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04 Jul 06 - 06:45 PM (#1776053) Subject: Obit: My Dear Wife From: jeffp My wife of 6 1/2 years, Bonnie, passed away from this world this morning. She had dealt with gallbladder cancer since February 2003. The average life span for someone diagnosed with gallbladder cancer is 6 months. She lived with great joy and exited peacefully and gracefully. I will miss her greatly. Jeff |
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04 Jul 06 - 06:49 PM (#1776058) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Alice Jeff, my sympathy to you and your family in the passing of Bonnie. Take care. - alice |
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04 Jul 06 - 06:55 PM (#1776060) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: alanabit From me too. I hope you take comfort from some hapy memories. |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:01 PM (#1776063) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: bobad My condolences Jeff, take comfort in the time you had together and the joys you shared. |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:04 PM (#1776067) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: katlaughing Oh, Jeff...the Grace you both had through this inspires me, but I still regret Bonnie had to make this journey so soon. My love and good thoughts for you both continue. Please call if you need/want to...and, thanks for sharing with us. luvyakat |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:08 PM (#1776071) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Menolly It is now 4 years since I lost my husband, Nick, to rectal Cancer. You have my every sympathy. It is hard but always remember that though your loved one did not want to die, they also wanted you to live after what they could not escape. I went somewhat manic in the first year but I made a lot of new memories and I celibrate what we had and who he was. |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:08 PM (#1776072) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: wysiwyg You have both been very much in my thoughts and prayers, especially the last few days. I am so happy that you had each other and always will, and I am so sorry that the earthly pilgrimage was so short. Please write or call if you feel like it; I will continue to hold you in the soft spot in my heart. ~Susan |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:11 PM (#1776074) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Little Hawk My condolences, Jeff. I send you my good wishes and I hope you find whatever sources of strength you most need at this time. |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:17 PM (#1776076) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Beer My deepest sympathies. Adrien |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:19 PM (#1776078) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: open mike hugs to you and may you find peace... thank you for sharing this with the mudcat family. Laurel |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:46 PM (#1776106) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: GUEST,Ralphie Being English, I'm obviously rubbish at this sort of thing. Don't know you, But Hey! Good Luck and Bugger. What a shame. Thats the English for you. Stiff Upper Lip, (but a quivering heart) May your future be bright.. Love Ralphie xx |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:48 PM (#1776110) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: JennyO So sad to hear this - you had her for so little time. We're here for you when you need to talk. Jenny, in Oz |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:48 PM (#1776111) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Naemanson So sorry to hear about that. You have my thoughts and hopes. |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:49 PM (#1776114) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: GUEST,Jon Sorry to read this, Jeff. |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:52 PM (#1776116) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Barry Finn My sympathies & condolences to you jeffp & to you too, Menolly. My niece called my his afternoon to ask me to sing at her husband's funeral service when he goes, which will be any day now, it's heart breaking. Thank you for giving me an insite from your prospectives. My heart goes out to you both. Barry |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:52 PM (#1776118) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Bonnie Shaljean I'm very sorry to hear of your loss and my thoughts are with you. That she was able to triumph for so long over this horrible illness is inspiring. |
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04 Jul 06 - 07:58 PM (#1776123) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Alba My Thoughts are with Bonnie and with You, Jeff. Very sad News. If there is anything I can do please do not hesitate to let me know. With Love, Judi |
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04 Jul 06 - 08:07 PM (#1776134) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: MaineDog I know that this is not fun. Been there, done that. With prayer, and music and friends, you will come thru the tunnel. May the light be even brighter for you when you come out! MD |
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04 Jul 06 - 08:16 PM (#1776142) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: George Papavgeris My sympathies, Jeff. May her memory never fade and your heart rejoice at the good times you had together. They are yours for keeps. |
