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02 May 05 - 12:15 PM (#1476508) Subject: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace To keep the thread title clean I didn't use the F word. Farts are many things to many people. What do farts mean to you? That is, do you 'see' them as friendly releases that help you gain a degree of comfort with yourself or do you perceive them to be a nuisance to be ignore (or at least blamed on the dog)? |
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02 May 05 - 12:19 PM (#1476512) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Blissfully Ignorant I just let rip, scratch my arse, and grin stupidly. Must be hanging around with teenage boys taht does it... |
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02 May 05 - 12:22 PM (#1476515) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: wysiwyg I like to give them names (everyone's farts), at Mudcat Gatherings. One reason we have so much fun at them. (Joking) ~S~ |
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02 May 05 - 12:23 PM (#1476516) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: CarolC Yeah sure, Blissfully Ignorant, but do you light them? |
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02 May 05 - 12:26 PM (#1476522) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Blissfully Ignorant I used to....but then one time i lit a fart when i was wearing a skirt, and my tights got melted onto my thigh... my friend and i nearly peed ourselves laughing. Which would have been handy had my skirt caught on fire, i suppose.... |
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02 May 05 - 12:27 PM (#1476525) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: gnu I figured Spaw, but brucie? |
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02 May 05 - 12:27 PM (#1476526) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace This is likely not an appropriate question to ask ladies; it is therefore addressed to the world at large. We have all had farts that we let go--only to find out they had NO odor. I ask then, "What's the use?" Where does a fart like that come from? |
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02 May 05 - 12:36 PM (#1476530) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Blissfully Ignorant A fart like that is the ghost of a previous fart that died before it could escape. |
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02 May 05 - 12:43 PM (#1476535) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: heric Thanks for starting this thread to prove a point brucie. Flatulence odors, to me, mean molecules - physical, tangible molecules entering my nose, penetrating my mucosa and entering my bloodstream. A physical intrusion into my lungs, heart, and cardiovascular system, even intruding upon my brain cells. From someone else's ass. Chew on that for a while. And have a nice day! i will not post to this thread i will not post to this thread |
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02 May 05 - 12:46 PM (#1476537) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace You are MORE than welcome, heric. If I'd bet, you'd a jus' made me ten bucks. The science of farts is interesting, but no scientist yet has put it in the poetic manner you have. Sing on O sweet lips that never told a lie. |
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02 May 05 - 01:02 PM (#1476549) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: CarolC Yes, I have to say that I tend to think of them in the same way that heric does. Real molecules of real stuff that comes out of someone's ass. I think of the odor in a recently used bathroom/washroom/lavatory in the same way. |
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02 May 05 - 01:25 PM (#1476569) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Donuel In every life there is one gaseous episode that ranks titanticly head and shoulders above any other eruption before or since. These Herculean accomplishments become the stuff of myths. Unless there is a witness. |
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02 May 05 - 01:40 PM (#1476580) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Donuel New sampler pack http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/attachments/bubblewrap.swf |
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02 May 05 - 02:45 PM (#1476640) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Rapparee A young feller was courting the daughter of a high-class citizen, a judge. He was a terrific classical piano player and would play his own compositions at the drop of hat. After dinner at the young lady's house one evening, he suddenly felt that the meal hadn't really set well on his stomach, and yet he still had the courtin' part to do. Gritting his teeth, he walked to the concert grand and announced to her that he would play his own new composition, entitled "The Storm." He ripped into it, and under the cover of the thunder and lightning he could relieve the growing gas pressure in his stomach. He did, and felt considerable relief. "How did you like it?" he asked her when he was done. "It was fine!" she exclaimed. "I especially liked the part where the shithouse blew up." Fer all you smart fellers.... |
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02 May 05 - 03:09 PM (#1476658) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Blissfully Ignorant That bubble wrap thing is so cool...i drew a bubble wrap smiley face... Here's some toilet humour and here's some more. |
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02 May 05 - 03:30 PM (#1476674) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak I love that cat but experience teaches me they don't announce it quite like that..... a sly smirk or a stupid look round as if to say 'was that my bum?' Church pews (of the old fashioned variety) are great for 'rolling farts' - those explosive bursts you can't keep to yourself any longer - they sound like a ball bearing being rolled down a metal drainpipe..... LTS |
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02 May 05 - 03:37 PM (#1476680) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Blissfully Ignorant It's so funny when dogs fart and then look at their bum, totally discombobulated....and then start chasing their tail....hehhehe...he.. |
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02 May 05 - 03:57 PM (#1476695) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: bobad the farting dot - fun for the entire family. |
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02 May 05 - 04:14 PM (#1476715) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Georgiansilver So this lady went to the doctor and said "Doctor, I have a problem! I keep farting at the rate of around 200 a day and I have done five since being in your office...but they are always silent and they never smell" The Doctor wrote a prescription for some pills and the lady took them for a week but returned to the doctor complaining "Doctor, I am farting just as much but they smell terrible since I've been taking those pills" The doctor said "Good!!! that's sorted out your nasal problem..now let's see if we can do something about the deafness"!!!!!! Best wishes, Mike. |
