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15 Jan 99 - 01:28 AM (#54169) Subject: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Okay. I've been reading the thread about what sort of condoms Mudcateers prefer, and I have come to the conclusion that we can talk about any topic in the world and manage to think laterally, find related & unrelated topics, write or recite songs, stories, poems or jokes about it, and generally have a really interesting time, even if it doesn't stay right on topic. So, I'm issuing a story/song/poem/joke writing challenge. I tried to think of 3 unrelated items and I eventually decided on: a flea, an orange, and a bicycle seat. I want to see the creative and lateral thinking manifestations that you all bring forth, even if it is only *discussions* on the topics - but the challenge is to make a cohesive piece of writing which inludes the 3 items. You can bring in other items as long as it isn't just a long list without some sort of idea behind it. Meanwhile I'll work on my own creation and get back to you. I hope you'll accept my challenge. And, I am open to suggestions for modifications to the idea. Helen P.S. Keep on laughing and thinking - that's why I stay around the Mudcat site. |
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15 Jan 99 - 02:32 AM (#54173) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Rincon Roy once I rode, no bicycle seat, leaned too far and fell into a street. But first I landed on my seat! So I'm a flea brain, and worser poet, but even I know you can't rhyme "orange!" & a pox on the guy who hollered, "door hinge." Now look what you made me do! |
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15 Jan 99 - 06:17 AM (#54190) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: KingBrilliant A flea-bitten old dog in a dirty street. Discarded bottles and a bycicle seat. Clutching an orange in a wet paper bag, the boy smokes the butt of a stranger's fag. yurk!! This is really bringing out the worst in people... evil thread!! |
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15 Jan 99 - 08:22 AM (#54201) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Peter T. A flea, an orange, and a bicycle seat go into a bar, where they meet an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman. The flea immediately takes to the Englishman (scratch the flea). The orange and the Irishman (who is not an Orangeman) do not get on from the start. The bicycle seat and the Scotsman start off well, but finally they have an argument and the bicycle seat leaves in a rage. The flea says, why don't you chat up the orange instead, and the Scotsman says, no, I think I'll wait for the bicycle seat to come back. After all, these things go in cycles. Yours, Peter T. |
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15 Jan 99 - 10:47 AM (#54219) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Bert That brings to mind a Scottish poem I once heard. Something about a Skate, a Herring Board and a Lum Hat wantin' a Croon. Bert. |
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15 Jan 99 - 01:17 PM (#54245) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 A flea an orange a bicycle seat hmmm a test |
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15 Jan 99 - 01:33 PM (#54250) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 So Okay, Helen...I fear my fellow 'catter may be right. This is an evil thread!!!! But, in that case......
A flea whiffed at my bicycle seat
OR
"Neath a flatulent, bike riding Lass My apologies to all...but,uh...well......catspaw |
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15 Jan 99 - 05:16 PM (#54283) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen I knew it! I knew you guys could write about anything in a funny creative way. More, please, pleeeeeaaaaaaaase. Helen PS I'm not going to complain about mildly crass contributions, but obviously we have to keep it within the bounds of relatively/Mudcatly polite company. Caution to others: if you don't like it please read the other threads instead - except the condom thread of course. |
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15 Jan 99 - 06:23 PM (#54295) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: John Twomey At the house in the middle lives a little bitty flea, he sings to the dog, "you can't catch me." you can scratch, you can itch, you can roll in the ditch, but you can't catch me cause I'm a little bitty flea. The doggy mounted up high on a bicycle seat, and took off a-rolling down the street, he balanced an orange on the tip of his nose, thinking 'isn't this neat, what a wonderfull feat.' This tale is true as the day I was borned, Don't call me a liar cause I won't be scorned, you can scratch, you can itch, you can roll in a ditch, but I won't be forlorn if I can't rhyme orange.
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15 Jan 99 - 09:29 PM (#54319) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: katlaughing A bicyle seat is slant and narrow, An orange rolls off and falls in the barrow, Hits a flea upon his head, "Ow!" cries he "I thought they said YOU wouldn't hurt a flea!" OR My Lady sits and peels an orange, Upon her bicyle seat while pedaling She's gone to work in the circus, From there who knows where she is heading? And: The up and down and pumping On a bicylce seat reminds me Of orange-eating fleas in winter And lovers in bed a'scratching! One more 'cause it's so MUCH FUN! This one is based on growing up in Colorado where a lot of idiots used to come to hunt poor Bambies and usually wound up shooting either each other or a resident cow! Steathily, grunting, liquored up They climb the hills together, Eyes bloodshot and their rifles cocked They're out to shoot a mother. They have some oranges in their pockets, And orange garments all over their bodies, When they find a carcass of their own, On a bicyle seat in a wadi! I can't help it! Make me stop! Aaarggghhhh.....! Sexy Susie Sucks an Orange Rides on a bicylce seat to Sara's Says She to Her, "I never knew, There's Fleas in the Sahara!" NOW, GO SING "SAHARA, NOW YOU'RE DRY LIKE ME!" (great old Prohibition tune!)
