We 'ave been spendin' some time in our new digs in Bath, 'aving relocated wif the 'elp of me brother Ernest and the movers, wot 'ad to use a special zoo vehicle to move Eddie from 'Ull to Bath. We did secure a small settlement from the press, and 'ave discontinued further legal actions at this time.

The Ponds are still pursuing us for damages, 'owever. They can bloody well go to 'Ell! They're already in 'Ull, so they ain't got far to go the way I sees it.

I was shocked to 'ear that David Bowie 'ad to 'ave emergency 'eart surgery after 'is last performance. Cor! And 'e looks so trim and all. This proves that 'e would 'ave been better off to save 'is energy all these years and be a gentleman of leisure like me Eddie, wot seldom leaves the couch. I expect Mick Jagger will be next to be stricken. These young lads, they don't know 'ow to take care of themselves proper. All that sex and drugs and rock and roll. It brings a tear to me eye thinkin' of 'ow their poor mothers must feel!

We have a new couch. It's a corker. You lot ought to see it. Nice little flowers and all.

Eddie and I are going to 'old a prayer meeting for poor David Bowie, and we will also petition the Lord to provide jOhn from 'Ull wiv a job or else get 'im elected to Parliament as soon as possible, so as to get 'im off the streets like.

Olive Whatnoll