For what seemed at least several seconds I plummeted downward in the stygian darkness. Could these be my last moments of life? Then I hit bottom, plunging into a mass of soft, yielding
material of some unknown origin. It wasn't spiderweb, but some kind of cottony stuff that you find here and there in the catacombs. I scrambled to my feet, only to hear a scrambling sound
above me that heralded the approach of a heavy body. Slythy the Rat was coming down after me!

I fled quickly down a yawning metal shaft with smooth sides that echoed hollowly under my feet. I heard Slythy curse as he hit bottom. In a moment he was after me again. Down the shaft I
rushed, coming to a sudden fork in the road that led to both right and left. I rushed into the left tunnel. Slythy was squeezing through behind me and he crashed into the junction, but he had my
scent and was quickly on my trail again. I sped on along a level stretch, then came to a thin screen that looked out on a lighted hallway. This could be my sanctuary! I tore frantically at the
screen and managed to rip a hole in it. I squeezed my head through, then my front paws, and got stuck! A moment of desperate struggling and the screen gave way, just as Slythy appeared, his baleful fangs dripping saliva and champing. He snapped, but an instant too late, as I fell through to the hallway below, bounced and rolled. I knew he would follow, so I dashed down the hall, around a corner, and straight into the paws of a momentarily astounded Cat!!!! Not just any CAT...THE CAT...my old deadly enemy and persecutor.

It was quite possibly the most awful moment of my life. The Cat recovered from his surprise in an instant and seized me in his massive jaws! I was surely doomed this time. He held me for a
moment, as if savouring me, and then dropped me between his paws and penned me in. I could see his huge claws flexing on either side of me. No escape!

I have heard that Cats sometimes play with their food in a sadistic manner before delivering the coup de grace, and now I was experiencing this awful mindgame. What a miserable way to die,
and I surely would have...if not for Slythy the Rat. The vicious creature proved to be my salvation, for he now came scurrying around the same corner I had come around moments before and ran right into the arms of The Cat! Slythy squealed, the Cat Squawled, and they went for each other in an instant, snapping and clawing. I was tossed to one side, nearly stunned.

This was a battle of titans, for Slythy was no small Rat. He could probably have driven most Cats to flight, but my nemesis the Orange Tabby was no run-of-the-mill Cat, and certainly no wimp like Agatha. They burst apart and faced off across the hallway, snarling at one another. The Cat spat hideously and Slythy answered with a vicious hiss, baring his dagger-like incisors. I struggled for breath and looked around for a means of escape.

The situation was further complicated when a small human Monster burst on the scene and starting yelling, "A Rat! Mizzenchip is fighting a Rat!!!" (when I say "small", I mean for a human...they are all enormous). A female human Monster screamed shrilly, rushed out into the hallway and snatched up the small human. She continued screaming and screaming. What a noise!

Then who should appear but my old cavemate, Mullet-Head, the Monster with no musical taste whatsoever. "Holy Shit!" he yelled. "That's a f**kin' huge rat, man!" Mullet-Head tends to use quite vulgar language much of the time.

Another human Monster appeared, brandishing a long metallic tubular device with a wooden part at the base. Upon investigation I have determined that it was a shotgun...12 gauge. He was a partly bald-headed human male with short graying hair and a little mustache, and wearing dirty slacks, suspenders, and a sweatshirt, emblazoned with the legend "The Buck Stops HERE, ASSHOLE! You don't like it? EAT HOT LEAD!!!"

"I KNEW it!" he spat contemptuously. "I told that fat prick there were vermin in this building, but no-o-o-o-o, he wouldn't do anything about it! Well, baby, now the fur is gonna FLY!!! Stand
back! Fire in the hole!!!"

"Oh...SHIT!" yelled Mullet-Head, and he dove for the floor, covering his head with his arms. The woman screamed and vanished into her cave slamming the door as...BOOOOOOM!!!! A tremendous detonation from the shotgun blew a huge, ragged hole in the wall! Mizzenchip the Orange Cat leaped straight up in the air with a screech and took off down the hallway. Slythy dodged into the hole in the wall and disappeared in an instant.

"Goddammit!!!" yelled the Monster with the gun. "I'll get you, you vermin! I know you're in there!" He levelled the shotgun once more and fired off another round, blowing a further hole in the wall. I could hear Mullet-Head mumbling something to himself. I think he was praying. While he was occupied I slipped into a paper bag that he had been carrying. It was full of baggies of that funny plant he likes so much. I remember eating the stuff. It tasted good, but
things got really weird for about a day afterward, so I wasn't inclined to eat it again unless absolutely necessary. Besides, I had no appetite at the moment.

The people in the Cave beyond the wall were yelling and carrying on. They were unhappy about the shotgun blasts, but Mustache Man didn't care. He put in a couple more shells and ran down the hall listening for Slythy. Once he thought he heard him and he fired one more round, making yet a third big hole in the plaster. Mullet-Head lay all scrunched up like a dead man, and I lay low as well, not making a peep.

Shortly after that I heard sirens and some big human Monsters came in dressed in blue suits with little guns of their own at the ready. I shall call them the Blue Meanies, because they were very
uptight and bossy. They started yelling at Mustache Man, and it looked like there might be a full scale gun battle, but he finally surrendered the shotgun. They put some metal things on his hands
and started asking everyone questions. I waited inside the paper bag, and hid under the baggies of dry leaves.

Mustache Man was furious. "You can't do this to me," he kept yelling. "I'm Benton W. Fender! Bent Fender to you jerkoffs! I'm an American patriot! I'm all that stands between this country and total moral collapse."

It seems that the Blue Meanies have some kind of authority that he questions. He says that they are traitors against the Constitution, and are serving the enemies of America. I have no idea what he
was talking about, but the Blue Meanies were not amused. They took him and his gun away for further questioning. The people from the Cave with the holes in it cheered when they did this, and said they hoped he would be "put away" for a long time. He called them "Commie-Arab Faggots" and said, ominously..."I'll be BACK!"

The Blue Meanies were around for some time, questioning everybody, specially Mullet-Head, who was very nervous. He kept trying to slip away. This must have made the Blue Meanies suspicious because they looked in the bag and found the dried plants. Mullet-Head turned
absolutely pale and said, "That is, like, not my bag, man. It's Mr Fender's bag. I was just gonna give it back to him."

I don't think they believed him, because they took him away too, and dropped the baggie inside another bag. I sat inside it, trying to decide what to do next. When we reached the outdoors (I knew it had to be outdoors because there was so much light) I wriggled out of the bag and found myself inside some strange big travelling thing with Mullet-Head and the Blue Meanies. I hid under an overhanging seat. Presently the thing stopped travelling, and a door opened. I jumped out onto a wide expanse of flat stone and ran to some bushes for concealment. There were tremendous castles towering into the air. Really astounding. I hid out in the bushes until nightfall, and pondered my next move.

Oops! Here comes Psycho Kid...gotta hide the laptop! Later.