John frae Hull wull naiver be vindicated. The man's a witless knave wha cannae hold his drink, and mair than that cannae hold his tongue. Ah dinna ken whit shuid be done wi' John, but Ah'm thinkin' a wee dunk in the river wuid sairve tae sober the lad up. Then strip off awe his tatty rags and tar him doon frae haid tae foot wi' hot pitch an' roll him in feathers till he looks like a great flappin' chicken. Then drive him oot o' town tied tae the tail of an ass. Ye'd hae ane ass in front and t'other behind! Whit a sight to delight the guid people of Hull, a city whit has suffaired maer frae John these past few decades than Ah wuid care tae say.