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02 May 05 - 04:17 PM (#1476717) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Jaysus, I start one serious thread a year and look what you lot have done to it! |
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02 May 05 - 04:33 PM (#1476731) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Rapparee Hmmm...if the whole crew took part, could you use this as a technique to beat the doldrums if you were at sea in a sailing vessel? |
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02 May 05 - 05:04 PM (#1476754) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Perfect present for the person who has everything. |
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02 May 05 - 05:13 PM (#1476761) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace I admit to using a whoopee cushion once at a staff meeting. Yep. Principal's chair. When he sat down I looked up and said, "Pardon me?" It was an ice breaker. First time we ever had words. |
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02 May 05 - 05:14 PM (#1476762) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,van lingle Weren't they that great funk group from the 70's and 80's? |
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02 May 05 - 05:28 PM (#1476770) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Alba Nearly the same Band van lingle only this one had a hit with Putrefaction Wonderland. Jude:>) |
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03 May 05 - 01:31 AM (#1476805) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi I found this rhyme in an old thread: Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Kazoo - PM Date: 19 Jun 98 - 10:32 PM Driving down the highway doing 77 Someone blew a big one and blew himself to heaven The car couldn't take it, the engine fell apart All because of someone's (insert persons name)Supersonic fart Fee-fi-fo-fum here comes another one two-four-six-eight everyone evacuate. -snip- The link to that thread is Here **** Note to the original poster: Thanks Kazoo, whoever and wherever you are. I hope you don't mind me posting this without your permission. |
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03 May 05 - 03:48 AM (#1476839) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak We coined a phrase for it at the weekend... explaining to someone of a delicate disposition that they may have picked the wrong group to bunk with, we formed a company called 'Bodily noises R us'.... summed it up really. I blame the Early Bird beer.. so called cos it gives you worms. LTS |
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03 May 05 - 08:00 AM (#1476893) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST Oh my! I am just this morning reminded of the worst fart. At least tenfold worse than a double broccoli-turnip-bean-curry fart. Beer and lobster. Can't blame it on the dog... he ran away. |
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03 May 05 - 08:17 AM (#1476911) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,Azizi Here's another example of a 'superpersonic fart' rhyme from Wheee! Blog "...cruising down the highway going 64 gradma let a big one and blew us out the door the hinges broke upon it the tires fell apart all because of grandma's super sonic fart!!! " posted by Jessica at April 17, 2004 08:15 PM [This rhyme is excerpted from a "Miss Suzy Had A Steamboat" rhyme and is used with permission from that blog's members] |
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03 May 05 - 09:19 AM (#1476942) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST Art, Art, let a fart, and blew his pants all apart. |
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03 May 05 - 09:28 AM (#1476947) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,Rapaire My grandfather said that he knew a fella who was courtin' a fair young lass. Her family was fairly well-to-do, not rich, but comfortable, and owned a nice farm (this was back in the days when you could make a decent living farming, which shows you how far back it was). He was sitting on the porch with the young lady and her folks one evening when the pressure built up to the point the Something Had To Give. Faced with an embarassing situation, he arrived at a creative solution. Just barely before the critical moment he'd stand up, stretch, fake a stumble, and catch himself on the rope of the bell they used to call folks to dinner. The ringing of the bell would cover the eruption. All went exactly as he'd planned it, except for one little detail. The bell was no longer used and they'd removed the clapper. |
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03 May 05 - 10:11 AM (#1476981) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace One of the boys let a fart loose in a tent during a rain storm. He was pummelled repeatedly. |
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03 May 05 - 10:38 AM (#1477007) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Blissfully Ignorant Me ex was capable of producing the most disgusting farts ever....i don't know how he managed it, i honestly don't. And i don't know where he got the idea that holding your girlfriends head under the cover shortly after letting off is a real turn on for said female....*sigh*... |
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03 May 05 - 10:39 AM (#1477011) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Took a real asshole to do that. |
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03 May 05 - 10:41 AM (#1477012) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Alba Maybe just one of the reasons he is your Ex then Blissy? Charming...that kind of behaviour only works if said farts smell like a fresh summer meadow...and not a sewage recycling plant!!!...:>) Jude |
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03 May 05 - 10:49 AM (#1477019) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Mine smell like ambrosia; roses on a mild summer day. It's amazing, actually. |
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03 May 05 - 10:50 AM (#1477024) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak I think this may have been posted elsewhere here but, unlike the fart in it, bears repeating... I know a lot of people who are masters of the Pungent Parps. universally acknowledged as the greatest of these was a lovely man by the name of Mike Mullen, sadly, now departed. He and 9 other men were porters or carriers of a large processional giant, Gogmagog. This giant was invited, with others from Britain, to Brussels for a festival. Lining the parade route were hundreds of people and, advertising a circus that was in town, a pair of elephants. As the parade passed by, these elephants were getting a bit frisky. As the giants from Britain passed by, the first, a 10ft lady Lilbet Large caused them some nervous moments. The second, Nathandriel from Huddersfield, a modest 17ft, caused definate consternation with these elephants. The third giant to pass, Gogmagog, a monster at 28ft, carried by 10 men, caused havoc. The elephants in fright, dropped a huge fart, which, being somewhat heavier than the air around it, dropped to the ground and was wafted under the giants skirts where it struck. To a man, 9 men put down the giant and fled the structure with a cry of 'Mullen, you bastard!' I've experienced many farts, both human and animal before and since, but nothing has ever come close to the Belgian Elephant Breakout! |
