(To the tune of 'Sweet Betsy from Pike' and apol;ogies to 'Aunt Martha's Sheep)

Come gather you round and I'll sing you the tale
Of how Nick 'Speedo' Gombos went to Josephine County jail.
It happened on a Friday in the Food Place's parking lot;
Nick stopped to buy the paper, but trouble's what he got.

There beside the 'Nickel' was this forlorn looking hen.
Nick did a double take, and then he looked again --
He told his wife, "I think the bird most surely will
Look much more comfortable resting on our barbecue grill!

Those at Ray's Food Place, where hen Speckle was a fixture,
Seeing Jeckyll with no Speckle said, "Something's wrong with this picture!"
"There's been a biddy-napping! Get the sheriff on the case!
"He should grill the rooster; he saw the villain's face!"

But Nick he was no villain; his intentions they were pure:
(Though he may have coveted a source of useful chicken manure)
His wife began a flock and made Ray's Food Place aware
That the bird would no longer be in such danger there.

Nate McCully, the store manager, denied charges of fowl abuse.
He said, "They're not our birds; they just run around here loose."
Then he filed charges, called Nick a chicken thief!
And he didn't even own the bird! His nerve is beyond belief!

Now if you'll pay attention, I'm sure you'll have a laugh.
Nick, his wife and the sheriff conspired in a social gaffe:
Out there in Oregon, not to far from staid Grant's Pass,
You don't get arrested with only a red Speedo to cover your ass!

The sheriff says he told Nick's wife to get him some more apparel;
That's a claim with which she has a serious quarrel.
When he asked Nick in decency to cover himself -- please!
Nick took umbrage when he referred to his Speedos as -- BVD's!

Such crass disregard for upscale brand recognition
Made Nick stubbornly refuse to improve his dress condition.
So off he went, arrested, with his barely draped posterior;
Home again soon after, we hope wiser, but surely wearier.

The case is unsettled, we doubt it will go far.
The hen is home with the rooster, pecking at the parking lot tar.
Down at the Murphy barber shop, there's been palaver and prattle ,
But it seems clear that there will not be a custody battle!

Singing: Whack fol the dido -- and cock a doodle doo!