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The Mudcat Cafemuddy

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(John Pole)

I am the showman and on me back
I carry's me actors, in me pack.
A puppet showman, that is yours truly
And the stars of me show are Punch and Judy
``That's the way to do it,'' says Punchinella.
Humpback and hook nose, 'e's a comical fella

The first one up is ole Punch, 'iself.
``Ladies and gents,'' 'e says, `` 'ere's your good health.''
'e carries a big stick whereever 'e goes.
It's thick and strong and as long as 'is nose.
``That's the way to do it,'' says Punchinella.
Long stick and big nose, symbolic old fella.

Now up comes Judy, Punch's old lady.
``I'm off out now, so mind the baby.''
``No, I won't,'' says Punch. ``Yes you will,'' says Judy.
``Cop 'old o' your kid, me lad, none of your old moody.''
``That's the way to do it,'' says Punchinella.
Cocksure but 'en pecked, pathetic old fella.

The kid keeps 'owling, old Punch, 'e thumps it.
It bawls, 'e calms it down. Into bed 'e dumps it.
It bawls, 'e belts it. It bites 'is finger.
Punch up and throws it, through the bloomin' winder.
``That's the way to do it,'' says Punchinella.
That'll learn the bleedin' brat to yell and beller.

Now back comes Judy. She's back 'ome again,
Not knowin' Punch 'as done the nipper in.
``Where's the baby, Punch?'' ``Gone, gone to sleep,'' 'e says.
``Don't you know where your own son is? You make me weep,''
she says.
``That's the way to do it,'' says Punchinella.
``Oh, I threw it out the window,'' 'e 'as to tell 'er.

She cries 'er 'eart out, ``Where 'as my lit'l son gone?''
Says Punch, ``There's plenty more, where than one came from.''
She grabs a stick and clubs him something lovely.
He grabs it, kills 'er, kicks 'er ugly.
``That's the way to do it,'' says Punchinella.
Why keep a wife 'you 'ate, when you can kill 'er.

Up comes a copper, all dressed in blue.
``Say Mr. Punch, I'm arrestin' you.
I've got a warrant 'ere, to arrest you for what you've done.''
``And I've got a warrant,'' says Punch, ``to knock you down.''
``That's the way to do it,'' says Punchinella.
Knockin 'im arse over 'ead, right down to the cellar.

Well, the law soon catches 'im, and in a while
Before judge Blackcap, 'e's standin' trial.
``Killed wife and child,'' 'e says, ``you guilty wretch.
Go out and 'ang 'im, Mr. Ketch.''
``That's the way to do it,'' says Punchinella.
`` 'ang 'im up but don't hang me,'' 'e cries in terror.

``See this 'ere rope,'' says Ketch. ``Poke your 'ead through.''
Old Punch lets on 'e don't know what to do.
``In 'ere, Mr. Ketch, or perhaps in 'ere?''
`` 'ang on,'' the 'angman says. ``I'll show you where.''
``That's the way to do it,'' says Punchinella.
Swingin' up the 'angman, 'e's a swinging old fella.

``Jack Ketch is dead,'' cries Punch. `` 'oorah, 'oorah, I'm free.
Don't care if a devil from 'ell should call on me.
Jack Ketch is dead,'' cries Punch. ``Old Punch'll do 'em all.''
Up pops the devil, tail, 'orns, 'ooves and all.
``That's the way to do it,'' says Punchinella.
``Leave off! I'm your best friend. We're birds of a feather.''

Well, the devil darts at Punch, 'cause 'e ain't 'aven it.
'e grabs a stick but Punch, 'e keeps grabbin' it.
'e lands a mi'y swipe on Satan's nut and
The devil's out for the punch, as dead as mutton.
``That's the way to do it,'' says Punchinella.
'e's killed the devil, 'eretical fella.

Now the show is done, the dolls need mending.
But Punch and Judy's show is never ending.
Inside each one of us is a Punch and Judy.
In you, and you, Ma'am, you, sir, too and me, yours truly.
``That's the way to do it,'' says Punchinella.
The Punch and Judy show goes on forever.

Copyright John Pole
filename[ PNCHJUDY

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