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03 May 05 - 11:31 AM (#1477070) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Sttaw Legend Always anticipate the velocity to ensure you do not follow through. |
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03 May 05 - 11:59 AM (#1477094) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak Unlike the elephant..... LTS |
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03 May 05 - 12:01 PM (#1477096) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Hey, are farts wet and lumpy? |
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03 May 05 - 12:03 PM (#1477100) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Bill D Multi-verse limerick about the world's greatest artist on a Wind Instrument |
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03 May 05 - 12:16 PM (#1477108) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST The after dinner adaptation of Snow White? |
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03 May 05 - 02:09 PM (#1477192) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi Here's a 'fart' rhyme from Back of the Bus Songs thread: "Subject: RE: Back of Bus Songs From: Gervase - PM Date: 18 Jul 01 - 04:38 PM We used to sing a version of Mademoiselle from Armentieres about a fart. Blessed if I can remember all of it, but snippets were: The fart went rolling down the street, Knocked a copper off his feet. The copper drew his rusty pistol And shot the fart from here to Bristol... The Pope of Rome was drinking gin The fart flew down and fell right in. The fart went rolling down his spine And knocked his knackers out of line. Ah, such memories of such rubbish!" -snip- Thanks Gervase! And BTW: It may seem like I'm looking for these rhymes, but I actually just bumped into them while doing other research}. |
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03 May 05 - 02:20 PM (#1477199) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi "Ink Stink" was a common rhyme when I was growing up in Atlantic City, New Jersey in the 1950. This was chanted after someone "let out wind". "Bad" kids also used to say this rhyme to tease some other kid just because... Ink stink. A bottle of ink. Somebody let out an awful stink. It was Y-O-U! **** Here are two versions of that rhyme that I recently collected from children in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania: Stunk in the barnyard. Pee you! Who did it come from From you. **** Ink in the bottle. You stink. Who did it come from? From you. **** Does anyone remember any other versions of "Ink Stink"? |
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03 May 05 - 02:34 PM (#1477208) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace I have been posting to the Grumpy old men thread, but no more. Hey, listen up. FYI, this thread was never meant to be serious. If any of y'all take it that way, well, DON'T. So, about Chicago, the Windy City. Why? |
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03 May 05 - 02:36 PM (#1477209) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Blissfully Ignorant Here i sit, broken hearted...paid a penny and only farted...:( |
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03 May 05 - 02:39 PM (#1477213) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace In days of old When knights were bold And toilets weren't invented; They'd leave their load In the middle of the road And ride away contented. |
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03 May 05 - 02:50 PM (#1477226) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak From one of the Carry On films... 2 doctors playing 'spot diagnoses' see a gentleman come in walking in a stiff manner. One guesses a slipped disk, the other guesses a hernia. They go and ask the gentleman: "You thought I have a hernia? Well you were wrong. And you thought I had a slipped disk... you were wrong." "Well what is wrong with you?" "I thought I was going to pass wind. I was wrong." LTS |
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03 May 05 - 02:52 PM (#1477228) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: catspaw49 I just refreshed a 6 year old thread that makes an ideal companion to this one. Spaw |
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03 May 05 - 03:24 PM (#1477259) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak And here's the picture that should accompany it... Brucie - still looking.... LTS |
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03 May 05 - 03:36 PM (#1477278) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak Here you go Brucie... that isn't you in the picture is it? LTS |
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03 May 05 - 03:45 PM (#1477290) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Rapparee If dragons shot flames out of their mouths, wouldn't they do something similar out the back? Could they do both at once? Where is scientific investigation when it's needed? |
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03 May 05 - 03:46 PM (#1477292) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Michael We used to use 'Ink Pink' as a choosing IT rhyme; whoever was first to start went round the circle pointing to one person with each word;'Ink pink you stink of cow muck'.Muck became IT. |
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03 May 05 - 04:22 PM (#1477311) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace This happens when I mix eggs and peanut butter and beer. |
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03 May 05 - 04:27 PM (#1477314) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Georgiansilver To fart it is a pleasure, It gives the bowels ease. It delicately scents the sheets, And suffocates the fleas. Now for one of my originals....never "aired" in public before! I went to an organised party, Which was somewhat out of my class. Compared to the other attenders, My manners appeared somewhat crass. But someone broke wind, yes they farted, And the blame was sent all round the houses. What made it much worse was, whoever it was, Had done that great fart in my torusers! Best wishes, Mike. |
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03 May 05 - 04:49 PM (#1477332) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Good one, Mike. |
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03 May 05 - 05:00 PM (#1477337) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Rapparee Do a search at Alta Vista images for "flatulent nun." Scroll down the page to see her in action. |
