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31 Jan 07 - 07:25 AM (#1953361) Subject: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: jimlad9 I say, I say,I say my wife has gone to the West Indies. Jamaica?. No! she went of her own accord _________________________________________________________________ I say,I say,I say my dog has no nose How does he smell?. Terrible!. ________________________________________________________________ I say,I say,I say my wheelie-bin is full of Toadstools. How do you know?. Well there's not Mushroom inside. |
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31 Jan 07 - 09:07 AM (#1953467) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: GUEST,CrazyEddie I say, I say, I say, This dustbin is full of Lilies! How do you know they're lilies? 'Cos Lily's wearin' 'em. I say, This bin's got a police-dog in it. How do you know its'a police-dog? There's a policeman with it! |
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31 Jan 07 - 09:35 AM (#1953484) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Scrump There's no need to say it three times, I heard you the first time, I'm not deaf! |
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31 Jan 07 - 09:41 AM (#1953488) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Georgiansilver I say, I say, can I bring my dog up on your bus? Certainly sir! Uurrggghhhhh. |
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31 Jan 07 - 09:42 AM (#1953491) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Georgiansilver I say I say I say, what's the difference between the Whitehall Theatre and a public toilet. I don't know, what is the ...........................toilet? The Whitehall theatre is for Arts and Farces! |
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31 Jan 07 - 11:10 AM (#1953566) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Scrump Georgiansilver, you could have said what is the difference between the Whitehall Theatre and the House of Commons... :-) |
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31 Jan 07 - 11:30 AM (#1953591) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Scrump What's the difference between the Millennium Dome (failed casino venue) and John Prescott? One of them is a hugely expensive and ridiculous waste of space and should be got rid of, to avoid any further loss to the taxpayer... ...and the other is a building on the Thames. |
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31 Jan 07 - 11:40 AM (#1953599) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Cluin I say, I say, I say do you have Prince Albert in a can? I do indeed. Well, you best let him out, old chap. Queen Vicki's missing her nightly shagging something awful. And he needs to cleanse his piercing, doesn't he? |
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31 Jan 07 - 11:46 AM (#1953610) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: GUEST,Can't tell jokes. So, is your wife going to Jamaica... (Ooops!) |
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31 Jan 07 - 12:18 PM (#1953645) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Georgiansilver I say I say I say, what's the difference between Camilla Parker-Bowles and a belligerent baby? A belligerent baby chucks Farleys! |
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31 Jan 07 - 12:32 PM (#1953668) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: jimlad9 I say,I say,I say Whats the difference between a cross-eyed cowboy and a constipated owl ? A cross-eyed cowboy shoots and shoots and can't hit................... _________________________________________________________________ I say,I say,I say Whats the difference between a Barrow-Boy and a Dachshund? A Barrow-Boy bawls out his wares on the pavement........................ __________________________________________________________________ I say,I say,I say how many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? I don't know it has never been tried ---------------------------------------------------------- I say,I,say,I,say whats the difference between a slice of bread and the entire French male poulation You can make soldiers out of bread |
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31 Jan 07 - 01:24 PM (#1953716) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: GUEST,Mr Red IS IS IS What's the difference between a dressmaker and a melodeon player? One tucks-up yer frills |
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31 Jan 07 - 01:29 PM (#1953722) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Q (Frank Staplin) What, only in England, you say? GOOD! |
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31 Jan 07 - 02:59 PM (#1953793) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: GUEST,leeneia Thanks for posting. you gave me my first smile of the day. |
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31 Jan 07 - 02:59 PM (#1953794) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Rapparee I say, have you heard that Sir Reginald is living in a tree in Borneo with an orangatang? Male or female?? Female, of course! Nothing queer about Sir Reginald! |
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31 Jan 07 - 03:13 PM (#1953811) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: fat B****rd I SAY, I SAY I SAY I shot my dog the other day Was he mad ? Well, he wasn't too pleased. |
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31 Jan 07 - 04:10 PM (#1953857) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: John O'L Where's my tiger's head? |
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31 Jan 07 - 04:11 PM (#1953860) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Cluin I say, I say, I say, have you lived around here all your life? Not yet. |
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31 Jan 07 - 04:15 PM (#1953862) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Little Hawk Ha! Ha! Ha! Nothing like British humour! Keep 'em comin'! |
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31 Jan 07 - 05:39 PM (#1953937) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Joybell Cluin's one is Rural American. Put the I say I say in front of the lines in the Arkansaw Traveller and you've got American ones. Cheers, Joy |
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31 Jan 07 - 05:51 PM (#1953947) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Jean(eanjay) I like the John Prescott one; are there any more? |
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31 Jan 07 - 05:59 PM (#1953958) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Gurney I say, I say, I say, Whats the difference between a good vacuum cleaner and a Swiss admiral? A good vacuum cleaner sucks and never fails! |
