28 Nov 05 - 01:21 PM (#1615594) Subject: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage It's that time of year again. . . Sage was out in the yard this weekend, smelling the smoke from grass fires in the county as they're fanned by high winds and remembering the time MMario's aurouch barbecue got a little out of control outside the South Door* (the Oz entrance) of the Tavern and burned a swath all the way down to the beach. Nearly scorched the squid on his way up for a visit, he did. Calamari on the hoof it would have been. Getting out a broom, she pushes twigs, sand, grass, and an opportunistic pack rat's nest out of the front door. Finding a shovel and bucket she clears out the ashes from the last fire and dumps it into the compost pile out back. Rubber gloves and a heavy-duty sponge are then used to attack the bar and the stove top behind it. Finally, she fills a large pot with apple cider and sets it on a low flame with a generous handful of mulling spices floating on top. The tavern's open! Come on in! |
28 Nov 05 - 01:27 PM (#1615598) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: gnu My, my, my... that smells delightful. Please, keep, an ale whilst the spices perform their magic. |
28 Nov 05 - 01:29 PM (#1615602) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: MMario That time of year already? (Only 27 shoppping days until Christmas! 0r Hannakuh for that matter!) Hmmmmmmmmm - Italian tradition says seven kinds of seafood for Xmas Eve; but that might upset the squid, I'd hate to serve a relative of his. This year's menu may take some careful planning - I may even ask the freds to deliver something from other-space... |
28 Nov 05 - 01:32 PM (#1615604) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage What kind of ale is in stock around here? Is it in the fridge or in a cupboard (warm)? |
28 Nov 05 - 01:39 PM (#1615615) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Catherine Jayne Oooo any mulled wine at the bar?? I'll have one! |
28 Nov 05 - 01:44 PM (#1615620) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: wysiwyg Thank God! A Tavern-- just what was needed! (I thought some of you ladies were going to slash one another's throats there for a bit!) ~S~ |
28 Nov 05 - 01:48 PM (#1615623) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: gnu Why, I am quite sure there would be at least some Turkey Turd Beer left. I'll look outside near the garbage bin... not likely the sanitation department would have accepted it. |
28 Nov 05 - 05:22 PM (#1615802) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage Don't trip over my dogs out there on the back porch, and look out for the spotted one--she likes to jump and lick your face. |
28 Nov 05 - 05:23 PM (#1615803) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Liz the Squeak Got a couple of bars of chocolate here... anyone fancy a fondue? LTS |
28 Nov 05 - 05:47 PM (#1615814) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: GUEST,Candy I'd love a babycham boys. |
28 Nov 05 - 07:17 PM (#1615914) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee I'd like a Polygamy Porter, por favor. And my smallsword came today. |
28 Nov 05 - 07:51 PM (#1615936) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: open mike oh oh armed and dangerous. please check you weapons at the door.. no sharp words, either please, and as the pen is mightier than the sword, please leave them in the cloak room, too. then we can proceed to enjoy each other's company, and with oral or aural tradition can commence to share stories songs and poems of by gone days and the present..and future? |
28 Nov 05 - 09:29 PM (#1615997) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage Is there anyone over in the Mudcat Recovery Ward these days who'd like to wheel or stroll in through that hall closet? I'm not talking about Nurse Ratched! Maybe Katlaughing has been hanging out in there a trifle too long after her surgery? |
28 Nov 05 - 11:27 PM (#1616054) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: open mike well if kat comes i hope she brings peaches! |
29 Nov 05 - 08:35 AM (#1616272) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: MMario I dug the fondue pot out of the cupboard Liz, hope you don't mind that it is "sixties" avacado green - really doesn't go withh the rest of the decor - but it works a treat! Do you prefer fruit, or sponge cake for dipping with chocolate fondue - or my favorite, dip more chocolate! |