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03 May 05 - 05:38 PM (#1477362) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace With thanks to Wolfgang. |
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03 May 05 - 05:39 PM (#1477363) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace PS That's NOT Wolfgang BTW. But he was kind enough to find the pic. |
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03 May 05 - 06:03 PM (#1477380) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak I was going to send you that one as well, but it fell off the link and I gave up... it's a goodie! LTS |
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03 May 05 - 06:16 PM (#1477394) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: jacqui.c Never trust a fart....... |
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03 May 05 - 06:45 PM (#1477425) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Thanks for trying , Liz, and LOL Jacqui. There's a story I could tell about that, but maybe I'll leave it to another time. Gawdamighty. |
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03 May 05 - 06:48 PM (#1477431) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: jacqui.c I reckon most of us have one of those stories Brucie. |
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03 May 05 - 07:10 PM (#1477450) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Shanghaiceltic Used to use the phrase 'Excuse me I just trod on a duck' In China I have got used to the free and easy way that the Chinese fart and burp with no embarassment at all. My first experience here was a good few years ago when I was demonstrating some test equipment to a mixed group of male and female engineers. They had just had lunch. One young lass was standing in front of me, just as I was getting to the crux of the demo, she burped twice, raised a leg and let rip. Not a flicker crossed her comrades faces, I had to bite my tounge to stop laughing as this was a new one (at that time) to me. |
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03 May 05 - 07:17 PM (#1477454) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: The Barden of England My mother used to say " Ah - the plaintive cry of a captive turd!" Always amused me |
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03 May 05 - 07:20 PM (#1477456) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace My favourite expression to do with flatulence: He's got nothin' left but the elastic band. |
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03 May 05 - 10:22 PM (#1477554) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Hey. All you folks who have participated in this thread. Thank you. However, the thread is eight short of the seventy-five I had predicted it would go to. This is a real disappointment to me. So I will tell y'all about the following: Amaze your friends. The shot that was heard around the world? It ain't been done yet. Try this and really impress that special someone of yer dreams. FART with yer neked tuch pressed firmly against--are ya ready for this?--really?--OK then, AN AIR MATTRESS. |
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04 May 05 - 04:02 AM (#1477634) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak I have a picture of my aunt on her wedding day. The entire family are lined up and in one of them, Granpop has his leg raised. When asked afterwards why he was standing thus, he said 'I needed a fart, and when you need a fart....' Could this be the only photograph of a vintage 1965 fart? LTS |
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04 May 05 - 06:35 AM (#1477697) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Georgiansilver A sigh is an expression, That comes from the heart. If expressed downwards, We call it....... |
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04 May 05 - 07:27 AM (#1477728) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: jacqui.c Poor man's jacuzzi - a fart in the bath. |
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04 May 05 - 08:07 AM (#1477765) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Rapparee I have a collection of writings by Benjamin Franklin entitled Fart Proudly. |
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04 May 05 - 10:31 AM (#1477852) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace I'm so fulla gas I'm being followed by people from OPEC. |
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04 May 05 - 10:32 AM (#1477853) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: jacqui.c Just don't take up fire eating. |
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04 May 05 - 10:48 AM (#1477870) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Donuel This vulgar and inane thread couldn't possibly reach 75 ;0 |
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04 May 05 - 11:37 AM (#1477918) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Georgiansilver Certainly could with a following wind! |
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04 May 05 - 01:39 PM (#1478009) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: jacqui.c I was walking down the road with my three year old daughter when she suddenly announced in a loud voice that she had farted. I told her that that was not a good word to say in public whereupon she shouted"FART, FART, FART, FART" at the top of her voice. Thirty-two years later and I'm still thinking about revenge for that one. |
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04 May 05 - 01:40 PM (#1478010) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi Where I come from "farting" is called "breaking wind". Does anyone else remember kids making the sound of farts by putting their arm to their mouth and blowing? Not that I ever did anything like that-publicly anyway. |
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04 May 05 - 02:12 PM (#1478034) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Rapparee PDQ Bach (1807-1742?)wrote for, among other instruments, the Windbreaker. |
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04 May 05 - 02:44 PM (#1478059) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace I used to be eble to make that farting sound by putting my hand in my armpit and dropping my elbow. It was a real art form where I grew up. So much so that we really looked up to people who had great skill at it. The ultimate challenge was to do it in class and get in trouble for it. One would then have the admiration of one's peers for minutes--if not hours. I recall a fellow I shall call Earl--that was his name; thus that is the reason I shall call him that--who got in trouble for REALLY farting in class. Turned out it wasn't a fart--or it was, but there was baggage with it. Earl was the envy of all in a weird kinda way. We all liked him until the day in winter when he sneezed into his hand and then chased all of us around the school yard, threatening to wipe his hand on our jackets. We had serious things happening in grade four. |
