What a week. I can take with me to Greece the fact that El Ted has stopped his multiple monosyllabic assaults on the forum and has received from me and apparently the moderators of the site sufficient warnings to alter his pattern of posting.

I imagine that his enthusiasm for contributing to the site has diminished and that he may well regret his whole introduction to the ease at which one can post here - but I'd advise him to persevere. Ted might eventually feel confident enough to make a contribution here. When he does, I'm sure I will start to read his posts and enjoy what he writes.

The El Ted threads has also lead me to identify various forms of posting and I wondered if you would allow me to illustrate them. They are:

Droppings

These are the utterances of El Ted and his associates to a tee. Droppings are monosyllabic posts that are of absolutely no use to anyone, except perhaps to a small collection of fellow droppers – normally known or related to the dropper. A dropper's posts are small nuggets of nothing, scented by the foul musky stench from illiteracy glands, normally followed by exclamation marks and characterised by a lamentably poor grasp of the English language. Droppers are hard-of-thinking and need little encouragement. They also are result –oriented and invent quantitative targets. Droppings, if produced in sufficient numbers result in complaints.

Dung

Purveyors of dung produce beautifully written, extensive posts that achieve nothing. Dung is of no interest to the majority of readers of the threads but exists merely to attest to the erudition of the poster.

Contributors of dung are as relevant to the site as purveyors of droppings. Whilst I appreciate the syntax in the dung-postings of my peers, I ask you all to stop.

Anyway, today, I have finally sold the wool shop in ….. I was going to write the name of the town then but remembered the fatwa issued by El Ted for the insult to him and his daughter – remind me Ted, what was that again? Or was it a Doppelcurtis from your circle of now embarrassed and silenced Mudcatters?

From Tuesday, I will be over-wintering in mainland Greece with the lovely Natasha. Have a great winter.