29 Nov 05 - 08:52 AM (#1616287) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: el_punkoid_nouveau The Punkoid noted the open door, and the warm, comforting smell of beer and food gently wafting its way out of it. Carefully avoiding an extremely upset bunch of Pack Rats looking for a new home, he sidled over to the door, and peered in. Mmmmm - chocolate (carefully impersonating Homer) - and lots of beer too! Hey, there's celery in that chocolate! Wow! Now, can I get near enough the fire this year? Quietly, to avoid too much attention, the Punkoid snuck into the bar. He crept over to the fire, and warmed himself for a few minutes. Then, with little respect for the gentle discussion of chocolate in the background, he yelled... Hey, Bartender - how does a guy get a beer round here! |
29 Nov 05 - 09:02 AM (#1616298) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee Geez, you could bring a bazooka in and it'd be safe. Things like that simply don't work for what they were intended for in here -- a bazooka might blow bubbles or squirt water, but it certainly wouldn't work like it was intended to. The very idea! I'm going to use the sword for roasting weenies and toasting marshmallows for s'mores (with dark chocolate); that way you can relive your childhood camping experiences (chocolate covered clothes, sticky hands, upset tummies, fear of the one-armed lumberjack who slaughtered a whole family up on Spook Mountain and who still roams these woods...). So anyway, if someone would be kind enough to bring me another Polygamy Porter, I'll get this fire started. (You'd think that they'd let me use the fireplace, but noooooooooo, they're all drinking and singing over there, so I'll just start the ol' campfire right here. These drapes will make a neat-o background to the flames, too.) |
29 Nov 05 - 09:13 AM (#1616305) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Essex Girl I've dusted off the quart pot (you are supposed to drink mulled wine out of a quart pot aren't you?) and bought a bag of marshmallows for the fondue. Some amaretto biscuits would go down well. |
29 Nov 05 - 09:21 AM (#1616307) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: MMario el punkoid - you've been in here before; you KNOW the bartender is whoever is closest to the tap, and at the moemnt that's *YOU*! So get rapaire his Polygamy Porter will you? I'd just like a pint of Ol' Peculier with a chaser of drambuie. Hey Rapaire - sure, bazookas don't work in here the way they normally would - but on the other hand seemingly innocent objects can be deadly! Remember the Christmas tree a couple years ago? Or what about that bowl of Guacomole that tried to eat Cleigh? |
29 Nov 05 - 09:29 AM (#1616310) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: artbrooks Isn't Polygamy Porter 3.2% Utah beer? Tastes good, though...and they do a COOL t-shirt! Time machine workin'? Give me a Ballard Bitter, please. |
29 Nov 05 - 11:36 AM (#1616397) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage Time to set up a grill out back for the salmon. But I'd better lock the dogs up in the pickup camper shell first. No telling what they'll do once these cats and ducks and the squid start turning up. They've already chased the packrats under the back porch. |
29 Nov 05 - 12:24 PM (#1616448) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee No, it's real beer, not that 3.2 peewater. And I like the slogans: "Bring some home for the wives" and "When one is not enough". There's also Provo Girl. And...believe it or don't...there's a distillery opening in Salt Lake City! Yes! Stand And Deliver...Talisker, please! Thank you. Dang, I didn't think those drapes were flammable. Shucks, I guess it'll be a vertical weenie roast. |
29 Nov 05 - 02:48 PM (#1616546) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage You'd better get a strainer and fish all of that charred cloth out of the jello pit. Fast thinking on the part of that duck to knock the rod down to topple into the pit. I hear some scraping sounds outside--sounds like someone is dragging a tree this direction. |
29 Nov 05 - 03:15 PM (#1616568) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Morticia well, I found this tree, just at the back of Trafalgar Square......didn't think anyone would miss it. Erm.....is it me, or have the ceilings got lower in here? Bugger......someone give me a large Aberlour, then I'll think about taking it back.....course, we'll have to detach those cats first. |
29 Nov 05 - 03:47 PM (#1616603) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee 'pon his feets uneven, Whilst the snoo lay round about Cold and wet and heavin'. |
29 Nov 05 - 03:49 PM (#1616605) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee Deck us all with Boston Charlie Walla Walla Wash and Kalamazoo! Nora's freezing on the trolley Lullabye, lillabye, Louisville Lou! Don't we know archaic barrel.... |
29 Nov 05 - 03:56 PM (#1616608) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee Gives the jello that smokey taste.... |
