I LOBSTER AND NEVER FLOUNDER
(Sandy Pinkard and Richard Bowden)

I was a cook and she was a waitress
Down at Salty Sam's Seafood Café,
And somewhere 'tween the clam juice and the seaweed salad,
Some little shrimp lured her away.

Cho: Oh, I lobster and never flounder.
He wrapped his line around her,
And they drove off in his carp.
Oh, I lobster and never flounder.
I octopus his face in. Eel only break her heart.

I said, "Just squid and leave me for that piano tuna,
If you want to trout something new."
She was the bass I ever had. Now my life has no porpoise.
Oh, my cod! I love her, yes, I do.

(Spoken:) Boy, I swordfish she'd come back to me, Sandy.
I'd show her a whale of a time.

Now, Richard, you know she'd just pull that
"Not tonight, I've got a haddock" routine.

You know, you're probably right.
But I've kelp her picture in my walleye just for the halibut.
I wonder if she's still got mine in her perch.

Did you ... did you say perch?

Yea, I'm afraid so!

That's good, for a moment there, I thought I was losing my herring.

Well, we bass squid all this seahorsin' around 'fore these people out here go in
to a state of shark.
Yeah, if we get out of here alive, it's gonna be a mackerel
Frankly, Scallop, I don't give a clam!

Recorded by Pinkard & Bowden on "Writers in Disguise," 1984
@food
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