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Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed

02 Feb 07 - 01:34 PM (#1955813)
Subject: Lyr Req: Lady with missing parts
From: artbrooks

OK...what is the song about the lady who takes a gent home and proceeds to remove her eye, wooden leg, etc? My brain is apparently on vacation.
  • A Dandy for Nineteen Years Old
  • Old Maid and the Burglar
  • Shade of the Old Apple Tree

    • 02 Feb 07 - 01:37 PM (#1955818)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST

    Side by Side

    02 Feb 07 - 01:39 PM (#1955820)
    Subject: Lyr Add: IN THE SHADE OF THE OLD APPLE TREE(parody
    From: JeremyC

    Wasn't that "In the Shade of the Old Apple Tree"?

    As Ramblin' Jack sings it,

    "Her glass eye and false teeth were on the mantle
    And on the bed, she hung her locks of hair
    And there was only one thing that filled my heart with sadness:
    She pitched her wooden leg upon the chair...
    And it was a limb from that old apple tree (etc.)"

    Or does that come from something else originally?

    02 Feb 07 - 01:42 PM (#1955821)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: ClaireBear

    Yes, it is a version of "In the Shade of the Old Apple Tree." Joe offer posted the lyrics here.

    Claire

    02 Feb 07 - 01:42 PM (#1955822)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: pdq

    Also "The Burgler Man".

    02 Feb 07 - 01:59 PM (#1955846)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: 12-stringer

    Also "My Little Girl," by Jimmie Revard's Oklahoma Playboys, has an almost identical verse, with wig, glass eye, false teeth, and peg leg. "My little girl, you know I love you, but you're scattered here and there."

    02 Feb 07 - 02:09 PM (#1955855)
    Subject: Lyr Add: SIDE BY SIDE and AFTER THE BALL (parodies
    From: GUEST,Dave Hunt

    There is a whole family of these 'spare parts' songs

    Side By Side
    O we got married on Friday, the4 vicar said it was my day
    When the guests had all gone, we were alone side by side
    We got ready for bed then, and I nearly dropped dead when
    Her false teeth and hair, she laid on a chair side by side

    Picture my amazement when her glass eye she let fall
    Her wooden leg and other things she stood up against the wall
    Now me and my wife we are parted before we even got started
    I slept on the chair - there was more of her there
    Side by side

    But there is also one to the tune of After the Ball

    After the baall was over she sat on the sofa and cried
    s
    She put her false teeth in salt water and took out her lovely glass eye
    She threw her peg leg in the corner, and hung up her wig in the wall
    Then the rest of her went to bye-byes
    After the Ball!

    And Geoff Ling of Blaxhall wrote one to 'Among my souvenirs'
    Dave

    02 Feb 07 - 02:11 PM (#1955859)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Leadfingers

    Art - there are a number of variations - Side by Side ws the first one I learned , closely followed by a similar rewrite of After the Ball ! There are variations of both of these in the D T !

    02 Feb 07 - 02:12 PM (#1955860)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Joe Offer

    I think Old Maid and the Burglar is the Digital Tradition name for what pdq calls "Burglar Man." I couldn't find anything like 12-stringer's "My Little Girl" - do you have lyrics you can post, 12-stringer?
    -Joe Offer-

    02 Feb 07 - 02:13 PM (#1955861)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Ruth Archer

    There was an Irish one that i used to hear in a pub in Kentish Town, with a verse that went

    She had a wooden leg
    It was hollow in the middle
    She took it in her hand
    And she played it like a fiddle...

    02 Feb 07 - 02:13 PM (#1955863)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: artbrooks

    I think it is a version of Side by Side that I'm thinking of.

    02 Feb 07 - 02:13 PM (#1955864)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Leadfingers

    And , come to thin of it , Steve Benbow used to do one , Maybe The Burglar Man , with the punch line "Lady for the Lord's sake , SHOOT!"

