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11 Nov 04 - 08:33 PM (#1324048) Subject: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull A few years ago, a mate of mine [Trevor] lost his leg when he was knocked off a motorbke, and his leg was crushed under a truck. A while later, he took his car driving test, he had not had his false leg fitted at that time, so was hopping on crutches. The driving examiner said "it says here, you have a disability, what is your disability?" Trevor just looked at him, and said "Are you taking the piss?" |
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11 Nov 04 - 09:40 PM (#1324095) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Rapparee I had a flat tire, so I pulled onto the apron of a gas station. Got out of the car, opened the truck, pulled out the spare, the jack, and so on. A car pulled up, and a man quite seriously asked me, "Did you know that you have a flat?" |
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11 Nov 04 - 09:45 PM (#1324103) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Amos "No, I was just counting my tire-changing tools in case.....Why?" A |
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11 Nov 04 - 09:47 PM (#1324105) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Blissfully Ignorant I was once asked by7 the police if i had been drinking.. |
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11 Nov 04 - 11:28 PM (#1324193) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Rapparee I've always wanted to engage in this conversation: Cop: "May I see your license, sir?" Me: "Geez, I'd have thought you couldn't miss it, since it's framed and on the wall in the Judge's chambers!" But I've never had the guts. |
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12 Nov 04 - 12:01 AM (#1324223) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Peace I know of a fellow who receives a disability income because he lost one of his legs while working with heavy machinery. He has to check in with the disability people every six months and present a doctor's certification that his condition hasn't changed. This is not a stupid qwestion, but it certainly does prompt a few, doesn't it? |
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12 Nov 04 - 05:04 AM (#1324362) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Dave Hanson Does your head reach the top of your hat constable ? eric |
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12 Nov 04 - 05:39 AM (#1324374) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Sttaw Legend When you're walking round ASDA pushing a shopping basket full of food and alcohol, you meet someone and they say "are you shopping" |
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12 Nov 04 - 05:57 AM (#1324381) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: MBSLynne Er...when you walk into the pub and someone says "Do you want a drink?" Not that I'd hold it against them of course! |
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12 Nov 04 - 07:03 AM (#1324421) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Chris Green Pissed-up halfwits in pubs who say "Giz a go on your guitar, mate." If I've had a few as well I generally agree on the proviso that they let me drive their car around the block while they're doing it! |
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12 Nov 04 - 07:51 AM (#1324441) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: muppett how about when you're on a bus, train or in a pub and you're sat next to an empty seat & someone comes up to you & says, 'Is there someone sat on that seat?' |
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12 Nov 04 - 08:01 AM (#1324448) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Sandra in Sydney when I worked on the inquiry line at work, a bloke said "You mean I have to ask a question to get information?" (no, we are mind readers) another time I told a University student that his library held copies of our publications - "But where's my library?" he said in a very puzzled voice "Sorry, I've never been to your campus," I said politely At work I have a large file full of goobers (= dumb things we have been asked over the years), don't get me started, I could take over this thread!! |
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12 Nov 04 - 08:58 AM (#1324485) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Rapparee You're right about that, Sandra! You'd be surprised what people ask librarians! These are real, from my own experience: "Do you have any books?" (No, those things on the shelves have been repossessed.) "You mean I have to read this?!" (Brilliant, Sherlock! Brilliant!) "But why don't you have anything on the evolvution of the raccoon?" (Because nobody has written one -- why don't you get started, huh?) "Do you know where the bathroom is?" (No, I use the lawn.) "Why don't you people have any good books?" (We do, but we hide them from twits like you.) "Why do you people charge so much in fines?" (It's personal -- we only charge you and you have to make up the difference in our budget.) My second favorite stupid question, though: You leave a meeting and puke into a potted palm just outside the door. You're sitting on a chair, vomit on your shirt, pale, just barely in control again and someone walks by and asks, "You sick or something?" |
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12 Nov 04 - 09:12 AM (#1324496) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Bobert Glad you brought this one up, jOhn, 'cause it gives me an opportunity to get to one of my pet peeves: Yer in a resturant and the watress askes not once, twice but three times. "You doing allright?" Like what's this all about? Does she know something about the food that you don't? Grrrrrrrr. I hate that... Okay, maybe not hate, but intensely dislike, okay? Bobert |
