My Gawd, Sstaww Legend...that's orrible! Just 'orrible! It gives me the shivers knowin' 'ow many dangers lurk for the innocent citizen even in these 'ere modern times when you would fink we would 'ave solved all these sort of problems and set fings right. It's very distressing to me to 'ear of this sort of 'uman tragedies occurin' and I 'ope a solution will soon be found. I wonder about those lot wot get electrocuted by the Christmas trees though. I carn't imagine why they was watering the Christmas tree in the first place, let alone wif the fairy lights on! They must be bloody stupid! I 'eard about a woman 'oo got 'er tongue badly bitten by 'er pet bird. She was stickin' 'er tongue out at the bird, like, makin' fun of it, and the lit'tle blighter grabbed 'er tongue wif it's beek, causin' 'er to experience frightful pain and a nasty flesh wound. You won't catch me stickin' me tongue out at "Tony Blair" 'ere, leastways not except from a safe distance. 'E's got a beak on 'im wot could sever a man's privates wifout a second glance.
OY!!! 'E just screeched again. Bloody 'ell! Shut up, you parrot bastard!!!