Please cancel my request for a jokesuitable for my Lions Club Dinner (to which I've had no responses anyway!). A friend gave me the perfect one tonight -- maybe not agreat joke, but it fills all my requirements:

The cruel Roman emperor condemns a slave to be executed in the arena, and commands that a fierce lion be put in with him to devour him. As the hungry lion charges toward the slave, the condemned man whispers something to the lion, who proceeds to turn away, find a corner and go to sleep. The emperor, puzzled, commands that an even fiercer, hungrier lion be turned into the arena, and the scenario is repeated, Really angry now, the emperor demands that the absolutely fiercest and hungriest lion be produced to get the job done. But again, the whispered words send the lion away unfed.

The emperor has the slave brought to him and demands to know what it was that he had whispered to the lions. The slave replies, "I told them that after dinner came the speeches."