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16 Jan 99 - 12:27 AM (#54344) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: bob One time I goed crazy,a dream come to me thought I's walkin with a world-worn flea in my dream ther's nobody else around cept an orange in a tree, hangin down climbed up th trunk highs I could go but the fruit was outta reach, and I told th flea so said th flea to me "don't worry yer head I'll climb up on the branch instead alls I really need from you is some means of travel, a rock or a shoe or any old thing that you might find see I'll sit on it and you can send me flyin" so down goes I and I walks around lookin for flea-fliers on th ground then what should I kick with my stumblin feet some body dropped their bicycle seat! well I picked it up and on jumps th flea and I flung him up in that citrus tree I said "come on, boy, drop that orange down" but the flea just laughed sayin "Ain't you a clown!" He said "I got better things to do than sit in th dirt eatin lunch with you" now I don't mind sayin,it made me swear to watch that flea puttin on airs and as I start to stomp and steam thats where i wake up from this crazy dream now a very wise man once said all them dreams is just in yer head but my advice is of a different kind you give me half of yer orange I'll give you half of mine |
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16 Jan 99 - 12:29 AM (#54345) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: bob One time I goed crazy,a dream come to me thought I's walkin with a world-worn flea in my dream ther's nobody else around cept an orange in a tree, hangin down climbed up th trunk highs I could go but the fruit was outta reach, and I told th flea so said th flea to me "don't worry yer head I'll climb up on the branch instead alls I really need from you is some means of travel, a rock or a shoe or any old thing that you might find see I'll sit on it and you can send me flyin" so down goes I and I walks around lookin for flea-fliers on th ground then what should I kick with my stumblin feet some body dropped their bicycle seat! well I picked it up and on jumps th flea and I flung him up in that citrus tree I said "come on, boy, drop that orange down" but the flea just laughed sayin "Ain't you a clown!" He said "I got better things to do than sit in th dirt eatin lunch with you" now I don't mind sayin,it made me swear to watch that flea puttin on airs and as I start to stomp and steam thats where i wake up from this crazy dream now a very wise man once said all them dreams is just in yer head but my advice is of a different kind you give me half of yer orange I'll give you half of mine |
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16 Jan 99 - 12:30 AM (#54346) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: bob One time I goed crazy,a dream come to me thought I's walkin with a world-worn flea in my dream ther's nobody else around cept an orange in a tree, hangin down climbed up th trunk highs I could go but the fruit was outta reach, and I told th flea so said th flea to me "don't worry yer head I'll climb up on the branch instead alls I really need from you is some means of travel, a rock or a shoe or any old thing that you might find see I'll sit on it and you can send me flyin" so down goes I and I walks around lookin for flea-fliers on th ground then what should I kick with my stumblin feet some body dropped their bicycle seat! well I picked it up and on jumps th flea and I flung him up in that citrus tree I said "come on, boy, drop that orange down" but the flea just laughed sayin "Ain't you a clown!" He said "I got better things to do than sit in th dirt eatin lunch with you" now I don't mind sayin,it made me swear to watch that flea puttin on airs and as I start to stomp and steam thats where i wake up from this crazy dream now a very wise man once said all them dreams is just in yer head but my advice is of a different kind you give me half of yer orange I'll give you half of mine |
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16 Jan 99 - 12:34 AM (#54349) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: bob sorry bout the triple posting....computer glitch |
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16 Jan 99 - 12:54 PM (#54414) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 Michael row the boat ashore, hallelujah He sang this song forevermore,hallelu.u.jah
He thought his paddle boat was really neat, hallelujaah
Michael reached for a little snack,hallelujah
But the bag was full of fleas,hallelujah
"Kill this biting,scratchy horde," hallelujah
The Lord spoke,"You've done nothing wrong," hallelujah
Michael's boat's on the ocean floor,hallelujah
or to "Irish Washerwoman"....
My dental dam's shaped like a bicycle seat, Sorry...But thought I'd pay tribute to 2 other threads currently running.....catspaw |
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16 Jan 99 - 06:48 PM (#54458) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 To the tune of "Yellow Rose of Texas"
Fair Helen rode down to the store to get an orange to eat
Helen had a great idea, while thinking 'bout that flea catspaw...by the way, where's yours Helen? |
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16 Jan 99 - 09:22 PM (#54483) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 To the tune of "Ashokan Farewell"
My bicycle seat has ruined my prostate
I'm obcessive,compulsive, I am O/C and this type thing drives me nuts. There's always another one lurking somewhere...catspaw |
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17 Jan 99 - 08:08 AM (#54519) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 Helen...Helen...Oh, Helen....Where is your submission to your thread? You were "working on your own" and after submitting such a challenge you need to follow through... Helen?...Helen?....C'mon now...Fingers stuck in your harp strings? Helen...We're waiting.............. catspaw |
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17 Jan 99 - 11:08 AM (#54521) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Alice Tune of Auld Lang Syne
Should all the 'catters scratch their heads,
We've wandered many a weary night,
We've reached the evil fate of late,
So here's a hand for Helen fair alice in montana |
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17 Jan 99 - 11:48 AM (#54525) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 ALRIGHT ALICE !!!! TREMENDOUS EFFORT !!! AND...A TRUE SENTIMWNT TO BOOT !!! (minor deduction: substitution "bike" for "bicycle" but...GREAT JOB !!! ***CHEERS***APPLAUSE***BRAVO*** Uh, Helen? Where's yours ??? catspaw |
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17 Jan 99 - 12:10 PM (#54527) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Art Thieme Amazing---a flea lit on an orange, And sucked like a babe with his teat, He once was lost, but now has found, It smells better than a bicycle seat. Art |
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17 Jan 99 - 03:50 PM (#54547) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: rick fielding To Montan'Alice, I've read your postings, and of course my curiosity got the best of me and I checked out your website. All interesting and well done, and THEN I see your Auld Lang Syne parody. Whooooo! (sharp intake of breath) If you haven't as yet been recognised by your state as a national treasure, then it's long overdue. |
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17 Jan 99 - 04:16 PM (#54548) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Alice ...thank you, ...thank you very much |
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17 Jan 99 - 04:34 PM (#54552) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 Yes, things are coming along fine. Rick: perhaps there is a "Poet Laureate" vacancy for her. Alice: If nominated, will you accept? Rick and I will provide the nomination and the second. Art: lacks a little grace,so to speak,but an acceptable contribution. But...HELEN!!!...HEY,HELEN...PLEASE COME SEE US HELEN!!!..as it's creator, you "owe" something to your thread. catspaw |
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17 Jan 99 - 04:59 PM (#54558) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Alice Since we are so close to Burns night, I have such tunes running through my mind.
