Weep no salt tears for me When I am gone No grief or misery When I am gone And don't pay a bloody undertaker Get some nails and some glue and felt to make a Coffin out of chipboard When I am gone
No sighs and gloom for me When I am gone Build no great tomb for me When I am gone Keep your money in your pockets and in your purses Don't seduced by fancy hearses Put me in a Transit When I am gone
Weep not so loud for me When I am gone No pure white shroud for me When I am gone Just me wooly tights and me thermal vest I'd hate for the damp to get to my chest You can keep my bed socks When I am gone
Wail not your woes for me When I am gone Wear no black clothes for me When I am gone Oh red or green or yellow will do But you won't catch anyone dressed in blue I'll take the Tories with me When I am gone
Sing no sad airs for me When I am gone No canting prayers for me When I am gone But sing me a song with a good refrain If they don't get it right make 'em do it again And after have a ceilidh When I am gone
Recite no eulogy When I am gone Smile for the memory When I am gone No mournful little tea with lettuce and ham Just to satisfy the people who never gave a damn But have it in a brewery When I am gone.
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sj