From the CD "Frank Crumit - The Song of the Prune"

DONALD THE DUB
Rice & Crumit

Listen to the tale of a stalwart male
Who lost his well-known nanny.
Donald was his name and golf was the game
That made him as grey as his granny.
He practised much but his style was such
That his handicap stayed at thirty.
Oh, the words he used when the ball he bruised
Were nothing else than dirty.

In the locker room every night,
He'd sing of his awful plight:

Oh, the dirty little pill went rolling down the hill
And rolled right into a bunker.
From there to the green, I took thirteen,
And then by gosh I sunk her.
I get no fun in the air and sun,
But down in the traps I labour.
I sweat and weep where the sand is deep
Till I want to murder my neighbour.

There was one great day that came his way.
His score he was sure to diminish.
Never had such form; then up came a storm.
He was never able to finish.
He had a slice that was far from nice.
From him it never parted.
Once he hit a shot, believe it or not,
That came right back where it started.

Do you wonder that he groans
And sighs and wails and moans:

Oh, the dirty little pill went rolling down the hill
And rolled right into the water.
And the reason, it would seem, I lifted my beam
When I know that I shouldn't oughter.
Then I hit a shot which, believe it or not,
Sailed right into the marshes.
I wished right then like a lot of other men
That I should have worn his galoshes.

Now Donald the dub joined a country club
And found a fellow duffer
Just as bad as he, so with shouts of glee,
They started out to suffer.
They played nine holes and the poor little moles
Were never scared so badly,
For the divots flew and the cuss words too,
And the birds and the bees left gladly.

As the end of the day drew nigh,
Came a song that was sung with a sigh:

Oh, the dirty little pill went rolling down the hill
And rolled right into the clubhouse.
When I got there with sand in my hair,
They'd changed its name to the dubhouse.
I wrecked more ground than Columbus found,
And the man that I am after
Is the crazy Scot who invented the game
That robbed all the world of laughter.

Donald the dub broke club after club
As he waved the world goodbye.
He suffered every hour when his game went sour,
Even as you and I.