BS: Christmas in Nigeria

Subject: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jan 03 - 07:47 PM

I have a suggestion: Why not this year EVERYBODY...yes, absolutely E-V-E-R-Y-BODY send a late Christmas gift of *one penny* to the Nigerian scam artist of your choice...hell, to all of 'em...

Nigerian scam artists need love too. Think of how lonely it gets sitting in some seedy apartment in Lagos, churning out thousands and thousands of emails to people who are too hardhearted to even respond to a generous offer to share $30 million dollars for a few simple formalities. Think of the pain of countless rejections! Think of the despair and bereftitude in Nigeria!

So I say, show some interest in what they have to offer, ask how you can help, what you can do, whom you should contact...get all the info...and then send 'em a penny (a nice, bright, shiny one) along with an autographed picture of William Shatner jumping rope in the nude, with Conrad holding one end of the rope and Dubya holding the other. (Okay, Spaw? How's that?)

It's time we brought a little Christmas spirit to Nigeria. You can make it retroactive to 2002 or just wait till next year, assuming Dubya has not invaded Nigeria by then in search of "terrorists" or weapons of mass destruction..

***Please PM your thanks to Conrad Bladey, Mudcat's #1 PEASANT, for the original thread which inspired me to launch this one.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Sorcha
Date: 06 Jan 03 - 07:56 PM

LOL!! Very Good, Little Hawk!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jan 03 - 10:52 PM

First rate idea, LH! We could also bake a big batch of cookies -- your choice -- and send them one each! :>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 06 Jan 03 - 11:21 PM

LH, that's a great idea! Now if you will just send me your bank account number and interbank number, I will have my wealthy friends make sure you are amply rewarded for your ingenuity.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jan 03 - 10:58 AM

Yes, Mark...

My bank account number? Sure. Just a minute...

Okay, it's A8875-9983T-99954000-8874635-474632-YYY4536-84574HTT-664535-LL763523-KK754

Cool, eh? The Canadian banks have special forms now, just so you can enter the full account number. It's some kind of reaction to Sept 11th, I think.

My Interbank number? Don't have a clue. I'll have to get back to you on that.

Would the code to my old Mickey Mouse code ring help?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 07 Jan 03 - 11:20 PM

That's amazing. Do you that if you run that through the ABC program, offset it 3 places, and play it backwards, you hear someone who sounds suspiciously like Bill Shatner, singing "Muskrat Love"!

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 07 Jan 03 - 11:21 PM

^know

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jan 03 - 12:16 AM

Astounding! It proves just what I have always suspected, that Shatner is a divine phenomenon and is omnipresent throughout the fabric of what we term "reality". Wow... The implications of this are just tremendous!

Here's another weird thing: My company is called Teckserve. Note that Shatner has recently written a series of sci-fi novels called TekWars or something like that. They all have "Tek" in the title. My company has "Teck" in its name. This is highly significant, and bodes well for my future, but I am now thinking of removing the "c" just to make it perfect.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 08 Jan 03 - 12:50 AM

Or you could just change the K to an H, so it's spelled right. Sheesh!

Aloha,
Mark

(PS, not meaning to disappoint you, LH, but I listened again, and it's not Shatner...it's Karen Carpenter. And it's not Muskrat Love...it's Yummy Yummy. But I could be wrong.)

Definitely too much coffee tonight....

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jan 03 - 01:05 AM

Mark, you are one cross-eyed haole for sure, man. How could you confuse Karen Carpenter the DIvine Spirit of all Things Seventies, with that crapulous overgrown cholesterol-plant, WIlliam Shatner!!? Hmmmmm?   They wouldn't even make good thespian team!!

As for thinking Yummy yummy was Muskrat Love, I dunno what to tell ya -- you been exploring the Dole cocktail recipe book?? You sure it wasn't "Mellow Yellow" and Donovan you heard?

ROTFLMAO!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 08 Jan 03 - 02:53 AM

Like I told ya, Amos, too much da kine Kona coffee. Gets my ears all jumbled up. Mighta been Tiny Tim.... Guess you'll just have to ask Little Hawk's bank. You speak Canadian, don't you?