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04 Jul 06 - 08:36 PM (#1776155) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: kendall This is a real bummer, and I'm sorry to see it here. You have my sympathy. I lost an old shipmate a week ago. He was 84 and ready to move on. Still, it's a loss, and there are no words that help very much. |
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04 Jul 06 - 09:10 PM (#1776176) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: jeffp Kendall, I read her your book while she was in the hospital. She got quite a kick out of it. kat, she loved your writing as well. Thank you everybody for your support. The family was here most of the day and it was really beautiful in its own way. It felt very traditional as we gathered around and shared memories and then helped the crew carry her out of the house and to the van. Reminded me of an old-fashioned wake. I am satisfied that all of us did the right thing and honored her in life as well as death. May she rest in peace. Jeff |
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04 Jul 06 - 09:34 PM (#1776189) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: GUEST Jeff, I am very sorry. Take care of yourself now. Rely on family and friends to help you through this. And always celebrate her life. Mary |
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04 Jul 06 - 09:35 PM (#1776190) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: SINSULL Above was from me. Mary |
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04 Jul 06 - 09:54 PM (#1776197) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: GUEST,bassic jeffp, amen, lovely words. I celebrate with you. |
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04 Jul 06 - 10:18 PM (#1776201) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Willie-O Sort of what Ralphie said, cept from a Canadian perspective. Hold her in your heart--she'll live there forever and that is the best kind of afterlife. Bill |
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04 Jul 06 - 10:24 PM (#1776203) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Janie I'm so sorry Jeff. Peace and comfort to all of you. Janie |
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04 Jul 06 - 11:14 PM (#1776224) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Stilly River Sage What a wonderful story, about reading Kendall's book to her. I'm so sorry to read of her passing. Thank you for taking the time to share this sad news with us. Maggie |
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04 Jul 06 - 11:18 PM (#1776227) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: CarolC Deepest condolences on your loss, jeffp. |
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04 Jul 06 - 11:31 PM (#1776235) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: jacqui.c So sorry to hear this Jeff. All my good wishes to you and your family. |
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04 Jul 06 - 11:35 PM (#1776240) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: catspaw49 Words are pretty inadequate but they are all we have. You and Bonnie have been in my thoughts Jeff and I am sorry she has gone.....but you know well she will never really leave you. Take great care of yourself......You have our best thoughts and deepest sympathy. Pat and Karen |
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04 Jul 06 - 11:35 PM (#1776241) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: JedMarum I am so very saddened at your loss. I wish you the very best in picking up the pieces and moving on, alone. I cannot even imagine - but I hope you will find solace in the years you had with her and the life she left in you heart. |
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05 Jul 06 - 12:11 AM (#1776261) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: frogprince I'm just another stranger to you, out here somewhere, but I also have lost family members and friends to cancer, some much to young. I wish you strenghth, and the comfort of your family and friends, to see you through the pain of your loss. Dean |
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05 Jul 06 - 12:12 AM (#1776262) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Amos Dear Jeff: One step at a time,mate; keep breathing. This is sad news indeed, and no easy thing. My thoughts are with you A |
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05 Jul 06 - 04:36 AM (#1776401) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Liz the Squeak Take care, we're thinking of you. LTS |
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05 Jul 06 - 04:43 AM (#1776403) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: GUEST,Kingbrill So sorry to hear of your loss. Take care of yourself and hold on to the loving memories. |
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05 Jul 06 - 05:02 AM (#1776416) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: redsnapper My deepest condolences and thoughts. RS |
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05 Jul 06 - 05:09 AM (#1776421) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Brakn Sorry for your loss. |
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05 Jul 06 - 05:47 AM (#1776450) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: The Barden of England So heartbreaking to lose a loved partner. My thoughts go with you. |
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05 Jul 06 - 05:53 AM (#1776454) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: greg stephens Very sorry to hear this sad news, Jeff Greg |
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05 Jul 06 - 06:26 AM (#1776476) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Dave the Gnome Condolances from me as well. Hope that knowing you are in so many thoughts will help. Dave. |