    02 Feb 07 - 02:18 PM (#1955867)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Goose Gander

    Discussed briefly in this thread

    02 Feb 07 - 02:24 PM (#1955868)
    Subject: Lyr Add: BURGLAR MAN
    From: pdq

    Burglar man

    I'll tell you a story 'bout a burglar man who went to rob a house
    He creeped in at the window just as quietly as a mouse
    Thinkin' of the money that he would get, as under the bed he lay
    He certainly saw a sight that night that made hes hair turn gray

    About nice o'clock an old maid came in, "I'm so tired" she said
    Thinkin' everything would be alright, she forgot to look under the bed
    She pulled out her teeth, and her big glass eye, and her hair came from off'n her head
    That burglar man had nineteen fits as he crawled from under the bed

    She drew a pistol from out of the drawer, and to this burglar man said
    "Young man if you don't marry me, I'll blow off the top of your head"
    We'll he looked at her teeth and her big glass eye, and he had no place to scoot
    So he turned to the old maid standin' by, and said "Woman, for the Lord's sake shoot"

    Now the burglar man is dead I know, but I don't know where he's gone
    Up above, or down below, I'm now thru singin' this song

    02 Feb 07 - 02:31 PM (#1955872)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Leadfingers

    Ruth - Your Irish song was written ( I think ) by Liam Clancy and is a different song !
    In the town of Mullingar there was a lassie dwelling
    I knew her very well and her story's worth the telling
    Her father kept a still and he was a fine distiller
    And when sh took to drink , the Devil couldnt fill her

    02 Feb 07 - 02:36 PM (#1955879)
    Subject: Lyr Add: THE VERY UNFORTUNATE MAN
    From: John MacKenzie

    The Very Unfortunate Man

    There was a lawyer, his name was Clay
    He had but two clients and they wouldn't pay
    At last of starvation he grew so afraid
    That he courted and married a wealthy old maid

    At the wedding the lawyer made one big mistake
    'Twas not in omitting the wine or the cake
    The ring was well chosen, they had a big feed
    But the lawyer did not get a warranty deed

    At night in their chamber the lady arose
    And began to prepare to retire and repose
    Her husband stood near her admiring her charms
    That gave him such pleasure to hold in his arms

    She went to the washstand to bathe her fair face
    And thus she destroyed all her beauty and grace
    The rose on her cheek quickly grew faint
    When he saw on the towel, 'twas nothing but paint

    He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate, very unfortunate man

    She went to the mirror to take down her hair
    And when she had done so her scalp was all bare
    Said she, don't be frightened to see my bald head
    I'll put on a cap when I get into bed

    She hung her false hair on the wall on a peg
    And then she proceeded to take off her leg
    Her quivering husband felt sure he would die
    When she asked him to come and take out her glass eye

    He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate, very unfortunate man

    Her husband was biting his quivering lips
    While she removed her counterfeit hips
    Just then her false nose clattered down to the floor
    And the poor lawyer, screaming, ran out of the door

    Now all you young men who would marry for life
    Be sure to examine your intended wife
    Remember the lawyer who trusted his eyes
    And a little bit later got quite a surprise

    He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate, very unfortunate man


    Giok

    02 Feb 07 - 02:45 PM (#1955888)
    Subject: Lyr Add: A DANDY FOR NINETEEN YEARS OLD
    From: Fred McCormick

    It sounds to me as though the song you're looking for is called The Damsel (or the Virgin of Nineteen years Old). In it, the singer meets and marries a young girl who then dismantles herself on her wedding night. It's in DT as A DANDY FOR NINETEEN YEARS OLD, from Logsdon, Whorehouse Bells Were Ringing pp.197-199. But for convenience I've pasted it below.


    As I went a-strollin' down by the Strand,
    I met a fair damsel so handsome and grand;
    She wore jewelry and finery of silver and gold,
    And says I, "You're a dandy for nineteen years old."

    Her fingers were tapered; her neck like a swan,
    Her nose a little turned up an' her- voice not too strong;
    Six weeks we were married and wedding bells tolled,
    I married my darlin', just nineteen years old.

