse thief ! .....I'm so lonesome in the saddle since my horse died! |
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26 Jul 04 - 03:08 PM (#1234132) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Fergie How about I can't get over a girl like you, so you'll have to answer the phone yourself. Fergus |
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26 Jul 04 - 05:23 PM (#1234216) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Terry Allan Hall A local guy, Michael Martin, has a song called "How Can I Get You Off Of My Mind (When You're Sitting On My Face)"... Kinda tacky, but a crowd pleaser. |
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26 Jul 04 - 07:20 PM (#1234312) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Cool Beans "She Broke My Heart in Three Places: Seattle, Chicago and New York," a real song by the Hoosier Hot Shots |
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27 Jul 04 - 10:26 AM (#1234756) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: MikeofNorthumbria "If I offered to peel you an orange, would you think I was taking the pith?" Wassail! |
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27 Jul 04 - 10:59 AM (#1234783) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Big Jim from Jackson "Five Pounds Of 'Possum In My Headlights Tonight" and "If My Nose Ran Money, Honey, I'd Blow It All On You" by Mike Snider of the Grand Ol' Opry |
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27 Jul 04 - 12:54 PM (#1234853) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,daHOFman RE: Sounds a bit crude, but it's supposed to be a real song: "If I Can't Be Your Number One, Then Number Two On You!" ----------------------------------------- by the LATE & GREAT ROGER MILLER, NO LESS ... and I seriously doubt if Gene Autry recorded "I Still Write Your Name In The Snow" But Chet Atkins Did, i usta have it on a composite LP... |
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27 Jul 04 - 04:51 PM (#1235010) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,belter Just about any Ray Stevens song. Prop Me Up Beside the Juke Box When I Die There's A Tear In My Bear Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares Friggin in the riggin |
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27 Jul 04 - 06:08 PM (#1235061) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Zany Mouse What does SPROJ mean? |
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27 Jul 04 - 06:45 PM (#1235098) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Amos Special Project? A |
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27 Jul 04 - 07:20 PM (#1235131) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,mack/misophist Every one seems to have missed "My Tears Have Washed 'I Love You' From the Blackboard of My Heart". Thank You Dear Lord for Victory in Korea should be on the list, too. |
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28 Jul 04 - 04:11 AM (#1235364) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Mingulay SPROJ - the Society for the Protection and Retelling of Old Jokes and other associated similar silliness. Membership is free but by recommendation only. All suitable old jokes are given SPROJ numbers including variations, derivations and even deviations. Well known jokes are told by number only, hence by calling out (for instance) the number 13b to ardent SPROJJERS, you will, if a member of the cognoscenti,elicit at the very least a hearty chuckle. I would like to direct to the site on the web but it got hoovered up when spring cleaning. Yes, we have very clean springs. Hope that clears everything up, must go now time for the electro therapy. |
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28 Jul 04 - 06:56 AM (#1235416) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Mingulay Should have mentioned before SPROJ was originated by the late Dave Houlden. Nurse, the electrodes please! |
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28 Jul 04 - 09:04 AM (#1235469) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Snuffy Apparently one prospective member had to tell some jokes for an entrance examination. "48" he called: silence. "17c": not a titter. Whatever number he called out nobody laughed. Eventually he turned to his sponsor and said "Have I picked a load of duff jokes, then" "Nothing wrong with the jokes - it's the way you tell them" (I forget what number that one was) |
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28 Jul 04 - 11:23 AM (#1235556) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Mingulay Snuffy - Is this some sort of attempt at gaining membership by the back door? If so, it will not work, the committee will hear of this and you may be blackballed for ever. By the way, that is basically SPROJ number one, you used the wrong joke numbers. The treatment is not working, more power. |
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28 Jul 04 - 08:22 PM (#1235952) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Gene http://www.downstream.sk.ca/country.htm a comprehensive list of REAL and IMAGINED song titles... |
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29 Jul 04 - 02:22 AM (#1236104) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: rich-joy wasn't there a "Nice Legs!(Shame About the Face)" in the charts some years back?? ... Cheers! R-J |
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31 Jul 04 - 08:37 AM (#1237775) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Mr Red I just heard the opening lines of a song said to be sung by Mills and Jones, it sounded very 40/50's American. Ah! was that Spike Jones? It din't register at the time but it fits stylistically. "Never hit your Granny on the head with a shovel, it leaves a bad impression on her mind" |
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31 Jul 04 - 11:34 AM (#1237837) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Flash Company Hey, Cool Beans, I used to have the 78 of The Hoosier Hotshots singing that! The other side was 'Don't change horses in the middle of a stream (If you want to keep your britches dry!)' How about 'They don't make Jews like Jesus anymore' by The Texas Jewboys! Real, honest! FC |
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01 Aug 04 - 06:16 AM (#1238214) Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: kendall My favorite still is: She Won't Get Under Me 'til I get Over You. |