DENNIS WHEATLEY
(George Welch)

Oh I'm most depressed and sad
For wor lass has turned out bad
She used to dress herself in pinks and whites so sweetly
One neet I turned my back
And she dressed herself in black
And I'm sure that she's been reading Dennis Wheatley

Oh dear me, headless chickens for tea
The candles white for black they changed so quickly
There's a coffin in the shed
There's a room all painted red
Since wor lass she started reading Dennis Wheatley.

Went out one Friday night
Got home, why what a fright
There was 13 in the room all acting sheeply
Not a sign of Tupperware
Or Ann Summers Underwear
Just a great big pile of books by Dennis Wheatley.

Now I'm not one to shout
On a girls night they went out
I thought to Cullercoats or maybe Whitley
The police they thought it rude
Cos they catched them in the nude
Dancing round a photograph of Dennis Wheatley.

Now I've got to call a halt
Cos it's all Dennis's fault
I'll put a stop to this black magic gently
Cos I've bought myself a pond
And of that I've got quite fond
And I've bought a book called Jaws by Peter Benchly.

Oh dear me, the shark's had his tea
The one I bought from fishkeepers weekly
It's a 30 foot great white and it's taken to the wife
And I've cured wor lass of reading Dennis Wheatley.