29 Nov 05 - 03:58 PM (#1616611) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: el_punkoid_nouveau The Punkoid finished pouring beers for rapaire and MMario, and handed a bottle of Aberlour to Morti. Hey guys - I don't know whose card it's on this year, but there's only one thing for Morti to put in that glass of Aberlour... the rest of the bottle! Hellfire - I'm glad it ain't my plastic! Picking up a pint of his beloved Fighting Cock (that's Bourbon, just for a change), the Punkoid resumed his place by the fire. Good King Wenceslas got p****d On the feast of Stephen. Says we Sir, two lights you've missed Into this bag be breathing. Brightly shone the crystals green Due to excess wassail Christmas is a groovy scene - God Bless Barbara Castle! With apologies to Private Eye, The Abominable Radio Gnome, circa 67! |
29 Nov 05 - 04:34 PM (#1616643) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: SINSULL A window on the north wall opens slowly. Through it comes a large tarp, a bottle of Jack Daniel's and a rather rotund tortoise shell cat. "Move it, Alice!" It's cold out here. And in pops SINSULL "If the asbstos blanket doesn't keep him under control, I'll lock him in the Ladies with Alice Pisspot." "Pinot Grigio chilled for me. I brought this to share later." she says, putting the bourbon on the table in the back booth. El Punkoid sighs and fills her glass. "She's here to screw up my fun again." |
29 Nov 05 - 05:36 PM (#1616683) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Liz the Squeak Who ordered the 'Wenceslaus Pizza'? Deep pan, crisp and even.... with chocolate. LTS |
29 Nov 05 - 06:32 PM (#1616725) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Geoff the Duck [BACKTRACKS] It's dark here...... Can't recall which tunnel I came down to reach this point, they all look the same from here..... "Oh" something smells good! A hint of spice, perhaps nutmeg and cinnamon, maybe cloves....... I'll try to follow my beak, then. Ah, I can hear something, soounds like people talking...... can't quite make it out...... something about quack rats? Getting closer now. Was that someone asking for a fondle? It's getting warmer though.... Sounds of singing in the distance... What's this long cold hard thing underfoot. Feels like a bozooka... didn't think you could still get them. Wonder if it still works? Whoosh....... Well! I didn't expect balloons and flowers....... Can't be far to go now.... I'm sure I can feel carpet underfoot.... |
29 Nov 05 - 11:44 PM (#1616912) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage Coats with torn linings and loose buttons gradually appear in front of Geoff as he trips over a low pile of galoshes. The cupboard between the Tavern and the Recovery Ward looms in front of him, and he sees light coming from under the door to the left. . . "Galoshes and bazookas. What will they think of next?" he mutters to himself as he rises from his knees and staggers into the room, musical instrument in one hand, whiskey glass in the other. . . |
30 Nov 05 - 08:53 AM (#1617138) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: My guru always said Flexing claws, the Stray Tabby Cat climbs gratefully down the tree, winds her way over to SRS, nose in the air and greets the Tortoiseshell Cat who got there before her. 'Salmon? Did someone mention salmon?' |
30 Nov 05 - 09:02 AM (#1617147) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee Well, if I can't roast weenies, whatever shall I do? Waitwaitwait...it'll come to you...waitwaitwaitdrinkdrinkdrinkwaitwaitwaitdrinkdrinkdrink... |
30 Nov 05 - 09:03 AM (#1617152) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: MMario be afraid. be very afraid. |
30 Nov 05 - 09:09 AM (#1617158) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: MMario *goes to close the wardrobe door from which Geoff recently emerged*Hmmmmmmm...I've never noticed this before - look, there's a little plaque on this - reading: C. S. Lewis Memorable Wardrobe |
30 Nov 05 - 09:11 AM (#1617160) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: jacqui.c I knew I'd find SINS in here - just go where the booze is ! Any chance of a large Chardonnay please? I've spent most of the week being Nurse Ratched to Kendall since his cataract operation and I need to relax in a nice comfy chair by a good fire....... |
30 Nov 05 - 11:33 AM (#1617280) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage Turkish delight, anyone? |
30 Nov 05 - 12:50 PM (#1617344) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Liz the Squeak Bazookas, galoshes and ducks, oh my! Bazookas, Galoshes and Ducks, OH MY!!! LTS |
