I love Everything Glows

I'm ROTFL

There is a local humorist/folksinger in the Cleveland area named Tim Wallace. He writes the most hysterical songs. Not parodies in the classical sense, just roll on the floor funny. And he makes no apologies or attempts to be inoffensive or politically correct.

Here are two of his:

THE SIX O'CLOCK NEWS
(sung to the tune of the Calliope Song)
Lyrics Copyright, Tim Wallace

Another body was found this morning
Strikers given another warning
Prices are up, employment is down
Another hundred thousand people march against abortion
The sex offender who was apprehended
Is back on the street with his fine suspended
Today's winning lottery number is seven-seven-oh!
A trucker hauling acid fell asleep at the wheel
Spilling ten thousand gallons on an automobile
Which swerved into the path of an oncoming bus
Killing all fifty persons on board!
That awful jolt that you felt today
Was yet another fault line giving away
It seems there was just a minor malfunction
Ooops there goes another nuclear reactor
Foreign affairs in great disorder
Tanks lining up on every border
The five-day forecast indicates some hurricanes and a flood
The football players are claiming that they're underpaid
And so this evening's game will not be played
Of human interest, there was little or none
And that's the Six O'clock news!

Tim says he got the idea for this while trying to watch the news at a friend's apartment while a calliope played outside the window (the town was having some kind of festival honoring a local fruit, strawberries I think). Tim say's that the circus sound of the calliope seemed frighteningly apropos to the news report.

The next song is risqué, and in the tradition of Robert W. Service.

THE COWBOY SONG
Copyright Tim Wallace

(Cowboy sings)
I was ridin' along on the prairie when one day I happened upon
Some boys riding herd into Denver, and the Trail Boss hired me on
They all seemed like regular fella's, we laughed and we joked and we swore
Then I noticed a mare with no rider, and I asked the boss "What that for?"

(Boss Replies in deep voice)
Well it's a lonely life on the prairie, when the women are so far away
And old Buttercup sure comes in handy, whenever we need a good lay-dee-odle-ay
(Cowboy)
Well me, I'm an old fashioned cowboy, but I never learned that one in school
Here I was stuck on the prairie with a whole bunch of horsef---ing fools

But as time went on I got lonesome, and nature was taking its course
It wasn't too long till I found out that I was in love with a wonderful horse
I lead her away from the campfire, just me and my sweet Buttercup
I stood on top of an old barrel cactus and proceeded to hitch myself up

The trail boss heard the commotion, and found me a-humping away
He stood there and laughed his fool head off, and this is what he had to say
(Boss)
Well a man's gotta do what he has to, and son I ain't putting you down
But when me an the fellas start feeling that way, we usually just ride her to town