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05 Jul 06 - 06:34 AM (#1776487) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Keith A of Hertford Thinking of you both. Keith. |
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05 Jul 06 - 06:40 AM (#1776490) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Hawker So sorry to hear your sad news. Much love to you and kind thoughts Cheers, Lucy |
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05 Jul 06 - 07:45 AM (#1776516) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Azizi I'm sorry about your loss. Your wife sounds like a wonderful lady. And it sounds as though you two had a love supreme. You are blessed to have experienced that. Please remember to take care of yourself. I'll continue to hold you in prayer. -Azizi |
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05 Jul 06 - 07:49 AM (#1776522) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Mr Red FWIW the Queen Mum said of breavement It doesn't get any better - you get better at it. My father died when I was six months old and I observed, though poorly understood, grief for 35 years. Just remember that you have a community here and don't avoid doing the things you enjoyed before. I have seen people cut themselves off and it is not a good idea. |
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05 Jul 06 - 07:58 AM (#1776528) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: kendall Jeff, thanks so much for that piece of information. I really don't know how to respond except to say that I'm pleased that my feeble attempt at writing served such a worthwhile purpose. |
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05 Jul 06 - 08:03 AM (#1776532) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: GUEST So very sorry to hear this Jeff....love and blessings to you and your family... Suzi....x |
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05 Jul 06 - 08:20 AM (#1776542) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Sandra in Sydney I'm sorry to hear of your loss sandra |
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05 Jul 06 - 08:32 AM (#1776545) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: skipy I have tears in my eyes for a lady I didn't even know. Take good care of yourself she would have wanted that! Skipy |
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05 Jul 06 - 09:23 AM (#1776587) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: SharonA I'm sorry to hear of your loss, Jeff. My deepest condolences to you and to the family. Sharon |
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05 Jul 06 - 10:07 AM (#1776627) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Essex Girl My sincere condolences. Having been through this 8 months ago I can imagine how you feel. The mudcat family will laugh and cry with you. Linda |
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05 Jul 06 - 10:34 AM (#1776649) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Rutger Jeff, I've posted to you privately but for the Mudcatters who may not have seen the song that you wrote for Bonnie, I will post it here again - I still remember hearing you sing it, and it says so much about the kind of relationship you have had - and that will never ever go away. [This is Jeff's first song, written for Bonnie on Valentine's Day] WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE? CHORUS Would you like to dance, make some sweet romance Would you take a chance with me? We'll spin around the floor once or twice or more. I love you can't you see? Dance with me. When I first met you many years ago, who could tell what would transpire? Neither you nor I knew as time went by you would set my heart on fire? CHORUS We went our separate ways, while the music played Some sad and happy tunes. Before the dance was through I came back to you And we kissed beneath the moon. CHORUS Now if you'll just step into my arms We'll waltz all around this hall. Then no matter what the future brings I'll be there each time you call. CHORUS by Jeff Porterfield |
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05 Jul 06 - 10:51 AM (#1776658) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Ebbie Lovely song, Jeff. My deepest condolences to you in your loss. Ebbie |
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05 Jul 06 - 11:44 AM (#1776716) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: SunnySister Waltzes of the heart never end. While you are both on a different dance floor at the moment, you both are still listening to the same music of your souls. In time, you'll dance together again. My thoughts are with you. I'm so sorry for your loss of Bonnie, Jeff, and the pain of missing her. -SunnySister AKA- Deanna |
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05 Jul 06 - 12:03 PM (#1776739) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Sorcha I'm so very very sorry, Jeff. My deepest sympathy. |
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05 Jul 06 - 12:42 PM (#1776785) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: rock chick My condolences Jeff, when you feel sad think of the wonderful times you spent with Bonnie. Take care and may your god give you strength. Shelagh |
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05 Jul 06 - 01:32 PM (#1776817) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Dave Roberts Deepest Sympathy. |
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05 Jul 06 - 04:24 PM (#1776987) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: van lingle So sorry for your loss, Jeff. vl |
