Oh, I suppose the song is really crude and disgusting and all - but it's also quite clever. I don't know if I'll harvest it for the Digital Tradition, but I think it should be posted. There's been a rash of prudishness and self-righteous indignation here at Mudcat lately, to the point where it's become downright offensive. It's a very good thing to treat sex as sacred and to have respect for the opposite sex, but that rule is suspended when it comes to collecting folk songs - bawdiness is encouraged at Mudcat, particularly in song lyrics.
-Joe Offer-

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The Ball of Baladore
(or, If You Can't Get Laid in the SCA)


Four and thirty virgins down from Infaness
When the ball was over there were four and twenty less; Singing...

        ...Chorus;
Balls to your partner, arse against the wall
If you can't get laid in the SCA you'll never get laid at all

First they did it simple then they tried it he's and she's
When the ball was over they were up 5's and 3's; Singing...

They tried it on the garden path and once around the park
When the candles started out, they did it in the dark; Singing...

The best man in the corner explaining to the groom
The vagina not the rectum was the entrance to the womb; Singing...

The school mater he was there, going at it some
Figuring out by algebra the time that he would come; Singing...

The chimney sweeper he was there, that were was not dirt
Pretty soon he farted and he filled the air with soot; Singing...

The letter carrier he was there, the poor man had the pox
He couldn't do the lasses so he did the letter box; Singing...

The village idiot he was there, sitting behind the band
amusing himself by abusing himself and catching it in his hands; Singing...

The village magician he was there, doing his vanishing trick
He pulled his foreskin over his head and vanished into his prick; Singing...

The village butcher he was there, cleaver in his hand
And every time he turned around he circumcised the band; Singing...

The village harlot she was there, laying on the floor
And every time she opened her legs, the suction closed the door; Singing...

Four and thirty Vikings back from the war
They couldn't catch a single sheep, so they settled for the whores; Singing....

The kingdom ciurgion she was there, working all night long
Running around and putting rubbers on everybody's dong; Singing...

The Queen was in the parlor getting eaten by her honey
The King was in the chamber maid and she was in the money; Singing...

The Falawabas they were there, sitting all alone
Complaining of the doings with load and piercing moans; Singing...

The local cavaliers were there, in elegance they sat
Doing things unusual with the feathers in their hat; Singing...

There was doing on the porches, there was doing on the stairs
You couldn't hear the music for the loud and piercing moans; Singing...

The undertaker he was there, in a long black shroud
Swinging on the chandelier and pissing on the ground; Singing...

The village blacksmith he was there, his balls were made of brass
And every time he laid a girl the sparks out his ass; Singing...

There was doing on the sofa, there was doing in the chair
When they found the trampoline there was doing in mid-air; Singing...

There was screwing ion the bedroom, there was screwing on the stairs
You couldn't see the carpet for the mass of curly hair; Singing...

First lady over, second lady front
Third lady's finger up the fourth lady's cunt; Singing...

The parson's wife she was also there sitting down in front
Wearing posies in her hair and a carrot up her cunt; Singing...

McPherson's band they were there, giving out the clicks
You couldn't hear the music for the swishing of the pricks; Singing...

Four and twenty virgins came down from county Moore
All but two got back again and they were double four; Singing...

The village carpenter he was there, with his prick of wood
He made it when he lost his own, but it worked just as good; Singing...

The village druggard he was there, grinning like a fox
He sold out all the condoms so he sold them dirty socks; Singing...

The vicountess they were there, keeping us all in fits
Jumping off the mantle piece and bouncing on their tits; Singing...

The village idiot he was there, up to his old tricks
Bouncing on his testicles and whistling through his prick; Singing...

A strapping Scotsman he was there known to all as Ronald
His riser weighed a quarter pound he must be a McDonald; Singing...

The Baroness she was there, she was looking pert
With six or seven cavaliers underneath her skirt; Singing...

The kingdom Marshall he was there, a mighty man was he
He wrapped his pecker in duct tape to make it combat legal; Singing...

The village smithy he was there, a mighty man was he
He lined them against the wall and shacked them three by three; Singing...

When the ball was over, everyone confessed
The music was exquisite but the doing was the best; Singing...