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12 Nov 04 - 09:49 AM (#1324524) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: muppett Quotes from a group of youngsters I took on a on a weekend away in the Dales, potholing. ' Muppett how miles of undiscovered caves are there in this system?' ' When's the next Spring bank holiday winch down Gapping Gyill then? ' |
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12 Nov 04 - 09:50 AM (#1324528) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Georgiansilver Not sure if it's the same in the US but in U.K my favourite dislike of expression is the "Answered question".....to explain. I am in the queue at the Theatre when someone I haven't seen for a while passes by and says "Hi Mike, what are you doing going to the theatre"?? Or they may say "What are you doing sitting there"? or "What are you doing eating at Mc Donalds"? Sure the Brits will understand what I am saying here...so many people do this. Best wishes all. |
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12 Nov 04 - 09:53 AM (#1324531) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: muppett You meet someone you know in the Doctor's waiting room and they say 'HELLO, how you doing then?' |
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12 Nov 04 - 09:57 AM (#1324540) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Roger the Skiffler My favourite library one was the student who wanted a fullsize map or globe of the world! RtS (Why is dyslexia so difficult to spell? Why does monsyllabic have so many syllables? What is an occasional table the rest of the time? Why is there only one Monopolies Commission? Why does the hearing clinic want to make appointments by telephone?) |
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12 Nov 04 - 10:09 AM (#1324550) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: GUEST,Mingulay Going in to the doctor's surgery "How are you, I haven't seen you for a long time". No, I've been ill. |
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12 Nov 04 - 10:30 AM (#1324575) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: muppett ' Are here all weekend or just Friday to Sunday' |
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12 Nov 04 - 10:53 AM (#1324601) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Fibula Mattock There are no such thing as stupid questions, only stupid people asking questions. |
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12 Nov 04 - 10:59 AM (#1324605) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Sorcha How much is the free coffee? |
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12 Nov 04 - 11:00 AM (#1324608) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: SINSULL From an irate lady tourist at the Portland Head Lighthouse: "What time of year is the tide full? Everytime I come here it is low tide." |
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12 Nov 04 - 11:07 AM (#1324616) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: muppett A similar one to Sorcha; A 50p Cornet please ........... How much is that then? |
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12 Nov 04 - 11:16 AM (#1324625) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Chris Green Someone once asked me if I had any CDs by the songwriter Trad Arr! |
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12 Nov 04 - 11:30 AM (#1324639) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: muppett A pub I frequent in Whitby Sells guest beer. A list of the ones available is chalked up on a board. One weekend they ran out of the guest beers and as a joke the landlord chalked up ' Didly Squat and Bugger all' on the board and You've guessed it, It wasn't long before some ral ale drinker came in and asked for a pint of it. |
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12 Nov 04 - 11:41 AM (#1324651) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Chris Green A florist near me used to sell Calor Gas as well. My mum went in and asked what kind of flowers were calorgas and could she have a bunch. |
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12 Nov 04 - 03:10 PM (#1324876) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: GLoux Did you ever hear the song, "Foolish Questions" ? |
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12 Nov 04 - 05:59 PM (#1325028) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Dave the Gnome Have you lived here all your life? No - I'm not dead yet. Can you see me across the road? Dunno - I'll go and have a look. :D |
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12 Nov 04 - 06:09 PM (#1325040) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: GUEST We are attending John's funeral tomorrow. Oh, did he die? |
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12 Nov 04 - 06:58 PM (#1325075) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: GUEST,heric A guy once asked me if the Pope was Catholic. |
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12 Nov 04 - 09:48 PM (#1325205) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Joe_F I once read that a fairly common question asked of park rangers at the Grand Canyon was "What tools did they use?" On inquiry, it turns out that some think it was built by the Native Americans for religious purposes, and others that it was a WPA project in the '30s (that would certainly have made a dent in the unemployment figures). If I ever have occasion to be in contempt of court, I will follow the example of the man who said "If I could tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, I'd *be* God". |
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12 Nov 04 - 09:52 PM (#1325210) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Bill D "you're going to have daylight savings time, and change the whole country's clocks? Won't that confuse the chickens?" |
