Smut, give me smut and nothing but, a dirty novel I can't shut
If it's uncut, and unsub-tle
I've never quibbled, if it was ribald,
I have devoured where others merely nibbled,
And as the judge remarked the day that he acquitted my Aunt Hortense,
To be smut it must be ut-terly without redeeming social importance.
Por-nographic pictures I adore, indecent magazines galore,
I like them more, if they're hard-core.
Bring on the obscene movies, murals, postcards, neckties, samplers,
Stained-glass windows, tattoos, anything, more, more, I'm still not satisfied.
Stories of torture used by debauchers,
Lurid, licentious, and vile, make me smile.
Novels that pander to my taste for candor give me a pleasure sublime
Let's face it, I love slime.
All books can be indecent books, though recent books are bolder,
For filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder.
When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
I can tell you things about Peter Pan
And the Wizard of Oz, there's a dirty old man!
I thrill to any book like Fanny Hill, and I suppose I always will
If it is swill, and really fil-thy.
Who needs a hobby, like tennis, or philately? I've got a hobby-
Re-reading Lady Chatterly. But now they're trying to take
It all away from us unless we take a stand and hand in hand we fight
For freedom of the press, in other words smut (I love it!)
Ah, the adventures of a slut. Oh, I'm a market they can't glut
I don't know what compares with smut. Hip hip hooray let's hear it
For the Supreme Court. Don't let them take it away.
Copyright Tom Lehrer
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