    After the wedding, we retired to rest,
    Did my face change colors when my young wife undressed
    A bundle of padding from her form did unfold,
    Says I, "You're a dandy for nineteen years old."

    She took off her fingers, till I counted but three,
    Unscrewed her cork leg plumb up to her knee,
    Took out her glass eye, on the carpet it rolled,
    An' says I, "You're a dandy for nineteen years old."

    As I stood and I watched her, I thought I would faint,
    She scraped from her pale face a bushel of paint;
    She took off her wig an' her bald head then told
    She was nearer to ninety than ta' nineteen years old.

    So come all you young fellers when you courtin' to go
    Inspect your true love from her head to her toe,
    Or else you'll be ruined like me and be sold
    To a patched-up old geezer who's ninety years old.

    02 Feb 07 - 04:58 PM (#1955988)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Amos

    Sounds like "Unfrortunate Man", posted above, to me. I am impressed anyone else knew it!! I've sung it for decades.


    A

    02 Feb 07 - 05:27 PM (#1956007)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: 12-stringer

    Joe:

    "My Little Girl" is a Broadway song from the 1910s.

    My little girl, you know I love you and I long for you each day,
    My little girl, I'm thinking of you, though you're many miles away.
    There was a time down in the wildwood when you promised you'd be true,
    My little girl, you know I love you and I'm coming back to you.

    Several hillbilly string band recordings in the 20s, including the Spooney Five, plus a delightfully off-key rendition by Haskell Wolfenbarger. The Revard band do the straight verse, then add another, approximate and off the top of my head as to lyrics. (Actually, with the LP not in reach, I think they do the comic verse first and then the straight one.)

    My little girl, you got sleepy, and you went upstairs to bed.
    You put your glass eye on the mantle, and your peg leg under the bed.
    You put your twelve teeth on the dresser and your blonde wig in the chair.
    My little girl, you know I love you, but you're scattered here and there.

    02 Feb 07 - 05:36 PM (#1956013)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST,Scoville

    There's a parody of "After the Ball" in which "there was nothing left of Maggie after the ball", since she takes off her wig, glass eye, wooden leg, false teeth, etc. Pretty funny.

    02 Feb 07 - 05:54 PM (#1956031)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Goose Gander

    Here are Some related threads plus the DT text.

    02 Feb 07 - 06:04 PM (#1956042)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Louie Roy

    It also could be related to I can't change her it had these lines

    Then I got married like a lot of foolish men
    I met a girl bought a ring got married there and then
    But after we were married I got taken down a peg
    Her teeth her eyes her hair was False
    And she had a wooden leg
    But I can't change her no I can't change her
    No matter how I try
    So I'll trade her off for cord wood in the sweet by and by

    02 Feb 07 - 06:25 PM (#1956064)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST

    Try a search for DT number 651 for sone variations on what we cakk the "dismembered bride" theme.

    02 Feb 07 - 06:45 PM (#1956079)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Scotus

    One night at halfpast ten, comin' down the Rothes Glen, I met a fair maiden called Calhoun - - -

    The night that we got wed, she was first to go to bed, Oh what a sight when I came in the room, there was her teeth and her golden hair, and her wooden leg on the chair, by the bright silvery light of the moon.

    etc.

    Jack

    02 Feb 07 - 06:48 PM (#1956081)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Georgiansilver

    I said "Darling of mine,it's a quarter past nine,
    I think it is bedtime don't you"?
    So she rose from the chair, took off her false hair,
    Her white pearly tetth came out too.
    One leg made of wood, one eye was a dud,
    Her nose she began to unscrew!
    And I cried with dismay, as her bust fell away,
    Am I wasting my time on you?