Comin' Through the Rye
Gin a body meet a body, comin' tho' the rye,
Gin a body meet a body, comin frae the well,
Gin a body meet a body, comin' frae the town,
(see what you've done, now you've gone and turned me bawdy, and I haven't even participated in the condom thread.) alice in montana |
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17 Jan 99 - 05:06 PM (#54559) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 But Alice, now we're getting all of you, both "bawdy" and soul. Another fine work as I'm sure Rick will agree. Makes the Poet Laureate process far simpler when we have such a bawdy of work to draw on for our nomination speeches. HELEN?......ARE YOU OUT THERE HELEN?.........catspaw |
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17 Jan 99 - 05:32 PM (#54563) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: rick fielding All right Alice, this is getting to be a little much! We've ascertained that you can draw, paint, write, raise a child, design a web-site, play and sing music, compose in the style of the great Scotish bard, and goodness knows what else! I need to know: Are you a great cook, can you stop a leaky faucet, build a bookshelf, and change the oil in your car? If so, I'm nominating you for Governor of Montana. (Minnesota's already taken) |
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17 Jan 99 - 05:45 PM (#54565) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Alice Building bookshelves!! How did you know that was my next project? The lady that has rented my basement rooms for the last 2 years is moving out, and I can now have the space to create a library in the family room downstairs. Yes, I can cook and bake, but don't have time except around holidays, yes, I've had to do some plumbing (replace a toilet, the usual homeowner stuff) but if anyone could come here and get my snowblower to start, I would really appreciate it. I think I need to take the spark plug out and clean it, but I just don't want to deal with it. alice in montana, where the driveway is covered with snow. |
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17 Jan 99 - 08:46 PM (#54597) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 STILL WAITING ON YOU HELEN....FAIR HELEN,WHERE ART THOU? catspaw |
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17 Jan 99 - 09:52 PM (#54600) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Cuilionn Th' dreadfu' web o' circumstance: a sonnet 'Tis lang, o'erlang, I've waitit, makin' maen. A sufferin' lass wi' ample seat, less wheels, But nae mair can I rest, fair feshed, alane. This sturdy frame an unco' rough road feels! Aiblins I'd hop frae lad tae lad, like some Fair lasses, mimicin' wee blastit fleas, Oor act th' cricket, guidmon's haerth tae warm, But och! twa legs, nae six, an' puir tae please. Forgie th' road an' hame, then. I'll gae root mysel' an' crookit graw, like some auld tree. I'll hang mysel' wi' oranges, temptin' fruit... An' laddies then shall twine an' clamber me! Nae wheel, nae hoppin' heicht, nae ripened gold... Och, wae is me, nane hae I; I, nane hauld!!! That wis muckle guid fun...thanks! --Cuilionn |
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17 Jan 99 - 10:32 PM (#54607) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Alice --Cuilionn, very gude. |
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17 Jan 99 - 11:39 PM (#54627) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 Well, there ya' go !!! If we ain't hittin' all the points then Lord I don't know what......and Lord knows I don't know what....'course there's been a lot of days in my (some say misspent) youth that I wasn't none too hot on where, when, or why either. Come to think of it, the older I get, I find I STILL ain't too good with any of 'em. But there is one thing I believe can be said... WE HAVEN'T SEEN OR HEARD FROM HELEN...YO'...HELEN!!!!! catspaw |
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18 Jan 99 - 01:23 AM (#54644) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Okay, Here's my contribution. As a matter of fact I couldn't think of amything to write for a couple of days and you all overwhelmed me with your creative responses so I just sat down and wrote this today - which I had vaguely been toying with in my head over the weekend. I'm starting to think that we should make this a regular event - pick three items at random and challenge the creative Mudcat geniuses - singular and collective - to create. Helen PS I hope the paragraph breaks format properly. **************** One day a flea decided that he was tired of living in the poorer part of town, living in run-down houses and feeding off malnourished people. He wanted luxurious surroundings and the taste of rich foods in the blood of his parasitic hosts. Even though he loved the dried-blood colour of the walls and hallways of his apartment block, because it reminded him of food, he was sure that a better future awaited him somewhere else. He didn't want to leave his friends and family either, but he wanted more from life than he could ever get by living here. So, he hopped out of a second storey window, floated down in the breeze and proceeded to hop northward to the better part of town. He kept on hoppping forward,never turning back, and when evening fell he hopped into a very fancy looking bar. It wasn't just any local pub or bar, it was a club bar with soft music and plush pile carpet and velvet upholstery on the seats. He hopped around under the tables looking at all of the patrons until, suddenly across the room, he saw exactly what he was looking for. Sitting alone at a table there was a very elegant lady in a pale coloured business suit. She was delicately peeling an orange, without getting