30 Nov 05 - 12:59 PM (#1617353) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: MMario drat - I'm having trouble figuring out a menu - the freds offerred to bring in some tribbles - so I was thinking they would be a nearly self-replenishing buffet; but for some reason the freds can't get the blasted things through customs. |
30 Nov 05 - 03:09 PM (#1617441) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: SINSULL Leave me alone, you silly cow! Why did you follow me in here anyway? Hey, Punkoid! The lady with the Chardonney wants to see a Yule fire. Help her out, would you? |
30 Nov 05 - 05:54 PM (#1617544) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage Don't serve tribbles unless you plan to have rolls of dental floss easily accessible at the bar. The freds were pulling your leg, they're tough and really stringy--you might as well cook those packrats under the porch. |
30 Nov 05 - 06:12 PM (#1617561) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: artbrooks Besides, they are hard to catch and they breed like mad. |
30 Nov 05 - 10:28 PM (#1617763) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: SINSULL aLICE CHECKS OUT THE SALMON AND THEN THE STRAY tOM. sHE STRUTS HER STUFF BEFORE HIS NOSE, CURLS HER TAIL ALLURINGLY AND ASKS "dO YOU PLAY THE BANJO?" dAMN cAPSLOCK! |
30 Nov 05 - 10:49 PM (#1617779) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee The menu? Roasted archeopteryx, perhaps? With a nice roasted sweet pepper dressing? And some lovely sauteed Amorphophallus titanum for the veggies and vegans in the crowd? Recites: If all be true that I do think There are five reasons why we drink: Good friends, good wine, or being dry. Or lest we should be by and by, Or any other reason why. |
01 Dec 05 - 12:00 AM (#1617815) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Lonesome EJ In headlights, the snow flakes come at you like like swirling stars set free from winter gray galaxies, betraying any sense of speed into a perceived suspension of space and time. To shed the trance effect you cast down your tired eyes. Swirling across the snow-packed highway, ground blizzards seem to gasp up in frozen breath out of snowpacked pavement. Mighty drifts of snow are heaped up here in Northern Nebraska, drifts that lie in the lee of any object with strength to stand against the wind. Crystalline streams rush down the busted corn rows to eddy and twist into the road ahead. A figure is backlit briefly against light shed through an open door, hunching in to sanctuary, the door swings quickly shut. Miles slide slowly by, then up ahead the tavern, strung lights of red and green and gold. The tires shift unsteadily at the turn, then bite into the frosty crust as the car stops in the parking lot. Buttons fastened, a deep breath drawn and held, and I am in the storm for the brief dash, then inside, closing the door against the blast. I turn and before I can place gloves in pockets, a warm mug of mulled wine is in my hands, and a friendly voice says Merry Christmas, Friend. A Very Merry Christmas. |
01 Dec 05 - 12:41 AM (#1617829) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage Wow! You must have come in by the northern door! I heard about that weather! SRS hands Lonesome EJ a tray with a saucer holding a toothpick with a singed brown and black chunk of what looks like a nugget of jerky. "Try this--you might want to dip it to cut the salt of the soy sauce marinade. MMario went to all the tribble to cook it." The tray with the plate of intergalactic delicacies also holds a bowl of duck sauce. |
01 Dec 05 - 12:56 AM (#1617835) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage BTW: Someone asked about the tab. We have Bert's credit card, and it still works. Keep on ordering whatever concoctions or confections you can dream up! Bugger! I thought I'd cancelled that card - Bert |
01 Dec 05 - 04:21 AM (#1617891) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Liz the Squeak Has anyone actually seen Bert since 2003? He must still be around and making payments, because the card hasn't been eaten by the machine.... but it would be nice if we bought him a drink to say thanks. LTS |
01 Dec 05 - 07:51 AM (#1618007) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: GUEST,Mingulay at work Thank god the Tavern's open again, I was beginning to wonder what I was going to do this year. Anyone mind if I stay till Boxing Day. Hmmm. Might be a rash decision, that duck seems to have regrown its sharp and pointy bits and it's pissed already! Is there still a squid in the jello? Do we have sufficient stocks of Owd Roger to last the night? Why do the incontinent ones always have to stand nearest the fire? Answers to these and many more questions are to be found inside the Christmas cracker next to your plate. Ah well, better make the best of a deteriorating situation - barsteward a pint of 6x please and one of those chewy looking bar snacks. Retires to a quiet corner sips beer and ponders the meaning of life, the university and dried whelks. A tinsel wrapped christmas spatula floats by and looks at the top of the tree in a knowing way. December again sheesh. |