    02 Feb 07 - 07:05 PM (#1956095)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: bubblyrat

    In the navy,we sang a song to the tune of "Among my souvenirs",where the lady gradually removes EVERYTHING until all that is left is her fundamental orifice, whereupon the following ensues :-
    " She said " I"m ready Dear ! " :
    He said " No bloody fear !-
    Just chuck it over here,
        among my souvenirs ! " "

    02 Feb 07 - 09:20 PM (#1956178)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Uncle_DaveO

    . . ."with 'er 'ead, tooked, underneath 'er arm!"

    Dave Oesterreich

    02 Feb 07 - 10:15 PM (#1956202)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST

    Louie Roy if you ever read this ... i'm a peter sellers fan and i'm searching for the song CIGAREETES, WHUSKY AND WILD, WILD WOMEN ... if you've got that in any version, please send it to me at martinrigo@hotmail.com

    Thank you very very much

    Martin

    02 Feb 07 - 10:44 PM (#1956222)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Jim I

    There is an article on this at

    http://www.mustrad.org.uk/articles/dung05.htm

    As to the wooden leg/fiddle song, isn't that "The Town of Ballybay by Tommy Makem?

    02 Feb 07 - 11:57 PM (#1956249)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: katlaughing

    Guest/Martin...do you mean THESE LYRICS? (Email sent.)

    03 Feb 07 - 12:03 AM (#1956253)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Wordsmith

    I never knew the name of the song, but an Irish friend of mine regaled me with it one night eons ago in her Chicago apartment over a cup of tea. It had me rolling...I laughed so hard, tears flowed.

    03 Feb 07 - 03:44 AM (#1956313)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Fliss

    Was it 'side by side' that the Corries sang?

    Hi Dr Sunshine - are replacement hips to do with body parts being removed... hip hop, sunshine and smiles... Fliss:)

    03 Feb 07 - 04:57 AM (#1956336)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: John MacKenzie

    I'm not so hip,
    but I got two hips,
    new hips
    steel hips
    hip hip hooray.
    I feel like a hippy again.

    Giok

    03 Feb 07 - 10:30 AM (#1956532)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: jimlad9

    A variation on some of the previous is:

    They were two newly-weds.
    She had just made the beds.
    And as they climbed the stairs they felt a little shy.
    She took out her glass-eye,her false teeth on the sly.
    Her golden hair she hung upon the chandelier.
    Then next her wooden leg she placed beside the bed.
    And what was left of her she put between the blankets.
    She said "come on my dear"
    He said "no bleedin' fear,I'd rather stay out here amongst your sovenirs"

    03 Feb 07 - 11:25 AM (#1956582)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST,Dave Hunt

    Thank you Fliss - it is still not right - I,m still on crutches after 7 months!
    Dave(Dr.Sunshine)

    03 Feb 07 - 03:34 PM (#1956763)
    Subject: Lyr Add: my sweet old etcetera (e e cummings)
    From: GUEST,.gargoyle

    Not a Lyric - but a delightful poem for memorization - and recitation (the pregnant pause is playfully powerful) "My Sweet Etcetera" by E.E. CUMMINGS ... conjures thought of a woman removed.

    my sweet old etcetera
    aunt lucy during the recent
    war could and what
    is more did tell you just
    what everybody was fighting
    for,
    my sister
    isabel created hundreds
    (and
    hundreds)of socks not to
    mention shirts fleaproof earwarmers
    etcetera wristers etcetera, my
    mother hoped that
    i would die etcetera
    bravely of course my father used
    to become hoarse talking about how it was
    a privilege and if only he
    could meanwhile my
    self etcetera lay quietly
    in the deep mud et
    cetera
    (dreaming,
    et
        cetera, of
    Your smile
    eyes knees and of your Etcetera)


    Sincerely,
    Gargoyle

    03 Feb 07 - 03:49 PM (#1956777)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Fliss

    Soz to hear that Dave. xx

    ee cummings seems to be on another thread too.... 'with up so floating many bells down'(Anyone)

    03 Feb 07 - 04:29 PM (#1956808)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Captain Ginger

    Thanks for that, gargoyle; I'd forgotten just how good e.e.cummings could be.