any of the juice on herself or her suit. The flea decided that he wanted to go home with this beautiful lady so he hopped over and found a hiding place in her rather large handbag. He couldn't work out why this elegant lady should have a bicycle seat in her handbag, but he was so pleased to have found her that he just snuggled down and rested after his long day, and savoured his pleasant sense of anticipation about the wonderful place he would live in from now on. After a while the flea was awoken by movement. He looked up from inside the handbag and saw that the lady was getting ready to leave the bar. He watched from his hiding place as she gathered her things together, smoothed her clothes, picked up her handbag and walked towards the exit. He was curious when he realised that she was walking towards the rear exit of the bar, and watched as they came out into a back lane. He crawled up to the top edge of the handbag so that he could get a cleared view and watched as the lady went over to a bicycle chained to a lamppost. It didn't have a bicycle seat, but she took the bicycle seat and a screwdriver out of her handbag and proceeded to screw the seat onto the bicycle. By this time the flea was very intrigued. Why would such an elegant lady, who appeared to be able to afford the most luxurious car, be riding a bicycle parked in a back lane behind a bar? In a very short time the lady had attached the bicycle seat, wiped her hands on a cloth and replaced the cloth in a neat little plastic bag, strapped her belongings onto the carry rack, and then hitched up her skirt and rode down the lane and out onto the street. The flea watched and was happy to see that she rode northward along the street, but when she reached the fourth corner she turned left and then left again and started heading southward along another street. She rode on and on until the flea fell asleep with the rocking motion of the bicycle. He awoke with a start as he heard the bicycle being clunk-clunk-clunked up some stairs. He climbed up onto the rim of the handbag, looked around him and saw, to his horror, the same walls painted the colour of dried blood which he had left that morning before his big adventure. Surely the lady couldn't live here, in his part of town. She was far too rich and elegant to live here, but he heard her talking to a man as she entered her flat. "Hi Honey, I'm home", she said. "I know I said it would be worthwhile getting that fancy job in town, wearing fancy clothes and going to fancy places, but I'm always so much happier getting back here to our own little flat. It's not luxurious but it's home." The flea reeled in shock and fell back down into the handbag. All of his travelling had been in vain. He was tired after his long day, he hadn't sucked even one drop of blood since breakfast, and now he would have to start looking for a place to live all over again. Then, a thought struck him. If he stayed in this flat, lived off these people, and then stowed away in the lady's handbag every day he could have the best of both worlds. He could still live in his own neighbourhood, close to his friends and family, but he could travel to the centre of the city every day in the handbag and have big adventures and suck the blood of lots of people who lived on rich, tasty foods. He finally decided that he was in flea heaven here after all. |
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18 Jan 99 - 01:32 AM (#54645) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Rasta a flea ,there a shortage of fleas on the east coast an orange anyone who listens to Gary Null of Natural Living Fame (hope im not alone, you know Gary Null) knows that an orange is good for you and then some.----and bicycle seats well they just make em too damn small. --Alice, great poem. Have you ever heard The Kingston Trio do a song called Oh Miss Mary it was on an album called College concert UCLA. they now have it on a remake called An Evening with the kingston trio----justs thouht you might like the song. Keep on keepin on Rastaaaaa ps; just find a banjo picker ,bring em out to your sno-blower. the sno-blower will start rite up,bite the banjo player and run off to the forest, you ll never see yer sno_blower again.-----beg borrow or steal a cresent wrench or socket take out the spark plug, dry it off make sure the gas has not gone bad, put plug back in and if it doesnt start call Bob Villa from this old house. he ll wrap it in sheet rock |
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18 Jan 99 - 10:37 AM (#54687) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Alice eeeewwww.... Thanks, anyway, Rasta, but I can't stand Bob Villa. He can't walk by anything without rapping on it with his knuckles, and it sets my teeth on edge. Norm Abrams is the builder who really knows what he is doing. Don't you love it? Mudcat threads go ANYWHERE! alice |
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18 Jan 99 - 10:53 AM (#54690) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 Well ain't this great??? We've now not only heard from Helen with her endearing story, but now we've learned about banjo pickers and snow blowers as well. Helen made a comment at the top of her post about doing this now and again using different subjects and I'd like to see it happen. These threads are always so varied. From world worn fleas to snow blowers running off into the woods....Dental dams shaped like bicycle seats to sonnets. Oh we are a weird bunch !!!!! catspaw |
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18 Jan 99 - 11:51 AM (#54695) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Art Thieme how about a c....m, d....l dam and IUD (If you're dyslexic it's DUI (driving under the influence.)
