I'm sometimes tempted to sing this song at our local folk club, but I really wouldn't unless everyone had done quite well. Still, we've all been there. This version is probably somewhat folk-processed, manslughter rather than felony murder.

IT'S NOT WHAT I'D SING WAS I SOBER
(By David Diamond (1984), a former member of The Boarding Party)Tune: "The Limerick Rake"

Come all ye folksingers, all in a throng,
And I'll sing ye a ditty that's turgid and long,
With rhymes that don't rhyme and with meter that's a little bit too long,
And 'tis not what I'd sing 'twas I sober.

But 'tis my turn to sing, and I've had one or two,
And ye swine in the back best not head for the loo,
You can put up with me for I've put up with you,
And I'd like ye to join in the chorus.

There are ninety-two verses, I'll stop and explain,
For I learned them this morning with infinite pain;
I'll just mumble the ones I've forgotten again,
And 'tis not what I'd sing 'twas I sober.

Although me guitar I relentlessly bring,
'Tis never in tune when it's my turn to sing;
So I'll go acappella with this little thing,
And I'd like ye to join in the chorus.

Such symbols as cuckoos and valleys so deep,
My intent from the ears of the innocent to keep;
You know what I mean if you've not gone to sleep,
And 'tis not what I'd sing 'twas I sober.

And after the sex they'll be lots of gore,
With choking and stabbing, and a corpse on the floor;
But before all ye squeamish ones rush for the door,
I'd like ye to join in the chorus.

I tell everyone I collected this lay,
From an ancient agrarian all covered with hay;
Who lay on the floor of the pub and did say,
"'Tis not what I'd sing 'twas I sober."

But the truth to tell, I stole this refrain;
Its plot's so complex that it boggles the brain,
And next month I'm planning to sing it again,
And I'd like ye to join in the chorus.

I scribbled it down on the back of a sheet,
That I tore from the roll as I sat on the seat,
Off the back of the pub where them folksingers meet,
And 'tis not what I'd sing 'twas I sober.

I take it 'round with me to the clubs where I go,
And ask at the door, "Hey, can I join ye show?"
You was the first ones that didn't shout "No!"
And I'd like ye to join in the chorus.