Knew you guys would find an appropriate place for this song eventually....


NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
Camille West


My girl friends all claimed to have 'em
Six or seven times a night.
I never felt a spasm;
Maybe I wasn't doing it right.

Kama Sutra was fruitless with Brian and Bill
It gave me no thrill, no throb.
I tried yoga and vodka, Gina and Jill;
I remained unfulfilled
'til I found BOB.

He's my Battery Operated Boyfriend
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
He's my randy rubber Romeo, my favorite toy friend
Oy friend, he does the job.

He's a lovin' machine, my right hand man,
An Alkaline Adonis, climax in a can
Talk about safe sex
My lover is latex!
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB

He's gentle and affectionate and easy to conceal
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
How many other lovers earn
The Good Housekeeping Seal?
Keep your beer guzzling slob.

Does BOB cure insomnia?
Does BOB relieve stress?
I'd have to say y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes!
You should hear him hum on maximum!
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB

I sing the body electric
As my limbs begin to flail
I shake like an epileptic
Breaking the Richter scale!

He's a regular rocket that fits in my pocket
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
When I get an itch it's a flick of the switch,
A simple turn of the knob

Who'd have thought a small appliance could be noble in it's use?
It increases self reliance,
Self-esteem through self-abuse

If you need a quick fix,
BOB's at your cervix.
He's the one for the job
OH MY GOD!

No one competes
No one defeats
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB!
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB!


Recorded by Four Bitchin' Babes on Some Assembly Required