Sorcha,

I am not aware of them new Intoximeters. Could you send me a personal message about 'em? Please, pretty please?

The visual nystagmus test goes like this. They place an upright finger (not the middle one you lame brains!) about eight inches in front of your nose. They then move it slowly to the left and back and to the right and back, asking you to follow the movement without turning your head. They watch your eyes. If you're sober, you usually can follow the movement with a smooth movement of your eye.

If you have imbibed (or maybe done some illicit drugs) your eyes will follow the pencil in a start-stop movement. Follow for a while, stop, move quick to catch up, follow, stop, etc. It is pretty clear and as Sorcha says not under voluntary control.

I have had one experience with being pulled over. It was interesting to me and perhaps to you. First, you need to know I suffer from obstructive sleep apnea. Untreated, it leads to prolonged REM sleep deprivation. The result is the ability to fall asleep at the drop of a hat (or even without the hat dropping). Just before I was diagnosed by a doctor (I had already self-diagnosed) I was driving my sons home. I had had nearly ten hours sleep the night before. I had taken a three hour nap that afternoon. But at 10 PM, I was nearly asleep at the wheel. Hell, I was probably sleeping off and on (denial dies very slowly) I know I was swerving. I was pulled over (I never saw him coming until the bubble gum lights came on).

Now, as an addictions professional in a small county, the last thing I wanted was to step out of my car and take the old "drunk test." I was sure a client or a coworker would drive by.

The trooper asked me if I had been drinking. I said, "No, I,m a teetotaller." Well he didn't know what that meant, so I explained I don't drink. He was unconvinced and asked me to step out of the car and walk to the rear. Well, I was feelin' mighty embarrassed about this time. The first test he tried was the visual nystagmus test. Well, I also suffer from an eye that has nearly "shut down" due to a birth defect (astigmatism). It frequently doesn't follow along with the other eye.

So I failed that test. Fortunately the trooper then asked me to step into his car and take an Intoximeter test. I was overjoyed. I was off the highway and I was taking a test I knew I would pass. I passed and was issued a warning about swerving.

It was know fun standing in the glare of the police car head lights and the flashing red and blue lights. It was hard to focus on the trooper and the task at hand. Gave me a real feel for what many of patients experience.

Roger in Baltimore