01 Dec 05 - 09:01 AM (#1618074) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Geoff the Duck Geoff the Duck is sitting quietly in a warm corner near to the Southern end of the bar. He is still re-setting his bearings, as the Mudcat Tavern was the last place he expected to find behind the thick oaken door he had recently discovered blocking his path. In fact, he had been in the dark so long that he had almost forgotten his original mistake of leaning too far over the outpulled drawer of a shiny new white ash dresser, down at the furniture warehouse. It seemed like he had been there for years, what, with the weeks wandering through the winter rimed woods, past the ruins of the deserted castles, the extended sessions drinking with those strange creatures, half man and half goat with funny shaped balls, what did they call themselves? Ah yes! Rugby players... Finally, he recalls, one day a wrong turn led him into a thicket, and as he turned round to go back to the woods, there seemed to be a distinctive noise and a strange light, the World seemed for an instant to have turned blue and clicky, and instead of the bushes, he was sudenly facing cold stone walls. He had found himself in a circular chamber with a domed ceiling. At intervals along the wall, there were doors. Each was diferent, one was varnished pine, another walnut veneer, a third was dark oak and yet another might have been fine grained plywood with a coloured stain applied expertly to make it look more expensive. Realisation had suddenly dawned. The forest concealed somehow within the furniture must have been the Magical World known to the select few visitors as Ikea.... |
01 Dec 05 - 09:04 AM (#1618077) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee Overhead, the roof echoes with the tramp of thirty-two tiny hooves and the sound of sleigh runner crunching the crust of the snow. Two footsteps echo downward, the sound of a heavy body and an "AAAAAAAAHHH!" like you make when you stretch after stopping during a long drive to loose your muscles and empty your bladder. Then, other sounds, other voices, from on high and everyone becomes still and looks aloft, as if they could peer through the Olde Oaken Roofe Beams. "Outa the bag and grab him, boys!" and the sounds of a scuffle, the sounds of small, elven, fists smacking into rotound flesh. "Got the old bastard!" "Tie him up good, Jocko!" "Death to the bloated exploiter of Elvish labor!" and other cries in high-pitched voices echo through the room below. Even the squid and the cats are temporarily silent. "Okay, boys! Shove him down the chimney! Do it headfirst and let's get back to the Pole! You Know Who's Waiting There For Us!" And a large, white-bearded, soot-covered, Carhart-clad body thumps headfirst into the fire. Tied with ropes, cuffed with handcuffs, chained with chains, it quickly rolls out of the fire, smothering any burning spots on the way. "Say, friends," says the old man, "Could you untie, uncuff, and unchain me? Hijacked on a pre-Yule test flight by the elves. Who would have believed that the little Commies had it in them?" |
01 Dec 05 - 10:11 PM (#1618180) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage One of the ducks drops down from the rafters and stomps out a burning spot on the Jolly Old Elf's hat and collar, then flys over to sit on the bar next to a calico cat. |
02 Dec 05 - 07:16 AM (#1618368) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Liz the Squeak Shame about that handcuff key.. .anyone got a hacksaw? LTS |
02 Dec 05 - 07:35 AM (#1618383) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Morticia you know Liz, that's awfully close to his...........ooooops...which door leads to the Emergency Room again? |
02 Dec 05 - 07:57 AM (#1618400) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Geoff the Duck Don't go through the oak one, you never know where you might get stuck! You should have tried brandy butter, it being seasonal and such likes.... Quack! |
02 Dec 05 - 09:35 AM (#1618490) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee "Rum, please. Pusser's Admiral, if you have it. Straight up, svp. The 151 proof stuff, gracias. And a lighter. Right, thanks." He watches as Liz and Morticia drag the bleeding Jolly Old off, screaming, to a private room. Hmmm, he thinks, probably something about the chains and handcuffs. None of his business, though. |