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31 Jan 07 - 09:01 PM (#1954126) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: frogprince What's the difference between a mailbox and an outhouse? |
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31 Jan 07 - 09:01 PM (#1954127) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: frogprince Never mind, I'll mail it myself. |
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01 Feb 07 - 04:49 AM (#1954309) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: GUEST,CrazyEddie Is IS IS.... The other day, whilst on Safari in Kenya, I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How the hell he got into my pyjamas, I'll never know! BTW, MY wife went to Indonisia Jakarta? No, she sailed there! |
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01 Feb 07 - 05:39 AM (#1954336) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Georgiansilver I say I say I say, what's the difference between a good egg and a good screw? You can beat a good egg! I say I say I say young lady, what is the difference between sex and conversation? I don't know, what is the diff....... ...... .... .....ion? I see we must have a long chat (or perhaps I should give you a stiff talking to!) I say I say I say, what's the difference between a nun in Church and a nun in the bath? A nun in Church has a soul full of hope! I say I say I say, what is the difference between hard and light? You can go to sleep with the light on! |
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01 Feb 07 - 08:07 AM (#1954420) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Scrump I say, etc. (I typed 'etc.' there to save me typing out 'I say, I say, I say' in full). What's the difference between a bodhran player and Radox bath salts? Radox bucks up the feet. |
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01 Feb 07 - 09:48 AM (#1954537) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: JennyO Where's my tiger's head? Four foot from 'is tail. I say, I say, I say, what is the difference between a musician and a large pizza? The pizza feeds a family of four. I say, I say, I say, if tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make foghorns out of? |
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01 Feb 07 - 09:58 AM (#1954553) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Scrump I say, I say, I say, if tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make foghorns out of? Aha, I'm been wanting to know the answer to this one for years - I could never make out what the bloke says on the record :-) |
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01 Feb 07 - 12:08 PM (#1954687) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Wolfgang I can't really contribute to this thread for our jokes of this type for obvious reasons cannot be translated and remain jokes. What's the difference between a train and a woman's hand? A train moves in a hard way over the switches. (I told you it doesn't work.) But I've got a question. We start with "What's the difference between..." All your jokes remain jokes without the "I say, I say, I say..." opening. So what's the significance or meaning of that opening? Wolfgang |
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01 Feb 07 - 12:16 PM (#1954696) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Georgiansilver Hi Wolfgang. The I say I say I say was used a lot in Old English Music Halls back in Victorian/Edwardian days. |
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01 Feb 07 - 12:17 PM (#1954698) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Cluin It's a verbal equivalent of a wink, Wolf. A way of saying "Here comes a joke!" |
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01 Feb 07 - 01:50 PM (#1954781) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Dead Horse I say, I say, I say, Can a woman with a wooden leg change a five pound note? I dunno, can she? Of course not, she's only got half a knicker ! |
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01 Feb 07 - 03:32 PM (#1954883) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Cluin I say, I say, I say,... the state of morals among the young, today. I, for one, never had sex with my wife before we were married. How about you? I don't know. What was her maiden name? |
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01 Feb 07 - 03:37 PM (#1954888) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Cluin I say, I say, I say, this viagra's a wonderful drug. A wonder drug, it is! What does your wife think? I dunno. Haven't gone home yet. |
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01 Feb 07 - 03:46 PM (#1954899) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Alec I say,I say,I say,Did you here that the French have perfected a new Tank? 16 reverse gears & 1 forward one in case they get attacked from behind. |
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02 Feb 07 - 06:41 AM (#1955427) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Roger the Skiffler Scrump... the answer is allegedly "Fog Off" RtS |
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02 Feb 07 - 06:55 AM (#1955436) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Scrump What's the difference between a train and a woman's hand? A train moves in a hard way over the switches. (I told you it doesn't work.) Hahahahahahahaha! Good one, Wolfgang! :-) I'd be interested to know what makes it funny in German though, even if the joke would not be funny itself in English. Presumably the word for 'switches' in German has some other meaning? Anyway, it reminds me of The Funniest Joke In The World |
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02 Feb 07 - 07:40 AM (#1955462) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: freda underhill I Say,I Say,I Say, What do you call a cow that can't have a calf Decaffinated I Say,I Say,I Say, What Did The Elephant Say To The Naked Man? How Do You Eat With That Thing? |
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02 Feb 07 - 08:00 AM (#1955477) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Wilfried Schaum Scrump - Wolfgang's joke can't work in any other language. The German "Weichen" can mean "switches" or "soft ones" ... |
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02 Feb 07 - 08:33 AM (#1955503) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Scrump Thanks Wilfried - you answered my question. I now understand why it's funny in German :-) |
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02 Feb 07 - 10:21 AM (#1955605) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: The Doctor The only other 'j' joke, to go with Jamaica and Jakarta, that I came up with was this: I met a fabulous girl in this port in northern Italy. Genoa? No, I'd never seen her before in my life. Also: What's the difference between a duck? One of its legs is both the same. There is no answer to the foghorn question. |