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04 May 05 - 02:52 PM (#1478067) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Blissfully Ignorant I use to do the hand under the armpit thing too... but, i can't do it now, not since i sprouted boobs. It's a tragedy... |
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04 May 05 - 02:53 PM (#1478069) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace I have NO comment at this time. |
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04 May 05 - 03:02 PM (#1478079) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Blissfully Ignorant "I have NO comment at this time. " Isn't that a comment itself, of sorts? |
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04 May 05 - 03:08 PM (#1478083) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Georgiansilver Just another thread with a load of hot air in it! It stinks! |
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04 May 05 - 04:20 PM (#1478156) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi Yeah, I remember kids in New Jersey also doing that hand under the armpits and dropping the elbow movement to make the sound of farts.. Not me though. Unlike kids like Brucie and his friend Earl, I never got in trouble in school-or outside of school for that matter. But I confess to having some envy of kids who had the courage to defy authority. They certainly seemed to be having more fun than I did. But maybe the "I'm having fun. I don't care if I get in trouble for breaking the rules" attitude was faked just like they faked the farting sound. Okay, I'm getting to heavy duty here...see what I mean? I apologize for the seriousness. Back to the fun & games! |
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04 May 05 - 04:20 PM (#1478157) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace I agree. The idiot that started this thread should be told that there is NO place here for that kind of thing. He should be ashamed of himself for being involved with juvenile humour. The twit! I am OUT of here. |
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04 May 05 - 04:21 PM (#1478159) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace OOOPS. |
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04 May 05 - 04:25 PM (#1478162) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi Well, Brucie, I hope you're not leaving because I categorized you and your friend as bad boys. I did apologize for being serious. This thread is all about humor, isn't it? So did you really mean that you are OUT of here, or were you being witty? That's another thing-a lot of time I couldn't get the punch line of jokes. |
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04 May 05 - 06:05 PM (#1478235) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: skipy I can't sing & I can't play an instrument, but I can fart! I even plan my diet to be able to fart at work, this bring pleasure to my compatriates! well thats how I see it. Skipy |
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04 May 05 - 06:07 PM (#1478241) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Georgiansilver Or in the words of the great Bob Dylan:- How many beans in a baked bean can? How many beans in a can? The answer my friend, Is blowin' in the wind! The answer is blowin' in the wind! |
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04 May 05 - 06:30 PM (#1478261) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Wasn't there a group in France that made music with their, uh, well, you know? |
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04 May 05 - 08:52 PM (#1478363) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace FYI |
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05 May 05 - 07:21 AM (#1478642) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Georgiansilver Not a new concept though Brucie as Joseph Pujol took Paris by storm in the late 19th century...known as "Le Petomane"(the farter) he could fart "The Marsellaise". imitate a battle with guns, cannonfire etc and even included his lovely daughters in his act. He performed for Royalty..including Prince Albert (England).....Much to Queen Victorias dismay. He farted in all the best theatres including the famous Moulin Rouge. I believe you can still get the video of "Le Petomane" played by Leonard Rossiter...and believe me it is funny!. Best wishes, Mike. |
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05 May 05 - 11:02 AM (#1478726) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,brucie Thank you, Mike. Knew it was out there somewhere. |
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05 May 05 - 11:09 AM (#1478728) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,brucie Allow me to rephrase that . . . . |
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06 May 05 - 04:09 AM (#1479211) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Georgiansilver Can't let a rattling good thread die....besides Ted hasn't had his 100 yet. |
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06 May 05 - 07:00 AM (#1479268) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak So why is it such a taboo to fart or belch openly in Britain, when on the continent and in the Far East, it's ignored or encouraged? LTS |
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06 May 05 - 07:27 AM (#1479278) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: jacqui.c I wouldn't be surprised to find a Victorian influence in there somewhere - they were great for 'public decency'. |
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06 May 05 - 08:51 AM (#1479320) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi IMO, I feel the Bush draft blowing stronger should be combined with this one. After all, both of them are about an stinking ill wind that brings no good. |
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06 May 05 - 08:53 AM (#1479322) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi I meant to say that that Bush blowing in the wind thread is a gas too {and not the laughing kind}. |
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06 May 05 - 08:55 AM (#1479326) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Paco Rabanne 99 |
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06 May 05 - 08:57 AM (#1479329) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Paco Rabanne I am the top dog and no mistake! |
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06 May 05 - 09:36 AM (#1479351) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Ramblingsid Of course there is Les Barker's seminal work on this subject. A parody of the scottish song "Blow the wind southerly" which is turned into "Breaking wind suddenly". Somewhere in there, there is the line "I blamed the dog, but they knew it was me". Blaming the dog though remains my best excuse. |
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06 May 05 - 12:02 PM (#1479456) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: heric If your fragrance resembles a Labrador's in any fashion, you'd better see a doc, and ask for a full bowel resection. |
