Non Barleycorn, as I've been told, is good as any beer,
Contains no harmful substances, and it won't make you feel queer,
For it contains no alcohol or calories to waste,
No color and no smell at all, no head, no fizz, no taste.
Cho: Hey, Non Barleycorn, Ho, Non Barleycorn,
Won't do anything at all, Non Barleycorn.
Now, it will not make you happy, and it won't give you a low,
Won't pick you up or bring you down, but through you it will go.
When you've had six, you'll feel the same as if you'd just had one.
And when the party's over, you won't know if you've had fun.
Now, do not scorn this noble brew, but to me now pay heed.
Non Barleycorn will serve you well in any time of need,
For when you're out of beer and wine, and vinegar and ink,
And petrol, piss, and turpentine, non-beer's the stuff to drink.
Recorded by Jiggery Pokery on "In Glorious Colour."
Words, anonymous. Tune, "John Barleycorn," any version.
TUNE FILE: JBARLEY2
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