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Jan 03 - 02:25 PM

I am reminded, slightly off-topic, of a Christmas in the Ivory Coast where I grew up (back when it was on solid ground)... they got some poor guy up in the Santa Claus suit out on the Ambassador's balcony, and he was so drunk and it was so hot that he fainted, almost right off the balcony. Very entertaining... love them tropical winter holidays!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jan 03 - 08:48 PM

Yeah, bra! Some people like talk story. Some go on fo' days! Me, I like Lani, she is some ono girl, but she always lookin' fo' da kine and 'tings get kinda slow on da island, know what I mean, bra? I like pahk een da cah weet Lani and watch da waves roll een...some beeg sets, bra! You evah play in slack key? So, I wen talk to Lani cos she wen get late fo' da movie las' night cos she cannot find da kine. What I wanna know, bra, is wheah da kine and which da kine? Which da kine she mean? You get da kine, I get da kine, everybody get da kine, but which da kine she wen talk about? Dis 'ting gonna drive me crazy, bra! Everybody around heah want a piece of my time, but all I wanna know is WHEAH DA KINE????

Beeg Bambuchas, man! No joke. I am one lucky guy.

- LH

Subject: Lyr Add: Da Kine
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 12:35 AM

Well, this seems to be an opportune time to slip this in...I have it on a Noteworthy file, if anyone is foolish enough to want a tune.

Aloha,
Mark

DA KINE
© 2001 Mark Cohen

When you're in Hawaii, people talk in a different way
On the street or on the beach, you can hear them say
"Aloha", "Mahalo", they call you Tita or Braddah
But there is one thing they say, more than any other

They say "Da Kine"
They say it all the time
It don't have to rhyme
It always sounds so fine
They say "Da Kine"

"Da Kine" means "You know", "Da Kine" means "That guy",
      "Whatchamacallit" or "Whozit"
People know just what you mean, every time you use it

They say "Da Kine"
Say it all the time
It don't have to rhyme
It always sounds so fine
They say "Da Kine"

I may be one malihini, but one thing I know
If you want to sound like a local, this is how you got to go

You got to say "Da Kine"
Say it all the time
It don't have to rhyme
It always sounds so fine
You got to say "Da Kine"

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jan 03 - 12:29 PM

Hey, Mark. You too? Gosh. I thought I wrote the only song on that subject. (should've known better than that...)

Here it is:

"Wheah Da Kine?"

Some people like talk story

Some go on fo' days

I listen dem and I learn lotta 'tings

And I learn new words fo' say

I practice da local lingo

And mostly I do fine

But one 'ting, bra, I just don't get

What dey mean wen dey say "Da Kine"

You get da kine, I get da kine, everybody want a piece of my time

You get da kine, I get da kine, all I wanna know is wheah da kine?

Kimo wen work in da morning sun

Loading up da mac nut shells

All of a sudden he wen jump in da air

And he geev one terrible yell

I say "Kimo, what's da mattah?

What happen dis friend of mine?

He say "One mongoose wen jump out of dis bush

And he wen bite me een da kine!!!


You get da kine, I get da kine, everybody want a piece of my time

You get da kine, I get da kine, all I wanna know is wheah da kine?

Lani is sure some ono girl

She work een da department store

I'm takin her out on da town one night

I'm waitin by da exit door

She say "Try wait just one minute!"

I ask what is on her mind

She say "Don't worry, George, I be back soon.

Just as soon as I can find da kine!"


You get da kine, I get da kine, everybody want a piece of my time

You get da kine, I get da kine, all I wanna know is wheah da kine?

Just one moah 'ting boddah me

Maybe you can explain it, bra

What did Lani mean last night wen she made me stop da cah?

She wen move up right beside me

She wen put her hand in mine

She wen kiss my lips, and den she say

Dat she wanna check out my da kine


You get da kine, I get da kine, everybody want a piece of my time

You get da kine, I get da kine, all I wanna know is wheah da kine?



That's it. It was lots of fun to write. I stole some phrases out of it for my previous post.

Hey, people...Da kine, as you may have gathered if this is new to you, is Hawaiian pidgin and it means: Anything. Anything at all. A purse, a stapler, a pair of scissors, a fig, a bowl of anchovies, a left-handed screwdriver, a plaster Elvis, a bottle of absinthe, a mummified toad, a nail file, an old Bay City Rollers album, a copy of Time, and...even includes those certain intimate parts of the body, male or female.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: MMario
Date: 07 Feb 03 - 09:48 AM

midi for 'Da Kine' on mudcat midi pages

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas in Nigeria
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Feb 03 - 11:44 PM

send them a cheque for a penny