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06 May 05 - 05:57 PM (#1479680) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak Well, as Les once won a bottled fart at a poetry contest, he should know all about them! LTS |
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06 May 05 - 06:44 PM (#1479699) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace I had a dog that ate apples. She loved the things. Man, could she fart afterwards. She would give her rear a look when the 'wind' exited. I don't think she ever connected eating apples with farting. Just thought you all should know about that. |
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06 May 05 - 07:04 PM (#1479705) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: John Hardly I had a dog who loved apples too. He didn't fart, though. At least that's what he claimed. |
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06 May 05 - 07:13 PM (#1479710) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace John, a friend of mine had a dog named Barth. Barth ate carrots. Then Barth farted, and farted, and farted. We all loved that dog when he wasn't eating carrots. When he was, that poor thing couldn't get anyone to pet him; indeed, he couldn't get anyone to stay in the same room with him. |
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06 May 05 - 11:42 PM (#1479836) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,Genie who ate her cookie Shouldn't this topic be in the Music section of Mudcat? (Beans, beans, the musical fruit - The more you eat, the more musical you become ... ) |
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07 May 05 - 03:45 AM (#1479883) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: dianavan The farts of others are nauseating. I never breathe through my mouth if I smell a fart because its as if I'm eating it. Yech! Did you know that meat-eaters have much worse-smelling farts than vegetarians? Of course, my farts don't smell at all. My ex-husband would fart in bed and then hold my head under the covers and laugh. Don't you think thats abusive? I accidently farted in front of my class. It was the highlight of their year. Can we change the subject to smelly feet or something? |
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07 May 05 - 04:00 AM (#1479888) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak I can see why he is an EX husband.... although it it were my head he were holding there, he would probably be a LATE husband...... Why is it, when blokes fart or belch in public, it's amusing and a sign of how masculine and virile they are... when women do it, it's disgusting. I've never had a problem with wind (although many of my acquaintances may have had), but I do try very hard to gauge a situation before I let rip..... there are some not a million miles from where I am today, who would do well to learn the art of the silent belch... and particularlry how to belch without leaning to one side so that it's blatantly obvious to all what they are doing! LTS |
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07 May 05 - 08:33 AM (#1479969) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi Let's hear it for the children! After all, telling people they stink is a widespread name calling tradition. Here's another children's rhyme to add to those I gave before: "1819 Aligator Street Every night they had a fight and this is what they said: Boys are rotton made out of cotton Girls are handy made out of candy Boys go to Jupiter to get more studpider Girls to to Mars to get more candy bars Ink a Bink a Bottle of Ink The cork fell out and you stink!" posted by Joy Beth at January 23, 2004; http://octopuses.chaoticinsanity.com [used with permission of the that Blog's members] |
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07 May 05 - 09:03 AM (#1479981) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi GUEST,Genie who ate her cookie began to quote a version of that 'classic' rhyme "beans, beans, the musical fruit". Here's one version that I found: "Beans, beans, the musical fruit The more you eat, the more you toot The more you toot, the better you feel Beans are good for every meal Beans, beans are good for your heart The more you eat, the more you fart The more you fart, the better you feel So have some beans at every meal." posted by Miranda at August 19, 2004; http://octopuses.chaoticinsanity.com [used with permission of the that Blog's members] |
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07 May 05 - 03:48 PM (#1480171) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Makes ya wanna, doesn't it? |
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07 May 05 - 08:28 PM (#1480289) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Guy Wolff Wasnt that a hip horn band in the late sixtys from just outside Chicago : " Gas Wind & Fatulence " . They were a little to middle of the road for me . Thanks for the memories . I was once in a band called "Polecat" wich is more to the point . All the best , Guy |
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07 May 05 - 08:53 PM (#1480301) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: bobad A stinky fart under the covers can ruin those most intimate moments. With bodymint the stools turn an attractive green instead of that boring brown color. The green Bodymint contained in the stools deodorizes the gases as they transit the intestine. Farts will not smell like roses, but the sharpest and most disgusting nasal notes are reduced or eliminated. At last a cure, read all about it here |
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07 May 05 - 09:30 PM (#1480314) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak Why do we insist on hiding the aromas that nature gave us? LTS |
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07 May 05 - 10:46 PM (#1480337) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi Has any body mentioned that this thread is a gas? No? Okay I will. This thread is a gas! |
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08 May 05 - 12:10 AM (#1480353) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace CH4 (with a bullet). |
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08 May 05 - 03:43 AM (#1480391) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi Here's a couple of regional USA vernacular phrases for the word 'farting' that I ahve noticed: In Atlantic City, New Jersy where I was raised farting was called "breaking wind". In Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where I live now {when African Americans fart} we say we have 'passed gas'. I don't think we use the word 'fart' very much if at all. |
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08 May 05 - 05:03 AM (#1480407) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak My favourite euphemisms are 'Master Robert is talking German' and 'Sir appears to have stepped upon a duck'.... LTS |