02 Dec 05 - 09:48 AM (#1618503) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: MMario Blood always brings out a feeding frenzy of some sort...Not that there's anything wrong with that... |
02 Dec 05 - 10:35 AM (#1618531) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: GUEST,The Giant Squid Shuffling off behind the threesome, the squid is heard to mutter "direct pressure. Didn't anyone teach these two about direct pressure?" A moment later there is a giddy laugh, a small shriek, then a muffled curse as the squid seizes Santa around his middle so [not] small and tumbles him into the sea. Where he has enough purchase that he can stop the bleeding but nearly drowns Santa in the process. Hauling Santa back onto the beach, it can be seen that the squid's mighty beak has cleanly sheered off the handcuffs, ropes and chains. "Remember, Santa, I want a REAL Rolex for each arm, not any of those cheesy Chinatown knockoffs." |
02 Dec 05 - 11:33 AM (#1618587) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: GUEST,Mingulay at work The squirrel sat in a corner of the fireplace contemplating his nuts slowly roasting by the fire when he was awakened from his reverie by the smell of burning hair and a warm feeling in his nether regions. A piece of smouldering Santa hat had landed on him. Quickly brushing himself down and closely inspecting the damage he headed for the bar and a stiff drink. Damn, the bottle opener had gone again so grabbing the duck by the legs he upended it and used its beak to lever off the cap of a bottle of St.Bernadus Quadrupel 12%. Dropping the duck in an undignified heap (no change there), he headed off towards the gaily painted MDF door, reached out and turned the handle........... The sound of an empty bottle spinning on a stone floor echoed through the half empty doorway!!!!!!!!! |
02 Dec 05 - 05:18 PM (#1618855) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage Rapaire, are you planning to run someone through with that pig sticker of yours? Stop running in the tavern with it--the barkeep has some more marshmellows for you. Settle down by the fire. That is Rapaire running with the sword, right? Wait, maybe it isn't. . .maybe it's. . . |
02 Dec 05 - 05:19 PM (#1618857) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: GUEST Har! |
02 Dec 05 - 05:25 PM (#1618858) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee Dear God In Heaven Above! It's the RALPHS!!! Thank goodness I have my smallsword!!! And...the rum...the lighter...it's AFTERBURNER TIME!!!! Whoosh!!! |
02 Dec 05 - 06:48 PM (#1618900) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage At that moment, a bedraggled Santa was entering the tavern from the southern door. Whoosh! |
02 Dec 05 - 07:56 PM (#1618970) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Geoff the Duck Whilst still musing on his time spent in the strange mystical Nether Universe, GtD was vaguely aware of the arrival of a strangely large and familiar multi-legged and somewhat squidgey shape. As the squid embraced the portly handcuffed gentleman, he was half dreaming of the castle at Caer-Para-Diff where he first met the "front row" before retiring to the steak house on Caroline Street. His mind drifted over the muddy bay of tigers whilst a small and defenceless merganser was viciously assaulted at the bar. His attention was suddenly drawn back to the present when a door smashed open. Strange, he thought, there seem to be a lot more doors in this place than there ever used to be, and not two the same shape, size or colour! Has a mad carpenter been on the loose since my last visit. As he tried to make sense of the new arrivals, several members of the party flung themselves flat on the ground. If there is one thing to be learned from a lifetime of experience, and nominal predetermination, a good one is "Know when to DUCK", and he did....rapidly!!! |
02 Dec 05 - 08:23 PM (#1618996) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Geoff the Duck WHOOSH? What was all that about, then? As soon as it seemed safe to move, GtD sidled towards a gap in the bar. He knew when to get out of the line of fire (And when the fire is hot and directional - getting out of it takes on greater meaning...). He slipped behind the bar and found a half full barrel of porter which appeared to be unattended and in need of company. After sampling it, in the nature of being a good deed on behalf of later visitors, GtD peeked over the counter (oh yes - a peeking duck) to see a squirrel, with the charred remains of a bushy tail, staring wide eyed at the soggy Santa. |
02 Dec 05 - 10:02 PM (#1619040) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee Because someone (who shall remain nameless at the moment) had taken a mouthful of 151 proof rum and spewed it forth through the flame of the lighter. Yes, it was the infamous drink called...an Afterburner!! (Too bad about the squirrel.) |