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18 Jan 99 - 03:48 PM (#54705) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Barry Finn Art please, I'm dyslexic as well as an agnostic with insomnia. I stayed awake all last night contemplating the meaning of Dog. Barry |
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18 Jan 99 - 06:45 PM (#54708) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Alice OK, Art, if you start a new challenge, you have to start a new thread... so we can find it in a forum search when someone in the future wants to discuss the subject. |
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19 Jan 99 - 10:02 AM (#54725) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: rick fielding Mont'alice, how right you are about good ol' Norm, but before we go any further..let's talk about shop safety. Before you design any more web pages, start any snow blowers, or pick out any 6/8 tunes...remember, wear your safety glasses! By the way, here in Toronto, we've had five days of snow, and the city's in total chaos. The mayor has called in the Canadian Army!! We have become a laughing stock to the rest of the country. Guess I'd better get out there and shovel some more. |
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22 Jan 99 - 05:46 PM (#55260) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen What, have we all run out of steam on this thread? I hope not - it was a lot of fun and then Mudcat went down for a short time, or something and maybe the thread got lost or forgotten at the end of the list. Surely there are some more creative Mudcateer contributions - or do you want me or someone else to come up with a new creative challenge?? (Is this a threat or a promise? ;-> ) Helen |
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22 Jan 99 - 09:39 PM (#55284) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 Sorry Helen, I gave this one my best shot. I've been thinking about topics for the next; like anhydrous ammonia, reef sharks, and catheters. Or maybe 3 easier ones, but since this is basically a song site, we all have to write to the same tune...and all 3 things cannot appear in the same line (too easy). Be thinkin' about it if this one dies.catspaw |
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22 Jan 99 - 09:53 PM (#55286) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Alice Roll On Columbia (by alice, sorry Woody)
My bicylce made by Columbia Elite,
Roll on, Columbia roll on,
I only ate oranges and apples and pears
Roll on, Columbia roll on,
The food co-op taught me to stop eating cheese,
Roll on, Columbia roll on,
---------
Gee, I don't know, Helen, I'm having alot of fun... they seem to just write themselves.... alice in montana
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22 Jan 99 - 11:07 PM (#55291) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Yes, Alice, I agree. My story sort of wrote itself, too. It's interesteing to observe (metaphorically speaking, not literally) the human brain in action. catspaw49 - "anhydrous ammonia"!! oh, no - this is too much! But I bet some of us could still create something out of those 3 things. Helen |
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22 Jan 99 - 11:07 PM (#55292) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Alice Dear Joe, alias Steve Martin, could you fix that ,BR> for me in the second verse? thanks. alice |
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22 Jan 99 - 11:57 PM (#55296) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Frank in NJ Thygift, thy tables, within my brain becon me tho racked in pain post perched on nest of Spanish leather sun so hot, seems orange weather cause journey on, thru hill and hollick thru glen and grove, my pedal rollick oh freedom from these heavy boots dost draw me on, t'ward evenings roost perchance to dream, with family flea lo end, wot day o' agony. |
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23 Jan 99 - 12:04 AM (#55298) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Frank in NJ Thygift, thy tables, within my brain becon me tho racked in pain post perched on nest of Spanish leather sun so hot, seems orange weather cause journey on, thru hill and hollick thru glen and grove, my pedal rollick oh freedom from these heavy boots dost draw me on, t'ward evenings roost perchance to dream, with family flea lo end, wot day o' agony. |
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23 Jan 99 - 12:13 AM (#55299) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Frank in NJ Thygift, thy tables, within my brain becon me tho racked in pain post perched on nest of Spanish leather sun so hot, seems orange weather cause journey on, thru hill and hollick thru glen and grove, my pedal rollick oh freedom from these heavy boots dost draw me on, t'ward evenings roost perchance to dream, with family flea lo end, wot day o' agony. |
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23 Jan 99 - 11:50 AM (#55349) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Alice O Frank, thy pen doth please me. |
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23 Jan 99 - 04:39 PM (#55376) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Yay, verily Frank, and it doth pleaseth me greatly, forsooth. Helen |
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23 Jan 99 - 04:53 PM (#55382) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Here's a bit of Kulcha (Oz term for "culture") for youse all. In case you need to know what the hell he was prattling on about - the poet is saying that even though his lady friend is denying him the right to have sex with her, the flea has managed what the poet couldn't, by biting her & sucking her blood and then biting him, so that a third entity has both his & her blood in its body (the flea is used as a metaphor for a child they may have produced by having sex). Cute, ha? Well, actually very, very contrived, but I like it. You have to put it in the context of courtly love - they were into platonic adulterous relationships where they liked to wind each other up into a sexual frenzy but then not do anything physical to resolve it.
Kind of like cyber-sex when you come to think about it - or is that "think about coming ..." ? Never mind. We don't want to get back into that condom discussion, do we?
Helen
THE FLEA
JOHN DONNE John Donne (1571-1631)
Mark but this flea, and mark in this, How little that which thou deny'st me is; It sucked me first, and now sucks thee, And in this flea, our two bloods mingled be; Thou knowest that this cannot be said A sin, nor shame, nor loss of maidenhead. Yet this enjoys before it woo, And pampered, swells with one blood made of two, And this, alas, is more than we would do.
Oh stay, three lives in one flea spare, Where we almost, yea, more than married are. This flea is you and I, and this Our marriage bed, and marriage temple is; Though parents grudge, and you, we are met And cloistered in these living walls of jet. Though use make you apt to kill me, Let not to that self murder added be, And sacrilege, three sins in killing three.
Cruel and sudden, hast thou since Purpled thy nail in blood of innocence? Wherein could this flea guilty be Except in that drop which it sucked from thee? Yet thou triumph'st, and sayest that thou Find'st not thyself, nor me, the weaker now. 'Tis true, then learn how false fears be; Just so much honor, when thou yieldst to me, Will waste, as this flea's death took life from thee.