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08 May 05 - 12:36 PM (#1480474) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,Uncle DaveO Both "passing gas" and "breaking wind" are extremely common in Southern Minnesota, where I grew up, and Central Indiana, where I've lived for 45 years. Then there's also: to let one to cut one (or "cut a fart") to cut cheese I'm sure there's a myriad of other well-known expressions for this basic human FUNction. Dave Oesterreich |
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08 May 05 - 01:21 PM (#1480494) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,bobad In anglophone Canada one often hears "pardon my French" after having let one rip. |
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08 May 05 - 01:36 PM (#1480496) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,jacqui.c A work colleague of mine used to refer to it as 'releasing foul air" |
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08 May 05 - 01:40 PM (#1480499) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,brucie I knew a girl who used to say, "I gotta go honkers" or "Who went honkers?". |
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08 May 05 - 01:41 PM (#1480500) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,Azizi So do the French speaking Canadians say "Pardon my English" when they let one rip? |
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08 May 05 - 02:42 PM (#1480513) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST French-speaking people in Canada don't fart. |
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08 May 05 - 02:54 PM (#1480514) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST They peter with an accent aigu over the firt e. |
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08 May 05 - 03:05 PM (#1480516) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST Uh, first e. |
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08 May 05 - 03:46 PM (#1480522) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,Liz the Squeak French lessons brought a whole new meaning to 'Pet Shop Boys'.... LTS |
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08 May 05 - 03:56 PM (#1480530) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST Oooooooh |
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09 May 05 - 09:41 AM (#1480614) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: bobad Hence, hoisted on one's own petard ? |
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09 May 05 - 11:17 AM (#1480704) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Uncle_DaveO Bobad: Yep, that's what a "petard" is! Dave Oesterreich |
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09 May 05 - 11:24 AM (#1480715) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: freda underhill You know, I saw the title of this thread, and i thought "Bruce Murdoch". |
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09 May 05 - 11:52 AM (#1480737) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace It makes one feel good to have the confidence of one's peers. |
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09 May 05 - 12:09 PM (#1480764) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: jacqui.c Freda - funnily enough I had the same thought - who else could it have been? |
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09 May 05 - 03:01 PM (#1480952) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Hey, y'all. Me arse is itchy today. Does that mean I'm coming into money? |
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09 May 05 - 05:21 PM (#1481071) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak Probably not, but maybe you ought to change your pants.... LTS |
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09 May 05 - 05:32 PM (#1481079) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: bobad One word brucie PINWORMS |
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09 May 05 - 06:16 PM (#1481104) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: jacqui.c Maybe your crabs are back and on the move..... |
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09 May 05 - 08:25 PM (#1481197) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Gray D Brucie, That's only if, in a moment of . . . erm . . .excitement, you get your wossname caught in a shop's till. Now then, to repeat a question that I asked in some other thread, you know all these adverts for products that ease "trapped wind"? Well . . . er . . . anyone got any idea what that might be? Gray D |
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09 May 05 - 09:27 PM (#1481231) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: SINSULL My nephew insists on farting everywhere and anywhere profusely. Just before he left his last job, he treated himself to Indian food for lunch and then retired to his cubicle to let it ferment. The resulting farts seeped into the fabric of his chair and became (in his words) Perma-Fart. Anyone who sat in the chair was immediately treated to a cloud of curry fart.The memory lingers on. |
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09 May 05 - 11:04 PM (#1481275) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace "Now then, to repeat a question that I asked in some other thread, you know all these adverts for products that ease "trapped wind"?" May I suggest one of these? |
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09 May 05 - 11:07 PM (#1481277) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace . . . or one of these little beauties. |
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10 May 05 - 04:43 AM (#1481415) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak Brucie - I have it on good authority that champagne corks are better, especially when inserted with the aid of a croquet mallet. LTS |
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10 May 05 - 07:33 AM (#1481484) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: bobad Now that sounds downright kinky LtS. |
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10 May 05 - 01:14 PM (#1481762) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak Only if you put it in the wrong way! LTS |
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10 May 05 - 02:04 PM (#1481795) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: freda underhill hey, brucie, this thread is becoming a diary of people's deepest inner .. thoughts. you touched a um nerve there, bruce. one day this thread will be archived among the 100 most significant documents of the 21st century. |
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10 May 05 - 02:39 PM (#1481816) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace It's an ill wind that blows no good. |
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10 May 05 - 02:50 PM (#1481826) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi And a strong wind is often needed to blow away funk. ["ill" just didn't fit that sentence for me..So I moved to a stronger, more soulful word-"funk' meaning "funky", meaning "smelly" meaning "stink, stank, stunk."] |
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10 May 05 - 02:50 PM (#1481828) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace and think, thank, thunk. |