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02 Feb 07 - 10:42 AM (#1955626) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Scrump There is, it's on the record, but somebody plays the drums over the answer, so I can't hear what it is. I've wanted to know for years. |
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02 Feb 07 - 11:26 AM (#1955676) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Michael I thought everybody knew the answer to the 'Foghorn Question'; you don't even have to think about it. It's a foghorn conclusion. Mike |
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02 Feb 07 - 01:07 PM (#1955780) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: autolycus I say,I say. I say.do you know what they say about Americans? No,what do they say........Americans? What they can't eat, they can. Ivor |
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02 Feb 07 - 02:47 PM (#1955892) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: jeffp The way I learned that one is, "We eat what we can and what we can't, we can. |
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02 Feb 07 - 03:34 PM (#1955936) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: The Doctor I have just played my copy of 'Does your chewing gum lose its flavour?' and what follows the foghorn question is 'Boom, boom!' Maybe there are other, different recordings. |
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02 Feb 07 - 04:06 PM (#1955954) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Blindlemonsteve I say I say I say, My Grandad used to eat Hammers in the circus Was he Professional No, he was an ammer chewer |
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02 Feb 07 - 05:09 PM (#1955994) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: GUEST,heric I say, I say I say, How many wives have you had? What? Um. . You mean my own? |
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02 Feb 07 - 07:33 PM (#1956113) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: bubblyrat What"s the difference between a Magicians Wand, and a Policeman"s Truncheon ?? A Magician"s Wand is for Cunning Stunts !!----- |
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03 Feb 07 - 05:04 PM (#1956846) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: tarheel i say,i say,i say......what is the difference between the Prostitute, the nympho and the housewife? the prostitute says.."aren't you done yet?" and the nympho says..."you done already?" but the housewife says..."honey,next week let's paint the ceiling green!" |
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03 Feb 07 - 05:10 PM (#1956856) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Cluin I say, I say, I say, does this road go all the way to Swansea? No, guv, I've been standing `ere all day, and it `asn't gone nowheres yet. |
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03 Feb 07 - 05:23 PM (#1956862) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Bainbo I say, I say, I say, London bus conductor - is this bus going to Dagenham? I don't think so, sir. It's never daggened anyone before. I say, I say, I say, London bus conductor - is this the Barking bus? No madam, This one just goes Toot Toot. I say, I say, I say, London bus conductor - does this bus stop at the Embankment? If not, sir, there'll be a hell of a splash. I say, I say, I say, London bus conductor - is this bus going to Clapham? Only if they're very good, sir. I say, I say, I say, London bus conductor - do you stop at the Dorchester? What, on my wages? Ay theng yeow. |
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04 Feb 07 - 05:31 AM (#1957256) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Wolfgang A woman's hand softly strokes a hard on is what a German hears as the not displayed second line. Wilfried has already explained the double meaning of "Weiche". A third meaning would be "retreat!" or "give way!". I wonder if that could be used in a joke... Wolfgang |
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06 Feb 07 - 04:17 AM (#1958722) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Wilfried Schaum Oh my, Wolfgang - in this joke only substantives in the plural can stand, not an imperative in the singular! Let's discuss it over at Kiel. |
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09 Feb 07 - 04:48 AM (#1962034) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: GUEST,CrazyEddie What are the differences between, Prince Charles, A monkey, a bald man & an orphan? Prince Charles is the heir apparent The monkey has a hairy parent The Bald man has no hair apparent The orphan has n'ere a parent |
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09 Feb 07 - 07:50 AM (#1962155) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Lox Wolfgang I liked it when it was untranslateable - was the funniest thing written on this thread - apart from Wilfrieds grammatic correction. What's going on? - two germans exchanging witticisms laced with irony? - completely unaided? - and funny? ;-D More more! PS First person singular articulates, first person singular articulates, first person singular articulates, My dog has no tail. How do you know when he's happy? He stops biting me. |
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09 Feb 07 - 08:39 AM (#1962193) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Wilfried Schaum Lox - thanks for the appreciation. Wolfgang can sometimes be very funny, but here he failed in the correct choice of words. To renew your joy I give it in a more understandable form (so I hope), a translation verbatim of this eternal joke: What is the difference between a locomotive and a female hand? The locomotive strikes hard over the switches, and the female hand strikes softly over ... (the German Weichen is a homphone for switches and soft ones. |
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09 Feb 07 - 09:35 AM (#1962231) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: The Walrus I say, I say, I say, What's the difference between a counterfeit US dollar and a supermodel? The first is a phoney buck....(write the rest yourself) |
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09 Feb 07 - 07:36 PM (#1962725) Subject: RE: BS: I Say,I Say,I Say From: Lox Ah ... a sexist joke ... I knew you were a homophone ... (?) You can expect a call on the telephobe ... (Atishoo!) The difference between a train and a womans hand ... You are supposed to find bogey's on a train ... (?) A train is meant to pull you off at the station ... (?) They both pull out when they see you coming ... (?) A womans hand is more likely to "weichen" your resolve (??????) You don't want a train going over your points (!!!!!!!!!!!!) (that will do) |