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05 Jul 06 - 06:40 PM (#1777133) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: AllisonA(Animaterra) Jeff, I'm sending light and love to you tonight. I can offer no words of comfort to ease your loss, but lots of prayers and support. love, Allison |
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05 Jul 06 - 06:58 PM (#1777143) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Elmer Fudd Very sorry for your loss, Jeff. Elmer |
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05 Jul 06 - 07:59 PM (#1777173) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: GUEST,Jaze So sorry for your loss,Jeff. Take comfort that you have lots of friends and support right here. Take Care. |
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05 Jul 06 - 08:09 PM (#1777178) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: kytrad (Jean Ritchie) Jeff, I never met you, nor your Bonnie, but I feel that I do. In my mind and heart I hold your hand, and hers, and wish you hearts-ease. Jean Ritchie |
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06 Jul 06 - 12:32 AM (#1777288) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Tannywheeler It's never a good time for someone we love to die. It's awful. The likelihood is you will survive and rebuild your life. You seem to have good friends who will stand with you as you plow through the awfulness. To a certain extent it will help to know that they WANT to help, but the most anyone can do is hold the kleenex. But the friends/family geographically close to you should be warned to watch for signs of shock. That can occur at any moment after the loss for several years. It can take several forms. Ask for help to protect yourself, friends to keep their eye on you, sort of. Eat regularly and well, get enough sleep, do some regular excercise. God bless. Tw |
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06 Jul 06 - 12:37 AM (#1777293) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Anonny Mouse Condolences and prayers of support and hope from squeeky here; there's no adequate words to express all that could or should be said. The loss of a spouse (and one you were married to such a short time) is tragic. My fondest wish/hope is that SOMEDAY, these demonic cancers that take so many of us will be vanquished. I am truly sorry to hear of your loss. |
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06 Jul 06 - 10:54 AM (#1777359) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Carly My deepest sympathy, Jeff. Hold tight to the memories and take good care of yourself; the pain of this kind of loss never goes away, I know, but it does become easier to bear. Carly Gewirz |
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06 Jul 06 - 12:16 PM (#1777437) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: M.Ted I am so sorry to hear about this--you have my deepest sympathies and warmest regards-- |
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06 Jul 06 - 01:33 PM (#1777481) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: GUEST,saulgoldie Condolences, Jeff. I wish you the best. |
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06 Jul 06 - 01:47 PM (#1777489) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Kaleea Jeff, you are in the thoughts prayers of all we 'Catters out here in Mudland. While her physical presence is not with you, the presence of Bonnie in the form of her Love will always be with you. |
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07 Jul 06 - 02:23 AM (#1777939) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: dianavan I can feel your grief all the way to Canada. Please accept my sympathy. |
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07 Jul 06 - 04:00 AM (#1777974) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Partridge So sorry, the passing of a loved one is hard. thinking of you, love Pat xx |
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07 Jul 06 - 05:19 AM (#1778010) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Bugsy Jeff, I cannot imagine the pain of losing a partner. I have lost family members, of both older and younger generations, but the thought of losing my wife is beyond comprehension to me. Below, the words of a song we both love and that I want played if I go before her. EVERYTHING POSSIBLE Fred Small, We've cleared off the table,leftovers saved Washed the dishes and put them away I've told you a story,tucked you in tigh At the end of your knockabout day When the moon sets a sail to carry you to sleep Over the midight sea I will sing you a song no one sang to me May it keep you good company You can be anybody you want to be You can love whomever you will You can travel any country that your heart eads And Am know that I will love you still You can live by yourself, you can gather friends around You can choose one special one But the only measure of your words and your deeds Will be the love you leave behind when you're done There are girls who grow up strong and bold There are boys quiet and kind Some race on ahead, some follow behind Some go in their own way and time Some women love women, some men love men Some raise children, some never do You can dream all the days, never reaching the end Of everything possible for you Don't be rattled by names, by taunts, by games But seek out spirits true If you give your friends the best part of yourself They will give the same back to you You can be anybody you want to be You can love whomever you will You can travel any country that your heart eads And Am know that I will love you still You can live by yourself, you can gather friends around You can choose one special one But the only measure of your words and your deeds Will be the love you leave behind when you're done I hope she had a life that was full and happy and am sure she left a lot of love behind her. love to you and your family in this, the worst of times Bugsy |
