A friend sent me The Rules YET AGAIN (this has been making it's rounds for a while) and this time, as you will see, it inspired me to add my own responses,(appropriatly numbered "2")..xx..e



"We always hear about "the rules" from the female side. Now, here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note that these are all numbered "1" on purpose. Print this out. If you're a man, pass to your partner for greater understanding. If you're a woman, keep these somewhere prominent, like on the fridge!


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big
girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2) Why the hell don't you just sit down when you piss? Let's face it, you miss the damn bowl more times than you hit it, and WE'RE the ones who have to clean up after you!



1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.

2) Actually, honey, most of us would be AMAZED if you just remembered the date and remembered to say "I love you" on ANY of the OTHER ones!!!



1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

2) And sometimes we're dreaming up ways of getting you out of the house. So remember that we may be thinking about you more than you are of us...but what EXACTLY do you think we're THINKING??



1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then, we're stuck with her.

2) WASH YOUR HAIR! We don't care if it's long or short, just think about keeping it clean!



1. Crying is blackmail.

2) Not speaking to us about what the hell the problem is-is emotional abuse.



1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

2) Good! Just give us the damn credit card and go wait in the car with the dog.



1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

2) And when we do-how about LISTENING???



1. We do not remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on a calendar and remind us frequently beforehand.

2) OK, we'll remind you, but then don't look sheepish when the day arrives and we look expectant.



1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes---tops. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty,would look good with your dress?

2) Sorry about that. We keep making the mistake of thinking we're supposed to get all dolled up for you, because if we don't you'll make snide remarks about how we're "letting ourselves go". Next time, we'll just choose the ones with the pointiest toes and kick you.


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

2) Hey, buster...I DON'T KNOW works pretty well too!



1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

2) Foreplay isn't pulling up the back of my nightgown before sticking it in. See a sex therapist.



1. Check your oil. Please!

2) Remember where you put your keys. Please!



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in
an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.


2) Honey, if we bring it back up, it's a good bet that you didn't get the point of it the first time round.



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

2) If you got up off your own fat ass once in a while and helped with the cooking, so we didn't have to go out YET AGAIN for pizzas or fried chicken or hamburgers, we'd BOTH be in better shape!



1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

2) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry...we meant the other one.



1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway: It's genetic.


2) It sure is. So is masturbating...how about this compromise...you can ogle AND masturbate at the same time. I'm sure the gals wouldn't mind...especially as the cops cart you away.



1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

2) If you said yes and then actually did it, we'd be thrilled.



1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
to say during commercials.

2) We do understand that you have only a 30 second attention span.


1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

2) Perfect example! He went somewhere other than where he planned, and almost had a mutiny on his hands because of it.


1. The relationship is never going to be like it
was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
And, quit whining about it to your girlfriends.

2) This is a "relationship"???? We didn't know you knew that WORD!!!


1 ALL men see in only 16 colors. Like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
We have no idea what mauve is.

2) Just match your damn socks and surprise us.



1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing",
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


2) We know that, which is why we don't bother telling you. Better you find out for yourself the hard way- over and over and over and over and over again.



1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

2) Scratch away. Especially in public...see above.



1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect to hear an answer you don't want to hear.

2) Ditto babycakes


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, or motor bikes.

2)"thinking"????



1. You have enough clothes.

2) Ours don't have holes or need buttons we can't sew on ourselves.


1. You have too many shoes.

2) And therefore rarely suffer from as much athlete's foot.



1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
    No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

2) Being shown up by your lady hurts too much, doesn't it?



1. No, you really do have too many shoes.

2) Yes, your feet really do smell.



1. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

2) Don't ask to have us carry anything for you in our purses, and we won't ask you to share your beer.


1. We are not mind-readers and we never will be.
Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

2) We ARE mind-readers, so tell the TRUTH.



1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

2) You also have a heart; save it by not eating your body weight daily... it comes in handy.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
      Really.

2) If we walk out of the house with you, we'd usually appreciate it if you were wearing shoes and clean underwear. Other than that, well, we can always pretend we don't know you...


1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

2)Yes, yes, we make this mistake on occasion and we apologize...NOW will you fix the leak in the toilet, the squeaky hinge on the bedroom door, and that kitchen screen...all things you SAID you'd fix MONTHS ago??


1. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

2) Fine, I'll be sure to tell the kids that once again, you're too busy to take them to their baseball,hockey,football,tennis,swimming,dancing,music,lessons, much less WATCH them while they play/perform...because your world will come to a crashing end if you're not plopped in front of the television every Saturday of your life....I'm sure they'll understand.


1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have
to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that?
It's like camping.

2) No, honey. The bed is all yours. I'll be over at my friend Chuck's place...xx..e