Well I NEVER!!

My Dear Edain,

I have just had the most distressing news. My Tenure as Head Mistress of Miss Warburtons School for young Ladies, is to come to a premature end! To say that I am shocked that a person of my stature in the community should be accused of such misdemeanors is, to be frank with you, an indication of the erosion of the values of modern society. To call into question my need to use school funds in the way I see as most beneficial, is yet further evidence of "the tail wagging the dog" and shows the power of these petty beaurocrats and accountants who are all jumped up clerks and not a single one of them from a "good" family I shouldn't wonder!
I tried to explain to them that the tip I had for the 3.45 at Haydock came from the most IMPECABLE source but they just wouldn't listen! And when they had the gall to come bursting into my rooms in the early hours of the morning as I was leafing through the underwear section of "Peabodys essential guide for young women abroad" (Illustrated) it just made matters worse! No matter how many times I tried to explain that I was looking for suitable attire for my young friend in the colonies (that is you of course my dear) they seemed to think that you should be able to fend for yourself!
These people are philistines and have NO experience of the DANGERS that face young women abroad. They also seemed to take a "dim view" of the bottles of Gin I had in the room. Again I tried to explain that I still suffer from the malaria that I picked up in my time in Africa and that the Gin was merely to flavour the Tonic Water (which I am sure an educated gel like you knows has quinine, a well established malaria cure). At that point I felt I had no option but to resign! One`s honor can only stand so much!
I feel terribly disappointed for my gels here at the school, I fear for their future. But at least they have their parents to fall back on. However, you my dear, have no one, save myself. I therefore promise to devote my efforts to ensuring you welfare from now on. I have a little money put on one side (the horse came first by the way), so you need have no fear that I will be deserting you in my hour of need and personal distress. I do enjoy our little "chats". Will you be replying at some time in the near future?

yours in adversity,

ESS