    03 Feb 07 - 07:18 PM (#1956958)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST, Lady C

    My Mum used to sing the After the Ball version -
    After the ball was over
    Nelly took out her glass eye
    Put her false teeth into water
    Shook up her packets of dye
    Stood her cork leg in the corner
    Hung up her wig on the wall
    All that is left goes to bye-byes
    After the ball.

    03 Feb 07 - 07:26 PM (#1956963)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST,.gargoyle

    I believe it is Faulkner who... has a titilating tale of a Bible salesmen...that works his way through the Appalachian Hills....seducing one legged women and then stealing their prosthesis.

    Sincerely,
    Gargoyle

    03 Feb 07 - 08:21 PM (#1956994)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: John on the Sunset Coast

    The Unfortunate Man--sung by Chad Mitchell Trio (also Jimmie Driftwood?).

    03 Feb 07 - 11:43 PM (#1957134)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Genie

    I know this is not the song you were looking for, Art, but there's a verse in the Weavers' song Get Up And Go that's along the same lines:

    MY GET UP AND GO HAS GOT UP AND WENT

    Cho:

    How do I know my youth is all spent?
    My get up and go has got up and went
    In spite of it all, I'm able to grin
    When I think of the places my get up has been

    Old age is golden, I think I've heard said
    But sometimes I wonder as I crawl into bed
    My ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup
    My eyes on the table until I wake up

    ...

    04 Feb 07 - 07:05 AM (#1957301)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Declan

    One version of this I heard years ago (sung by Mick Fitzgerald) was called "The bright silvery light of the moon", which I assume is a parody of another song with the same title, although I don't know the original song.

    It ends up withe cautionary lines "You could wind up just lke me, Marrying a woman and half a tree, by the bright silvery light of the moon".

    29 Nov 11 - 05:37 AM (#3265294)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST,cookie708

    After the ball was over,
    Nellie took out her glass eye....
    Put her false teeth in water,
    Hung up her hair to dry...
    Put her false leg in the corner,
    Hung her tin ear on the wall...
    Then what was left she put to bed,
    After the ball

    23 Jun 15 - 02:57 PM (#3718534)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST

    Looking for a ditty about Mable on the Table.

    31 Aug 19 - 09:12 PM (#4006728)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST

    Does any know where I can get an audio of A Dandy For Nineteen Years Old ? I have heard The Very Unfortunate Man, that's not it. I heard A Dandy For 19 once on an open mike radio. Thank you.

    01 Sep 19 - 09:47 AM (#4006779)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST,Starship

    GUEST
    Date: 31 Aug 19 - 09:12 PM

    The lyrics are there. Couldn't find anything on YouTube.

    https://www.horntip.com/html/songs_sorted_by_name/with_music/d/a_dandy_for_nineteen_years_old.htm

    01 Sep 19 - 10:03 AM (#4006784)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST,Starship

    GUEST
    Date: 23 Jun 15 - 02:57 PM

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFkAqixIIAU

    01 Sep 19 - 10:26 AM (#4006791)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST,Starship

    GUEST
    Date: 31 Aug 19 - 09:12 PM

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_yHe9N4bX0

    Found the melody you want at that link. (Listened to two stanzas and wish I hadn't, but there ya go.)

    02 Sep 19 - 07:36 PM (#4007037)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: Ross Campbell

    GUEST
    Date: 31 Aug 19 - 09:12 PM

    Ray Johnson of Buddy Wasisname and the Other Fellers performs "Nineteen years old" on a YouTube clip that I can't find at the moment. Monologue rather than a song, although a tune readily suggested itself when I wanted to sing it.

    Ross

    03 Sep 19 - 02:42 PM (#4007171)
    Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Woman whose body parts are removed
    From: GUEST,keberoxu

    Faulkner?      Close, gargoyle, but no cigar:

    that author was
    Flannery O'Connor.

    Which story put me in mind of
    The Devil's Curst Wife for some reason.