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10 May 05 - 02:55 PM (#1481831) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Blissfully Ignorant Drink, drank, drunk? |
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10 May 05 - 03:10 PM (#1481847) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi blink, blank, bunk.. or 'blunk' ???!!! But this there is about 'bunk'- so oh well... Sometime 'bunk' is best... |
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10 May 05 - 03:41 PM (#1481881) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Blissfully Ignorant Wink, wank, wunk? |
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10 May 05 - 04:00 PM (#1481905) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi hink, hank, hunk... Who's a hunk? |
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10 May 05 - 04:12 PM (#1481914) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi Only fresh hunks please. No rotten ones allowed. |
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10 May 05 - 04:25 PM (#1481920) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Blissfully Ignorant I just found a rotten hunk of onion in my vegetable basket... nothing smells as bad as rotten onion. Not even the smelliest fart in the world. |
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10 May 05 - 04:38 PM (#1481923) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi Okay we got a what. But it's rotten. Any fresh hunks who hang around here? Not that I'm lookin or anything. Inquiring minds just wanna know... |
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10 May 05 - 04:55 PM (#1481934) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Jaysus, they emptied the institutions today. This thread was supposed to stop at seventy-five. Y'all jus' have to let it go. |
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10 May 05 - 06:02 PM (#1481974) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi Brucie said: .."they emptied the institutions today." [And I say "Who is they? And what institutions are you referring to?"] Brucie also said "This thread was supposed to stop at seventy-five. Y'all jus' have to let it go." [And I say "Why should we stop when we're havin fun?'?"] Hey, I just got an IDEA!!! What do you think of a children's elimination rhyme that plays off the concept of stinky poo feet? We can call it "Rotten or Fresh! Here are the instructions: 'Children' stand in a horizontal line. One 'leader' stands facing the other 'children'. The children extend one foot out toward that designated leader. The leader starts chanting the words "Rotten or Fresh. Pee Ewe! [or however that 'you' sounding word is spelled] "Rotten or Fresh. Pee ewe!" With each word he or she chants, the leader points to a different child's foot. The child whose foot is pointed to at the last "Ewe!" has to say either the word "Rotten" or the word "Fresh". If, for instance, the child chooses the word "Rotten", the leader spells out the word "R-O-T-T-E-N", and points to a different foot with each letter. The leader then continues pointing to a different child as he or she says the words "and you are OUT!" This continues until the last person remains. That person is "IT". So is this the folk process or what???!!!! Of course this doesn't have too much to do with this thread, except for the rotten smelly feet... But I think this has potential. What do you think? Azizi Powell |
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10 May 05 - 06:41 PM (#1481998) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: jacqui.c Azizi, you have to get out more! |
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10 May 05 - 08:17 PM (#1482075) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Ditto that. |
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10 May 05 - 10:22 PM (#1482143) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Azizi Out??? Am I out? Oh, shucks! I wanted to be IT!! |
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11 May 05 - 06:02 PM (#1482774) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Georgiansilver Who farted? Who broke wind? Who let one go? Who let polly out of prison? Who trumped? Who fluffed? Who pipped? Awwwwww who did that????? Best wishes to all |
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11 May 05 - 07:07 PM (#1482822) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: UncleToad On a good sunny day with no wind...how far (picture ripple effect) will a 1st class chili bean and beer paint peeler spread...and please explain how you came up with your answer...math? science? other means? Uncle(ReadytoEvacuate)Toad |
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11 May 05 - 07:27 PM (#1482833) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,fartmeasurer Estimate only would be 3.24 metres radius. Cannot be exact as have never had the inclination to measure such phenomena before. |
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11 May 05 - 07:45 PM (#1482849) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace UncleToad: this answer yer question? |
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12 May 05 - 06:23 AM (#1483150) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Liz the Squeak Hey, that looks like the back door of the Tavern after I got locked in!!!! Well a girl has to get out sometimes! LTS |
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12 May 05 - 07:47 AM (#1483198) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,Beenz Hiya Definitions: Amiable person: Someone who likes the smell of other people's farts. Conceited person: Someone who likes the smell of their own farts. Aquatic person: Someone who farts in the bath tub. (They like the feel of those little bubbles between the "cheeks".) Inconsiderate person: Someone who farts in a crowded elevator (lift). Foolish person: Someone who supresses a fart for hours, for the sake of company. Unfortunate person: Someone who tries to fart, but shits instead. Try saying this really fast: One smart feller, he felt smart. Two smart fellers, they both felt smart. Three smart fellers, they all felt smart. Does Bass Ale give anybody out there the wind? It sure does me. I sound like a trombone concerto after a few of those. My wife complains about it, but she keeps the fridge well stocked. (Yes, we Yanks like our bevvies cold.) Bye |
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13 May 05 - 05:24 AM (#1483942) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,noddy OOPS sorry was that me? |
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13 May 05 - 04:45 PM (#1484437) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST,snake expert A Puff adder is one who farts in the bath and counts the bubbles |
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13 May 05 - 07:58 PM (#1484551) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: GUEST where ayre you be let your air go free |
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13 May 05 - 11:46 PM (#1484690) Subject: RE: BS: Gas, Wind, Flatulence From: Peace Born free, free as the wind blows . . . . |