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07 Jul 06 - 09:07 AM (#1778167) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Geordie-Peorgie My sincere condolences Jeff! Trite words seem to come very easy at a time like this so I'll just say, in line with Bugsy's message (above), She obviously left a lot of love behind her. Treasure the memories - All of them Thinking of you G-P |
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07 Jul 06 - 08:57 PM (#1778620) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Bobert I'm so sorry, my frined... I lost my wife, Judy, 10 years ago this October 2nd... It's tough... Bobert |
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07 Jul 06 - 10:57 PM (#1778696) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: open mike i know of a d.j. who is planning a radio show filled with songs that people might find helpful when a friend or loved one has has cancer. He is an oncology nurse and is hoping to share music with meaning that has helped bring people thru such circumstances. I hope that you, Jeff find a way to get thru each day.The Fred Small song posted earlier is a good one--i always thought of it as a kids lullaby, but i see it can be so much more. If any one knows of music that might be good to include for a radio show, or that has helped them, please p.m. me. thanks |
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08 Jul 06 - 07:34 PM (#1779146) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: GUEST,darkriver (no cookie) Jeff, very sorry to hear of your loss. Although words are inadequate, accept my sincere condolences to you and your family. Doug |
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08 Jul 06 - 11:28 PM (#1779259) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: jeffp Thank you so much, everybody. You will never know how much you have all helped me. This is the Mudcat Cafe at its best. Jeff |
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09 Jul 06 - 12:26 AM (#1779278) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: georgeward Jeff, First. another heartfelt offer of condolence from a stranger (almost...the Mudcat has its own community magic). As many here know, I lost my own wife (love, lover, partner, best friend...on and on) four and a half years ago. It brought home a hard truth. There's a saying in some hard-nosed twelve-step groups, "I know that I am temporary." It can be easier to accept that, in the end, than to accept the temporariness of those we love, those by whose light we have come to see ourselves and to define our lives and purpose. The Queen Mother, as quoted by Mr Red above, put it very well: "It doesn't get any better - you get better at it." Vaughn and I had a favorite quote from the old show 'The Fantastiks': "Without a hurt, the heart is hollow". I never realized I would come to live by it, but I do. Usually, I just say, "anything good is bittersweet," and leave it at that. Because it is. Something wonderful happens that you would have hardly been able to wait to share with your partner...and she's not there. Something sad or awful happens; you turn around, or reach for the phone at work, and...she's not there. And a peculiar chemistry happens. You get better at it. The things you shared, and the light she shed never wholly go away. They go with you into places you never thought you'd have to go alone. They go with you into new friendships and new directions. You come to share them in ways you never thought you could. It is nothing you would ever have chosen. There can be very empty times. Be as wise, careful and gentle with yourself as everyone above has urged you to be. But you do get better at it. And you carry the light on. Even when you can't believe it, you do. As the folks above have said, stay in touch with us. - George |
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09 Jul 06 - 12:41 AM (#1779284) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: wilbyhillbilly Our thoughts and prayers are with you Jeff, from "across the pond" whb |
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09 Jul 06 - 02:43 PM (#1779603) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: maire-aine Dear Jeff, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. There isn't much a stranger can say, except that I'll keep you and Bonnie in my prayers. Maryanne |
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09 Jul 06 - 02:45 PM (#1779606) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: Peter Kasin My deepest sympathy and condolences, Jeff. Chanteyranger |
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09 Jul 06 - 11:42 PM (#1779995) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: bbc I will add my deepest sympathy to you & your family. Words don't adequately express what we want to say when we are confronted by a deep loss. best, Barbara |
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10 Jul 06 - 08:06 AM (#1780234) Subject: RE: Obit: My Dear Wife From: jeffp Bonnie's memorial service was yesterday. It was really very nice. Many memories were shared, many tears were shed, even a few laughs. Just what she had wanted. We were fortunate to have enough warning to discuss her wishes, so that I am confident that we did the right thing by her. The kids and I reinforced our bond and promised to take care of each other. Thank you everybody for your support. The ones I know and the ones I don't. You represent the Mudcat at its best. Jeff |