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22 May 99 - 07:27 PM (#80848) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: LEJ This thread was the one that first hooked me on the Mudcat. It is an exercise in pure insanity and creativity. At the time I didn't know any of you. Now I find it even funnier. I posted the satire on Talkin World War 3 Blues . It was my first post, and I called myself "Bob". LEJ |
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23 May 99 - 03:35 AM (#80937) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: bseed(charleskratz) Leej--this one ran while my monitor was in the hospital and I couldn't find the modem cable for my laptop, so I missed it first time around. Thanks for reviving it. And Helen, I kept waiting for the punch line on your story--I thought it was going to be about the bicycle hooker who pedaled (peddled) her ass all over town. --seed |
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23 May 99 - 08:32 AM (#80957) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Seed, I never thought of that one, but glad you did! Hey catspaw, is it time for the anhydrous ammonia, reef sharks, and catheters literary challenge yet or does the word catheter bring tears to your eyes now? If so, I'm truly sorry to have brought this to your attention. Helen |
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23 May 99 - 09:00 AM (#80962) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Banjer Oooooh, Helen, you're vicious....But Gawd, we love it. I have yet to do something with three objects I recognize, the flea, orange and bicycle seat, and here you go throwing out things I can hardly even pronounce. Let's see.... Once was a flea thought he was neat, A'sittin' on his bicycle seat But what he thought was a seat for real, Weren't nuthin' but an orange peel, How really sad it would be To be as dumb as that little flea! I disclaim any knowledge of the above! |
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23 May 99 - 01:39 PM (#80996) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Dave Swan I don't usually take missing persons cases, but the landlord was looking for do-re-mi of the folding kind and I had no job in sight. When the phone rang I dove on it like a prom date. She had a voice made to cause trouble. " I saw your ad in the Yellow Pages, it's cute. I like the part about musician and private investigator. Other guys were busy, but I figured you could use the work." Cute. Real musicians have day jobs sister. But I swallowed hard and took her address. Life not's easy when you play the shawm. I pulled on the trenchcoat and walked out into the humid, clingy night. Not a breath of air moved. It was one of those days the whole world smelled like a bicycle seat half way through the Tour de France. I reached her middle of the block address in a middle of the road part of town and knocked on the door. She told me to come in. That here's trouble voice again. I pushed open the door and caught sight of the body the animators wished they had drawn when they created Jessica Rabbit. She was in a sun dress and it was dark out. She was having a late snack. Coffee black, a bagel. Peeling an orange with her nail file. " Mr. Reed ? Come in, I'm just spending some time with the boys." She sat behind a desk covered in tiny chariots, musical instruments, costumes and scenery. She handed me her card. Rita Mesa. Mesa's Performing Fleas. Motion Pictures, Television, Special Occasions. Her freckels were moving. "Don't you just love them ? Cutest little bastards in the world, and stong. Every night after rehearsal I let them sit on me this way. I kiss them all before they go to bed." The itch which needed scratching when I laid eyes on Miss Mesa's contours wasn't the same itch anymore. " Let me put them away. Ozzie, come here pal." A tired looking Samoyed padded into the room and stood next to Rita's chair. " O.K. guys, off you go." The fleas leapt for the dog and hung in the air for a second before landing. I swear to you, it was a formation jump in the shape of champagne glass. "Here's your Benadryl, Oz. Remember, no scratching." The dog sighed and left. I asked about the case, I was shaky as a lawyer's morals and needed some reality. " Oh, Stavros is missing, just tonight. I kissed him good night, counted the boys, and he came up missing. I love him to death, Mr. Reed. I know he hasn't been gone long, but I'd do anything to have him back." She turned her smile on me for the first time. Promise written on perfect lips, teeth like the keys of a new Steinway. Then her smile widened, revealing the most minute imperfection, and I saw my per diem fall away. No mileage, no phone expenses, no fees for photos or copies. I had the case solved. " Miss Mesa, that's a plain bagel isn't it ? Not poppy seed. I'm afraid there's been a terrible accident. |
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23 May 99 - 01:54 PM (#80998) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Banjer You, Mr. Swan are one sick, sick puppy...And by gum I think you'll fit in real well with the rest of us misfits and neerdowells......Whadda ya think gang, we oughta keep him? |
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23 May 99 - 03:56 PM (#81012) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Lonesome EJ That post cut into this thread like a shiny shiv in a dark alley. It caught my attention like a leghold trap in a hot tub.In fact, it knocked me over like a 7-11 in the bad part of town. Don't get me started. LEJ |
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23 May 99 - 04:24 PM (#81016) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Alice Dave, just like Nick Danger, you have stolen my heart. My Samoyed, Leo, is lounging on the couch as I type this, waiting for me to get offline and pay some serious attention to the Milkbone situation. Luckily, the cold winter weather here deters the flea population. Brilliant. You're a keeper. alice in montana |
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23 May 99 - 04:34 PM (#81018) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 First, truly great Dave...you'll fit right in!!! Second, Helen my dear, it is time for another of your wacky challenges...believe it or not, this thread popped into my head at the hospital (obviously delirious) and I was going to dig it out and ask for your next asap.....so GO FOR IT.......We now have all types of responses from stories to bad jokes to songs to limericks.....so pick out your three best and let's do it again. catspaw |
