A Vermont version I collected in 1966 ended up with "saw a pole in the hole where my pole ought to be." The good wife says it's "nothing but a rolling pin, etc." "A rolling pin with ballocks on, I never saw before," cries the cuckold.

My favorite version was created by Lorre Wyatt some thirty years ago. Unfortunately, it can only be sung for a group sophisticated enough to know the ballad. It goes (and this is the COMPLETE song):

As I came home with a fifth last night, drunk as I could be,
Saw a head on the pillow where my horse ought to be.
I said to my wife, "My pretty little wife, explain this thing to me,
What's a mush-melon doing on a hat-rack where my milk cow ought to be?"
"You old fool, you blind fool, can't you plainly see?
It's nothing but a dishcloth my granny sent to me."
"Well, I've travelled this wide world over, ten-thousand miles or more,
But a saddle and a zipper on a butter-dish I've never seen before!"

Sing this to the tune of any of your favorite American versions of "Our Goodman."

Sandy