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21 Dec 04 - 05:24 AM (#1362222) Subject: BS: Stupid Vans From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Hello, My van is a Bedford Rascal, and the battery is in the flor of the load area, so wehn you get flat battery, you cant jump start it, becase the wires arent long enough. so wahts the point of that then, and why did they make it so stupid? and even if wires was long enough, and you had loads of stuff in it, you would have to take it all out, and put it on the floor, and if it wwas raining it would get wet, and it might get damaged, ie=paper and that. so why dont they put battery in good place, like next to the door, then the wires would fit. |
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21 Dec 04 - 05:30 AM (#1362227) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Put the jump leads directly onto the starter motor Surge0n. Giok |
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21 Dec 04 - 05:34 AM (#1362232) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull dont know were the starter motor is on this stupid van. |
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21 Dec 04 - 05:39 AM (#1362237) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Houston we have a problem! |
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21 Dec 04 - 05:44 AM (#1362242) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Sttaw Legend Its next to the van-der-graph-generator jOhn |
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21 Dec 04 - 05:44 AM (#1362243) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Pete Jennings Er...are you sure it's the van that's stupid? Who bought it? LOL, Pete. PS. I used to have an MGB GT. It had a flat battery one morning and could I find it? Not exactly a big car, so not really anywhere to hide, eh? Tried under the bonnet (US = hood), in the boot (trunk), everywhere - could I bloody find it? (didn't have an owner's manual at the time). There was nowhere I hadn't looked that was big enough to house a 12 volt battery. Had to phone a mate of mine who revealed all - there were two tiny 6 volt batteries (in series) underneath the miniscule rear "seat". In all, took me over an hour to get the car started, with only the last 5 minutes being spent not locating the batteries! PPS. And yes, jOhn, it was me who bought it!!! Ho, ho ho. |
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21 Dec 04 - 05:50 AM (#1362245) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Sttaw Legend You may want to think about a conversion http://www.solarvan.co.uk/ |
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21 Dec 04 - 06:05 AM (#1362254) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Davetnova The starter motor is under the drivers seat JoHn. I have a Suzuki Supercarry. It is a Bedford Rascal with a Foreign name. The electrics are shite. Do not use with the lights and wipers on at the same time for any length of time. I tend not to use mine at night in winter. Anyway a quick push from a couple of Hullions should start it, they don't weigh much. |
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21 Dec 04 - 06:08 AM (#1362259) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull I'm going to convert my van to solar power, I may be some time. |
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21 Dec 04 - 06:24 AM (#1362274) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Davetnova It still won't run in the rain at night. |
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21 Dec 04 - 06:26 AM (#1362275) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay You'll need very long heatproof leads jOhn. |
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21 Dec 04 - 08:29 AM (#1362371) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: artbrooks Does the sun shine enough in Hull? |
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21 Dec 04 - 08:36 AM (#1362379) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Re the solar power, jOhn: Ya ever see a donkey with the carrot dangling in from of it?Never mind solar power. Hang a five gallon can of gas--petrol in your case--in front of the van. You won't need all that electrical stuff. Use your wits, man. Use your wits. |
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21 Dec 04 - 08:37 AM (#1362382) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mr Red Out of the Rascal's backside and I don't refer to the reversing light! |
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21 Dec 04 - 08:50 AM (#1362396) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST John sold his wits years ago |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:11 AM (#1362410) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie It's not just the elastic band that's perished in this cold weather is it? ;~) Giok |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:13 AM (#1362413) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Pete Jennings Now, now, Goik, don't get personal... |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:17 AM (#1362417) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Rapparee Hey, I used to play with the Elastic Band! Good group -- always stretching the limits, putting snap into the music, but it finally went bust. |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:24 AM (#1362422) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace I farted once and had nothing left but the elastic band. It was awesome. |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:27 AM (#1362426) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Pete Jennings After one of Sir jOhn's curries? |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:30 AM (#1362431) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Rapparee Couple I knew were giving a brand new, cab-over-engine, engine between the seats, van by Daddy (a Ford dealer). They moved to an area with lots of snow, and he, Big Brain that he was, decided that they needed more weight in the back for traction. He found and put in a 1,000 pound safe. One nice day, weather clear, road dry, no snow, he slammed on the brakes. Every hear of inertia? He learned about it when the safe slid forward and hit the engine compartment. |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:35 AM (#1362436) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Davetnova I think I want a solar van too. That is cool but £9,000 conversion costs. |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:47 AM (#1362445) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Blissfully Ignorant You could sell it and buy another one with the battery in a sensible place... but then something else would go wrong on it. All machines are b******s. Get a horse and cart. They run on hay, i think. |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:49 AM (#1362448) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Raggytash What ...... the curry farted and then Brucie did so as well |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:50 AM (#1362451) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Paco Rabanne My Fiat Scud is trundling along perfectly as usual. I have seen jOhn's van, and it is a piece of old clapped out shite! |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:55 AM (#1362458) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace "What ...... the curry farted and then Brucie did so as well" Farted is an understatement. History got it wrong. Do you remember 'the shot that was heard around the world'? Krakatoa? The first nuclear blast? They were NOTHING by commparison. Nothing I tell you. Also, while we're 'on' the topic: You know why turds are taperedat the ends? That's so yer a55hole don't slam shut. |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:58 AM (#1362461) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Blissfully Ignorant I thought it was to make them more aerodynamic. |