02 Dec 05 - 10:14 PM (#1619050) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage Too bad about Santa! Poor guy's going to be bald until his beard and hair grow back. He'll go around the planet in 23 days looking like Yasser Arafat with his uniformly short stubble. |
03 Dec 05 - 09:29 AM (#1619249) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Geoff the Duck GtD glanced down towards the wall at the far end of the bar. Somebody had written with chalk on the menu board - Starters.... Roast Squirrel (WARNING - this product may contain nuts) |
03 Dec 05 - 09:36 AM (#1619253) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: SINSULL Alice the cat strolls carefully over to the smoking squirrel, sniffs its tail with great interest, turns and pisses on it. "That will have to do until Micca shows up", she muses as she goes back to see if the salmon is ready. |
03 Dec 05 - 10:16 AM (#1619278) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee Fresh from squirrel roasting, he moseys over to a door and peeks through. There, sure enough and just as he suspected, is a sign that reads: Mudcat Holiday Tavern Warning: May contain nuts & seafoord. Also may contain alcohol, which may cause dizziness, pregnancy, logorrhea, off-key music, and coyote dating. He quietly closes the door, doubtful that he will become pregnant, and so quietly consumes a flip. |
03 Dec 05 - 10:29 AM (#1619282) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Geoff the Duck GtD waves across at SINSULL. Put out a chair and sit down, the leather topped ones aren't burning as badly as the velvet covered ones. Have yourself a pint of Rudolph's Revenge and put your feet up for a while. |
03 Dec 05 - 10:33 AM (#1619283) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Geoff the Duck I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again |
03 Dec 05 - 11:53 AM (#1619321) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage The salmon isn't coming into the room until cats STOP peeing on squirrels. Sage scoops up the injured squirrel, erases the chaulk board on her way out to the porch, where the squirrel is quickly soaped, rinsed, and released into the rafters. |
03 Dec 05 - 01:57 PM (#1619373) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Rapparee And he quietly picks up his Purple Jesus and retreats, sword in hand, roasted weenie on sword, to the corner where he proceeds to eat his weenie and sing his traditional songs of the season: "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...." and "Oh by gosh by golly, it's time for Mary and for Holly, Jessica, Erin, Samantha, Sharon -- All presents waiting for me." and "You'd better watch out, you'd better not pout, You'd better be good I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is dead." All the songs he learned as a tender young lad as, clad in tattered rags, he sold burnt matchsticks to bloated oppressors of the laboring classes...and his mind drifts back to his student days, shivering in a garret whilst his stub of a candle guttered in the drafts, a moldy crust of bread and ditchwater his food and drink, but his mind hungering and thirsting for knowledge even though he couldn't afford the textbooks needed for the classes he snuck into, much less a warm coat or something other than a pallet on the floor.. |
03 Dec 05 - 03:53 PM (#1619439) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Stilly River Sage Sage reenters the room and glances around. A warm glow from the fire, a warm buzz from the booze, and she can see that Rapaire has fallen asleep on the warmly-hued fine old walnut bench in the corner reading nook with his head resting on a copy of Oliver Twist. Turning back to the door, she signals to some casual laborers from the neighborhood to haul a large silver fir into the room and securely mount it in it's assembled tree stand. One of the smaller in the group scrambles into the rafters and secures some guy wires. He also tosses down a harness that is still attached to the rafters from two years ago. The harness has dried sap on it from a misadventure with the tree from 2003. |
03 Dec 05 - 04:09 PM (#1619449) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Geoff the Duck Blimey - was the self launching Christmas tree TWO years back? I'm still shaking in my boots whenever I smell pine needles!!!!!!! QUACK!!! |
03 Dec 05 - 06:34 PM (#1619507) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: Liz the Squeak Watch out for Doctor Who on TV this Christmas in the UK, the Christmas trees do more than self launch! LTS |
03 Dec 05 - 06:48 PM (#1619514) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern Holiday erudition (2005) From: GUEST,Gluon!! |