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13 Nov 04 - 06:06 AM (#1325475) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: van lingle Back in my (U.S.) high school history class the teacher asked wether anyone knew the current value of the pound and I volunteered that it was about $2.40. The All-Met lineman behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked "Hey Dave, 240 a pound for what?" |
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13 Nov 04 - 10:12 PM (#1326155) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Joe_F In a highschool class, I heard someone ask the teacher what a syntack was. (She didn't hear.) |
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27 Nov 04 - 10:10 PM (#1340890) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull waht is a syntack? |
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27 Nov 04 - 10:13 PM (#1340892) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Gypsy We live in a coastal tourist trap......the all time, top question, long about July: "Where are the whales?" I generally reply that they will be at the pub by 5pm. |
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27 Nov 04 - 11:21 PM (#1340916) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Carly During the years I worked in a bookstore we often heard some variation on "I'm looking for this book about a hairdresser, or maybe it was a dentist- it has a blue cover. Do you have it?" The scary thing was that sometimes I knew the book that was wanted! I also worked for a while at a very large fabric store, and would have to cope with telephone questions along the lines of " I have a suit and I need matching fabric to replace the skirt.It's red, well, kind of burgundy, wool, you know that color; do you have it in stock?"!!!!! Personally, the most annoying question was one I heard several times while I was pregnant. "Oh, you are going to have a baby. Was it planned?" (Of course, I'm going to stand here in the post office and discuss my sex life!)I never had the nerve to smile sweetly and say that my husband didn't want the chid, and I was trying to decide whether to leave him or jump off a roof, thanks for asking, but I thought about it. |
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27 Nov 04 - 11:29 PM (#1340918) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Helen I read this in a magazine many years ago, but I like the snappy retort: Q: "Are you pregnant?" A: "No, I'm just carrying it for a friend." One of my coworkers once asked "What date is Christmas this year?" The dedicated readers of Mills & Boon romantic fiction are a breed of their own. They used to come into the public library branches and only check the returned books which we left on the trolley near the circulation desk. Silly question on seeing an empty trolley: "Aren't there any books in today? I'll come back when you get some in." But my favourite is still: "Do you have the book called Tequila Mockingbird?" Helen |
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28 Nov 04 - 11:56 AM (#1341168) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: fat B****rd A former female colleague asked me if I could still "Y'know..." after I'd had a vasectomy. |
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28 Nov 04 - 12:16 PM (#1341181) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Leadfingers A year or so back someone asked the late Bill Eddy (Fine Fiddle Player he was) for "That Scottish Waltz" . Despite several attempts to identify the tune , NO joy . Then about half an hour later - "Thats the tune I asked for!!" Guess what tune ? The Dashing White Sergeant !! |
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28 Nov 04 - 12:33 PM (#1341197) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Don Firth A couple of good library ones up above. My wife works at the new Seattle Public Library (million of volumes). A real favorite seems to be, "Can you help me? I'm looking for a particular book. I can't remember the title or the author's name, but it's about this big (showing with the hands) and it has a sort of light blue cover. . . ." I think book stores get this one too. Don Firth |
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28 Nov 04 - 01:04 PM (#1341223) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: *Laura* How about when you're waiting at the bus stop and someone comes up - "Has the bus come yet?" And I got a few when I was working at the festivals - here's my personal favourite - woman: do you know Eliza Carthy's songs? me: I know some of them woman: (with delighted smile) oh great! well, I really liked this one she just played - it had loads of noise and music in it - which CD is it on? I kid you not! This was a real question! I rest my case. |
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28 Nov 04 - 01:06 PM (#1341225) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: *Laura* You get that with CDs too Don. Sometimes they add the helpful detail - 'oh they played here about nine years ago' when I was what? seven! |
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28 Nov 04 - 01:14 PM (#1341229) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: greg stephens My neighbour Elsie was an incredible star at this game. If I went out with a basket of washing, I'd no sooner got the first shirt on the line when she'd be out: "Hanging out the washing, eh. Greg?". Or as you were getting into the car "Going out then Greg?". Her masterpiece was the day the Lune flooded and our beck was rising fast at end of the gardens. "Putting out the sandbags, Greg?". |
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28 Nov 04 - 02:05 PM (#1341270) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: GUEST,Toenails john One cafe always asks this stupid qwestion For the sake of their own privacy I won't mention that it's O'Briens Irish sandwich bar(shit I knew i'd slip up) mind you as you'll see i start the ball rolling with an entirely stupid qwestion of my own, while in a sandwich bar...... Stupid qwestion 1 Me: Hello can I have a chicken sandwich with a BLACK coffee please? Stupid qwestion 2 Certainly sir, milk or sugar in the coffee? Grrrrrr Can you get a black coffee with milk in ANY part of the world?? |
