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An Orkney man was on the phone
When he espied twa corbies ootside the home
The tain untae the tuther did say
Let's cut this auld man off the day.

Oh in ahint yon auld fell dyke
Someone has dumped a smashed up bike
There's a broken chain and lots o' spokes
And we'll sort them oot in just twa croaks.

That line of poles coming frae his hoose
That's where he gets his electric juice
We'll tak a spoke--drop it on the wire
Nae fuse tae light--ye just retire.

And see that other line of poles
That's waur he gets his telephone calls
We'll tak the chain--drop it o'er there
And he'll get nae calls for a moth or mair.

And when that's done we will be blessed
Wi a place waur we can build oor nest
Nae electric shocks shootin' uo oo legs
Nae chance o' laying hard boiled eggs.

This island--it has nae trees
So we nest up poles high in the breeze
I could move doon south--maybe tae Dundee
But I'd miss the money frae BT.

copyright Peter McNab
This version was written after hearing a report that, due to the lack
of trees in the islands of Orkney, British Telecom (BT) was getting masses of
call outs to repair telephone lines damaged by birds trying to build nests on
the top of telegraph poles. Electric lines were being damaged in the same way.
filename[ THRERAV7

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