Crapita?   I didn't know they were charged with collecting TV licence fees. That explains a lot.   I anticipate then that they are working on the same basis as traffic wardens. i.e.: they are 'incentivised' to issue as many tickets/fines as possible. It doesn't take much to work out that any property without a TV licence is going to be fair game to them, as it is an opportunity for Capita to swell its coffers.

A few years ago I was playing a venue adjacent to a local library. Some kids set light to a display in the library, and the whole complex had to be evacuated and the fire brigade called. True to form the local warden clambered over the hoses and wrote out parking tickets for the three appliances which were attending the fire. I suspect Capita are working on the same basis:- issue first, argue later. I'm willing to bet that throughout the UK there are a fair number people without a TV who have paid the licence fee out of fear, just to keep the bastards off their back.

D McG You don't surprise me in the least with the gas bill problem at your church. My current day job requires dealing with this type insanity from utility companies every day. I've even had conversations about how big an explosion it would take for Transco to accept there actually is a gas main on a particular site, and that they should go and fit a meter there:- Half of Newcastle-upon-Tyne apparently.   

We've been told that the huge computer systems operated by these companies were specified by people with little sense of the physical reality, and with no gas or electricity engineering skills: In many cases accountants. This is a useful insight.   I suggest two courses of action for your church.   

1) Say the bill is grossly inflated and refuse to pay any more bills until someone has come to read the meter.

2) Report a gas leak.

We've found the best way of finding a resolution to situations like this is to chuck as big a spanner into the works as possible so that they grind to a halt and somebody has to come out to conduct a reality check.   I'm sure it will come as no surprise to anyone to learn that according to some industry experts, a third of all utility bills issued in the UK are incorrect.   We know of very successful businesses that have been set up just to check the bills of large consumers, saving them hundreds of thousands of pounds a year.

In regard to the Crapita problem, I'm exploring the idea of anonymously reporting myself to the local council for having a TV on at full blast at two in the morning. Hopefully they'll send someone round to investigate. I'm beginning to feel the need for some other part of the 'system' to officially report that I don't have a TV.   

The detector squad have even sat outside our house waiting for a TV to be switched on.   They kindly left a note last time saying they didn't detect anything on that occasion, but we should pay up now as they would be back. If we spot them I might go out and offer them a cup of tea as they are going to be waiting a very, very long time.

Given the enormous creativity and divergent thinking displayed by Mudcatters, I'd be interested in other ideas for 'spanners' to throw into the wheels of a demented bureaucracies.