(Tom Lehrer)

The loveliest girl in Vienna
Was Alma, the smartest as well.
Once you picked her up on your antenna
You'd never be free of her spell.
Her lovers were many and varied,
From the day she began her beguine.
There were three famous ones whom she married
And God knows how many between.

Alma tell us,
All modern women are jealous,
Which of your magical wands,
Got you Gustav and Walter and Franz?

The first one she married was Mahler,
Whose buddies all knew him as Gustav,
And each time he saw her he'd holler:
"Ach! Das ist der Fraulein I moost have.''
Their marriage, however, was murder,
He'd scream to the heavens above:
"I'm writing Das Lied von der Erde
And she only wants to make love."

Alma tell us,
All modern women are jealous,
You should have a statue in bronze
For bagging Gustav and Walter and Franz.

While married to Gus she met Gropius
And soon she was swinging with Walter.
Gus died and her tear drops were copious;
She cried all the way to the altar.
But he would work late at the Bauhaus
And only came home now and then.
She said: "What am I running? A chow house?
It's time to change partners again!"
Alma tell us,
All modern women are jealous,
Though you didn't even use Ponds
You got Gustav and Walter and Franz.

While married to Walt she'd met Werfel
And he too was caught in her net.
He married her, but he was careful
Cause Alma was no Bernadette.
And that is the story of Alma,
Who knew how to receive and to give.
The body that reached her embalmer
Was one that had known how to live.

Alma tell us,
How can they help being jealous?
Ducks always envy the swans
Who get Gustav and Walter,
You never did falter,
With Gustav and Walter and Franz.
Copyright Tom Lehrer
filename[ ALLMA
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