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13 Feb 07 - 10:48 AM (#1966057) Subject: Monologue about biscuit 'thief'? From: GUEST,Andy Some years ago, in the 70's, there was a very entertaining duo doing the rounds, called the Beggarmen (or The Two Beggarmen). These lads were from the Lancashire side of the Pennines I think and were a fiddler, called Martin and a guitarist/singer who's name now escapes me.They provided some great nights at our club with their music, song and comedy. Now here's the question! The singer used to do a monologue, ridiculing racial stereotyping and bigotry, and its that which I'm after. It concerns a man who goes into a cafe, buys a cuppa and a packet of biscuits and sits at a table opposite 'one o' them Pakyoostani fellers'. He opens the packet, takes the first biscuit and the stranger opposite glares at him and snatches the second. This continues until the biscuits are gone, with the man believing the stranger to be taking exceptional liberties. He leaves the cafe, only to find a packet of biscuits in his coat pocket. The story finishes on the line 'Them bicuits weren't mine,........ they were his'. Very comical, as I recall and really takes the p**s out of having pre-conceived ideas about foreigners. If anyone knows of this, I would be grateful for the words. Regards Andy |
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26 Jul 14 - 01:03 PM (#3645484) Subject: RE: Monologue about biscuit 'thief'? From: GUEST,jeff my friend knows the words - if i can get them off him i will post them :) |
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27 Jul 14 - 09:50 AM (#3645661) Subject: RE: Monologue about biscuit 'thief'? From: GUEST,# http://www.folkimages.com/GALL2.html "The Two Beggarmen In the 70's and 80's I spent many a fine evening in the Company of Martin Lynott and Tony Downes performing as the Two Beggarman and their 'Flowers of Manchester' LP was well worn. Nowadays both are still active on the scene and, amongst other things, are regular attendees of the Monday night sessions at the Oddfellows Arms in Middleton while Tony often appears with The Hometowners." Sorry I can't help with lyrics. |
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27 Jul 14 - 10:40 AM (#3645667) Subject: RE: Monologue about biscuit 'thief'? From: Mo the caller Last heard a version of that story transposed to a train, on Countdown. |
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27 Jul 14 - 10:52 AM (#3645668) Subject: RE: Monologue about biscuit 'thief'? From: GUEST,Eliza There is a poem by Valerie Fox called 'The Cookie Thief'. If you Google it you can read it. It might once have been recited in a monologue; it's the same story, but set in an airport. |
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28 Jul 14 - 12:15 PM (#3645984) Subject: RE: Monologue about biscuit 'thief'? From: Noreen Flowers of Manchester (CD copy of 1980 vinyl album) available via Amazon and ebay. Track B3 is called A Packet of Biscuits. |
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28 Jul 14 - 02:33 PM (#3646043) Subject: RE: Monologue about biscuit 'thief'? From: Musket That takes me back.. I supported them once at an Amnesty International fund raising gig and bought "The Flowers of Manchester" album from them. Possibly 1982 ish. I still play two songs I learned from it, the title track and "First Flame." I reckon a couple of my silly titles for jigs and reels came from them too. "Granny get off the stove, you're too old to ride the range" has a sniff of them about it... |
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10 Sep 14 - 07:40 AM (#3658983) Subject: RE: Monologue about biscuit 'thief'? From: GUEST,Raggytash Last week in a café in Rochdale a packet of biscuits I got to dunk in a nice cup of strong British tea in cracked leaking mug ... piping hot I sat down in a seat in the corner to partake of this repast so fine when in comes this here Pakistani fella and sits down in the seat next to mine Well I opened up packet of biscuits an' I took out first 'un with stealth when this cheeky here Paki nasty he reached across table an' pinched next biscuit himself Well I thought that he were foreign like and not proper educated like me I thought well I'd better not say nowt, so I shut me gob an' carried on dunking in me tea But when I took out third biscuit oh eh this bugger got me proper vexed cos without so much as a cuse me, thank you he reached across table an' pinches one of next There were five custard creams in that packet an' four of the buggers had gone so I getten last one and crushed it in carpet I was buggered if he'd get that one And I stormed out of that café in anger and I said to myself bloody hell they come over here pinching our jobs now their robbing us biscuits as well Well I getten twenty yards down the High Street all set to give Enoch me vote well without so much thinking about it I put me hand into the pocket of me overcoat Didn't I laugh when I seem 'em it fair drove me in a tizz cos there were a packet of custard creams them biscuits we'd eaten .. were his |
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11 Sep 14 - 04:37 AM (#3659238) Subject: RE: Monologue about biscuit 'thief'? From: GUEST Refresh |
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17 Jan 16 - 11:44 AM (#3766305) Subject: RE: Monologue about biscuit 'thief'? From: GUEST,Steve C Just as an odd-on to this, the monologue - A Packet Of Biscuits - was written by my dad Mike Canavan in the mid-70s. |