My wife and I had been close friends with this woman since college(early 90's)--double dated, shared a house, travelled long distances to be there in times of need, long hours of laughing, singing(i play, they sing) talking, bad job sympathy, lending money to move back, you know, close--helped plan her big wedding a couple years back--

For some reason, they didn't make it to the alter, and she decided to travel--She eventually came back, but we haven't seen or heard from her, though we've tried--left messages with folks, called what we thought were current phone #s-etc.

I very recently spoke about here with another friend who intimated that she had been in love with me all along, and just couldn't deal with it anymore--

I honestly don't understand what this means--Looking back, there was no sign of it, at least to me. My wife and I are touchy/feely people, so there were lots of hugs and kisses, but only friendly ones--I don't think I ever gave any impression that I was open to anything more.

My feelings are very jumbled--I miss the friendship, even wonder a little about what might have been. I feel a little defensive about the time we spent together because suddenly it doesn't seem so innocent--worst of all, the pleasant memories of the times we all had aren't pleasant any more, because I know there was something else going on beside what I thought was going on.

I'd appreciate any insight that anyone who has been through something like this might have. On either side. I am trying to understand, and it just isn't happening.

Mostly, I wonder how and why someone holds on to that "In Love" feeling over a long period of time when it is not reciprocated--

I have been romantically interested in people(pre-marriage) and not had the interest returned, then gotten over it and gone on to be friends, workmates, etc. I've also had romances that didn't work out but worked as friendships--My experience is that feelings change over time, and you get over them and move on--

If you have any insights, pass them on--