Little Hawk, much as I enjoyed your post, I think you may have forgotten the 10th stage. Which goes something like: Wake up and spit the most malodourus bits of vomit from the denture and using only elbows, rise unsteadily up from the sticky carpet and struggle, swearing and dribbling, into the chair. Swear loudly and incoherently at the screen and then tell it that it is after all, one's best mate in the whole world. Tell it to "Shhh", putting a finger against one's lips and giggle at the complaining bangs from the flat next door. Shout at them to fuck off. Giggle again. Go online. Then, after entering a favourite discussion forum after several attempts to remember both name and password, start to get a few bothersome things finally off one's chest.