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24 May 99 - 07:49 AM (#81209) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Welcome Dave, What you didn't know was that this is really the initiation test - secret handshake and all that. YOu've proven yourself to be as weird and laterally creative as the rest of us, so you're in! catspaw, I was kind of hoping you or someone else would come up with the next challenge. I like the rules you suggested in this thread, so we just have to think of something completely over the top to start us all off. I have to admit that anhydrous ammonia and catheters don't really do it for me - so what else do you suggest? Helen |
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24 May 99 - 07:57 AM (#81212) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Just a thought - we could combine this creative challenge with the concept of the thread which related 3 thread names to each other. They would have to be next to each other or near each other to qualify. For example: Cat hunting - uk folkies - Scotland trip plans or Your First Time. Be Honest. - ride the white pony? Rich bitch? - The 'geriatric ' girl scout I admit, I cheated a bit here - I left about 3 threads out but ... you've got to admit it has interesting possibilities. Helen |
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24 May 99 - 08:05 AM (#81215) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Still looking at the thread titles for inspiration. I think Nose Hair & Duct Tape are two definite inclusions, and maybe Weird chords Someone tell me it's past my bedtime, please. I can feel a story or six coming on. Helen |
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24 May 99 - 03:10 PM (#81332) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: sharon A flea, a flea, tis a flea upon me Hit him says mama, hit him. I grabbed an orange and squshy-squash The juice did really git him. But sad I was for drownin' a flee He was such a little tike. Forlorn, i hopped on my bicycle seat, and rode away on my bike. |
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24 May 99 - 06:24 PM (#81387) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Banjer If you stick the DUCT TAPE up the nose and it catches all the NOSE HAIR the sudden removal of both the tape and the hair will ceratinly prompt some WEIRD CHORDS from the owner of the nose.... |
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25 May 99 - 09:32 AM (#81548) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Peter T. "She took a sawbuck from a purse made out of the skin of one of those endangered species of which there are just enough left to field a softball team if you don't mind a couple of raccoons filling in as pinch hitters." --from The Big Recall (Ralph Nader Parody in the National Lampoon a long time ago.) More, Dave, more! Yours, Peter T. |
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09 Aug 01 - 11:50 PM (#524854) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Amos When first, fair Miss, thou greeted me, My blood more timid than a flea, I could not think nor sleep, nor eat, But rested on my cycle's seat Reliving every tone of thine, And contemplating bliss divine! Then, fairest miss, thou nearer drew! Now, having started such a change, |
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10 Aug 01 - 12:39 AM (#524880) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: catspaw49 Uh, yeah........That's real good Amos! I mean really good............................'Course it took you over two years to write it so I suppose it should be...................Come to think of it though, with over two years in the making and all..........well, it kinda' sucks......................Naw, it's good..............not real timely, but good. Spaw |
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10 Aug 01 - 12:54 AM (#524885) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Amos Go screw, paddy-whack!! Fact is, it took aboiut fifteen minutes and I first learned of this thread from a reference to it by Miz Helen herself, today, made in the "100 word story" thread. And I think your real complaint is you don't want to be reminded of your younger days, before you were a Mudcat Elder and were just a plain old boob!! And if it's quality of compositions you're after critiquing, I'll spare you the obvious rejoinders.... Love ya, man! A |
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10 Aug 01 - 01:11 AM (#524892) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Jack the Sailor Haiku
Flea lands on bicycle seat
Fleas, Adam had'em |
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10 Aug 01 - 07:22 PM (#525362) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: GUEST |
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10 Aug 01 - 08:22 PM (#525395) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen I'm impressed, Amos - speechless in fact.
As for 'Spaw, I'm just about to open the http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=37563&messages=43 Helen |
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31 Aug 04 - 07:54 AM (#1260590) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Literary challenge reincarnated: read the guidelines and have a go at it. This should be in BS, but it was created pre-BS, BBS? i.e. Before BS? Helen |
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31 Aug 04 - 08:31 AM (#1260615) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: s&r An orange you peel, the zest on your tongue the flesh that you suck and then swallow The envy I feel - would I were that one Perhaps it will be me tomorrow If I were a flea I could bite on your skin And travel your body all over Wandering free without or within I could be your carnivorous lover The seat of my schemes that I long for so much Is your bicycle seat "Yes!" he cries To spend all my dreams pressed close to your crutch And trapped in the heat of your thighs Sorry Stu |
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31 Aug 04 - 04:22 PM (#1261002) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Clever, Stu, but scary!! :-) Helen |
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19 Mar 05 - 02:16 PM (#1438400) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Lonesome EJ One time I goed crazy,a dream come to me thought I's walkin with a world-worn flea in my dream ther's nobody else around cept an orange in a tree, hangin down climbed up th trunk highs I could go but the fruit was outta reach, and I told th flea so said th flea to me "don't worry yer head I'll climb up on the branch instead alls I really need from you is some means of travel, a rock or a shoe or any old thing that you might find see I'll sit on it and you can send me flyin" so down goes I and I walks around lookin for flea-fliers on th ground then what should I kick with my stumblin feet some body dropped their bicycle seat! well I picked it up and on jumps th flea and I flung him up in that citrus tree I said "come on, boy, drop that orange down" but the flea just laughed sayin "Ain't you a clown!" He said "I got better things to do than sit in th dirt eatin lunch with you" now I don't mind sayin,it made me swear to watch that flea puttin on airs and as I start to stomp and steam thats where i wake up from this crazy dream now a very wise man once said all them dreams is just in yer head but my advice is of a different kind you give me half of yer orange I'll give you half of mine I wanted to take the opportunity to clean up my Talkin World-worn Flea Blues. In re-reading this, I also realized that Dave Swan's first post later gave birth to the idea of Blake Madison and the subsequent Mudcat Fiction stories starring Blake. |