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21 Dec 04 - 10:05 AM (#1362471) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace If they weigh that much, ya have to lower them with a rope to avoid the splash. |
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21 Dec 04 - 10:06 AM (#1362472) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Bunnahabhain Thousand pound safe! Light as feather. Try about 2 1/2 tons of bricks, in the back of an old landie. On the way back from builders merchants, at a sensible speed ~20 mph. Tried stopping on a very muddy road. I tried and failed.I stopped quite well after going through the hedge and wall. Broke a headlight as well. Being a landie though, into reverse, finish last mile home a bit slower, unload and go round to say sorry. Now that's inertia in action. |
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21 Dec 04 - 10:57 AM (#1362482) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Assholes slamming shut are much akin to nudists sitting heavily on a stone bench. Like a round of applause. A Rascal could never carry Brucie's turd. |
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21 Dec 04 - 08:28 PM (#1362646) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Bill D simple answer...LOTS of hamsters, running in little wheels, generating current...feed the hamsters scraps from the curry place. |
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21 Dec 04 - 08:56 PM (#1362672) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Bobert Burn it and call the insurance company... Bobert p.s. 'er move the battery wherever you want or just get longer jump cables... or both.. or all 3... |
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21 Dec 04 - 09:09 PM (#1362678) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: JohnInKansas Some many years ago I had a vehicle with a "difficult" battery location, and of course the one that's hard to jumper always needs it the most. At the time I found a "terminal block" that I mounted in the engine compartment where it was easy to get to, and just ran a long wire back to the battery. You only need the "Pos" terminal for most vehicles, since the whole frame is the "Neg" side of the circuit. Been looking for another one of those terminals for my camper for about 3 years now, and I guess they just don't make them anymore. The camper is just about 2.4 feet too far back for my 20 ft jumpers to reach the battery on the tow truck, and I have to pull the battery at least half way out of the box to get the clamps on, so an "auxiliary" terminal would be really nice. Of course, if the dummy who plans my trips would remember to charge the camper battery before we get to the camp, it would help... John |
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22 Dec 04 - 02:02 AM (#1362819) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: mack/misophist "Warum einfach wenn es auch geht completziert?" Why should anything be easy when it can all be screwed up? |
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22 Dec 04 - 02:35 AM (#1362836) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Liz the Squeak Make something foolproof and nature will evolve a more foolish fool. We had a Mid-European car that had been converted for the English market... by turning the engine practically upside down. To change the fan belt you had to take the bloody engine block out. But my Lada (Nikki to his friends) was fantastic. It started better in cold weather than it did in hot, it aquaplaned like the Spruce Goose and I threw it round every corner you could think of, and with nothing more than a nasty tendancy to punctures (but then I put the proper tyres on) it behaved beautifully. Age, lack of parts and lack of money finally took its toll. And I only ever cleaned it twice. LTS |
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22 Dec 04 - 03:46 AM (#1362871) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Cleaning a Lada!!! TWICE!!!! |
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22 Dec 04 - 05:04 AM (#1362930) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Sacrilege!!!! |
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22 Dec 04 - 05:46 AM (#1362956) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Lada's came from the factory dirty. It's all that held them together. |
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22 Dec 04 - 06:18 PM (#1363588) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Liz the Squeak I didn't want to do it the second time, but it was parked outside the house when the local football team won an important match... Even I won't drive around with puke on the bonnet! LTS |
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22 Dec 04 - 07:07 PM (#1363625) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: number 6 A Fiat Scud ?!?!?! |
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22 Dec 04 - 11:31 PM (#1363733) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: EBarnacle Sounds like you need to search for that literary classic by Dick O'Kane--"How to Repair your Foreign Car." My favorite chapter is entitled [sic]: Why, when England rules the waves, will her cars not go through a puddle." It appears that nothing has changed. re: The Lada. When they came into the US, they were known as Fiat [that's Fix It Again, Tony] 128's. I recall one time, when I was working in the shop, trying to change the oil. There was not enough clearance to get the drain plug out without removing [or at least unfastening] the radiator. |
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23 Dec 04 - 01:27 AM (#1363767) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: DonMeixner Once again the evil work of Joseph Lucas, Prince of Darkness. |
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23 Dec 04 - 01:31 AM (#1363768) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace There is also Fix Often, Repair Daily. |
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23 Dec 04 - 02:12 AM (#1363783) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Seaking You could buy a spare battery and keep it (and a set of heavy duty leads) in the back of the van - just check it's charge every once in a while. You'll still have to find the starter motor first I'm afraid. |