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28 Nov 04 - 02:26 PM (#1341291) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: McGrath of Harlow The odd one there is Georgiansiver's "Answered question" - surely when people say things like "What are you doing going to the theatre"??, surely that's just an idiomatic way of sayingg "Why are you going to the theatre?" I mean, you might think it's an insulting questionm, but there's nothing stupid about the way it is phrased, it's just how the English language works. What gets me is "Are you doing anything?" when you clearly are doing something, as a way of interrupting you to ask you to do something else. "Sorry to interrupt what you are doing", that is a much politer way of doing it. |
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28 Nov 04 - 03:11 PM (#1341311) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Moonunit Moonunit: Can I have a neat whiskey please Bartender: Certainly, would you like some cola in your neat whiskey? Friend: Can I have a side order of chips? Waiter: Would you like some chips with that? Stoopid Mwoonunit thought of the day: Is there such a thing as an untidy whiskey...? |
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28 Nov 04 - 03:20 PM (#1341315) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Helen Don Firth, When I worked in the library someone told me that there was a prison library somewhere in Oz, organised by one of the inmates, and it was arranged with all the big yellow books together, then the little yellow books, then the big blue books etc etc. Apparently it worked pretty well as a system. Couldn't convince the library boffins to try it at our branch though. :-D Helen |
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28 Nov 04 - 04:00 PM (#1341347) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Cluin If I become blood brothers with someone, does that mean I've also become blood brothers with whomever he'd become blood brothers with in the past? |
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28 Nov 04 - 04:12 PM (#1341360) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Cluin Or would we be blood brothers once removed? |
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28 Nov 04 - 04:42 PM (#1341382) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: GUEST,Harmoni A couple of tourist questions: A tourist asked if our Canadian flag comes in any other colours. Another tourist asked why Gene Wilder was on our $10 bill. |
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28 Nov 04 - 05:11 PM (#1341394) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Uncle_DaveO GUEST,heric said: A guy once asked me if the Pope was Catholic. Two things here: That phrase, "Is the Pope Catholic?", as you might already know, is used to mean "Of course!" But there are extremely, radically conservative Catholics who seriously will tell you that the Pope is not Catholic, on the ground that he and his recent predecessors have abandoned what these old-liners insist are the very essence of historical Catholicism. Dave Oesterreich |
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29 Nov 04 - 11:48 AM (#1342167) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: Moses Not a stupid question, but a VERY irritating statement when I have just settled myself into an empty seat (bus, meeting, cinema etc.) and the person seated next to me says "Sorry, someone is sitting there". Just once, I got up, turned round and addressed this imaginery person with the words "I do apologise for sitting on you". Surprisingly little reaction was shown. Why did I get up? If there is a next time I shall say in a very loud voice "YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, I'VE LEFT MY HEARING AID AT HOME" and continue in that vein until they get fed up and leave (or someone much larger and uglier than me turns up to claim their seat). |
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29 Nov 04 - 01:39 PM (#1342274) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: GUEST I'm out in the yard tending to some steaks on gas barbecue and my nosey neighbor (that nobody likes much) says, "Hey neighbor, barbecuing today are you?" I want to say, "Nah. I'm going into the blacksmith trade and this here is my firebox." Ah-duuhhh! I worked in the lumber department at Home Depot (a chain of huge D.I.Y. warehouses). While stacking some boards, surrounded by nothing but wood in all directions, a customer comes up and says, "'Scuse me, is this lumber?" I was barely able to keep myself from saying, "Nah. This is a toothpick factory, and all this wood here you see is just waitin' to be cut up into little tiny pieces." All Home Depot employees are required to wear a bright orange apron while on the clock. So, I'm on the sales floor at the Home Depot putting way some merchandise on the shelves, and a customer walks up and says, "Hey, do you work here?" I managed to resist the temptation to repond with, "Nah. I'm just wearing this orange apron as a fashion statement." S |
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29 Nov 04 - 04:18 PM (#1342381) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: jonm So there I am in my lunchbreak, looking through the CDs in a store up the road, when someone asks me where the musicals are. I realise that, in a suit and still wearing an ID badge, they think I might work there, so I show them the badge. "So, you're a lecturer from the college as well. Do you know where I can find South Pacific?" |
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29 Nov 04 - 04:35 PM (#1342398) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Qwestions From: *Laura* "So this Guy Faulks bloke - do we let him off or what?" or my variation - "So this George Bush bloke - he's not so bad is he?" xLx |