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19 Mar 05 - 03:19 PM (#1438427) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Amos Wow, man!! That is SO cool!! A |
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19 Mar 05 - 06:19 PM (#1438511) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen So, it's the 15th of January, 1999 and I have nothing better to do than sit in front of my computer staring at the screen. I used to have a comfortable predictable life but I chucked it all away for the scary unpredictable life of an itinerant teacher. What was I thinking? Can I really cope with the financial downs-and-downs (there are no financial ups) of casual work after working in a cushy government job all my adult life? As I stare at the screen marvelling at the creative genius of a bunch of people I've never met from all around the world I absent-mindedly catch and pop the flea that jumps from the cat in my lap onto my arm. I reach for another piece of orange from the plate, and click on another thread and start giggling again. My mind wanders back to my financial predicament again and I start wondering whether I should start riding the bicycle I have out back. It would save money on petrol. It's almost unrideable, though. It never was any good. That woman who sold it to me for an exorbitant price when I was a student sure saw me coming. The brakes suck and so do the gears. The only good thing about it is the bicycle seat I bought to replace the uncomfortable one that was on it. Maybe I could buy a new bicycle and salvage that seat. How much does a new bike cost? Nah, the problem is I'm not fit enough to ride a bike. I'm a lounge lizard. I spend my days reading Mudcat guff when I should be out in the real world walking around in the summer sunshine and getting healthy. Ah, to hell with it! The best remedy for your own misery is to inflict it on someone else. The pecking order. Kicking the cat. Kicking the Mudcat - there's an idea.! I'll make them make it up to me for wasting my time reading their manic threads by challenging them to write short stories. And I'll make it so insidious that they'll still be caught up in the same thread until...I know, how about 2005! Yeah! Or even 2010! And to make it worse, when they think they can finally get away from this thread I'll give them another challenge to write a story of 100 words, no more and no less. Nah, it'll never work. They're not that gullible, are they? Are they? ;-> Helen |
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19 Mar 05 - 06:54 PM (#1438534) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: katlaughing Well done, LeeJ and what a hoot to read this one again! |
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26 Sep 08 - 07:40 PM (#2451278) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen From: Helen Date: 19 Mar 05 - 06:19 "Ah, to hell with it! The best remedy for your own misery is to inflict it on someone else. The pecking order. Kicking the cat. Kicking the Mudcat - there's an idea.! "I'll make them make it up to me for wasting my time reading their manic threads by challenging them to write short stories. And I'll make it so insidious that they'll still be caught up in the same thread until...I know, how about 2005! Yeah! Or even 2010!** And to make it worse, when they think they can finally get away from this thread I'll give them another challenge to write a story of 100 words, no more and no less. "Nah, it'll never work. They're not that gullible, are they? Are they?" **Or 2008 at least! Can't help it. The 100 word challenge always reminds me of this thread. |
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26 Sep 08 - 07:41 PM (#2451279) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Sorry, Joe-Clones. This is such an old thread that it doesn't have a BS prefix. I'd appreciate it if someone could modify it for me. Ta, muchly! Helen |
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26 Sep 08 - 10:55 PM (#2451349) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Alice Hey, there, Helen! This old thread has LYRICS in it!! I hope it stays up in the music section. It's hard to believe so many years have gone by. |
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21 Aug 10 - 08:53 PM (#2970283) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen - PM Date: 26 Sep 08 - 07:40 PM From: Helen Date: 19 Mar 05 - 06:19 "Ah, to hell with it! The best remedy for your own misery is to inflict it on someone else. The pecking order. Kicking the cat. Kicking the Mudcat - there's an idea.! "I'll make them make it up to me for wasting my time reading their manic threads by challenging them to write short stories. And I'll make it so insidious that they'll still be caught up in the same thread until...I know, how about 2005! Yeah! Or even 2010! And to make it worse, when they think they can finally get away from this thread I'll give them another challenge to write a story of 100 words, no more and no less. "Nah, it'll never work. They're not that gullible, are they? Are they?" "Can't help it. The 100 word challenge always reminds me of this thread." On noticing the 100 word challenge thread again on the list, I looked back at the last posting I did on this thread and - spoo-o-oky! - it is 2010! So it's obvious I have to refresh this thread. Helen |
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29 Apr 16 - 11:36 PM (#3787872) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Amos reminded me of this thread, and someone was reeled in and had to ask about it, so here it is, refreshed again to see if I can entice some more 100 word stories - 100 words, no more and no less, please. Helen |
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30 Apr 16 - 02:13 PM (#3787971) Subject: RE: A challenge:a flea,an orange,a bicycle seat From: Helen Oops! It's been so long that I mixed up the two challenges into one challenge. The challenge in this thread is to write a story which somehow incorporates a flea, an orange and a bicycle seat. There is no specification on the number of words. However, here is the other challenge: BS: Mudcat challenge: 100 word story exactly Helen |