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23 Dec 04 - 02:31 AM (#1363792) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Tannywheeler WOW!!!!! I got it, Ming. A foreign-language car joke and this highly UNmechanical dumb Texan GOT it. I wish I could afford to pay y'all what this education is worth. Just the laugh alone...(We call 'em Jumper Cables here, and I got it 'cuz we've mostly had cars where you had to keep 'em handy.) Solar-converted van, longer heatproof jumper cables -- gotta tell Hubby before he leaves for work. Thanks, guys. Tw |
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23 Dec 04 - 04:13 AM (#1363837) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Isn't it nice when a few simple words bring so much pleasure to someone? Nearly makes it worth getting up in the morning. By the way tw, most Christmas crackers have better jokes in them. |
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23 Dec 04 - 05:33 AM (#1363898) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Take your kangaroo for a walk with Jumper Leads. |
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23 Dec 04 - 06:16 AM (#1363925) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Shouldn't that be take your kangaroo for a jump with walker leads? Or is that a whole new scenario? |
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23 Dec 04 - 06:20 AM (#1363926) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace |
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23 Dec 04 - 06:21 AM (#1363927) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace Whew, that was close. |
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23 Dec 04 - 07:20 AM (#1363955) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay |
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23 Dec 04 - 07:22 AM (#1363956) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay It was close past here too. Whatever it was. |
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23 Dec 04 - 07:23 AM (#1363958) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace So, like, ya know how smart bombs crash into buildings and everything? Would smart vans do that, too? |
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23 Dec 04 - 07:37 AM (#1363969) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Yes, as long as they have unsmart drivers and very dodgy steering. |
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23 Dec 04 - 07:37 AM (#1363971) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace . . . 'cause if only stupi vans do that, then why are the bombs not called stupid bombs. Like, a smart bomb wouldn't hit anything. |
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23 Dec 04 - 07:38 AM (#1363972) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Snuffy I thought smart bombs were meant to kill all the people and leave the buildings unharmed. |
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23 Dec 04 - 07:46 AM (#1363978) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace So would smart vans do that, too? And then what about cobalt vans? Wow, this is getting complicated. |
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23 Dec 04 - 08:20 AM (#1364002) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie VAN der Graph Generator/Coq au VAN/Vincent VAN Gogh/VAN for the money two for the show/Visigoths and VANdals? C'mon Brucie fess up! Giok |
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23 Dec 04 - 09:25 AM (#1364037) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay "fess up"? What kind of language is that for a person of the Caledonian persuasion? I fear that too many American cops and robbers programmes are having an undue influence. VANity fair. |
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23 Dec 04 - 10:12 AM (#1364077) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Well when they use expressions like 'step up to the plate' on Radio 4 the world's going to hell in a handbasket anyway. Giok |
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23 Dec 04 - 10:16 AM (#1364085) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,Mingulay Very true Giok, very true. Our language is being eroded. |
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23 Dec 04 - 01:41 PM (#1364287) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Tannywheeler VAN and VAN makes tvoo? All the handbaskets we keep goin' ta Hell in are what keep the fires of Hell burning. Historic district preservation -- important work. conFESS Parker played Davy Crockett in the 1950s for Disney. NEUTRON bombs kill all the people and leave the buildings. SMART bombs are supposed to pinpoint a specific target and seriously minimize "collateral damage". Life is such fun. I won't tell if you won't. Tw |
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23 Dec 04 - 02:27 PM (#1364318) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: John MacKenzie Remember the Alamo |
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23 Dec 04 - 02:34 PM (#1364325) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Once Famous Stupid vans? As opposed to smart vans? |
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23 Dec 04 - 02:42 PM (#1364331) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Little Hawk Criticism of Irish music belongs above the line, doesn't it? |
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23 Dec 04 - 06:02 PM (#1364461) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: number 6 Smart vans, stupi vans, Neutron bombs, smart bombs, ... and a Fiat Scud ?!?!?!?! |
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23 Dec 04 - 07:15 PM (#1364511) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Peace and a partridge in a pear treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. |
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03 Feb 05 - 05:03 AM (#1397616) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: GUEST,dean.taberner@tesco.net my rascal wouldnt start this morning flat battery! what a sack of shite! |
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03 Feb 05 - 06:23 AM (#1397652) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: Davetnova Well my NAT, the supercarry(Rascal) antivampire (she can't go out at night) started on the second turn of the key on sunday. That was the first time she had been touched for a week. She just purred so I kept her at it for a couple of hours. This week I'm going to take her out to the country for dinner and a quiet stroll while no one is looking. |
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03 Feb 05 - 08:18 AM (#1397727) Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans From: robomatic My first summer home from college I got a job driving a delivery van for a laundry outfit. Went from town to town in New England in this ancient Dodge unit with the engine under my right elbow. The entire van had been shaken by god and then set down again, there were no right angles left, the tires had some tread between the bald spots and the rear doors were held together by faith and some twine. I'm one of the only New Englanders who once found Islington, and my experience with inertia was that as I accelerated a wheeled canvas tub full of clean shirts castered slowly to the rear and then kept going, in the town center. I think it was later the same day that a tire blew but the engine was so shaky I couldn't tell at first. |