Scabby Douglas you are a hurtful swine with no regard for other people's feelings.

My self-esteem is irreparably damaged by your careless comments!

A pox upon you and your high and mighty ways!

I'm off round that new-age hairdressers in Parnie Street to get a bit of Reiki and some Hopi ear candling.

And my feet rubbed.

And some aromatherapy.

On the tune thing, I take it from this that if we put this recording on the CD and punt it for charity then we're not going to get a letter from a rcord company lawyer saying "You used our client's tune/arrangement or whatever and we want a slice of any money it makes".

I don't for an instant believe that Dougie himslf would do that, but you never know what contractual issues of ownership may be lurking out of the hands of the artiste.

I've just this moment worked out that it's just a slowed down version of the song against which I've had a mental block for forty years because they forced us to sing it at primary school pronaownnssing awl owarr vaowels corrrrectlee.

To this day I can't stand the bloody song, and since Dougie "popped itb up" it's been done to death!

It's one of those songs that should have a sweary word in the middle of the title..

Green grow th f*cking rashes o

Willie f*cking McBride

Scarborough f*cking fair

The sound of the speed of f*ckin whatever

Dirty old f*cking town - especially if you "met your love by the gasworks wall" and sing it pogues-style

Add your own favourites to the list.