TALKING CANDY BAR BLUES
Bought me a candy bar the other day
Only ate half, gonna throw the rest away
When I saw this kid playing in the street
I said "Hey kid, you want something to eat?" He said "What?"
I said "candy, son." He said "help!"
And then he started to run.
I stood there watching him go
Half a bar of chocolate running down his fingers.
Well the kid comes back in a minute or two
But his mom's with him and the neighbors too.
And they got the kid scared it's plain to see.
They say "Which one did it?" - He points to ma and says "Him!"
I say "What do you mean?" He says "You" and then he starts to scream.
And I'm standin' and everybody's staring at me.
"Howdy-do-dee you all waiting for the bus? Uh, a little late isn't it?
Anbody got a watch? You could see just how late it is.
I got a better idea. Let's find somebody with a watch and stare at him."
Well, some start picking up baseball bats,
And some start pulling pins from their hats.
I think this things gone a little too far,
Hell, I only offered him a candy bar.
I say "What are you doin'?" They say "Pervert, the kids life is ruined."
"Oh, well, then, you better check what he's chewin'
Cuz I've got the feelin' he's right in the middle of a bubblegum orgy."
Well, they're comin' at me and I'm backin' away
And I hear this policeman say "Are you positive he's the right man?"
I quick flip the candy bar out of my hand and he says "Show me."
I says "Show you what?" He says "The candy bar, you degenerate."
And he grabs me and he grabs both my hands.
Pretty easy to see which hands got the chocolate.
Well, I've had some troubled times before
But none like the trip from the candy store.
Oh, I sympathize with the kid all right.
Somebody's nice to you - probably ain't right.
I'll grow up - I'll learn the way.
I'll learn so that my later days will be prosperous
Chocolate covered - If I don't bite off more than I can hide.
Copyright Paul Stookey
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